Re: FIC: FORGE-Steel

["Jamie" <sombrerogiles@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

I can't say how amazing I thought this was without using cheap and overused
phrases.

So basically, you are my God...

Cheers,

Jamie
-----Original Message-----
From: Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>
To: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: 11 June 2001 13:26
Subject: FIC: FORGE-Steel


>
>
>
>Disclaimer: All this belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant
>Enemy(Grrr..rarrgh)
>
>
>
>
> Drain Brameged Inc. Proudly Presents
> A Mad-Hamlet Production
>
>
>
>
> Forge
> Steel
>
>
>
> I promised her a short patrol.
>
> I promised her I would go in and out. Not an all night fling,
>in return she would get a few movies, order a pizza and make some
>popcorn and I'd come back home fast and we'd spend a Friday night
>together. Just her and me.
>
> Just...her and...me.
>
> What the hell did Giles mean by 'Beside Her'? I am beside her
>I'm always beside her and I never regret it or question it.
>
> I love her. I do.
> Really.
>
> So why now..why at this very second, in the middle of beating
>a newly spawned vampire do I understand that I have been in front of
>her?
>
> In front, beside, behind. Nice metaphors to cover that fact I
>don't know what's going on, that I don't know what the questions are
>much less how to ask them. I do love Willow, I do. So..what's holding
>me back? I wanted her last night oh did I ever and she wanted me. That
>much was so obvious it's not funny.
>
> So what held me back? Other than the graveyard, dark trees
>possibly un-dead creep factor?
>
> There was something else, even if we had been in our dorm room
>it wouldn't have let me let her finish what she started. Scared? No.
>Nervous? Oh yeah. Over..overprotective? I don't know.
>
> I just want to protect her.
> Oh. Let's think that through again.
> I _just_ want to protect her.
>
> Ooof! Okay introspection is ill advised during bouts of mortal
>combat with undead thingie. Right.
>
> I backflip a few feet away from the Vamp and strike a
>coquetish pose. Poor Xander, I used this on him once and he
>practically dissolved into a puddle.
>
> "Yummy looking am I?" I purr.
>
> This is so much easier than dealing with.. Strut my stuff, get
>a rise out of something recently risen. Ironic that, I get more
>attention from the undead male population than the male. Horrors I
>hope that's not why..I'm just kidding.
>
> He charges, you'd think that because I've been pounding on him
>he'd have picked up on the fact that I'm not exactly paralysed with
>fear.
>
> Step into his outstretched arms, slap them aside, throw a
>double punch to his sternum. Not full power, don't want to knock him
>through a wall, just back far enough to..
>
> I wipe a few ashes from my jacket before turning to a nearby
>crypt. She's sitting on the roof dressed all in black as usual. Just
>kicking her legs against the side, leaning back, putting her weight on
>her hands as she stares at the night sky.
>
> "Thought you had left Faith." I say.
>
> "In answer I say, for those who have been dusted, yes you do
>look yummy." She replies.
>
> "No, no." I say. "You're missing the topic." And I add extra
>stress to my voice. "I. Thought. You. Left!"
>
> "Oh." Faith says. She looks thoughtful for a minute before
>turning to face me. "You.Thought.Wrong."
>
> I cross my arms and sit on a convient headstone. "Why are you
>here Faith?"
>
> "Hold up on a second." She says. "I need to go through a
>checklist." And starts ticking things off with her fingers.
>
> "Uh..okay we just got past the obligatory hostile greetings
>that's one, you're now in the 'Serious Question' mode, that's two and
>I could waste time and cause added aggrivation by being sarcastic and
>witty just adding stress to an already diffilcult situation and that's
>three." She says.
>
> "You know what B?"
>
> She pushes off the crypt and lands a few feet from me.
>
> "I'm not in the mood." She finishes.
>
> She sits down on headstone. She's about a good three meters
>away so there's not much chance of me making a succesful rush if I
>have too. Same goes for me though.
>
> "You called me a coward last night." She says after a few
>minutes.
>
> "You betcha." I say.
>
> Faith isn't looking at me, she's again looking at the sky.
>
> "Stars arn't cowards." She says.
>
> "How deeply poetic." I reply.
>
> Faith turns and smiles at me, under the light of the moon I
>can see her perfect white teeth almost glowing. Perfect teeth, really
>flawed soul.
>
> "Think I'm going soft B?" She shakes her head. "I'm not. Stars
>aren't cowards, how can a big ball of fire and gas thousands of miles
>across be anything? Other than a giant, cosmic, nearly infinite fart."
