Fic: Have You Now, Or Ever? (1/1) (For Kirayoshi)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Have You Now, Or Ever?
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"There's only one way to say it," Kirayoshi commented. "I kinda love 
you!"
Anne-Lise blinks, then falls over, feet in the air!

--

Have you ever truly loved someone? Did you ever...? Sometimes... I 
don't know. Love is a word, not a feeling... And can you describe 
feelings by saying out loud what is going inside you? I also don't 
know the answer to that question. You live and you feel, that's all I 
know. Lovers come and go. Swept in and away like ocean waves. I try 
to reach for a deeper feeling but reality sneaks upon you and you get 
lost, you don't know the way anymore.
Every rule has its exception, though. There was, once, a girl I 
admired immensely. She was a ray of light that pierced the darkness, 
and she shone on my frail feminine body, and filled my willowy soul. 
She was strong in every sense of the word, and I fantasised about her 
mouth covering mine with kisses, leaving me helpless, senseless, 
every day of my life. God, how I wanted her!
I remember how we first met. She treated me like a human. She saved 
my life.
She sees me staring and she smiles, and a voice inside me sings and 
cries at the same time. But her eyes drift onwards as she slowly 
walks away and my heart dies once more. I wish I could tell her how I 
feel.
I run up to her, and we stare at each other, and before I can 
understand what's happening her strong arms draw me closer, and I'm 
kissed with such fervour and passion. I step away. I can't breathe.
And then she runs away.
I rush after her along suburban streets I barely recognise, and 
then I'm at her house. And she's giggling at me from her bedroom 
window.
"Come on up!" she calls. "The door's open."
I make my way in. I don't even stop to think what I'm doing. Going 
into someone else's house to do... what, exactly?
She's waiting for me in the bedroom doorway, smiling a strange 
smile, leaning against the door.
She whispers, "So beautiful..."
I look at her, probably showing my very obvious puzzlement. She 
invites me in once more, enjoying herself with my confusion and 
curiosity. There's music, some local band I'd listened to once before 
but not liked. Dingoes, or something.
She stands in the corner with her hands resting on her hips, and 
with some effort, I evade her prominent breasts that refuse to be 
restrained by that loose, low-cut blouse.
"Why did you bring me here?" I ask, and she laughs.
"Because you were asking for it," she says.
"How come?"
"You wanted me to."
It was my time to chuckle in disbelief. Was she real? "So you think 
you know what I want..."
"Yep."
"I also know what you want," I say.
She just smiles.
"I think you just want to get laid," I say, amazed at my own nerve. 
This was not my usual me speaking. I feel, somehow, like I'd done a 
whole bunch of drugs. Emptied Columbia.
"No, you're wrong. I'm not gay," she says.
"But... you kissed me? On the lips..." Now I'm all confused.
She says, "Only because you're so damn cute. But I have to draw the 
line somewhere."

*

We're still friends despite, well, everything. Years have passed 
and I'm the research girl. Reliable. Dependable. We're the scoobies. 
We've saved each other's lives more time than we care to admit. I 
still love her. 
Lying on my bed, I think of her. I still want her. I can feel the 
wetness between my legs. I'd just taken a shower and I'm naked under 
my robe. I could pleasure myself if I wanted to... I imagine what it 
would be like to kiss her and have her in my arms; How she'd lick my 
nipples, how her hands would caress my stomach and inner thighs. Her 
lovemaking would be overwhelming, her tongue an expert, her desire 
immense... I drown in my own pleasure, crying out loud as I come, my 
fingers inside me, revelling in my wetness.

*

My life alters when I open the door to find Buffy on my doorstep.
"You should've called first," I complain, but in good humour.
A little smile forms on her perfect face. I invite her in and while 
I sit, she studies my collection of books. After a while she returns 
without making any comment. So much for my reading taste.
"You know," she asks, looking me straight into my eyes. "I'm kinda 
curious..."
"About what?"
"If you ever loved someone, deeply, passionately?"
I shake my head. Where's all this going?
"Why not?" she asks, as if she were not pleased with my answer.
"I just never found the right person, I guess. Why? Have you?" I 
know my face must be bright crimson. I'm a hopeless liar. My face 
glows like traffic lights.
"Yes, definitely!" she claims. She faces me with a wide smile, and 
her eyes shine. "Don't you wanna know who that is?"
"Surprise me."
"I guess not. I think that's pretty obvious..."
"I guess." That's my noncommittal answer, although I'm not sure what 
or who she means. Riley? Angel? Spike...?
"Remember when I said I wasn't gay?" she says.
"How could I forget?" The sky burned, seas boiled. The dead rose... 
Well, actually that happens a lot round here.
"Well, what I meant was... What I wanted to say is... I can't stop 
thinking about you... I love you, I love the way you feel, the way 
you smell. I love you, and I can't deny it any longer. You have no 
idea how much I'm attracted to you."
"Wow," I let out, trying not to shake... My nervousness must have 
become increasingly obvious. A long silence... I can't speak. I feel 
numb.
The desire, my passion again rises up and dominates me with its 
urgency, and then her hands begin to caress me all over. Buffy moans, 
oh how she moans!
Hands in thighs, hands kneading breasts, my pleasure runs down 
between my legs. I want to open my robe and masturbate; feel my own 
breasts, my own hard nipples, my own wet pussy, my own desire for 
this beautiful Slayer making love to *me*.
"Oh God!" The scream is mine. My eyes are closed and I thrash my 
head from side to side. "Oh God..."
I can't resist anymore. Our clothes are discarded, hands are 
everywhere. she touches my clit and I fall down... I have no strength 
left to stand. I writhe with pleasure; My body jerks as I come... Its 
a powerful orgasm, probably the most intense I've ever experienced. 
Her hands still tweak my hard nipples, my eyes are still closed as I 
abandon myself to the pleasure she bestows upon me.
I come, again and again, moaning and writhing, my pussy throbbing, 
her fingers... Oh... I press my thighs together, becoming weaker, as 
though I'm dying... It feels so good, I don't want it to stop...

*

End.