TITLE: Penance
AUTHOR: Regina
E-MAIL: brainysmurf16@xxxxxxxxxxx
SUMMARY: My own little epic.
RATING: I'll go with R overall.
TIMELINE: AU
DISTRIBUTION: If anyone actually wants
it, I'd be tickled pink to hear about it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, If I did I'd be rich right now.
Penance
I can still remember what it felt like watching her fall. I was ducking, Giles covering Tara and I from debris with his body while I tried vainly to build a wall around all of us. I was too weak, to taxed after such a long battle, and even such a rudimentary task was too hard a struggle. I was considering making a run for the platform to reach Buffy when all of a sudden the portal flashed a brilliant white and I looked up to see Buffy?s body making it?s slow decent to the ground.
In that moment, my whole life flashed before my eyes. That really should have been Buffy?s deal, but it happened to me. I saw how lonely I was, and how blessed when she came into my life. I saw all the times before we made love, each glance seeming to hold more meaning, each touch more significant. I wondered how either of us could have missed our love for the other. I saw the first time we were together, and the last. That?s what I saw when she hit the ground.
As her body hit in what seemed like slow motion, I remembered the events of just a day before. It happened right after I had pulled her back, back from her own mind, her own insanity. We clung to each other for a moment, then made love for what seemed like the first time. There was a fire, intensity, and a sense of desperation. We came together fiercely, almost violently; knowing it may be the last time we did. And when we were finished, she turned to me and said the words I will never forget. The words that ring in my head constantly even now. . . .
~*~
?I?m never going to leave you, Wills. Never,? She said as she clung to me tightly.
?You will.?
?But never, really. I?ll find my way back to you. I?d go through hell; I?d sacrifice heaven, if it brought me back to you.?
?You?ll do what you have to.?
?I will, but that doesn?t change anything. I will NEVER leave you. I?m here; I?m yours, forever.?
?Forever.?
~*~
I echoed her sentiment as I clasped her hand, and when she laid her head on my chest, and I breathed in her scent as I ran my hands over her hot, sticky skin, I believed her. I believed her, but my beliefs were shattered in that split second her body hit the ground.
As I ran to her, and tried vainly to get her back, it was all I could remember. Her promise. The promise that now lied twisted and broken in front of me. Even through all this, I held out some hope. Hope that lasted until every spell was gone, and Tara as well as I was nearly sick from the strain of magic. I held out hope until Giles and Xander gently lifted me from beside her, and led me to the door. But my hope was buried along with Buffy, leaving me nothing. My everything was gone. My love, my life, my soul. I was just a shell, a lifeless husk with no reason to go on. Until the day my reason came back to me.