>
> "Scratch the deeply part, yet still oddly poetic." I say.
>"Though I'll never be able to go to the beach again thanks ever so
>much."
>
> "You're welcome." She's still smiling. It's an aluring smile.
>Meant to draw the person seeing it in. I know Faith though, she can be
>incredible charming almost instinctivly. Very moth to flame like but
>I'm immune. I think I am at least.
>
> "Red is really lucky." She says. "And I don't..
>
> "Yeah she is." I interupt. "No thanks to you though."
>
> Faith sniffs the air. "Is that testoterone I smell? Christ B,
>you're taking the 'butch' aspect of a lesbian relationship way to
>seriously. What next, crew cuts and male bashing?"
>
> I clench my teeth, don't want to get angry, don't want let her
>get to me. The night air feels suddenly cool against my hot skin, I'm
>pretty sure I just left fingerprints in the cement on the headstone.
>Faith keeps speaking, not noticing, or pretending to not notice, how
>I'm just a hairs breath from forgeting she's human. Barely.
>
> "She's lucky because of who she is." Faith continues in this
>light sing song tone. "Not because of you and your little 'scooby
>gang' and you know what B?"
>
> My instinct says not to ask, my gut informs me it would be
>best to just ignore the bait and walk away so I do something
>incredibly stupid and not listen.
>
> "No I don't know what Faith why don't you.."
>
> She looks at me again and where her smile was, a moment
>before, actually quite lovely it now looks kida..strained.
>
> "You're a fucking idiot B."
>
> What? Where the hell did..
>
> "I had lunch with Red y'know? 'Cause she invited me an' all
>and while I did turn her down last night I figured 'What the hell
>maybe she' buyin' and she did." She says. "We had an intresting
>conversation."
>
> She rolls the 'r' in intresting turning it into a purr that
>she acentuates by choosing that moment to lazily stretch.
>
> "She knows what she wants, y'know and she's lucky enough to
>have someone to give it to her." She says. "I'm jealous in a way but
>not that jealous cause I know something she doesn't..or refuses to
>know."
>
> "And lucky ol' me you're going to share! Yay I'm so happy."
>Witty sarcasm at three o'clock.
>
> She finishes her stretch and being to walk toward me, slow,
>careful steps, measured and precise with just the right amount of hip
>swing to catch the eye but not enough to be accused of being
>'slutty''. She stops just outside what could be considered my
>'personal space'.
>
> "You're the coward B." She says softly almost like she regrets
>what she's saying. And she will, 'cause I'm gonna pound her into the
>ground.
>
> I don't care where the anger comes from. Most of the time I'm
>a pretty even tempered person and slow to lose my temper but this time
>it's just..on me and I don't even try to fight it or not give into it.
>I welcome it, welcome the distraction, the rage, the fury..the need to
>bury my fists in Faith's sneering faith. I need to feel her soft,
>white flesh crumbling under my power. I need it so I don't have to
>admit that..she's right.
>
> She's ready though and she steps around my initial charge.
>
> "Clumsy, clumsy Slayer B." She clucks her tounge. She'd
>probably try to start waving her finger at me but I don't give her the
>time and follow through with a leg sweep but she jumps over it.
>
> In mid air she turns her leap into a leap kick and I dive to
>the side, she wasn't pulling it. The headstone she connects with is
>pulverised and she's still airborn! Leaping off the the remains of her
>victim she flips back launching through the air with an unarticulate
>scream!
>
> I know the feeling and rise to meet her with a outraged shout
>of my own.
>
> Stepping into the kick I rob it of a lot of it's force and
>what of it there is I absorb with my my forearm, before she can recoil
>the limb I wrap my arms around it, turn and heave but I don't let go.
>If I did she'd probably flip out of the throw. So I hold on tight as
>she is flung over my shoulder, centrificul force doubling her speed
>and slaming her into the ground with a hearty crunch and the whoosh of
>air being forced from their lungs.
>
> Normally I'd let her get back on her feet. Normally, I'd give
>her a moment of respite but then..normally I don't want to rip my foe
>of the moment apart. Just shove a wooden pointy object into em'.
>
> It flows so wonderfully hot through me. Pulling at me from the
>inside telling me where to move..warm, deliscious and above all so
>simple. No questioning, no doubt. Just action.
>
> Ah, I think I get it Faith. Want, take, have.
>
> Want-Your pain.
>
> Take- Your life.
>
> Have- Satisfaction.
>
> And I don't even care that it's all an illusions, that any
>sense of comfort will be fleeting and I'll have to reap the
>consquences of this action.
