Re: [Ref: Feedback from Mad Hamlet]

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Greetings,

*Thank you for your feedback????????
Oh it was, feedback does not neccistate being complimentary.

*Sorry about the above but I couldn't resist.
Humor is good.

You made quiet a few points about 'Guardians'.

*1, The spelling of the title if you read the actual title, not the 
*posting header, you will see that it is spelt correctly the header 
*was just a typo.
Point, it was just a Mystery Theatre 3000 moment and I couldn't resist.

*2, No I freely admit I did not use a beta.
A situation I again encourage you to rectify.

*3, As for the over use of '?' most of that would have been because of 
the spell/grammar checker.
I recommend you go out, purchase a single barrel shotgun and shoot that
grammar checker in the head. 

*4, Riley is in the story for a good reason? He came, He saw, He'll be 
back.
Then signifigantly adding to the descriptions, and the temperments, of the
characters would really add to the tension level of that unresolved issue.

*5, My relaying the erotic possibilities of the three girls. I total 
deny this if that is the impression I apologise. But the bond is 
supposed to be sexual in nature.

It was not, in all fairness, not the only impressions. However based on the
fact that quality of writing, during erotic moments, was somewhat higher than
the bulk of the fic..with more dialiouge, descriptions and slower progress of
story..well.. See my point?

6, 'Talking heads'. Ok I assume you are only talking about 'how' 
which in some cases could have been explained better? The who (ok I 
did write it) should be fairly easy to follow.

Okay, you understand my point then. 'Talking Head' could have been explained
better. It's easy for you the writer to know 'Who' because it's your story,
and generally speaking it's not hard for a reader to follow either; but there
is still the off chance of a little slip up, a mix, a touch of confusion, and
the reader has to backtrack. This is a situation you want to avoid at all
costs. 
The 'Who' of Talking Heads is half, as you said 'How' is the other half and
using your skills to say 'How' also really adds depth to a story.

*7, It was proof-read by me, I decide for good or bad to leave most 
of '?' in the story.
Then you really need to reconsider that application of punctuation. Ninety
Nine percent of those Question Marks were in error and did incredible damage
to your prose.



*I write my stories for me and me alone, but decided to let others see 
*them in the last few months so don't worry your comments will not 
*stop me writing.

Everybody says this, and everybodies, more or less, correct. But the key
phrase is that paragraph 'Let Others See Them'. Once something like that
happens you have a responsibility. Not to others, no, but to yourself. 
And I never wanted you to stop writing. I want you to get better.
So I shall repeat myself.(Something I really ought to cut down on.)

I do not want to see more parts to your story.
I want to see the first part given a thorugh rewrite, a good grammer check,
additional descriptions and dramatics, and then reposted. After that THEN I'd
like to see more parts of the story.

As I said in another rant..elsewhere on the web...
Yeah, fanfiction is for fun, but don't you want to be good?

I remain, as always
Mad-Hamlet



Do not cross a storyteller.
A storyteller is, perhaps, the most powerful thing in all of creation.
At their beck and call they have the powers of What Might be, What Could Be,
What Should Be and What Will Be.
All anyone else has is What Is. 
All the pontential versus mere reality. 


-Mad-Hamlet