ff:Shadowwalker 2/?

[Carol.Clarke@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Title: Shadowwalker
Chapter Two: Small Steps
Rating: PG-13 now, later? 
Disclaimer: Joss Weldon and Mutant Enemy own it all 
Summary: Buffy died but it's not the end. 
Warning: This is un beta'd and off the cuff. And does not resemble
Shakespeare or anything remotely in the English language.
Note: I couldn't deal with Buffy being dead. Spoilers for Gift. And this
idea was bouncing in my head for a while. Hope it's not too disjointed. 

Small Steps

I was lying on my bed, in our room. I now shared a room with Nada. And I
felt guilty about it. Nada slept on the floor with a camping mat. Madelyn's
house was small and money really was an issue. All the older kids worked out
side of the home to help out with things like food. I was one of there
biggest expenses. Medical supplies, diapers, and baby food aren't cheap. 

I was now eating real food. Ok it was baby food but at least I wasn't being
feed through the tube in my stomach. I could also talk for short periods and
keep my eyes open and look around, turning my neck a little. I kept trying
to move my fingers and toes but at that time nothing ever happened.

Duncan was curled up on me in my bed and I heard him start to purr louder. I
knew Nada was home and would be in our bedroom soon. Josh had bathed and
changed me and gotten ready for bed. Kalib, Nada, Josh and Madelyn all took
turns caring for me. They all were very kind to me and I was totally
depended on them and there help. 

During the day Madelyn would bring me into the living room so I could watch
TV or her younger children. Jonah was 3, Thomas was 5, Martha was 10 and
Paul was 11. Paul went to school and Thomas would start kindergarten next
term. Martha like her mother had the third eye and couldn't go to public
school yet. She hadn't learned to close the eye and make herself pass for
human. Each day Madelyn worked with her daughter on schoolwork and learning
to pass as human. 

Beside Martha, Josh also had the third eye problem but he had learned to
pass as human. I think it might be why Josh is so shy. Jonah too has the
third eye like his mother. Still he is really cute. More often then not I
just watch the kids play. Madelyn is a good mother. She turns me on the
coach several times and feeds me after the kids. Some times Martha helps
feed me. 

Best of all Madelyn talks to me. At first I was just there. I could only
stay awake for short periods of time. And when I woke up it was hard to tell
if I was there or not. Madelyn always knew when I was watching and she would
talk with me. Mostly about little things. The kids, Nada coming out of the
closet, Kalib not being about to handle his sister's sexuality. Josh's
shyness. Martha really wanting to go to school and make friends. Thomas
going of to kindergarten in the fall. It really didn't matter what she
talked about; it was just that she talked to me like I was human, like I
beyond. I know that doesn't make sense but when you can't respond, it's so
much nicer to be treated like a human then an object. 

When I began to speak, it was only in one-word responses. And it took me a
long time to get that one word out. I never thought saying "yes or no" would
be so hard. Madelyn always knew which question I was answering though.
"Would you like a coke?" Ten minutes later I would say "yes" and then she
would get me a coke. It was so hard in the beginning. 


Duncan, Nada's cat always purrs really loud when she is about to walk in the
room. When I am in my bed he always keeps me company. Listening to him purr
always seems to calm me and make my fears go away for a while. I like Nada.
She has a sense of humor like Xander and Willow kind of mixed together. 

I kind of sit up each night and wait for her to come home from work. At
first I couldn't stay awake but it slowly got easier. 

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))))))))))

"Hey Buffy, how goes it?" Nada said as she opened the bedroom door and
bounced in. She sat down on the bed with Buffy and picked up Duncan, placing
him in her lap and petting his long black fur. 

"So you two been cat napping on me?" Nada asked still looking at Buffy.

"Duncan has, I stayed awake." Buffy said proudly.

"And a complete sentence. Now if we can only get you to sit up on your own,
I have plans when you can sit up." Nada said raise her eyebrows seductively
and laughing.

"Do I want to know?" Buffy replied wishing she could reach out and pet
Duncan too. She wanted to use her hands so badly.

"When you can set up on your own I will take you for a ride in the car. And
when you can set up and hold on I will take you on my bike. You must be
tired of our house by now. The living room and our bedroom can't be that
exciting." Nada said touching Buffy's cheek a lightly. 

"Where would we go?" Buffy asked as tear leaked down her eyes.

"Probably to the store, but with luck maybe up to see the Hollywood sign or
to the beach. The kids would love to go to the beach. Mom likes the beach
too. Mom doesn't drive but she loves to go for a drive." Nada said.

"Maybe you could bring your girlfriend." Buffy replied with a smile. 

"The one I will never have?" Nada replied with a laugh.

"Someday you will meet the right girl. My friend Willow met this really
wonderful witch. T....t...t..R....T t t t tt" Buffy had to stop. She was
having trouble speaking again. 

"Just relax, you don't have to tell me everything at once." Nada said
getting the water bottle off the dresser and opening it up so Buffy could
take a drink. Nada held the bottle out and carefully gave Buffy a drink.
Buffy was fighting a little and frustrated by her lack of speech. 