>
> I DON'T CARE!!
>
> And I'm on top of her. She struggles trying to push me off of
>her. I wrap my legs around her own, imobilsing them, shove her arms
>out of the way she's clear..she's open. Her white, white, throat is
>before me and it'd be simple, again so simple, to wrap my strong hands
>around it and squeeze.
>
> I've never told the others how good it felt with my hands
>around the necks of the men who hurt my Willow. There's something
>addictive about it. That's where I nearlly lost myself that night. Not
>cause of the rage, not cause of the need for Vengence.
>
> I lost myself in that soft flesh.
>
> I'm losing myself again but I still don't care.
>
> Course it's a moot point as I realise a second later 'cause
>Faith is not a normal male, rapist or otherwise. She's a Slayer and
>therefore a very good fighter as she reminds me with a headbutt. I
>guess I took too long admiring the asthetics of her throat.
>
> Stars burst in front of my eyes and she uses that time to
>punch me twice in the chest right above my breasts. Her position
>doesn't offer a lot for leverage but she knows where to hit and it
>hurts.
>
> My arms lose their strength too, she must have hit nerve
>clusters and I almost collapse on top of her but she grabs me and
>throws me off so I am sent rolling and tumbling across the grass to
>slam into another headstone. I get to my feet as fast as I can
>expecting her to be following up after to finish me off but she's
>wobbling like she's on her last legs. Damn, I'm just getting warmed
>up!
>
> "Jeeze B." She groans. "Mad-On much?"
>
> I shake my head. "Sorry Faith but we've already passed the
>witty banter part. Did you forget to check that off on your little
>list?"
>
> "So you're gonna kill me?" She laughingly asks.
>
> "Seriously considering it." I say but she doesn't stop
>laughing.
>
> Still giggling she only says "Goody." Before launching at me
>again.
>
> I could've stepped out of the way, I couldn't have moved aside
>but I don't. It's Endgame time.
>
> We meet in the middle of a row of graves, one destroyed from
>her kick, the other cracked from me being flung into it. Mute
>wittnesses to two people possibly destroying themselves.
>
> The blond cause she's a coward but doesn't want to admit it.
> The brunnette..well who cares?
>
> I cross-block a punch to my gut and counter with a forearm
>that should have rocked her head back but she weaves out of the way.
>She tries to knee me in the side but I raise my own leg to intercept
>it and while she's still reacting to that a fast one-two snap to
>either side of her face. She recovers instantly and goes for a hook to
>my ribs.
>
> Why'd she do that? Not only is the blow pathetically easy to
>dodge but my blows to her head left me open to both a throat punch and
>a backhand to my face. Is she avoiding my face?
>
> I move around the blow then step inside her guard, grab the
>lapels of her jacket. I fall on my back pulling her over to land on
>her back again. Before she can move I roll back so I land astride her
>chest pinning her hands down with my own. She's laughing.
>
> Our faces are inches apart, we're both breathing heavily. I
>smell ketchup.
>
> "What's going on Faith?" I demand. "Why are you letting me
>win?"
>
> She's still laughing.
>
> "Cause I'm a bad girl B." She sticks her tounge out at me. "Or
>did you forget?"
>
> I want to hit her again but that would mean letting go of her
>hands but..whatever madness grabbed me is..almost past, her throat
>does look inviting though..again, I'd have to let go of her hands
>though.
>
> "Doesn't change the fact that you're a coward." She continues.
>"The bad girl and the the coward."
>
> "Why do you keep saying I'm a coward?" I get out. My teeth are
>clenched so tight my jaw aches. Pain is good though, I can use it to
>focus, push the red blur back cause I really don't want to kill her,
>yet.
>
> She just laughs a little.
>
> Maybe pain will get her to focus, what the hell, I let her
>hands go but she doesn't move just lays there, giggling. I grab her
>and pound her into the ground, bouncing her, slamming, punishing but
>she just keeps laughing. Head lolling about, eyes spinnig wildly but
>still laughing.
>
> "Bad girl.." She giggles between impacts. "Such a bad, bad
>girl."
>
> I stop punishing her but she doesn't stop babbling.
>
> "Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.." She repeats over and over like a
>mantra.
>
> "Faith..Faith!" I'm scared now, the anger has abandonded me
>and where everything was simple it's gotten dangerously
>complicated..just like that. Snap of the fingers and life is crawling
>away from me. Understanding..gone. I'm scared..scared that she's
>right, scared that she's wrong, scared for Willow, scared for
>me..scared. Hot now cold, full, now barren..what's going on. Where is
>everything spinning too?
