REPOST FIC: The Longest Night Parts 1-2/4

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hi gang, well I finished the conclusion of my little Christmas fic, so I 
thought I'd repost the whole thing :)

Anyway, happy holidays,a nd please let me know what you think :)

~~~~~~~

Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: I of course own nothing here. It all belongs to that evil naughty 
mastermind Joss and company. Also the basic theme idea credit should go to 
Charles Dickens for writing ‘A Christmas Carol’ 
Rating: PG-13 for a tiny brief mention of sex
Warning: If the idea of two consenting adult woman in a romantic relationship 
doesn’t sit well with you, well then you better avert your eyes from this fic.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow. Well at least eventually, it might take me a little 
while to get there.
Spoilers: Anything is kinda open fare here, but a part particularly pertains 
to ‘Lie To Me’. Also stuff that happened in ‘The Gift’ is kinda prevalent 
in parts of the fic.
Distribution: Sure be my guest and take it. But please drop me a note and 
let me know where I can find it.
Feedback: What can I say, I really enjoy it when someone responds to my 
writing. Doesn’t matter if it’s praise or criticism, anything is 
appreciated.
Summary: Well I’m attempting to spin ‘A Christmas Carol’ into a Buffy/Willow 
fic. Buffy is haunted by the ghosts of Christmas’ past, present and future. 
Told basically from Buffy’s POV
Author’s Note: Well I wanted to try and write a holiday fic and brighten up 
my spirits since Buffy has been so dark this season. And I’m having a bit of 
trouble writing post mortem Buffy, so please bear with me. Anyway, I’m not 
even explaining myself very well so I might as well just get on with the fic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I used to love Christmas as a kid, running down the stairs on Christmas 
morning and tearing through all the presents under the tree. Life is easy 
when you’re a child, everything is seen through eyes still untouched by the 
harshness of the real world. A child has an innocence about them that is 
lost to the jaded adult world. I crave for that innocence now, I’ve wished 
so many times in the last 6 years to just be a kid again. To see everything 
through that un-jaded un-cynical way that only a child can. But I can’t, I 
lost my innocence at a much younger age than most people. And I can’t help 
but be resentful of that. And I also can’t help but feel a bit guilty for 
ripping that away from my friends. Because the minute they stepped into my 
world, my dark despairing world, I knew it was only a matter of time before 
that innocence was lost. But one thing, one person has always made me 
question my theory that all adults are jaded and cynical.

Willow. She has always amazed me. 6 years ago she chose to walk the dark 
path with me, just like Xander. She always remained the same cheery, happy 
go lucky, every cloud has a silver lining, girl that I met at the water 
fountain that first day at Sunnydale High. In all the years I’ve known her 
she’s always been the soul of the Scoobies, she’s always helped us to see 
the positive in everything. Maybe that’s why I clung so tightly toour 
friendship all these years. She’s the light to my dark. And I know without 
a doubt that if she had not been by my side through all the battles I’ve 
faced that the darkness would have consumed me long ago.  

Dracula said that my Slayer powers were rooted in darkness, and even thoughI 
denied it out loud, internally I knew that he was right. Because I can feel 
the power in me all the time. I can feel the conflict of light and dark 
screaming through my blood. And it scared me to know that I could go either 
way in the war I had been fighting. Willow has kept me grounded though, she 
made the choice so easy for me. All I had to do was look at her smile, the 
twinkle in her gorgeous emerald eyes and I wouldn’t even question myself 
anymore. I thanked God all the time for Willow being the person she is, 
despite having a vampire slayer for a best friend. Knowing me didn’t rip 
away her innocence like I was so sure it would, like it subtly did to Xander.

But I knew it would only be a matter of time before something so terrible 
happened that Will would have that sweet, gentle childlike quality that I 
loved about her, stolen away. I was scared to see that day, scared for her, 
but even more scared for myself. Because I was so afraid I’d lose my best 
friend. Finally that day did come, and I was right, I did lose her, I can 
feel that now. She had that innocence stripped away and I’m the one 
responsible.

Since I’ve been back in the land of the living the gang has come tome one by 
one and told me about what happened after I leapt off that tower. Dawn was 
the first to approach me about it. Leave it to my kid sister to be the first 
one to talk to me about my death. She always was quite the blunt little 
thing. I was a little bit surprised though that thing she talked most about 
was Willow. In fact all of them, one by one, came to me about Willow and 
what happened after my little header into the great beyond.  

Dawn told me how Willow had rushed over to my body a few moments after it 
fell and tried to perform CPR on me. How Giles and Tara tried to pull her 
away from me, insisting there was nothing she could do, I was gone. Dawn 
told me that Willow practically growled at Tara when she tried to comfort the 
distraught redhead. Apparently Willow sat there for almost an hour pumping 
my chest and trying to make my empty lungs breathe. Finally she ended up 
passing out from exhaustion and Spike carried her home. When Dawn had 
related what happened in the hours after I died I had been filled with a 
tremendous feeling of guilt. Because in that moment I knew I had been the 
one that had stripped Willow’s innocence away. I took her best friend away 
from her, she had to watch me die. I try not to believe that it’s my ego 
talking when I think like that, because I know that if I hadn’t been the 
Slayer, and I had to watch Willow perish, it would have done the exact same 
thing to me.

