FF: Thoughts of History

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TITLE: Thoughts Of History
AUTHOR: Arimis Adkinson a.k.a Reality Bender 
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I
don't own anything.
SUMMARY: Part four of the Thoughts Series. Buffy's search for balance
leads to secrets of the past
SPOILERS: Slight Helpless but none really.
DISTRIBUTION: If you want it take it just let me know where it's at.
Feedback: If like it let me know, If you hate it let me know I need the
help. Just please read and review.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you to all those who sent feedback about my
previous fics you know who you are. 



( Buffy's P.O.V )


As soon as I got out of SunnyDale I could feel something pulling at
me. Calling to out to the slayer and vampire in me. I could feel it and
instinctively found myself going towards it as fast as my new abilities
would allow. When I was a little girl I used to wish to fly like I can
now. It's better than I ever dreamed the freedom is amazing. I speed
over people towns homes being drawn it to the desert. It's dark by the
time I reach my destination at a cave in the side of a mountain.

I can feel the energy coming out of this place it's dark, cold and
foreboding but light, warm and welcoming at the same time. It's a
paradox like i am now. If there are any answers for me as to what I am
now this only place they exists. I can see perfectly in the darkness of
the cave. There is a light at the end of tunnel. I increase my pace and
enter the light. I step into a large room. The brilliance of the torches
reflects of the gold walls giving the room the brightness of day. I can
understand now why this place called to m as it did.

The room was the perfect balance of light and dark. Carvings of
angels on one side of the room were matched winged demons on the other.
A picture of peaceful celebration opposite the scene from a extremely
bloody battle. A walked towards the center of this round room I felt at
home here. In the center of the room was a large yin yang symbol. In
the center of the symbol lay the bones of two figures locked in a death
embrace. The swords wielded by each thrust through where their hearts
used to be. It takes me a moment to realize I am standing in the
presence of the remains of my past. A battle between one of the first
slayers and vampires. I can feel the power rolling off them, it's
overwhelming but strangely familiar. 

As I reach out to touch them they turn to dust. Their swords started
to float and spin. The slayer's sword was a blade of gleaming white
metal meeting at spread silver angels wing for the guard atop a ten inch
jewelled dragon headed ivory hilt. The vampire's was the slightly larger
black bladed version of the slayers with bat-like wings in gold and
skull headed ebony hilt. The weapons spun and closer and collided in
shower of sparks and light. When the light faded there was only one
sword was present. It was the perfect combination of the blades. The
blade was now a reflective grey, one of each of the wings had bent down
fused together to form a guard for the wielders hands. The skull and
dragon were replaced by the yin yang symbol. It floated to a stop in
front of me.

As I reached out my hand to take the sword it fly into my grasp. The
second to I closed my hand around the hilt the past opened and dumped
itself in to my mind. I saw and felt the first slayer savagely rip apart
a cadre of vampires with her bare hands. I experienced her death at the
hands of a master vampire from both perspective. I lived and died as
those slayers who came before me. I lived and died as vamps they killed
and were killed by. I gained their knowledge and powers. I stood witness
as the Watchers Council forcibly entered the slayers lives. I watched as
they judiciously bound our powers keeping some reducing others
eliminating what felt unnecessary until we were something they could
control. I watched as they poisoned slayers they thought were
uncontrollable and sent them off to fight battles that would get them
killed in their weakened condition. Felt the betrayal they did when they
realized what the person they had come trust had done to them. I saw
through eyes of the vampires as they won and lost at he hand of the
weakened slayers. I revelled in the lives that I saved as slayers and
triumphed at those I took as the vampires.

I finally understood what I was capable of as the memories stopped.
The great amount of good and the vast amount of evil that I could do. I
wondered if Giles would do the same to me if the council ordered it. I
realized I would have to face the council my self. The slayer and the
vampire in me wanted vengeance and blood for their transgressions. I
could only find one reason to deny them. I had the knowledge and power
but not the control I would need to do it.

I spent the better part of two days sorting through the knowledge and
memories I had in my head and was no closer to controlling the powers I
now had. Searching the room only turned up a deep crimson hooded cloak
and scabbard with belt and shoulder strap. I realized that the rest of
my answers were else where. After storing my new weapon and wrapping
myself in the cloak I took one last look around at where learned the
past and left. 

As I took to the night sky a soft rumbling sounded as the cavern
opening closes as if it never existed. I had the past at my finger tips.
All I need now is the present under control and my future with Willow is
mine for the taking.