>
> "Faith! Talk to me! Why am I a coward!?" I slam her into the
>ground again, not because I want to hurt her, I have nothing left to
>do. I'm not thinking. I don't think I've been thinking for a long
>time.
>
> "I'm a Bad Girl B. I have to be a bad girl." She says and
>dissolves into another wave of laughter. A high pitched, kinda girlish
>laught. Makes my skin crawl.
>
> "Bad girls are safe." She says. "And I'm a bad girl. So I'm a
>safe, bad girl."
>
> She's..she's broken. I..I think I broke her. Giles is gonna
>kill me!
> I can feel my lips curling upward, I don't want to smile,
>there is nothing smiley about any of this but they're doing it anyway.
>
> I cup her face in my hands. "Faith..are..Faith stop laughing!"
> Cause if you don't I'm gonna start and...
>
> She finally moves on her own, reaching up to put her hands
>over my own, still holding her face.
>
> "You don't understand." She says. "You're afraid and letting
>it ..do something when something else has to be done. She needs you,
>Red needs you to be beside her, not in front of her. Love her you
>idiot. You'll understand then. I think."
>
> That's the second time someone has said something like that to
>me.
>
> I'm still holding her face, she's still holding my hands. I'm
>still on top of her, she's under me. We're both still breathing into
>each others faces. I can still smell ketchup.
>
> "If you don't fix it B. Red will be a bad girl." She says.
>"Just like me. That would be kinda fun though."
>
> "Faith. You're not a bad girl." I say.
>
> 'No, she just tried to kill you, your friends, help the Mayor
>become a demon and devour the senior class.' My brain informs me. I
>shut it up.
>
> "Yes I am." She nods. "I have to be. I want to be."
>
> "Why?" I shake her a little. "Why? Why do you have to be a
>'bad girl'."
>
> Faith rolls her eyes like I've just asked her to pull my
>finger.
>
> "Because he always called me a 'Good Girl' of course." She
>says. "Every time he came into my room, late at night he'd tell me
>what a good girl I am, over and over again."
>
> My stomach turns into a knot and bile burns at the back of my
>throat.
>
> "Who, Faith." I ask quietly. "Who called you a good girl."
>
> My heart and mind are screaming at me not to ask, that I don't
>want to know that it'll make a terrible situation worse and I don't
>want to know, I don't want to know, I really don't want to know.
>I couldn't agree with them more but I ask anyway.
>
> She tells me.
>
> Jesus.
>
> No. That's not fair, because if this really happened, if she's
>not lying..she isn't..if she's not lying than now I really call into
>question the existence of Jesus.
>
> "You..you're a bad girl Faith." I say. Dumb, dumb..stupid
>thing to say but I have nothing else.
>
> "Damn straight. Now get offa me." She replies then with a
>wicked grin. "Unless you really want to get offa me."
>
> Walls. So many walls she has. I want to pity her but I think
>that would be a premitnantly stupid move. I don't understand her, I
>won't ever understand her and I think I'll be very thankfull of that
>for a long, long time.
>
> As I climb off of her I try not let her see how my hands are
>shaking. It's the adrenilin withdrawl..really.
>
> She stands up and brushes off some dust that isn't there.
>"Good tussle." She says.
>
> "Uh..yeah." Again I have very little to say.
>
> "Go home B." She says standing straight. She doesn't look bad
>at all, like everything, the fight, the confession, my hate for her..
>she just doesn't care. Scary.
>
> "Uh.." I say.
>
> "She's waiting for you. You have a chance to show her how much
>you care. To get her to trust again. See, that's my big thing, I don't
>trust. Don't, can't..whatever. Doesn't matter, been this way so long
>the idea of being any diffrent..well..you might as well ask me to
>breathe water. Better chance of that happening anyway." She says.
>"Teach her to trust, teach her to love you fucking idiot or she'll
>wind up just like me and you know?"
>
> I think she's actually waiting for an answer, but I know her
>answer. "You'll be waiting for her." I breathe.
>
> "Good. You're learning." She says and turns to leave.
>
> "Faith." I call after her.
>
> "God doesn't anyone here just let people leave?" She snarls
>before turning back to me. "What?"
>
> "Will you come back?" I ask.
>
> "Oh please B. You should know by now I don't want, or need
>your sympathy. Nor do I want to be your friend, and I'm pretty sure
>you feel the same." She says. "Do us both a favor and.."
>
> "Here." and I hand her a slip of paper on it is the phone to
>our dorm room.