A few days after Dawn and I had out little chat, Xander came to me with a 
story of his own. Again I was surprised when he seemed to focus on Willow.

After they had laid me to rest everyone went back to Giles apartment to try 
and settle down. Everyone except Willow, she stayed behind at my gravesite.  
Xander told me how he tried to convince her to come back to Giles’ but she 
would hear nothing of it. In fact he said that it was like she wasn’t even 
aware of his presence, she just kept staring at the headstone, tracing the 
letters of my name with the tips of her fingers. He had finally left her 
alone when Tara insisted she could take care of herself, that she just needed 
time to say goodbye to me. But when she didn’t come back by dark he had gone 
back to get her. Xander found her curled up against the marker, gently 
sobbing as she shallowly slept. He had scooped her up and carried her back 
to Giles house and tucked her into his bed. He told me the whole way home 
she kept murmuring my name and saying she was so sorry. I remember Xander 
looked near tears as he told me how devastated our best friend had been.

I was most surprised though when almost two weeks later Tara came to me. Out 
of all of us I had known her the least amount of time, and even though I 
really liked the girl, I was a little shocked when she wanted to tell me her 
own tale. I wasn’t surprised however when she told me it was aboutWillow.  
It was becoming a theme and I hated it, because I’ve always been loathe to 
cause Will any pain. And the stories they were relating to me were just 
downright awful to for me to listen to. But Tara’s story didn’t make me  
sad, it filled me with so much pride and love that for a moment I forgot 
how miserable I’ve been seen returning to the moral world. Tara actually 
seemed rather proud herself as she told me how Willow had taken charge of 
everything after my passing. She put aside her grief a few weeks after the 
final battle with Glory and stepped into my leadership role. She fixed the 
’Me’ Bot so Sunnydale wouldn’t be left completely unprotected. That was my 
Will, always thinking of other people before herself. I was glad to know 
that my death hadn’t changed her completely. Tara also told me howinsistent 
Willow had been that they move into my house to take care of Dawn. Willow 
had kept saying that she needed to make sure that Dawn would be ok, she had 
to at least do that for me, I would have wanted her to take care of my little 
sister. She knew I died to protect Dawn and Willow was determined to make 
sure it wasn’t in vain.  

What Willow didn’t know and what I didn’t exactly offer up to Tara, was that 
I didn’t just die for Dawn, I did it for all of them. If I wouldn’t have 
jumped into that portal we all would have been killed. And I wasn’t about to 
watch all my friends die when there was something I could do to stop it. If 
I would have let Dawn jump it would have destroyed me. I know I would have 
given up and turned to the dark side and, for once, Willow would have been 
powerless to stop it. And I knew I would have dragged them all down with me.

As I sit here with a cup of cocoa in my hand, watching the lights flicker on 
the Christmas tree, thinking of the stories my friends have told me about 
Willow, I feel more despair than I thought possible. I’ve been in such a 
dark place since I’ve been back. And I think the only way I knew how to deal 
with that was to turn to Spike. To turn to something equally as dark as I’ve 
become. But once was enough to open up my eyes and see that Spike’s not the 
answer. I was so lost in my own pity and pain that I didn’t even realize 
what was happening to Willow. And I know that if something worse had 
happened to Dawn because of it I would have lost both of them forever. The 
haunted look in Will’s eyes scared me more than almost anything. Because I 
know that look, I’ve had that look. And the person who always chased it away 
was now wearing it.

Since that night almost a month ago she’s been trying so hard to prove 
herself to me, to Dawn, to everyone. I haven’t seen her use magic since then 
and I can’t help but be a little proud of her. But I still can’t figure out 
how to help her. How am I supposed to chase away the darkness when I’m a 
part of it?

Dawn and Willow are getting along much better now, so I’m at least thankful 
for that. In fact it was Dawn’s idea to get the tree this year, she thought 
it would cheer Will and me up. But as beautiful as it is, all it does is 
make me sad. It makes me think of the Christmas that Angel almost killed 
himself. And of last year when we spent the better part of the holiday 
season in and out of hospitals with Mom. Although the thought of my tiny 
Jewish Santa does ease the despair for a moment. But it is quickly replaced 
by the thought that this will be the first Christmas without Mom. And hereI 
thought it didn’t get any worse! I’m completely trapped bythis dark 
despair, it’s engulfing me like a thick heavy fog. And I don’t have any 
idea how to get out. And as loathe as I am to admit it, I’m not sure I want 
to.

