Sorry about the coding

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hi gang :) Sorry about the coding problems with my two fics, I honestly have 
no idea what the problem is. I'm gonna send one of them again, jsut to see 
if the same thing happens.

Will you please let me know if you get the same thing again. I sent it to 
myself first and I didn't have any problems.



Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: ‘A vague disclaimer is nobody’s friend’. Ok so maybe I 
borrowed a line from Willow there :: insert sheepish grin here::. You guys 
know the drill, I own absolutely nothing here, it all belongs to Joss Whedon, 
Mutant Enemy, and whoever else that I can’t seem to remember at themoment.
Rating: Pg-13. What can I say, I’m a slash virgin. I can’t even begin to 
try and write smut. But give me time, you never know. ::wild evil laughter::
Pairing: Willow/Buffy, Buffy/Willow, Hacker/Slayer, I think you get the 
point.
Summary: Picks up right where ‘Afterlife’ left off. 
Spoilers: Well pretty much anything is fair game up through ‘Afterlife’.
Feedback: I love feedback, it makes me actually feel like I accomplished 
something other than just wasting my time on a fic.
Distribution: Sure, take it, just please drop me a line and let me know where 
it’s going.
Author’s Note: Ok, well this is my first foray into the Buffy universe fic 
wise. I’ve written 2 Roswell fics and a couple of Popular slash fics, but 
never anywhere near Buffy. So please excuse me if I seem like a bit of a 
novice. I just decided to take a chance and write about my favorite Buffy 
couple, UC or otherwise. There was just so much subtext in the season 6 
premiere, how could I not?
Warning: If a female/female romantic relationship bothers you, you’ll 
definitely want to stay far away from this fic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts are in < >

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Buffy gently closed the door to the back entrance of the Magic Box, breathing 
in the warm afternoon air as a soft breeze sweeped around her. Seeing her 
friends again, just being with them, had felt wonderful, but the weight of 
the past 24 hours was bearing down heavily on her. She saw Spike sitting on 
a crate in the alley smoking a cigerette. She stepped hesitantly toward him, 
for some strange reason feeling like she didn’t have to hide the truth from 
the wayward vampire. And for the same strange reason she knew he would keep 
quiet about what she was going to share with him.

~~~~~~

"They can never know the truth" Buffy tossed back over her shoulder to Spike 
as she walked away. There was no way that Buffy would ever let her friends 
find out where he soul had actually been. The look in their eyes alone was 
enough to make her live with the burden of the truth. <Who am I kidding, it 
wasn’t their faces, its was hers. Only hers> When Buffy had looked into 
Willow’s eyes, the trust, the hope, the love and the pain, she saw had sealed 
the deal for her. She would not hurt Willow with the truth, and nothing 
could make her do otherwise.

Buffy thought back to before her……………. Her passing. A involuntary shudder 
coursed through her body at the mere thought of her death. But she continued 
letting her mind drift as she aimlessly roamed the streets of Sunnydale, her 
own private hell. She thought back to the moment when she knew she was in 
love. It had hit her like a speeding truck, surprising her in every possible 
way. Yet with some part of her soul she knew it had been a long time in 
coming. She smiled as a vision of her love danced through her head. Gentle 
porcelain features, emerald green eyes that you could get lost in and never 
want to be found, and a mane of silky red hair. She continued to smile, her 
first real smile in months, the vision of her best friend continuing to 
permeate her mind. <Best friend seems like a huge understatement. More like 
the all consuming love of my life, the light to my dark, the yin to my yang.  
My soul mate?> Buffy’s grin grew even wider at that thought, but it quickly 
faded as another image flashed into her mind. Tara. Or more precisely, 
Willow and Tara together. That image had been the very same thing that had 
caused Buffy to reevaluate her feeling for her best friend. She continued to 
let her thoughts drift back to that night last May, the night that had 
changed everything for her.

She remembered when she got the call from Giles. He had told her to get to 
the hospital right away, that Willow needed her. Immediately her thoughts 
flew to one terrifying thing, Willow was hurt. As the surge of fear started 
to wash over her she managed to catch Giles’ parting words;

"It’s Tara"

The relief that she had felt with those two simple words was overpowering.  
As she was leaving Spike’s crypt, after having dropped off Dawn, the guilt 
set in. Guilt mixed with a strange sense of confusion, and a almost 
overwhelming jealousy. She had put the latter out of her mind as she rushed 
to the hospital, Willow needed her, that was the important thing. But as she 
drove through the small town, in the back of her mind she knew something was 
changing.

