FIC: Sundowning-Hot Off the Presses 2/2

[Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx]

Sunnydale cemetary. One of many. I feel like an intruder, who 
knows, maybe I am. Buffy's grave... it's right over there. 'Bout 
twenty feet yonder. Even in this black, moonless night I can make it 
out. Smell it too. The few flowers left behind, the fresh turned 
earth. Even the clean, sterile oder of a new gravestone. Nothing's 
clean about this though. Absoulte zero. 

I smell something else though. I smell her..no not Buffy. 
Willow.
She's kneeling in front of the grave. Been there for hours, just 
kneeling. She doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything. She's just 
there, like another fresh grave. 
Only she has the option of moving. 

I'm getting impatient. I ... it's not fair of me I realise 
that. And I'm not upset in any way with what she and Buffy 
had..have..no. Had. It's not my buisness, so much so that I will not, 
even if I'm tempted, to begrudge Buffy for not telling me. Seperate 
lives she said and...damn me..I agreed. 

I..I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. Jealous? 
Outraged? Betrayed? I have no rights to these but they're there 
anyway. Curling around my guts. On the plus side..I'll really sharpen 
up these brooding skills people keep commenting on. 

And Buffy would ask me, with one eyebrow raised, light 
sarcastic humor alight in her eyes, 'This is good how?' 

Vampires..I suppose we can cry. Though I've never heard of us 
doing so. Maybe I could, though I've forgotten how, I think. 

"Do you remember.." Willow! I strain my ears to listen. I 
shouldn't. I should leave, should let her..them..have their moments. 
I'm intruding after all. Of course I don't move. 

"Do you remember about three weeks ago?" Willow asks Buffy's 
headstone. 

"I do. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget any of it, 
and..I know you won't forget it, you were there after all. I just 
never got to tell you what that moment meant to me, what I should have 
told you."

I really ought to leave.

"The last months have been so hard." She continues. Her voice 
is steady, strong, no wavering, no sounds like someone about to break 
down and cry..and in that way it strikes me as wrong. 

"Glory, Dawn, your mother. Sorry, sorry..shouldn't have 
brought that up. How is she by the way? Have you found her? Was she 
there waiting? Are you waiting for me now? Will you? I would. Yes, I 
think you will too. Wait I mean..but ...still babbling. See? I'm 
babbling. That's a good sign. I think so. You would too I bet. 
Babbling aside though..do you remember? We..we were in bed 
together..."

I _really_ ought to leave, this is getting way to personal. I 
move to do so but her next words freeze me in place.

"Just..holding each other. You were so quiet, so sad. We all 
had been. Holding each other, that's all it seemed we had left. I 
remember that night. It was...so warm in your arms. Even with 
everything outside being cold, it was still warm. Did you feel warm 
with me? I hope so. Remember? I.. I asked you to tell me a story. You 
gave me such a wierd look, I mean, me? Asking you to tell a story? But 
the words just slipped out, there was no thinking behind them I 
just..wanted to hear your voice maybe..or something. I asked you to 
tell me a story and you gave me that wierd look, it made me smile, but 
you told me a story. I remember it."

I listen, I can't help myself but my ..I burn to hear the 
story, a story Buffy told the person she loved, that was once me but 
she told me no stories. I should have asked..so now I listen to a 
story from Buffy, even if it is one person removed.

"Once upon a time, you told me," Willow says. "Once upon a 
time there was a girl. She was on a train. In her left hand she held 
Water, and in her right hand she helf Fire. Beside her, by the open 
window sat her lover. Her lover was staring out the window but there 
was nothing to see, the scenery being all black outside but her lover 
was watching it all rush past anyway. The track was long, and it just 
kept going and going though neither the girl or her lover knew exactly 
where it was going. All they knew, all the girl knew at least, was 
that they were on the train and they had to stay on it. She also knew 
her lover would ride with her, no matter where that track might lead, 
no matter what the Fire or the Water might do."

I feel a sinking sensation in my gut. You don't have to be a 
psyche major to pick up on THAT imagery. I listen as Willow continues 
Buffy's story to Buffy, that Buffy once told her.

"The girl, she had been told that Fire and Water she held, 
they were her strenghts and her burden. That they were all she had to 
fulfill her duty, something only she could do. But she was tired, the 
Girl. She was really tired and...she realised something. At that 
instant, on the train, with it's long, long track and black scenery. 
She learned. She learned that she had been lied to. And she changed 
her mind.

