Snippet: Thoughts and Illusions

[montevallo64@xxxxxxxxxxx]

Hey!

DISCLAIMERS: I do not own, UPN does. (At least i think it;s upn right 
now.) 

On with the fic!!!


It's dark.
Okay, not the most descriptive term, but I just died so give me a 
chance.

My name is, well was, Buffy Summers, and I died saving my friends. 
I'm sure the gang will argue that I did it out of duty, but I didn't. 
It was out of selfishness that I jumped into that vortex thing.

I can't see anything. It's very disconcerting. [Look my vocabulary is 
getting bigger already.] It's like some kind of void, vast 
nothingness. No light, no noise, no nothing. Being the slayer I knew 
I was going to die soon, hell it was a given when the first slayer 
said death was my gift, and it made me wonder. Would I go to hell 
like all the demons that I killed?

Would I go to heaven?

Is there really a heaven?

Now I know. I don't deserve heaven if there is one. My being is now 
this pit. I guess being the slayer saved and cursed me. No hell, but 
now no anyting.

I think that is what's starting to get to me. The nothingness. No 
voices, no people, no friends. [I'd die (opps been there, done that) 
to talk to even that troll Snider] Maybe this is my own version of 
hell? Hey, anything's possible, and my dying for Willow's safety is 
selfish.

I died for her, Willow. Not the world, or my sister. Only for Willow.

I can't believe I actually admitted it. After all this time I finally 
say it.

I wanted to tell Dawn so she could tell Willow. But I couldn't do 
that to either one of them though, I couldn't put that on Willow. I 
just wish I had told her more. The occasional 'I kinda love you' and 
the 'love you' when my mom died just don't cut it.

Maybe if I had said it more I would be there with her?

So manytimes I have wanted to reach out and draw her to me. Protect 
her from all the pain, the cruelty, but I didn't. The only thing I 
could do to show her my love was protect her, and I died doing that.

I'm smiling now. I saved her, and if I know Willow, she knows I died 
for her. For all my wishing that we could love each other and be 
together, I think she loved me too. My Willow knows I love her.

I'm just gald I finally got to show her.


Did you like it? There is a little ending to it if you want it. Just 
let me know.
-Angel