Re: FIC: I Understand

["Alan Rogers" <masterofwords@xxxxxxxxxx>]

I agree completely...my comments were more generalized based on what I have 
read overall -- it was somethings I saw in his latest part of 'Straight 
Through the Heart' that inspired most of my comments.

~alan, the mad dragon


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I think you've made some very good points about the imagery detail in
Dan's work, lan. However, in this one piece (and this is just my very
humble opinion), it seems rather appropriate to me. This piece is
about Buffy, about her reactions to the variety of things occurring in
her world... I think that, at least during this introspective
presented by Dan, she is seeing as little of the events around her as
we are; they are not her focus at all, and she notices them as an
afterthought. That's just my take on it, though, and just for an
introspective piece such as this. Any other thoughts on the matter,
people?

Nathan Campbell
NathanCampbell@xxxxxxxxxxxx

When sun sprays the earth
with straight-falling flames,
a cricket rubs his wings,
scraping up thin sweet song.
-Sappho


Alan Rogers wrote:






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Dan,

I am loving 'Straight Through the Heart' -- excellent work on character and 
on voice there.  You can hear what's going on in your head as if SMG and AH 
were there talking in Willow's bedroom.

Powerful emotional appeal with some really strong internal monologue  -- I'm 
waiting eagerly to see what you do with Cordy and Faith.  I can't say I'm a 
fan of the pairing, but I can say that I think you will make it a worthwhile 
read.

As for "I Understand" I think this just might be your best perspective work 
that I've read to date.  A wonderful internalalization of that scene from 
the series, excellent work fitting in dialogue and events from the episodes 
yourself.  The reaction to Dawn's sandwich especially drives home the 
intimatacy of the POV you're using.

However, I think both fics still suffer from a lack of detail.  The imagery 
and the scenery come off as a very flat and very vague.  It's hard for us to 
'see' what's going on in your scenes even though the reader can 'hear' 
what's going on.

Great work!

~alan, the mad dragon

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