>
> "Oh my God." She curls her lip. "Didn't you just hear a word I
>said? I don't CARE!"
>
> She moves to tear the paper in half.
>
> "Who said I wanted you to call me?" I ask. She stops and
>looks, really looks, at the paper in her hands. I think I, for a
>change, managed to surprise her. Cool.
>
> "And Faith?"
>
> She looks up at me. Her eyes are just a little open, that's
>all I need. I have the answer now, I think I do, it feels like an
>answer..here goes nothing.
>
> "Her name is Willow." I say.
>
> She smiles. A real, honest-to-God, smile. Not a leer, not a
>grin, a real smile. Have I ever seen one of those before? I'm not
>sure.
>
> "Right." She says and her smile turns into one of familiar
>Faith-Grins. "Willy it is."
>
> I'm successful in my efforts not to smile back but I think my
>eyes give it away.
>
> Without a word she turns away and walks off into the night. I
>let her go having nothing left to say or do. Just me, in a
>graveyard..alone. Well not alone I still have my fear but I also have
>an answer.
>Can't stay here long thinking about it though. I promised Willow a
>short patrol. And I think I'd kill for a pizza right now.
>
>
>
>
>
> Finally..I'm back at the dorm. That was a long walk and I felt
>every step of it because now my body chooses to let me know, in every
>tiny step I take, just how much it doesn't like being banged around.
>Well..an early night, coupled with pizza, movies and girl talk..maybe
>even a little cuddling..will do wonders. I think I could go for some
>serious cuddling. Who knows? Maybe even a little more than cuddling, I
>think I can handle that.
>
> I trudge up the stairs and meander down the hallway towards
>our room. It takes a little concentration but I manage to not lose my
>balance and fall against a wall. My chest hurts, my arms are still a
>little numb and ..oh..my back is killing me from where Faith threw me
>into that headstone. Feels like..well..it feels like someone through
>me into a headstone actaully. Funny that.
>
>
> Takes only three tries but I manage to get the key in the
>lock. Ahhh..home sweet home, first a shower, then a serious pizza-fest
>coupled with movies. Cuddling..mental note..massive cuddling.
>
> "Luccccyyy I'mmm..hhhooo." My attempt at humor gets choked off
>when I get a good look at the room.
>
> The lights are off but candles are everywhere. In the widows,
>the chests, there's even a small one on top of the closet. Willow's
>desk is drowning in them. The whole room is glowing with small shadows
>dancing across the walls. The windows are open and a cool breeze is
>making some of the candles flicker a bit.
>
> The beds have been pushed together and remade. Instead of two
>blankets with their own sets of pillows..where's Mr. Gordo?.. the new
>'double bed' has a deep, red comfortor thrown over it. At the head
>sits a pile of three very comfy looking pillows, also having deep red
>cases. The candlelight makes the whole thing look like a warm cozy
>ember. Where something hot happens..or could happen.
>
> That's not what makes my breath catch in my throat though.
>Candles are nice, bed it's a definete plus but..it's _her_.
>
> She's standing in front of the bed, and all the golden light
>in the room seems to either center around her or pale in comparion.
>I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore except drinking in the
>sight of her. Am I still breathing? Someone check my pulse..someone
>else though. I don't want her to move.
>
> She's dressed is a red gown, same color as the comforter and
>pillow cases actually. Deep, red..not bright and firey though. Burning
>colored. Thin straps over her shoulders hold it up and the light
>shimmers off of it. I'm pretty sure if someone, not me I never could
>touch anything so holy, slipped the straps off her dress would fall
>into the most delighful puddle at her feet.
>
> Her hair has been cleaned and falls over her, just ending
>above her pale, nearly bare shoulders. I can smell how clean she
>is..spring air comes to mind.
>
> Her hands are clasped in front of her, her thumbs sliding over
>each other in a nervous twitch but she's looking right at me, not at
>the floor, right into my eyes and even though I shouldn't be able to,
>cause it's so dark, I can see her green eyes. Trick of the light,
>gotta be.
>
> I'm frozen in my tracks. The doors half open, anyone could
>walk by and get a real look. Course I'd have to kill em'. When I could
>move.
>
> I see her!
> I see Willow! Like for the very first time.
>
> She looks at me.
>
> "I.." she says. "I forgot to order the pizza."
>
>Authors notes: I owe a LOT of this to Carol for tossing me some ideas
>that took me in directions I never thought of. So..if ya like, thank
>her as well as me. Whaddya think Carol? I do good?
>
>
>
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