Snippet

[Carol.Clarke@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Joss is god. 
Cheryl his is a Goddess.

This is a snippet, 

How can I be so hurt? It was nothing. A simple kiss. Just a kiss. A simple
kiss like you give your mother when you leave the house or your aunt Rita at
Christmas. It wasn't even a romantic kiss or anything, just a kiss. And yet
I came closer to killing Tara McClay than she will ever know. She kissed
her. My Willow. She kissed my Willow goodnight. Who am I kidding I never
kiss my mother like that. 


She told me. I knew of course. I had seen. Had smelled. Being a slayer is
about smelling things you so don't want to smell. And yet when she told me I
went into shock. She thinks I had some kind of homophobic reaction to her
words, her actions. No it was suddenly just too real for me to deal with. At
that instant it was just too real. My Willow was dating a girl. And that
girl wasn't me. Tara is dead.


I didn't kill her, I wanted to but I didn't. Instead, I had to kill half of
the undead in Sunnydale but not her. No if I killed her, Willow would be
sad. I have seen Willow sad, not pretty. Beside it kills me when Willow is
sad. The last time Willow was sad I slept with Parker. I know that doesn't
seem like there is a connection there but there is. I loved Willow, but
Willow was straight. Parker was willing. So I slept with Parker. I don't
even want to understand why I sleep with Riley. Now him I might really kill.
I wish.


Riley has left and while on the surface I am broken up about it, inside I am
jumping with joy. And I don't want to kill Tara anymore, I have accepted
her. It's a start. Now if I can just accept myself. We talked today; Tara
and I. If I can ever kill Glory I am going to tell Willow the truth. What is
the truth? I have been gay since high school. That I was in love with her.
Am in love with her. I need to tell her. Tara agreed with me. I see why
Willow loves her. So now if I can just kill Glory, I will tell Willow. 



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