FF: Blind Faith act4

["Sam" <shadowmage_draco@xxxxxxx>]

Blind Faith

By

Sam


Act four: Unexpected visit


Email: shadowmage_draco@xxxxxxx 
Rating: R 
Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS slayer are the property of Joss.  
I am borrowing them for a bit for fun.
Archive: If your archiving any of my others stories then by all means 
take this one if ya want, otherwise just ask and I'll say yes.
Pairing: B/F (well not yet but it is coming, eventually, they havn't 
even seen each other yet.) W/T, X/A
Thanks: Coy Thanks for not only beta'ing and providing most excellent 
advice but also for like being a totally cool friend.
Summery: A reformed Faith is injured and faces an uncertain future 
with her fellow slayer.
Notes: Contains spoilers for season four. Faith gets a couple of 
unexpected visitors at the hospital. May contain some angst. <> 
Indicates thought.
Feedback: Feedback is the fuel to please send it as it is most yummy.
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LA, Angel Investigations...

Willow lung to Tara's hand as they sat nervously on a couch at 
Angel's downtown office and waited for the brooding vamp to take them 
to the hospital. She wasn't sure really sure how her girlfriend had 
convinced her to come here but she had and now she was already 
regretting it. Sure Angel was going to be with them, and they where 
both pretty powerful Wicca's but still this was Faith they where 
talking about. It didn't matter that she was in the hospital, that 
her injuries had left her blind, the fact remained that it was Faith 
they where going to see. 
 
Faith who no matter what they did to try and stop her kept on coming, 
Faith who tried to kill them, Faith who stole her best friends body 
and hurt Tara's feelings <Why did I listen to Tara and let her 
convince me to come her, I didn't want to come here, but I can't help 
it, every time I look at her, look into her beautiful eyes I can't 
think. She knows I can't resist those eyes, just once I would like 
to be able to look at Tara and not totally cave in.>

Willow tightened her grip on Tara's hand when Angel came into the 
room. He looked at the two young women who where sitting nervously 
on his couch and smiled.

"You don't have anything to be afraid of, she's not the Faith you 
knew, she really has changed."

Willow glared at Angel for a moment, "That's easy for you to say, 
you're a vampire, plus you have a little slayer blood in you, where 
just, well just us."

Angel walked over to the couch and put placed his hands on Willow and 
Tara's shoulders, "It doesn't matter, she's changed, plus I'm going 
to be there," Angel paused for a moment, "I wont let anyone hurt you 
two while you're in LA."

Willow and Tara both nodded in agreement. Willow looked up at 
Angel, "IS there anything we should know before we see her."

"I've already told you about her sight, and that she isn't the same 
Faith you knew."

"I know but is their anything else."

Angel took a deep breath and didn't say a word.

"Angel, what is it? You have to tell us everything or I'm leaving 
here and going straight back to Sunnydale," Willow exclaimed.

"They have her on behavior modification drugs."

Willow gave Angel a cold stare, "drugs? Didn't it cross your mind 
that she seems different because of the drugs, and if she goes off of 
them she's bad again!"

"They don't work like that Willow."

"And how do you know that!"

"I did some research, talked to some of the doctors who are treating 
her, the drugs are for depression, they help her deal with her guilt 
from what she did and her injury."

"H-how long?"

"A while now, the doctors at the prison put her on a regiment of 
modification drugs to help her with rehabilitation."

"Angel you lied to us," Willow screamed as she jumped up from the 
couch.

"How did I lie, I told you everything."

"You said she had changed, that she was different, but the only 
reason that she is different is because they had to put her on 
behavior modifications drugs!"

"I said it wasn't the drugs than made her change Willow. She did 
that on her own, the drugs didn't do anything but hewlp her cope."

"If that's the case then why did they see fit to put her on them!"

"They didn't," Angel replied.

Willow gazed at Angel for a moment, she was angery at him becouse she 
felt they had been ticked into coming here but at the same time she 
had to know what he was trying to tell them, "If they didn't think 
she need to be on the modification drugs then why did they put her on 
them?"

"Because Faith asked them to do it."

"She what," Willow questioned in astonishment.

"I talked her doctor. He said that Faith wanted to change but was 
afraid that she couldn't. The remorse she felt for what she had done 
was tremendous. He said that when shecame to hime that she begged 
for help, she wanted to turn a new leaf but felt like she was unable 
to change becouse she had done so much."

"I don't understand this, she asked them to and they did t. That 
doesn't sound right. I think she's been taking you again."

"Willow the drugs didn't make her repent she did that on her own, all 
they did is help her not to be to depressed while she was trying to 
change."

"So they take her guilt away from her! Is that what you call 
changed!"

"They didn't take her guilt away, she still feels it everyday, it's 
something she is going to have to always live with. Trust me, I know 
what that's like, and it's no fun. All the drugs do is help her from 
being to depressed so she can face her past and try to make a future."

Willow wrapped her arm around Tara, "I'm not sure about this Angel.  
I mean if the drugs did that and you say she has changed then why is 
she still on them."

"It's not that simple. She still feels tremendous guilt over what 
she has done, she knows that she needs to make amends for hr past," 
Angel paused for a moment, "and that's a hard burden to bare I know, 
I've been doing it for a few hundred years now. Plus you have to 
remember that she is blind now and that's not going to help her any 
emotionally."

