Fic: Fluffy White Carpet (part 3/?)

[weryvcb@xxxxxxxxx]

In an attempt to ward of boredom, I sat down at my computer and 
typed for a while until I had to leave and do non-Buffy things. These 
are the results of my madness. 


Prepare yourselves people, it's Part 3


The light that streamed down from between the closed blinds 
alerted the half conscious girl that the night had passed, and that 
it was indeed a dreadful new day to face all the consequences of the 
night before. Her head screamed in anger at its' sour treatment, and 
her mouth seemed dry and distasteful. She rolled over, and a moan 
escaped her lips. Her head was breaking, she must have broken it. 
Sitting up seemed an impossibility.

Some part of her wanted to be buried in the pain, rather than have 
to relive the awful moments when she had walked in on Oz. It seemed 
like everything that she had spent the year affirming to herself had 
vanished. Oz had told her that she was beautiful and special in a 
time when she felt ignored. God, it was so great to mean something in 
a world where one was constantly cloaked in animosity, where no one 
really cared. Some days she would wake up feeling what was the point 
of it all, when she could just vanish and nobody would care. 

And then somebody had came along, and had taken the time to 
instill a sense of worthiness, a sense that she was actually somebody 
that deserved to be treated well and was somebody that did make a 
difference. Obviously it couldn't have meant that much. He probably 
said it to everybody. There she was thinking that she was something. 
Obviously it wasn't true, or why did Oz cheat on her? Was she not 
good enough?

Buffy had heard the moan-the walls were thin and she had good 
hearing so it had sounded clear-and she had gotten up and retrieved a 
glass of water and two Tylenol, and now stood hesitating by the door. 
Knock, knock, and without waiting for a response she entered and sat 
down on the bed, looking at the human wreck before her. "Here," she 
said, "Drink and swallow, and you'll feel better." 

And so the actions took their course, and before Willow knew it lips 
were covering hers, and she was buried into the covers, feeling the 
weight on top of her as she was pushed under and covered with a 
blanket. Warm hands took hers and?.

Breaking out of the fantasy, she meagerly drank and swallowed as 
instructed. Buffy could probably tell her to dive out of the window 
headfirst and she wouldn't argue. So she had feelings for her best 
friend. I mean, it wasn't like anything in her life was normal, so 
this slight obscuration to the regular rules of conduct in normal 
society got skewered, and didn't seem to hold any weight at all. 

All right, so a part of her felt slightly guilty, knowing that 
she was in some ways violating trusts. She bet that Buffy wouldn't 
even mind. Well, she wouldn't reciprocate in any sense of the word, 
but hey, Xander liked her, Willow could like her as well. Hell, maybe 
she should just tell him and they could start a little club of some 
sort. They could build little shrines and stuff. Oh god, the 
strangeness of it all.

Looking over, she was met by a sympathetic gaze and decided that 
since she was miserable she could bend the rules slightly. Pulling 
Buffy down into the bed, she wordlessly wrapped her arm around the 
blonde girl and buried her head into her shoulder, comforted by the 
simple act.

"Oh no, what do I do, she's lying on me, " Buffy thought as the 
unexpected action took place. Ok, heart beating check, ignore the 
speeding up part, she's touching me and I haven't passed out. I'd say 
I'm doing pretty well. Wow, her hair is so soft nestled against my 
neck, and it smells really good, and that's nice. In a purely 
platonic way. Anyone is allowed to enjoy the smell of a nice shampoo, 
there is completely nothing sexual about it. At all, case closed.
"Buffy, why would he cheat on me," the voice came, muffled by the 
white nightshirt, which was incidentally patterned in little pink 
hearts. 
"Because he's an idiot," Buffy said.  
"But he was my idiot."
That hurt, Buffy thought. I sooo want to be her idiot. 
"I'll be your idiot," Buffy said before she could stop herself from 
actually saying what she thought.

Silence. It was one of those moments that seemed to stretch on, 
because both parties were steadfastly ignoring any of the 
implications of the words, and that seemed to require their full 
attention.
"Wait, I didn't mean it like that, I don't want to date you or do 
anything like that," Buffy said, backpedaling.

Willow didn't really feel anything at all. Completely numb. It was 
a stupid conversation, and it didn't mean anything, because she 
already knew that Buffy was straight, so the flat out `I don't want 
you' didn't have an effect. So it was to her surprise that a tear 
escaped her eyes. Completely coincidental, she thought.
"And that's my problem."

Wha-. Hu? Umm, Buffy thought. Hmm. I missed something, because 
that was what I wanted to hear, and therefore I shouldn't be hearing 
it. 

Willow continued: "You see, Oz actually wanted to be with me, and 
now, who's there? I just want to know that somebody actually likes 
me, is that too much to ask? Why can't somebody have a pointless 
little crush on me. Just one person, I'm not picky. Then I can go 
around and whenever something bad happens, I can say, well, despite 
my shortcomings, so and so likes me. I lost that."
"You know what, ignore me, I'm babbling. I'm off my rocker today, 
it's one of those times its best not to take what I say to seriously. 
In fact, I wholeheartedly advise not to listen," Willow said, and 
buried her head farther into Buffy's shoulder, trying to get closer.

"I like you," Buffy said in a soft voice.
"You don't count," Willow said.
Now she was just plain angry. Like, seeing red red angry. Blood 
gushing to her face angry.
"Wait, I'm not good enough or something. Just because I'm a girl, you 
can't take my feelings seriously. Well, you suck! You wanted somebody 
with a crush, you have one. Oh, maybe you forgot to mention that it 
has to be Mr. Poster Boy that likes you, somebody that you like back. 
I guess it can't be somebody like me, some girl that you don't even 
care about. You know what, why can't I count? I'm a legit person, a 
pulse and and everything."

Why, oh why did I have to open my mouth and let that come out. 
Couldn't I have just like counted to ten or something? Please world, 
open up and just suck me right in, Buffy thought. Leave her here, or 
it'll detract from the overall quest of wanting to be a million miles 
away from this point at this specific time. This is her time to mourn 
and stuff, I shouldn't bring my own problems into this. And I've just 
outed myself. Oh no, this is bad.

Umm, did Buffy say that or have I gone crazy. The room is spinning 
and I can't breathe. I'm asleep. But I'm awake. This is a spell of 
some sort. Sitting up hurriedly, Willow stared at Buffy, and in a 
quavering voice, asked, "you like me?" wishing that Buffy would give 
the right answer. 

Startled at herself, she couldn't bare to see Willow, not with the 
other girls eyes staring at her. Okay, so maybe Willow hadn't known 
that she had a crush on her. This was getting very bad very fast. She 
turned over and buried her head into the pillow
"I'm sorry, please forgive me, I'm so sorry, I'll leave, I'm so??"


The End


Just kidding, it's TBC