SarcasmFic: Southern Slayer (1/1) NC-17

[Phoen Dusk <Dusk@xxxxxxxxx>]

If you ask me what brought this on, I will honestly answer I had no clue.
Disclaimer will follow the fic as it is meant to be a surprise at first. It's
short. It's so inane it doesn't even get the 's' (think about it).

Summary: Don?t ask. This hit me at 0400 hours on a morning I had to go to
the dentist and insisted on being written before I could fall asleep.
Warning/Rating: You remember ?Torn Apart?? NC-17? We?re gonna go PAST
that. If you just finished eating, don?t read this.
Distribution: If you need Fic that badly, just let me know first.

Southern Slayer

/\/\/\/\/\

Buffy awoke to find herself lying face down on a vast white plain. She was
unsure how she had arrived here after falling into the gate opened by Dawn?s
blood. For that matter, she was unsure where ?here? was. Placing her hands
against the ground, she quickly gained her feet. Gazing to her left, she saw
thousands upon thousands of acres of abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Turning to
her right, Buffy expected to see more of the same, which did not fail to
disappoint her. Then she noticed it.
A tiny speck out of the corner of her eye. It was, for all intents and
purposes, directly behind her when she stood up. Resigning herself to the fact
that it meant SOMETHING was out here, Elizabeth Anne Summers began to walk
towards the speck. After five minutes, she started to jog. After another five
minutes, the speck having grown no larger, she said two words to no one in
particular.
?Fuck it.?
Then she started sprinting.

/\/\/\/\/\

Thirty-five minutes into her run, the speck was finally getting larger. She
could also see it had a definite color. Orange. Ten minutes later, she could
tell it was actually moving around a bit, though it appeared to be trying to run
away from her. Drawing on the abilities granted the Chosen One, Buffy kicked up
her speed another notch, catching up to the small object three minutes later.
?Stop!?
?Mhhnm, mhn!?
Buffy couldn?t believe what she had just heard. She was so in shock she lost
track of her footing and tripped over her own ankle. Ever seen an antelope try
to outrun a cheetah and catch a tree root or a gopher hole? The way it crashes
into the ground, bouncing off its chest, rolling over its own head, and, if
lucky, tumbling sideways and/or end over end for about twenty yards? Buffy
wished she were that graceful.
Looking up from the disheveled heap she had become, the Slayer took stock of
three things. First, her left foot was dangling in front of her face, even
though her left leg was behind her back. Second, she was laying on her left
leg, looking at the vast whiteness around her upside-down. Third, the little
boy in the orange parka was one foul mouthed motherfucker.
?Mhh nhn nmm mh mhh??
?No, I?m not. What?s your name??
?Mhhhn.?
?Kenny, huh? Nice to meet you.? Re-evaluating her position on the ground,
Buffy decided to try and extract herself from the contortionist pose before
offering to shake hands. ?I?m Buffy.?
?Mhnm? Mh mh mh mh! Mhn mn mnhn hnm nh??
?What?s wrong with Buffy? And where are we??
?Hnm nmm nhnmh mnhm mnmn hm.?
?Why do you call this place ?The Waiting Room?? And what was it you called
me earlier??
?Mnh nm mhn mn??
?That?s it, the BFM.?
?Mnmh hmnh hmhnhm hmnhhn hmhnmh hhmhmh hnhnhmhn. Nmnh hnmhnm nmhh hn hmhnh
mnh hmhn.?
?You think this is a dream? And what?s the deal with the ?Big Fucking
Monster? anyway?? Buffy wasn?t sure why Kenny said he always woke up screaming,
but the kid could make Spike blush with the way he cursed. She was about to ask
him something else when he started to run to her right. Looking to her left,
she saw a large dark cloud begin to drift towards where they had been standing.
Most of it followed Kenny, whom she could still hear screaming. She didn?t know
what Cartman was or why Kenny thought it was going to fuck him, but she
discovered she had problems of her own.
>From the darkness, maybe fifteen feet from where she stood, five figures
emerged.
They were all the same height.
They were all shaped the same.
They were all Snyders.

They were all naked.

They were all leering at Buffy, while holding their cocks in their right
hand.


Their throbbing, foot-long, green, gangrenous, diseased, maggot-ridden,
worm-swollen cocks.