'I don't need Heaven' She said and took off the Water, 
throwing it out the window past the startled face of her lover. 

'And I don't need Hell.' And flung the Fire past her lovers 
face as well, out the window into the black. 

'All I need,' She said taking her lover's hand. 'Is you.' And 
she leaned in to show her lover what was really worth fighting for.

'That may be so.' Said the man in black now standing beside 
her seat, he had not been there before but she always knew he would 
be. 

'But we all have Heaven and Hell. Why should you be any 
different? Tickets please?' And he held out his hand. She saw that she 
once again held the Fire and the Water. The End."

Oh sweet bleeding Jesus!

"You remember how scared I was Buffy?" Willow continues. "I 
know you didn't mean to but you scared me awfully. You saw how much 
you scared me though and you pulled me closer and kissed away my 
fears. The story was scary but what you said afterwards, that's what 
I'll always remember and cherish. You said, 'I don't need Heaven, 
Willow, and I don't need Hell either. All I need is you.' And you 
kissed me again. 

'But what about the man in black?' I asked. 'What if he comes 
back?' And you just gave that little laugh of yours, held me tight 
and...and you whispered, 'I'll kick his butt Willow. I'll kick his 
pyschobabble butt.' Then we fell asleep. It was such a good sleep too. 
No one had ever said anything so wonderful to me before, you had never 
said anything so beautiful to me." She pauses.

"What about you Angel? Did she ever say anything so beautiful 
to you?"

Shit.

I step out of the shadows reluctently and make my way over to 
where she's still kneeling on the ground. 

"Knew I was there the entire time?" I ask.

"You didn't answer the question." She says. She stares up at 
me, there's no trace of hostility or offense at my evesdropping. Just 
an open, honest, curious face. Yet..it's not her, not the Willow I 
know. I can't put my finger on it but there's something less about the 
whole. 

"No." I say. "No, she never said anything like that too me."

"Guess I'm the lucky one." She says.

"You are."

"Yes." 

We don't say anything for a while, just look at the grave. The 
marker that tells us, reminds us with all the permanancy of stone, 
just what we're staring at and what we've lost. 

"She loved you." Willow finally says. 

"Once." I say.

"Still." She replies.

"Willow..." I begin.

"I mean it." She insists.

"I believe you, it's just that this is begining to sound like 
a really bad movie." I say and run my fingers throug my hair.

"Maybe the movies ar'nt bad." She says. "Maybe it's life 
that's really bad."

"Amen."

A few more minutes of silence.

"Spike filled in all the details?" She finally asks.

"Yes." I reply.

"I asked him too." She explains. "Just in case you were 
wondering."

"Oh." I race to think of something to add. "Didn't want to 
think I was prying." I settle for trying not to wince as I say it.

"You had been out of the loop."

"Yeah." I nod. "Though I do have some stories of my own."

"That's nice." Willow says. She pauses for a few seconds. "I 
have to go."

"No, no it's okay." I object. "I'll leave."

"It's alright." Willow says. And she smiles. Which just makes 
the warning buzz reach a higher credendo in my head. Buffy died less 
than three days ago. She shouldn't even be able to talk much less 
smile. Something is very, very wrong here. 

"It's my turn to watch over Dawn." She explains.

"Watch over Dawn?"

"She has lost her family Angel." Willow chastises me slightly 
with her tone. "So the rest of the gang are taking turns watching over 
her. Just being with her, takeing care of her. We take care of our 
own. G'night." 

She stands up, brushes some dust off her lap and turns to walk 
away. 

"Willow." I say. 

She half turns around.

"Yeah?"

"And you?" I ask. "Who's taking care of you?"

She smiles and even though it's a perfectly normal smile that 
I've seen her wearing a hundred, hundred times before, it makes the 
pigs blood from my last dinner run cold. I don't like cow anymore.

"Buffy of course. Who else?" She answers.

"Course." I say.

"I'll leave the two of you alone now. Was good seeing you 
again Angel. Stop by the house?"

"Sure thing." I say alkwardly. 

I watch Willow leave until she's out of sight and then turn 
back to the headstone. Just the two of us. Me, the vampire, her the 
Slayer. The dead Slayer as the the grave screams a reminder to me.

"Uh...hi."