Re: FIC: SUNDOWNING-SHATTER

["thoth" <thoth183@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

My dear Mad-Hamlet,

Feather Roads is costing me money. Every time you post a new ep I have to
turn on the damn air-conditioning. You and your dratted WAFFY's.

Sundowning, on the other hand, is a roller coaster ride from hell. I
actually cringe when a new post appears in my inbox, but I can't stop
reading. I need to buy stock in a tissue company. That or take lots of
lithium. You are a very dangerous person.

That's a *good* thing.

thoth
----- Original Message -----
From: <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>
To: <buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Wednesday, August 01, 2001 10:20 AM
Subject: FIC: SUNDOWNING-SHATTER


> Disclaimer: All this belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Inc.
> (This..is gonna hurt!)
>
>
>
> Drain Brameged Inc. Proudly Presents
> A MAD-HAMLET Production
>
>
> Sundowning
> Shatter
>
>
>
> That's it! I've had enough. No really, I cannot stand another
> bloody second of such high levels of human twattle and lack of brains.
>
> Two months, two long, boring, dull, patient and idiocy filled
> months! Can you believe that? And they havn't done a thing. The Scoobs
> I mean. They just sit around and, basically, let her grindherself into
> the ground. Pretending she's okay, pretending she's healing and
> pretending they're doing the right thing by 'giving her the space she
> needs'.
>
> Shyea..right.
>
> In truth they're scared of her, what she's become. Powerful.
> Very very powerful. I should be scared of her. But I should be a lot
> of things.
>
> I should be a hunter.
> I should be a killer, stalker.
> I should be able to feed where I will and be what I am.
>
> But I'm not, so if I can't be those things than I won't be
> that other thing.
>
> Namely..scared.
> Or polite.
>
> I miss Red. I really do, she was always such a hoot to be
> around. Ah..my little emotional duckling. I could just smile at her,
> or wave, maybe pass the odd comment that could be seen in so many
> diffrent contextes.
>
> She'd eep, or squeak..sometimes grab Buffy's hand. Even before
> they 'hooked up' she'd always dive behind Buffy when the ol' Spikester
> got to be too much to handle. Then again, with her ..mm..endurance
> 'Too much too handle' could be simply saying 'hi'.
>
> Oh she was such a treasure. Really. A regualar corcocopia of
> human reaction that I just loved to play with. Hhhmm..yes, in a way
> she was my favorite toy. Particuarly, strangley enough, when she
> remembered she had a backbone.
>
> When I first tried to chomp her, and discovered the bloody
> chip, she was strange. Being sympathetic, having a pleasent
> conversation with that, which seconds, before had been trying to eat
> her. She had it bad though. Actually seeking reafirment of who she was
> from ..of all things..a vampire. Course her brain caught up eventually
> and she brained me with a lamp.
>
> You just don't get entertainment like that anymore.
>
> Literally.
>
> For the last two months, I've gotten zilch, zip, nada..NOTHING
> from her. I've tried, in subtle ways, to sound her out, but a big fat
> zero has been my reward.
>
> I swear I'm begining to go through withdrawl!
>
> Which is one reason I'm out and about this fair eve. I'm going
> to find her, I'm going to find Red, find Willow..and the two of
> us..are going to have a little chit chat.
>
> It might even help her out a little. Crack that plug in
> her..whatever that's forcing herself to cut her own soul, deeper and
> deeper. Bleed the wound I will, break, bind and heal. That's
> me..a..kinder, gentler undead killing machine.
>
> Right.
>
> Nah, I'm just doing this for _FUN_.
>
> And fun it will be, if I can just find the stupid bitch.
>
>
>
> Hmphs..must be slippin' in your old age Spike. Should have
> checked here first. I mean, where else would she be really? Where else
> indeed but the grave.
>
> Yes, yes.._the_ Grave. It's the only one around here that
> matters. Unless maybe there's a grave with a handy dandy De-Chip the
> Vampire gizmo in them somewhere. That kinda grave would matter too but
> I digress.
>
> She's kneeling, again, by Buffy's grave..her tomb..ooohh
> spooky and very very sad. Where her bones lie..bones? Well..not quite
> yet. Give it about another few years and there's be bones heck yeah.
> Shush..shush shush now, we're approaching holy ground and I must be
> respectful. That's always easy for one of my breeding.
>
> "Knock knock." I say rapping my fist on the top of Buffy's
> headstone. "Anybody home?"
>
> "I heard you coming far away Spike." Red replies. She doesn't
> bother looking at me. Just keeps staring at Buffy's grave.