"TARA" she suddenly shouted before Nada managed to get her to calm down and
take a drink of water. Quickly after she took another drink, Buffy fell
asleep. 

Madelyn entered the room. "Everything ok honey?"

"She got stuck on a word again and had a couple of bad minutes. She really
is a fighter." Nada said setting the bottle on the dresser and picking the
cat back up.

"She was a slayer honey. Maybe the greatest slayer that ever lived. That
part of her is never going to leave her. She is actually healing very fast,
which could be good and back. She still doesn't understand what she is now."
Madelyn said sadly. 

"I like her but I am afraid of her too." Nada said honestly.

"Your demon half would fear her simply because she was a slayer. But now as
the Shadowwalker, you should fear her honey. She is all gray magic. And she
is very powerful or she will be when her strength is back. I didn't want to
bring her here. I didn't want you kids to have to deal with her. But the
powers that be promised me it was for the best and the alternative was
unthinkable. Besides she is right, you will find the right girl someday."
Madelyn replied to her daughter before hugging her. 

"Mom I sorry." Nada said looking at the ground when she moved out of her
mother's embrace.

"For what Nada?" Her mother asked.

"For being gay. I didn't do it on purpose, I just kinda am." Nada said still
looking at her feet.

"I am more upset by your brother Kalib's reaction then the fact you're gay.
You are who you are. My own mother hated it when I married your father. She
didn't want me to marry a human. I promised myself I would never react that
way to my children when it came to matters of the heart. I just want you to
be happy." Madelyn said kissing her daughter's forehead. 

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))))))))

Two weeks had past and Buffy was sitting up on her own for short periods.
Kalib carried her to the car. It was an old Plymouth Acclaim. The back sit
was stuffed with Martha, Johan and Thomas. Buffy was literally squeezed in
between child seats and buckled into her sit. Madelyn, Kalib and his
girlfriend Cindy were in the front seat. Josh and Nada were on the
motorcycle. They were going to follow Kalib to the beach. Buffy had never
been so excited to see the ocean. Nada had been right she was getting bored
of the house.

Buffy tried to stay awake on the trip but soon after they hit the street she
feel asleep. Staying awake was still so hard for her. And she couldn't
remember were she went when she was asleep. She guessed she still dreamed
but she could no longer remember her dreams, if she still dreamed.

When they got to the beach Nada woke her up as she and Josh carried her to a
lounge chair they had set up on the beach. Buffy laughed at the make shift
seatbelt made from bungle cords. Still she was happy to be on the beach.
Madelyn covered her with sun block as she watched Johan and Thomas play in
the sand. She also watched Cindy carefully watching Madelyn's third eye open
and close. 

"Still checking you out." Buffy said to Madelyn using her neck to point out
Cindy.

"I noticed, but I wouldn't worry too much shadowwalker." Madelyn replied
purposely using her title. Buffy just smiled.

"It's not always fun being different, but when in comes right down to it,
your right everyone has their mark." Buffy said smiling. She didn't know
where her word came from but she believed what she said. She remembered the
time she could hear what was inside people's heads. Everyone had something
that made them different. 

"You bare you mark well." Madelyn replied as she finished putting on the
lotion. Josh and Nada were wading in the ocean playing caught with Paul and
Martha. Kalib and Cindy were sitting on a towel in front of Johan and Thomas
who were building sandcastle's and tearing them down just as fast. They were
on an empty part of the beach. Buffy knew they had picked a place away from
crowds. Still she felt at peace, more at peace then she remembered feeling
in her whole life. She had changed and she was beginning to except the
change in her body and mind. Still she didn't understand what had happened
to her. And why the light had rejected her. Why still was on the tip of her
mind. 

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Buffy woke up. She hadn't remembered falling asleep. Looking around the
beach she couldn't see the younger children. She almost panicked until she
saw Kalib and Cindy a few feet away from her. Looking at them carefully she
noticed a different glow to Cindy then she remembered seeing. She studied
the light for a few minutes before it hit her. In a blind panic she began to
try and shout. The words were all tangled up inside her and she was really
panicking as she tried to scream. 

"WITCH" She finally got out. She wasn't sure why she was upset about Cindy
being a witch she just was. Part of her wanted to slay Kalib's girlfriend.
She was almost overcome with anger. "WITCH" she screamed again twisting her
head back and forth. It was the only part of her body she could move.

"Who's a witch?" Nada said quietly setting down beside Buffy and getting out
a bottle of water for her. "Sh sh, just tell me who is a witch." Nada said
as she touched Buffy's face.

"Cindy." Buffy said as Cindy and Kalib stood behind Nada. 

"Maybe if you spell it with a B." Nada replied getting Buffy to drink from
the bottle of water. 

"How did she know." Cindy whispered leaning into Kalib's chest.

"Like mom said she is the shadowwalker. Is she ok Nad?" Kalib asked his
sister.

"She is already back to sleep. She never remembers when these fits come over
her. But I think mom is right her powers are growing. And she may be
dangerous, as she becomes stronger. I don't think she will mean to hurt
anyone: Cindy I know for a fact her best friend is a witch. I just wish I
knew what was going on in her head." Nada said quietly rubbing her hand
through Buffy's light brown hair. 


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