When she arrived at the hospital she immediately to Tara’s room, the need to 
be with Willow almost overpowering. She quietly slipped in, her eyes 
immediately coming to rest on the beautiful redhead. The look Willow’s eyes 
carried was enough to break Buffy’s heart. So Buffy did the only thing she 
could, she grasped the distraught Wiccan in a tight embrace. She released 
her reluctantly and then grabbed Tara in a quick hug, the girl not seeming to 
notice the petite Slayer wrapped around her. Buffy again looked at Willow, 
her heart seeming to break into a million pieces for the second time that 
night. She gently cupped her cheek and grasped her hand, trying to be as 
supportive as she could be for her heart broken best friend.

It was later on that night that her blinders had been completely stripped 
away. After she had talked Willow out of exacting revenge on Glory she went 
back to Spike’s crypt to retrieve her little sister. She listened to Spike 
go on and on about how he thought Willow wouldn’t listen to her andgo after 
Glory anyway, that was when the anvil had dropped. The sheer panic she felt 
at the thought that Willow might go up against Glory alone was enough to 
scare Buffy senseless. She had bolted out of Spike’s lair and headed 
straight for Glory’s penthouse, praying to any God that would listen that 
Willow was alright. Ash she stormed into the apartment a mind gripping fear 
passed over her. Glory had Willow pinned to the wall in a choke hold, about 
to plunge a dagger into her chest. In lightening fast quickness that Buffy  
was unaware she possessed she grabbed Glory’s arm just as she was about to 
pierce forward.

In the moments following her brief battle with the hell god, as Willow clung 
to her, she knew. No more confusion, no more questioning, just truth. She 
loved Willow. She was hopelessly, head over feet in love with her best 
friend. And her best friend was in love with someone else.

The more Buffy thought back she realized that loving Willow was not 
something new to her. Sure, the realization had just come, like someone 
turned on a light switch and she could finally see what had always been 
there. The longer she looked inside herself the more the truth of her 
feelings seemed so glaringly obvious. Buffy had thought back to all the 
seemingly platonic moments in their five year relationship. No, knowing the 
truth, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen in before. Theway Willow and 
her had instantly connected that first day at Sunnydale High. How Willow was 
so willing to be her friend, despite knowing the dark truth behind being the 
Slayer. The way Angelus had known to go after Willow after he had turned.  
He knew how much it would destroy if anything should happen to her redheaded 
companion. The deep and despairing pain and fear she felt when Willow was in 
a coma. Why she had felt a strange sense of jealousy when she had found out 
about Willow and Xander’s fling in the factory’s basement. The deep sense 
of failure as she and Willow were almost burned at the stake by their 
parents. Buffy looked at everything in a new light. But one thing, one 
moment kept sticking out in her mind, and she knew it was the moment she had 
fallen in love with her best friend. It had been a life or death situation, 
which was nothing new for the Scoobs, but something had made it so much worse 
for Buffy this time. The mayor had Willow. Faith and her demon boss were 
going to kill her redheaded Wiccan if Buffy didn’t turn over the Box Of 
Gavrok She knew it could all be over, that the world would be saved, if she 
just destroyed the box as Wesley insisted. But there was no questions, no 
doubt that she would trade for Willow. Not an ounce of hesitation, she would 
trade the world for Willow. Because Willow was her world. The Ascension, 
stopping the mayor, would mean nothing if Willow were gone. Even after the 
trade had been made Buffy still had felt nervous. When Willow had told her 
she was staying in Sunnydale ‘to fight the good fight’ Buffy was ecstatic, 
even though she half heartedly tried to convince her to go. At the time the 
‘I kind of love you’ had seemed purely platonic, but now Buffy knew better.  
She continued on her trip down memory, comforted by the images of her wily 
redhead.

Unbeknownst to Buffy, Willow hadn’t completely believed her story. There had 
been something in her eyes that told Willow there was something Buffy was 
holding back. Willow had spent enough time just taking Buffy in, her 
movements, her mannerisms, to know when something was off. Ever since the 
first time they had met she had been captivated by the gorgeous blonde, 
attracted to her. So when her evil doppelganger had made her sexual 
preferences obvious Willow hadn’t been all that surprised. Sure she had 
acted like she was, just so no one, especially Buffy, would make the 
connection. Of course Angel opening up his undead trout mouth hadn’t helped 
any. The feelings she was having for her best friend, the lustful dreams, 
the wanton glances she cast her way, hiding it had been the safest possible 
situation for all of them. Loving your best friend, who just happened to be 
the same sex as you, was hard enough. But loving your best friend who was in 
love with someone else was heart wrenching. Willow hadn’t any doubt that 
Buffy would never return her feelings and while she knew their friendship was 
strong enough to survive the truth, it would forever be different. So liking 
things enough as they were, and to afraid to lose the connection she and 
Buffy shared, she kept quiet. Buffy had Angel and she had Oz, it was the way 
things had to be.