>
> "Smell me too I imagine." I say and take a deep drag from my
> fag and blow the smoke in her direction. She doesn't flinch. This is
> going to be so...good.
>
> "Doesn't matter." I continue speaking. "Wasn't talking to you
> anyway. I was, in fact, striking up a conversation with my favorite
> Slayer here so I'll ask you to mind your own buisness."
>
> "Buffy's dead." She says plainly.
>
> "You don't say." I snap back. "But..don't you think she's up
> there somewhere?" I sweep my arm across the sky. "Looking down upon
> all her loved ones, with them, and you, in spirit if not in actual
> body?"
>
> I grin. I would imagine it's not a pleasent one but I'm not a
> pleasent person. Thank God.
>
> "Or is it more of a nature thing." I continue. "Returning to
> the Earth from which she sprang forth. Becoming part of the greater
> whole, part of all that is now around us. Like.." and I point. "That
> flower you're at this very moment crushing to death under your left
> knee."
>
> She doesn't move. Doesn't even look at me.
>
> She merely takes a deep breath and sighs. "Buffy's dead." She
> says again.
>
> "We are in total agreement." I say back. I rest my forearms on
> the headstone and lean toward her until our faces are inches apart.
>
> "But.." I say slowly, tasting each word. "You don't really
> believe that do you?" And I lightly poke her in the forehead with a
> finger.
>
> That got her attention and she turns her eyes to mine.
>
> It..takes quite a bit to get me nervous. I think she's beyond
> 'quite a bit' and then some. Eyes are the windows to the soul..I read
> that somewhere. Or was it a movie..anyway..
>
> Eyes tell us lots. Like my eyes, when I let the demon out,
> have told many people 'I'm going to rip your heart out, eat it, and
> then catch a good show later this evening. Have a nice day.'
>
> Her eyes. They don't say anything at all. Not a thing. Not
> even a simple 'I am here.' message.
>
> I learn right now that darkness is not the opposite of light.
> It's just it's absense. Whatever is inside her, inside Willow, Red,
> right this very second. That's the absense of light!
>
> It takes a bit of doing but I don't look away.
>
> "Of course I do." She says. Still in that plain voice.
>
> "That's a new look for you." I say changing the subject. Have
> to keep her off center. If she even has a center anymore.
>
> She glances down at her apparal. The color red has been a
> pretty consistant theme with her for a while now but she's wearing
> something diffrent today. A white t-shirt, with a pair of light green
> slacks. At her waist is her ever present bag of sawdust(Yeah I've
> heard of that trick. I rather approve.)
>
> She shrugs, re-locking eyes with me. "Can't wear red forever."
>
> Back to action. "You don't belive she's dead." I say. "Buffy I
> mean."
>
> "I know what you mean." She interupts. Tsk..whatever happened
> to manners? Not that I actually believe in them, I just use em' to my
> advantage.
>
> "Excuse me Red." I hold up a hand to stop her. "But don't you
> mean to say 'I know who you mean?'"
>
> That shuts her up and I cock my head a little to the left as
> she takes a moment to gather her thougts. Such as they are.
>
> She finally nods. "Yes." She says quietly. A..tonal value
> change. Happy, happy day..er..night.
>
> "Intresting fun fact of vampires." I say, keeping my head
> cocked to the left. Just the right of tone too, light hearted,
> irrelevant with just a dabble of scorn. Natural Spike voice actually.
> "We can smell emotions."
>
> She nods again. "I know. I read it when doing reasearch. It
> was in-"
>
> "Yes, yes, yes.." I flap my hand and make a quiet snorting
> sound. "I'm sure Ye Olde Book of Boring Blither Blather Volume
> Fifteen of UmpteenGillion, is a facinating topic but one I glibly, and
> happily shove aside."
>
> "The point being," I light up another ciggie. What. It's not
> like they can kill me. "We, meaing yours truly, can smell emotions.
> Feelings. And you know what Red me luv, me darlin?"
>
> "No." She says in that monotone voice. She's back to starting
> at the grave. "What?"
>
> "I can smell it on you." I inhale and hold it..enjoy the
> warmth on the inside for a change. Let it out through my nose. "It's
> right here." I point to a spot just below her throat. "Locked up
> tight. Stuck, if you like to think of it that way. A solid block of
> feelings that cannot go back and _someone_ will not allow foward."
>
> "What is it then?" She asks.
>
> "Oh that's easy." I shrug and stand up straight. I start
> walking around her and the headstone in a small circle. Round n'round
> the mullberry bush. "Grief mostly, pain, a lot of self pity but the
