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Re: FIC: Valentines Day

To: <buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: Re: FIC: Valentines Day
From: "thoth" <thoth183@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 01:15:24 -0400
References: <20010917061716.19983.qmail@web13308.mail.yahoo.com>

Short, sweet, and to the point. Nice way of taking care of the Willow/Tara
problem. I liked the banter between Buffy and Dawn; very sisterish.
One small quibble. In the following:

>Snapping back to reality at the sound of the redhead's voice, Buffy finally
managed to choke out a sentence. "God, Wills, you look so beautiful," she
barely managed in a shaky voice.

try losing 'she barely managed in a shaky voice'. The previous sentence
already describes Buffy's voice, and the two 'managed' jumps out at the
reader.
Very nice story, especially for a first timer.

thoth

References:
- FIC: Valentines Day
  - From: Aaron Yates

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