Later, after Tara had come into her life, she finally felt comfortable 
telling Buffy the truth. Or at least part of the truth. Telling her best 
friend she was involved with another woman was just as much being truthful as 
it was a way for Willow to feel Buffy out. If she freaked about her being 
bisexual she was sure to flip if Willow ever shared her true feelings for her 
petite Slayer. When she first told her she thought her roommate was spooked 
, but the more Buffy was around her and Tara together she seemed more and 
more accepting. Willow could have sworn she had seen small sparks of 
jealousy in Buffy’s soulful eyes, but she convinced herself it was just 
wishful thinking.

Slowly, as she became more and more involved with Tara her thoughts of Buffy 
were less and less overwhelming. She would always love her, but she knew 
their relationship would never progress further than where it was. And for 
the first time that had been ok, because she had Tara. Tara wasn’tBuffy, 
she never could be, but Willow loved her, event though she knew she’d never 
love anyone the way she loved her Slayer.

When the portal had closed after the fight with Glory, Willow knew that Buffy 
was gone. She could feel the emptiness in her soul, like a piece of her had 
died with Buffy. In the moments even before she saw Buffy’s body she had 
been filled with an overwhelming sadness, a deep unrelenting pain had coursed 
through her body and pierced straight into her heart. As she had stumbled up 
to her best friend’s limp body the pain and despair had multiplied itself in 
uncountable measures. She could see in Tara’s eyes that she knew the truth,  
that she would always be second best to Buffy in Willow’s heart. But Tara 
had stood by her in the resulting aftermath of Buffy’s death, and for that 
Willow would be eternally grateful. Tara had been amazing, standing by her 
without question. Through the many, many nights Willow sobbed herself to 
sleep, tightly gripping a picture of her and Buffy. And through her 
unrelenting search to find a way to bring her best friend back, Tara had been 
there.

Now, after everything was said and done with and Buffy was back, Willow still 
felt something nagging at her. She had never felt as relieved or as happy 
as when Buffy had held her in her strong arms, for the first time since her 
passing. Yet she still knew something was not right. Willow decided to find 
out what was up with her friend, she always did hate to let things fester.  
She made up a quick excuse and then rushed out of the magic shop in search of 
her friend.

Buffy was still lost in her memories when Willow jogged up next to her.

"Buffy, wait up!"

Buffy spun around and came face to face with her love. A small smile played 
at her lips, but soon disappeared when she noticed the serious look Willow 
cast her way. "What’s up Will?"

"Buffy, I know you’re keeping something from me. What aren’t you telling 
us?" Willow wore her infamous resolve face, telling Buffy she was determined 
to know the truth, the whole truth. Buffy was not about to tell her what the 
real problem was, so she decided to dodge.

"Nothing’s wrong Willow, I’m not keeping any secrets" <Sureyou’re not Buff, 
if that’s not a lie> She hoped Willow was buying it, but one glance at her 
glare told her otherwise.

"Buff, do you really think you can fool me? I’m your best friend, I know you 
better than anyone, at least I used to.….." Willow trailed off, letting her 
unasked question hang like a thick cloud over them. Buffy hated the look on 
her friend’s face, it reminded her of the shy hacker Willow once was, who 
had thought that no one cared about her or liked her.

"Willow, please just let it go. I’m back no, that’s all that matters"

"Buffy, for someone who was just pulled out of hell you certainly don’t seem 
happy. I know something’s wrong, don’t lie to me!" Buffy couldn’t meet 
Willow’s penetrating gaze. She looked up, her eyes pleading with Willow.

"Please, for everyone’s sake, just let it go!"

"Buffy, you’ve always been able to tell me anything. What could possibly be 
that bad that……….." Willow slowly trailed off, realization clouding her 
emerald eyes. It was like someone had hit her over the head with a 
sledgehammer. Her ears were ringing, her eyes were blurry, her knees felt 
weak and she felt like her heart was clawing its way out of her chest. She 
backed away from Buffy as the truth, the horrible, awful truth washed over 
her in drowning waves.

Buffy watched as Willow stumbled back away from her and she that her hacker 
had figured out the truth. Buffy moved to try and comfort the distraught 
girl, but Willow backed away from her touch. Buffy took one look in her eyes 
and was paralyzed by the amount of she saw radiating from them. Willow 
caught Buffy’s gaze, daring her to try and lie her way out of it.

"You weren’t in hell were you?"

"Will, I…."

"I didn’t pull you out of some hell dimension, did I!?" Buffy casther eyes 
downward, knowing that admitting it herself was going to destroy her friend.

"No" she whispered, barely audible. But Willow had heard her and she knew 
now why Buffy wasn’t happy being home.