> big big biggie..the..Big Bad of the whole gobstopper you got there.
> Why..that's disbelief."
>
> "So!" I say, I continue my pacing round n'round. "Not only are
> you not beliveing, you're lying about your not believing."
>
> She doesn't say anything. I pause and study her closely from
> behind. She looks the same, still..solid. Unmoving...hang on a mo'.
> What's this? Why..I do declare! It seems the toes on her left foot
> have begun to go all all a'tremble.
>
> Neat!
>
> I bend over, at the waist with my hands behind my back. I
> flick the remains of the fag off into the darkness.
>
> "What's that moon mean Red?" I ask.
>
> The so called Moon is in fact stuck somewhere between three
> quarters and a new moon. A few thin whisps of clouds are between it
> and us. I don't really care what it means, if anything. Just another
> topic change..food for the game.
>
> "You're all such a Wiccan and such." I continue to say. "Moon
> phases, moon this that, tides, etc..etc.. Growth cycles and other
> whatnot. What's the moon to you and yours now?"
>
> She raises her head slightly and looks upwards for a second
> before returning her gaze to the headstone.
>
> "It means nothing." She says. "It's not in any state to be
> useful. It's just a moon."
>
> "Ah." I say. "Thanks pet. I did wonder sometimes."
>
> I resume my pacing.
>
> "Did you know," I begin. "That my Drusilla was very much into
> the moon? She liked it quite a bit. I don't think she had any hocus
> pocus mumbo jibber jabber attached to it but she was rather fond of
> watching it wane, getting smaller and smaller with every passing
> night. She used to say, 'There's a big daddy vampire up there Spike.
> He's drinking the moon and one day I shall meet him. I'll meet the big
> vampire who drinks the moon and he'll take my hand in his, kiss my
> fingers and the two of us shall go out to tea.'. I never could
> convince it was just a big rock."
>
> I light up my third fag of the night.
>
> "So." I press on. "One night I ask her what's happening to the
> 'Big Daddy Vamp' when the moon is getting bigger. She simply said,
> 'Oh, it's such a big meal that he can't hold it in. So he spends a
> great deal of time puking it back up. I do hope I never meet him then.
> He'd positivily ruin my dress!'." I take a drag.
>
> "After that wonderful bit of mental imagry I never really
> brought it up again." I finish.
>
> Red doesn't move. I'm not sure if she even heard me.
>
> Right. Time for the big guns.
>
> I crouch down on the balls of my feet in front of her.
>
> "You don't really belive she's dead." I say again.
>
> "You might feel it here." I point to her heart. A heart that
> just a second ago sped up quite a bit. I can hear it.
>
> "You might even believe it here as well." I tap her left
> temple. "But that's just two parts of the whole ducks. Not the
> complete package."
>
> I stand back up. "Still..time flies doesn't it? How long has
> it been exactly? Since we put Buffy in the ground I mean."
>
> Red shrugs. "Around two months. I think."
>
> I pretend to be shocked. "You mean you're not sure?" I gasp.
> "You? The love of her life, that which she fought and died for above
> all else. To insure that the world would exist for you to live in and
> be...well..alive? You? Not being sure? The person that Buffy, the
> Slayer, died for so you would not be sucked into some nameless hell
> and spend eterinity as some beasite's sex toy..."
>
> I close my eyes briefly, this is very close to the line. Even
> for me.
>
> "Again?" I finish.
>
>
> She doesn't react. SHE DOESN'T REACT!!
>
> Jesus Christ, Lord in Heaven have mercy..this..this is really
> bad!
>
> No..no wait.
>
> Scatch that God, ignorne by blathering.
>
> Yes. I can smell you Red. I can hear you. I know you from the
> inside now and I have you!
>
> I can smell your sweat, it just started streaming down the
> inside of your shirt. I can hear your muscles tightening beneath your
> clothing, I can hear your heart beat faster and faster.
>
> Yes! I can smell the salt Red. Willow. Duckling. Behind your
> eyes I can smell it gathering.
>
> You're mine.
>
> Now. Now for the kill.
>
> "How long has it been again luv?" I ask. Again I crouch on the
> balls of my feet before her.
>
> "Ab.." She swallows. Better and better. "About two months."
>
> "You're never going to see her again." I say soothingly.
> "Never hear her laugh with you as you babble. Never watch a sad movie
> and comfort each other. No more meetings at the magic box either,
> rolling your eyes together as Anya embarresses dear, dear, Xander
> again and again and again."
>
> I bring my hand up slowly and rest it on her shoulder in a