Buffy was horrified. She was disgusted. She considered a hundred options to
deal with these monstrosities. She chose wisely.

She ran like Hell.
As one, the pack of Snyders charged after her. No matter how fast she ran,
they kept gaining on her. She noticed something unusual about the plain a few
feet in front of her, but couldn?t quite figure out what it was. Eight seconds
later, she learned it was a wall by running into it full-speed. The momentary
stun was enough for the five Snyders to grab hold of her. Two of them grabbed
her arms, each also placing a foot on her ankle. They pulled her into a
kneeling position, while the other three shredded her clothes into little more
than confetti.
Her garments in tatters, one of the Snyders slid underneath her, positioning
himself at her pussy. Another walked behind her, rubbing his disgusting mockery
of a dick against her tightly clenched asshole. The third grabbed the back of
her neck, pushing her face towards his disgusting appendage. She kept her mouth
tightly closed, refusing to let him in as he rubbed the cold, nauseating meat
against her lips.
She forced her mouth to stay shut as the same vomit-inducing phallus entered
her dry, tight snatch. It began roughly pistoning in and out, forcing tears
from her eyes, yet she refused to scream. She was holding her own until the
second one entered her virginal ass.
Her scream lasted half a second as her mouth was filled with the third cock.
The taste reminded her of raw sewage. In summer. At noon. The taste would
have been enough to make her want to lose whatever food might be in her stomach,
but there was more. The maggots had decided her teeth looked like breeding
grounds. Various lesions on the foul phallus were spurting blood and urine into
her mouth. The worms decided to jump ahead and start climbing down her trachea
and into her lungs. But still, it was worse.
Her body was betraying her. The raw, guttural part of her brain was enjoying
the rough, primal sex. She felt herself building towards an orgasm. She also
felt the three cocks inside begin to stiffen as well. Crying freely, she
decided to give up and just go with. As her orgasm was about to hit, she found
enough room to let out an earth-shattering scream.

/\/\/\/\/\

Buffy sat up in bed, the sheet falling to her waist as she unleashed a
blood-curdling scream.
?What?! What happened??
The Slayer turned to her right to see Faith lying in the bed. A concerned
Faith. A naked Faith with a tattoo that read ?Buffy?s? over her right breast.
The hand she felt on the left part of her back made her nearly jump out of bed.
?Honey? You okay??
Laying on her other side was an equally naked Willow, with the same tattoo in
the same place. Below it, worked into another design, was a tattoo which used
to read ?Tara?s.? Buffy leaned down to collapse into the open arms of the
redhead, when she suddenly felt the same welcoming hands stop her.
?Whoa. BAD morning breath. What did you eat last night, Buffy??
The events overwhelming her, Buffy did the only thing she hadn?t tried yet.
She passed out.

This SarcasmFic has been a Phoen Dusk presentation of a:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer / South Park Crossover

Disclaimer: I don?t own any characters from either show, because my name is
not Joss Whedon, Matt Stone, or Trey Parker. I?m poor, in debt, and unemployed
(at the time this was written). I have to pay someone to take my computer at
this point; it?s that old.

Epilogue

Buffy still wasn?t sure how to take everyone?s reaction to her being back
from the dead. Faith and Willow acted like it was no big deal, though even they
couldn?t explain how she had ended up in bed between the two of them. Her mom
was still gone, but somehow Buffy had returned. As she began her nightly patrol
in Sunnydale?s largest cemetery, she noticed a section she previously avoided
for an unknown reason. As she came to the first headstone, she paled slightly
at the name there.
?Buffy Summers.?
The inscription was equally disturbing.
?She died.
A lot.
She?ll probably do it again.?
Looking at the grave marker behind the one she stood at, she noticed her name
on that one as well. Then another. Then another. By the time she had
finished, she had found twenty-six graves with her name on them. The last she
had found said she had died two days prior. The earth was still fresh.
?This is fucked up.?
?You?re telling me. Can?t you just stay dead??
Buffy whipped around just in time to see Tara level a double-barreled shotgun
at her head and pull the trigger.

/\/\/\/\/\

?Hi, Kenny.?
?Mh mh mh mh mh mh!!?
?Oh fuck you, you?re dead too, you little shit! And this time, I hope two
Cartmans fuck you up the ass!?
Then she saw the dark cloud.
?Oh shit.?
She started running.