"I pulled you from the afterlife, you were in heaven, weren’t you? I ripped 
you away from eternal peace, didn’t I?" Willow didn’t needto hear Buffy’s 
answer, she already knew.

"I’m not sure it was heaven, but yeah, I was at peace" Buffy choked on every 
single word, knowing each one was killing another piece of Willow’ssoul.

"Oh goddess! Oh goddess what have I done? What have I done?!" She dropped 
to her knees and sobbed, shaking violently as each wave of despair washed 
over her. Buffy leaned down and gently scooped Willow up in her arms, 
rubbing her back and kissing her head, desperately trying to calm her quaking 
friend.

"Shhhhh, Willow, come on, it’s ok. Please stop crying"

"Oh god Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…….." she 
cried even harder, wrapping her arms tightly around Buffy’s neck and burying 
her face in the Slayer’s neck. "I just missed you so much Buffy. I thought 
you were trapped in hell. I couldn’t leave you there, suffering eternal 
damnation. I love you too much, I’d sell my soul before I’d let that happen"

"I know Willow, I know. I’m not mad at you. Pleas stop crying, I hate to 
see you cry" Buffy’s heart was breaking a little more with each sob that 
escaped Willow’s lips. Buffy felt Willow move and now found herself gazing 
into watery, sparkling eyes. She reached up and wiped away a tear that was 
running down her gorgeous redhead’s face. Willow leaned into her touch and 
placed her own hand atop Buffy’s.

"I love you Buffy"

:I know Wills, I love you too. I missed you"

"Buffy, I don’t think you know what I mean," Willow stopped to see if Buffy 
did indeed know what she meant. A confused expression was crossing her 
elegant features, so Willow knew she’d have to elaborate. "Buffy, when you 
were….when you died, I felt like a part of me had died with you. Ifelt like 
just giving up, like walking out and just letting any random meanie make me 
their next meal" Willow stopped when she saw the blinding panic course it’s 
way over Buffy’s face. "But I knew you wouldn’t want me todo that. I knew 
you would want me to go on without you. But the idea of never being able to 
hug you again, to walk down the street and hold your hand, it tore me apart.  
And worst of all was that I never got to tell you I love you and have you 
really understand what I really meant" Willow started weeping again, trying 
desperately to summon the courage to tell Buffy the truth. Buffy reached up 
and wiped the offending tears away, urging her to continue.

"Wills, you can tell me anything, it won’t change anything"

"That’s the problem Buffy! I’m hopelessly in love with you. I have been 
for so long, and no matter what I say it won’t change anything, because you 
don’t feel the same way!"

Buffy was stunned, utterly and completely shocked. She had spent so much 
time and effort hiding the feelings that she knew now had always been 
reciprocated. Willow loved her, loved her unconditionally, and she had 
wasted so much time trying to stop the inevitable. She made up her mind 
right then and there. She had been allowed back to the realm of the living 
for a reason, she was convinced that Willow was that reason. Today was going 
to be the start pf a new life, a life she and Willow would share together.  
Buffy brought Willow’s face up to meet her own, gently cupping moist cheeks 
with delicate fingers. She brought their lips together in a slow, sensual 
kiss. The connection she felt was instantaneous. A jolt of energy flowed 
over her, coursing through every pore in her body. She pulled away 
reluctantly, the need for oxygen becoming too big an issue to ignore any 
longer. She looked into Willow’s confused eyes and smiled gently.

"And I thought you were the brains in this partnership? When I said I loved 
you I meant that I understand, because I feel the exact same way you do. I 
love you Wills. My beautiful Willow" that earned her a watery smile from 
her companion. "Any place that has you in it is heaven to me Will"

"Oh Buffy, oh goddess, I love you so much, please don’t ever leave me again!" 
Willow flung herself into the Slayer’s strong arms once again.

"Never" Buffy returned the embrace, holding on just as tightly. She brought 
Willow and herself into a standing position and took her hand. "One problem, 
what about Tara?" Buffy saw the guilty look cross Willow’s face before she 
could hide it.

"I don’t know Buffy. I don’t want to hurt Tara. But I want to be with you 
more than anything. I hate to break her heart, but I have to, I can’t deny 
my feelings for you, I need to be with you so much it hurts" Buffy took her 
hand and guided her down the street, back towards the magic shop/

"Don’t worry Wills, we’ll find a way to tell her, we’ll do it together"

Willow smiled up at Buffy, her green eyes shining with a brilliant glow that 
had been lost the day Buffy died.

"Together" she chorused, wrapping an arm around Buffy’s waist. Shesighed 
contentedly as Buffy slung her own arm around her shoulders, pulling her 
closer as they walked. She decided that the old saying was definitely true.

The truth really does set you free.



The End- Dare I ask what you thought?

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