> gentle fashion. This last bit requires physical contact. Angelus would
> be proud..stupid weak willed little sod that he is.
>
> "How long?" I whisper now, hunching closer. Bringing my face
> scant inches from hers. "How long has it been?"
>
> "Eight..eight weeks or so." She tries to shrug, a gesture she
> was quite good at but now fails miserbaly.
>
> "Those soft lips of her." I whisper. "Never going to kiss
> them." I'm really careful now. I trace Red's lips with the tip of a
> finger. Slow..slow..be strong..be deadly. If she detects weakness
> you're spatter Spike.
>
> "No more whispers in your ear." I whisper into her ear. "No
> more arms holding you close in the dead of the night." I move my hand
> back to her shoulder and slowly..slowly..slide it across her back.
>
> "She'll never arch into your touch." I whisper. I begin moving
> my thumb along the base of her neck. Back..and forth. Feather light I
> am. "No pleading, no gasps of pleasure. No more hot streaks moving
> down your body as she moves you higher and higher. Together, you'll
> never move together again. She'll never..." I pause. Stroke the
> fingers along the hairline. "Ever..cry out your name in ecstacy
> again."
>
> "No." She whispers.
>
> Now.
>
> I grab her face between my hands fiercly. "How _LONG_?" I
> shout. "TELL ME!!"
>
> "EIGHT WEEKS, THREE DAYS, SIX HOURS!" She shrieks back at me.
>
> "AND?" I'm holding her eyes open with my fingers, forcing her
> to look at me, not letting her run away from this. I have her head in
> my hands and I'm not going to let go and not do what has to be
> done...namely forcing her aknowledge the truth. Yes, someone gave her
> her truth once, but now I've got a new one for you and you're goint to
> eat it. The whole bloody thing!
>
> "THIRTY SEVEN MINUTES!!"
>
> I let her go.
>
> "Well." I say pulling myself to my feet. "Wouldn't be fair of
> me to expect you to know the exact second now is it?" I glance over my
> shoulder at her.
>
> "Buffy." I hear her. "Oh Buffy, Buffy..no.. no no ..no!"
>
> She's hunched over, arms crossed over her chest. Saying 'No'
> over and over again.
>
> I want a cigarrette.
>
> I think I'll have a cigarette.
>
> As I'm lighting up she stops sobbing. That was brief.
>
> She looks at the grave again, I think she's seeing it for the
> first time. Who know. Freud I ain't. Who would want to be? Seeing
> everything as penis. Disgusting.
>
> "I'll find you." Willow says.
>
> It's a quite voice. Normal whisper really. So..why does I feel
> the sudden urge to run?
>
> The temperature drops, it's ring around us. It's COLD!
>
> "I'll find you." She says again and starts to rock back and
> forth on her knees.
>
> "Red." I say.
>
> It's getting colder. I can see her breath and a light sheen of
> frost just crisped over all the local vegitation.
>
> "I'll find you!" She says even louder. "I'll find you if it's
> the last thing I do!"
>
> Her rocking has gotten faster and faster, I can't smell her
> anymore. Ozone, that's all I have around me. It's everywhere. Cold and
> Ozone. What the hell is going on?
>
> I take step backwards. "Red." I try again. "Whatever you're
> doing I suggest you stop!"
>
> Her eyes lock with mine and they are now ...Mary mother of
> God.
>
> Before there was nothing, now there is ...she has Everything
> in her eyes.
>
> "I'll find her Spike." She gasps at me. "Tell the others I'll
> _find_ Buffy!"
>
> Are those small rocks around the grave FLOATING?
>
> Running appeals to me right now. Pity I'm not going to ge the
> chance.
>
> Everything goes White. I mean White with a capital 'W' and I
> think I'm being tossed head over buttocks. (Damn you Gump!)
>
>
>
> I land hard, that's gonna smart! But..I'm alive...er..undead.
> Whatever. I'm still here.
> I clamber to my feet and take in my surrounding.
>
> I look around. Nothing seems any diffrent. Buffy's grave is
> right there. Grass looks fine, no scorch marks, nothing. Red's gone
> though. No sign. No body or ashes, nothing again.
>
> Hang on a second. The..flower. The flower she was sitting on.
> All the grass she was sitting on. They're..straight. Like...hmmm..like
> she was never there.
>
> Wierd.
>
> Oh well.
>
> I straighten my duster, brush off a few pices of dirt. Not the
> reaction I was expecting but it was still fun. Maybe I fixed her too.
> We'll see.
>
> Right now I fancy a game of pool.
>
> As I walk away from her grave I feel a tune coming on and just
> this once I give into it.
>
> "Happy trailssss...to you...until we meeeeet again."
>
>
> Authors Notes: One to go. Trust me.
>
>
>
>
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>
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>
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