Re: Fic: Penance (4/?)

TITLE: Penance
AUTHOR: Regina
E-MAIL: brainysmurf16@xxxxxxxxxxx
SUMMARY: My own little epic.
RATING: I'll go with R overall.
TIMELINE: AU
DISTRIBUTION: If anyone actually wants
it, I'd be tickled pink to hear about it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, If I did I'd be rich right now.

Penance

The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but the Powers That Be are a bit more abrupt. From Cordelia?s description, I would have expected at least a little light show. But it was just the voice. A haughty voice at that.

?Willow Rosenburg.?

?Huh, yeah??

?You have a quest. A sacred duty.?

?A sacred duty? No, that was Buffy. I?m non-sacred girl. I promise, Mr., um, Mr. Sky??

?Listen, child. The Powers That Be don?t often bother themselves with the trivialities of the human world, but this is special. Buffy Summers went before her time, but she died in an act of sacrifice, with a true hero?s heart, and for this, she may be redeemed.?

?How, what do I do??

?If you would have let me finish . . .?

?Sorry.?

?Buffy may once again enter the realm of the living only if she is saved by her soul mate. One willing to walk through the pits of hell for her.?

?The dreams . . .?

?Yes, you are her soul mate. Now you must choose. Are you willing to enter hell for her? To face your worst fears, to see them happen in front of you? The journey will not be easy. This is not a task for the weak. You must enter with a true heart of love, for if you don?t you too will be lost forever in the bowels of hell.?

?Bowels??

?Well, metaphorical bowels, but that?s not the point. You must be completely sure before you agree, or not only will you loose Buffy, you?ll loose yourself. Do you accept??

?Yes.?

One little word. A small word, seeming so unimportant, sealed my fate. I won?t pretend I didn?t consider saying no. Hell is a scary prospect. I just couldn?t leave her there. I couldn?t go on knowing that I could have had her back. Buffy had promised me forever, she had promised me she would walk through hell for me. I had promised the same. I had never broken a promise to Buffy before, and I wasn?t about to start.

I went home from the cemetery that night knowing it may be my last. I had instructions to be at a cave in the hills the next morning. That only left me the night for my goodbyes. Just in case.

I went to Xander last. I knew it would be hardest on him. While the others didn?t take it well; Tara and Dawn crying; Giles hugging me so tightly I thought I was going to die before I could even make it to hell. But Xander was the worst.

He had lost too much in such a short time. Joyce, who was more like a mother to him than he would admit. Buffy, who he had loved for so long, in so many ways. I was so scared of what would happen if I didn?t make it out. I didn't want to cause him more pain. He had so much pain he didn't deserve, and I had promised myself a long time ago I would never be the cause of more. But I couldn't help it. I had to do this. Sacred duty and all. I finally understood a little of what Buffy must have felt. Torn between what you want and what's best for others.

Xander cried when I told him. That ripped me apart. He cried more than I had ever seen him cry before. Not even at Buffy?s funeral, or Joyce?s. Not once in all the times I had held him as he cried when we younger and his dad had hit him, had he cried like this. I spent the majority of what could have very well been my last night on earth like I had spent so before, holding Xander while he cried.

It was one of the hardest things I?ve ever had to do, leaving my best friend for my soul mate, but he understood. When the tears were over and the goodbyes were said, I saw him look at Anya as she hugged his waist in silent support, and when he looked at me, I knew he understood. He wished me luck, and after I refused his offer to walk to me to the cave, told me he?d see me in a while. As it had so many times, Xander?s faith in me gave strength to go on when I thought I couldn?t. I kissed him for that, for all the times I?d never thanked him in the past, and got out of dodge before Anya could process it happened. I still heard the slap and the muffled ?OWW!? as I walked down the hall from his apartment.

With all said and done, I walked out to the street, and boarded the bus that would take me to the hills, to my destiny, and to my love.