"I'm still not sure about this," Willow reluctantly replied.

"Then come to the hospital with me and see for yourself." 


LA county Hospital...

Faith leaned back against the headboard of the hospital bed running 
her hand slowly across the small wooden box that held her most prized 
possession. After a few minuets, she was fairly certain that the 
last of the nurses had left her room. She opened up the box and 
carefully removed the picture of Buffy and held it in her hands.

>From the hallway Willow started to say something but Angel gently put 
his finger over her lips and leaned over and whispered in the 
redheads ear, "I don't like spying on her like this but you and Tara 
need to see this so you'll have to be quite for a little bit longer."

Willow gave him a nod then turned her attention back to Faith's 
room.    
Tears started rolling down Faiths cheeks and she let out a low 
sigh. "Why can't I see you B? I really wish I could see you. I 
don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore, I'm so confused. When I 
was in prison I knew why I was there. I messed up my life and hurt 
people and I needed to be there because it's where I belong."

The Brunette slayer leaned her head back against the headboard and 
brought Buffy's picture closer to her, "They're letting me go B, I 
don't know why, I don't deserve it, I shouldn't be allowed out, I've 
done too much, I hurt you B, and I can't take it back. God, if I 
only could take it back B, If only I could take it all back."

Faith's whole body was trembling as she openly wept, her words now 
only came in-between her sobs of agony and torment, "I know you can 
never forgive me B, I don't deserve that but I want you to know I'm 
sorry. If only I could have seen what was right there in front of me 
then maybe it could have been different. I was an idiot B, I was 
afraid to see it, afraid that it was only an illusion. I was blinder 
then than I am now. I wish I could go back, take away all the wrong 
I did, but I can't. God B, if only I could, if only I could make 
things right."

Faith started rocking back and forth in her bed, her tears freely 
flowed down her face, and she wasn't able to talk anymore.

Willow and Tara both felt that their hearts where going to break, the 
spell they had cast let them both know that faith was sincere but 
they didn't need a spell to tell them that, they could see it in her 
eyes.

Willow Stepped into the room with Angel and Tara right behind her.  
Faith's head shot up and looked straight at the doorway. She quickly 
placed Buffy's picture back in the box and pulled it up against her 
chest.

"Who's there, What do you want with me, " Faith cried in a near panic.

"Faith it's me, Angel," replied the vampire as he moved past Willow 
towards Faith's bed.

"You came back to see me again," Faith replied with a hint of shock 
in her voice. <I hope he didn't overhear me again, please let him 
just to have gotten here.>

"Of course I did, you're not going to have to go through this alone 
Faith."

"Thanks, Uh you didn't, uh hear anything did ya?"

"No we just got here," Angel replied trying to save the brunette 
slayer a little face.

"We?"

"Yes, we. I brought some of the others with me this time, they 
wanted to see you."

"You did," Faith questioned as her anticipation began to grow <Please 
God let it be Buffy, please let it be Buffy.>  

Willow held on to Tara's hand tightly as she walked over next to 
Angel, "Faith, it's me Willow, I'm here with Tara." 

Faith took a big gulp of air and asked the one question she was 
afraid to hear the answer to, "Is Buffy with you?"

Willow heard the anticipation and fear in Faith's question, she took 
a seat next to the bed and Tara did the same. "She couldn't make it 
Faith," Willow replied hoping her lie was convincing.

<What was I thinking, of course she's not her, why would she want to 
see me.> "I understand?Red could, could you stay awhile>"

Willow looked back at Angel and Tara who both nodded yes, "Yeah we 
can stay."

Willow and Tara both sat their for what felt like forever and a week, 
both of them unsure of what to say to the former dark slayer.  
Finally, after several very uncomfortable minuets Faith broke the 
silence, 

"Red?I'm, s-sorry for what I did."

Willow knew that Faith met what she said but still found the words 
hard to believe. She wanted to tell Faith that she knew she was 
sorry and that it was going to be OK but she couldn't force the words 
out as she sat there staring at the brunette.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it for what 
I did, it's just that I had to say it, I had to let you know I was 
sorry," Faith sobbed.

Willow felt her heart breaking in side as Faith's words raced in her 
minds, she reached out and touched Faith's shoulder causing the 
slayer to flinch, "Faith, I know you're sorry for what you did."

"But your not going to forgive me," Faith softly replied in-between 
tears.

Angel and Tara both looked at Willow waiting to see how she was going 
to respond. The redheaded Wicca was just sitting there not saying a 
word with her hand on Faith's shoulder.  

Willow took her hand off of Faiths shoulder and took her 
hand, "Faith?" <Why is this so hard to do.>

"Faith I?I...Faith it's gong to be OK, it's going to take take but 
its going to be OK."

Willow then took a deep breath and said the hardest thing she had 
ever had to say, "I forgive you."

Faith clench Willows hand, tears running down her cheeks. For a 
moment she even forgot that Buffy hadn't come with them to see her 
and for the first time she saw a glimpse of hope, <If Red can forgive 
me then maybe, just maybe Buffy can.> 

TBC...