Fic: The Last Human (1/1)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

The Last Human.
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

--

Giles took off his glasses and polished them. This was a completely 
unnecessary act because he'd been dead for many thousands of years, 
but the habit was far too ingrained. He scratched at the 'H' on his 
forehead.
"Buffy, did you have to repair that awful gizmo?"
"Hey!" Buffy gave her very ex-Watcher a mischievous grin. "Ever 
since Willow contracted computer senility and now bashes her head 
against the glass to count, I need company."
Giles blinked, nonplussed. "But you have company," he stated. "You 
have me... And Xander, shallow as he may be."
"He's right," said Xander from behind the pages of a Playboy. "I am 
shallow, but damn am I good-looking."
"Uh-uh. Anyway..." Buffy twisted the screwdriver one final turn. "I 
think this is fixed."
"Hi, I'm Talkie Tara!" squeaked the toaster-shaped contraption. "W-w-
would you l-l-l-like s-s-s-s... Bugger it, have a bun."
"Thanks!" exclaimed Buffy, "I will."

*

Ten minutes later, Buffy, holo-Giles and Xander stared at the 
smoking ruins of the Talkie Tara.
"That was short-lived," Giles pointed out.
Buffy just nodded.
"It was your fault," neko-Xander said, "for asking it for Strawberry 
Jam."
Giles agreed. "Extra sibilance negatively affects its vocal 
circuitry."
"And makes it talk funny," Xander added.
Suddenly, there was a voice that emanated from the walls all around 
them.
"Quake in fear," it said. "For you may be found unworthy. Prepare to 
be judged."
"Who are you?" Buffy asked.
"I... am the Inquisitor." the voice replied. In the background, 
Giles summoned holo-reference material and geared up to full Research 
Mode.
"This is bad," he muttered.
Buffy struck a pose. "Who are you to judge me? You know nothing 
about me!"
"On the contrary..." The voice changed pitch as the inquisitor 
stepped into the room.
Everyone stared.
"You get to be judged by... Yourself!"
The BuffyBot stared back at them with a vacuous smile.
"Oh..." Buffy commented. "Shit."

*

"Willow!" Buffy tapped the monitor. "Wake up!"
Willow's dreamy expression filed the screen. "What's wrong... Ooh, 
two Buffys! I must be dreaming!"
Buffy stared, impressed. "You counted without hurting your head!"
Willow beamed. "I managed to increase my IQ exponentially!" she 
cried. "I can now count to really big numbers without taking off my 
socks!"
"Um, Willow, you don't have any socks. You're just a head." Buffy 
frowned.
Willow blinked, tried to look down, and fell off-screen.
Buffy slapped her forehead.

*

"I'm looking for ideas here, guys." Buffy said, back-pedalling from 
her robo-self.
Xander shrugged. "Run away?" he suggested.
"Good plan." Buffy sped off down a corridor with the BuffyBot in hot 
pursuit. Xander stared open-mouthed at holo-Giles.
"Hey!" he said. "I had a good plan!"
"Yes, well." Giles rubbed his forehead. "Don't let it go to your 
head."
"Who, me?" Xander moonwalked on the spot. "Good plan! Me! Woohoo!"
Giles tried to bat him over the head with his clipboard, but being 
made out of photons, he passed right on through and fell over.
Xander knelt beside Giles. "A good plan!"

*

Buffy finally came to a halt in a dead-end in sector 33. She span 
round, looking for another direction to aim for, and realised the 
BuffyBot had her trapped.
"So," the BuffyBot said. "Now that I have you cornered... Its time 
for you to be jud... *bzzzt*" The BuffyBot's eyes crossed and her 
tongue stuck out.
"Not the judgement I was expecting," Buffy ventured.
"Hey!" The BuffyBot said. "I came up with a plan!"
"Er?" Buffy blinked.
"I managed to scan the BuffyBot for interfaces and downloaded myself 
into the neurocortex! Isn't this neat?"
"Willow?" Buffy ventured.
The BuffyBot nodded.
"Cool!"

*

Buffy woke up, turned over, and faced... Herself.
"Question," she said.
Willow gazed back at her. "What is it?"
"If you're in there..." Buffy chewed her lip. "Who's flying the 
ship?"
The BuffyBot's eyes widened.

*

End.