Fwd: Thoughts and Illusions pt.2

[montevallo64@xxxxxxxxxxx]

Here it is! Sorry it took so long, but I had to work out her's and 
another person's POV.


DISCLAIMERS: They are not mine :( This is just my version of what 
should of happened.

NOTES: Girl loves girl, who she thinks loves another girl, who is 
really in love with the first girl. Still with me?? If so and you 
don't like the idea of... girls liking girls (the horror) then adios!

[ ] indicates thoughts, " " indicates speaking



Pt. 2 Willow's POV



They've stumbled into another awkward silence again, a common 
occurence with us now, and it's only been a week. Xander is trying 
to get Anya to be quiet, and Tara is... How can they stand trying to 
act as if nothing has happened? I see that night constantly. All 
the events burned into my mind forever. Each and every second I 
blame myself for what has happened. 

I was the big gun, she said it herself, and I let her down. I was so 
worried about getting Tara back that I broke my promise to her.


'It's a good fight and I want in.'


I was supposed to be her back up.

But I went and saved Tara instead, letting...
***********************************


Tara's waiting.

I've come to resent her. Eventhough I know it's not her fault, I 
blame her. Why did I have to get involved with her?! Why did I have 
to meet her when I did? If we hadn't I would be with Buffy right now. 
Oh goddess! I haven't said her name since... She can't be dead! Not 
really. She-she didn't die like she was supposed to, it's not fair!

"Willow? Sweetie are you okay?"

She stops shaking me when I tell her I am fine. She believes me when 
I say it. I tell her she should go and get Dawn from school, and she 
goes. Obiedent as always. She's a great person, she's just not the 
person I am in love with.
***********************************



We're living with Dawn in Buffy's house. We sleep right next to...

I can't stand living here! It's not enough that I am always thinking 
about her death, but now I have to live in her house?! I can't do 
this! Eberyhting here reminds me of Buffy! There's a knock, and Tara 
enters, saying we have to pick up Dawnie from school. I make up an 
excuse and she leaves. 
I begin my research.
************************************



I found it! The spell to bring Buffy back! She can come home now, and 
everything will be all right, and we can be together, and stopping 
now to breathe.
************************************



I told Xander and Anya about the spell, and they have agreed to help 
me with finding supplies. How am I going to break up with Tara? I 
mean, yes we are good, but we aren't great. This isn't just because 
Buffy is coming back, I would still break up with Tara. Buffy really 
isn't a factor in this really. Although Buffy and I have always 
great. It's always been Buffy. I saw her, the beautiful new student/ 
slayer (but I didn't know that yet), and was instantly captivated. 
Shocking? Yes, I fell in love with someone the moment I met them, but 
now I love all of her. Who wouldn't??

I was just tired of waiting. She was my everything, then came along 
Tara who offered me everything. I didn't realize that Buffy loved me 
also. So I ended up with Tara. When I told Buffy about my confusion 
over who to choose, Oz or Tara, I saw the pain. It filled her eyes, 
it replaced something that I had always seen , but never really saw, 
in Buffy's eyes.

Love.

I almost fell over when I realized it. Here was my dream, my living 
fantasy, and I was telling her I was inlove with another girl. She 
left and I cried, all night for the love I had so stupidly pass me 
by. Buffy turned to Riley, and I went to Tara, determined to do 
something right.
************************************



I walk into our room and there is Tara trasnslating the spell to 
bring Buffy back. I shout to her to stop, and she stares at me. In 
her surprise I grab the book, holding my key to happiness as close as 
possible. I tell her I am sorry, that I over reacted. She starts 
trying to talk to me, trying to get me to open up, but I can't. I cut 
her off, telling her what if I had been Dawn?
************************************


It's almost time. They got the urn, and I got the living sacrifice. 
At this point I am to keyed up to eat. Tara's actually forcing me to 
sit down, and practically feeding me. They don't know that the spell 
is dark magic, I know they wouldn't let me do it if they knew. 
That's why I kept it from Tara for so long. She tried to convince me 
to forget about it, but I convinced her that we needed Buffy. 
Reassured her that it was safe, no dangers at all. 

But there are. I don't care though, we have to get Buffy. I need her.
************************************


It didn't work. The urn is destroyed. Goddess how could this happen? 
I-I did everything, and now it is all for nothing! Buffy isn't 
coming back! Xander carries me away from the demons, but at this 
point I am wishing that he would just leave me for them. He's 
yelling at me, but I don't care. I tell him not now, but he insists, 
so I tell him. As he reels from the shock, I die, my hope crush, my 
reason gone. 
************************************



I can't stand it, not anymore. No more Xander. No more Anya. No more 
Tara! This is over after we get Dawn. It's the only thing left for me 
to do. We'll get Dawn, and it will be over. I won't let Buffy down, 
not again.


The next part is??? guess who

that's right Tara.

hop you enjoyed
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