Suddenly, just as that last thought crosses my mind, the metaphorical fog 
that I had just been thinking about rolls into my living room, followed bya 
ghostly white apparition. I see the tattered jeans and the iron chains 
hanging off the bony limbs. Slowly I draw my eyes up to its face, beginning 
to wonder if I had somehow been whisked into a Charles Dickens novel. I 
didn’t need to wonder anymore though when I saw who the ghost was.

“Ford?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2

I blink a few times trying to grasp my mind around what’s happeningbefore me 
in my living room. As the Slayer I’ve seen so many strange and unusual 
things in my time, I didn’t think anything could surprise me anymore. I 
guess I was wrong. Here Ford is, dead Ford, standing in my living room 
looking like he just stepped into the role of Jacob Marley. Wait a second, 
no way, uh-uh, no way! There is no way this happening, this is way too 
strange, even for me!

“Hey Buffy” Ford smiles a bit and waves a bony hand in my direction.

“Ok, this isn’t happening. I’m imagining things, or I’m dreaming. It’s a 
freaking novel for God’s sake!” I think I must be turning an alarming shade 
of red, because it suddenly feels very warm in here despite the chill that 
the mist around Ford carries.

“So I see you’ve already figured it out then. That a girl Buffy, you always 
were quick on the uptake,” He slowly moves closer to me, his chains rattling 
with each step. He walks past me and sits down in the chair that I had just 
shot out of moments before, then motions for me to take a seat on the sofa.  
“I know things have been difficult for you these past few months. And I 
also know you feel lost and consumed by despair. The powers that be are 
worried that their Chosen One has given up, and that is simply unacceptable 
to them. There are great things in store for you Buffy, but if you continue 
in the path you’re traveling now you’ll never fully realizethe potential.  
So this is their way of trying to help you with your problem.”

“Wait a minute Ford, first of all, why did they send you?” I actually asked 
the question just to keep my mind from zoning out. I kind of already knew 
the answer, after all, Mickey’s Christmas Carol always was my favorite 
holiday cartoon.

“I wear these chains and tattered clothes as a way to repent for the sins I 
committed while on the mortal plane. Apparently this is my second chance to 
make right what I did to you while I was alive,” A guilty expression crossed 
his ashen features, and for the first time since the incident with Ford, I 
actually thought he felt bad about what he had done.

“Ok, I get that, but what exactly is going to happen? How are theygoing to 
help me?” Ok, I pretty much knew the answer to that one too.

“Oh, come on Buffy, you know exactly what’s going on. But if I must explain 
it to you than so be it. Tonight you will be taken on a journey throughout 
time. You will be show glimpses, images, of Christmas’ past, present and 
future. Your guides,” he stopped at the dubious expression I knew was 
crossing my face.

“Guides? You mean ghosts don’t you?” My voice wasas sarcastic as I ever 
remember it being. But Ford just cast me an easy smile and continued.

“No, they aren’t exactly ghosts Buffy. Your guides will have familiar faces 
to make the journey less unsettling. If you must, think of them more as a 
guiding spirit, easing you through the images that you will be shown. This 
journey is to show you what once was, what is now, and what still could be, 
if you don’t change the way you have been living these last few months. A 
word of warning Buffy, the spirit guide of Christmas yet to come will not 
wear the face of someone you trust. Christmas’ yet to be are the most 
unsettling of them all. Prepare yourself , you may not like what you see”  
With that last cryptic word he stood up and moved to leave, chains trailing 
behind him and noisily rattling across the floor. “Expect the first spirit 
guide at 1 o’clock . That shouldn’t be a problem, I know you’re such a 
night owl” He chuckled a bit at his bad sense of humor and then moved to 
leave again.

“Wait a sec, you’ve got to be kidding me! This is real life, not some 
Charles Dickens novel. A Christmas Carol was a story for God’s sake!” Even 
though I knew what was happening, and somehow I could believe what was 
happening, I still wanted to know how it was happening. Ford turned back 
around and cast me a disbelieving look.

“Buffy, fairytale creatures have come to life and you’ve fought them on more 
than one occasion. Why is it so hard to believe that a story from a novel 
could be real? Besides, who said Charles Dickens wrote fiction anyway?” And 
with that he was gone. I think I must have stood there for a good minute 
with my jaw hanging wide open before I realized I was alone again. I quickly 
ran back and curled up into the chair I had spent the better part of the 
night in and wrapped the green blanket I had been using tightly around me. I 
loved this blanket, it was Willow’s, and it always smelled like thesweet 
scented vanilla perfume that she wore. I grasped my mug of hot chocolate 
again and took a long sip before settling into the chair and waiting for the 
clock to strike one. 

~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t fall asleep, so when the digital clock clicked over to 1ammy eyes 
were boring a hole straight through it. Just as Ford promised, as soon as 
the clock clicked over a warm breeze flowed into the room. As I was scanning 
the living room for my first ‘guide’ I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I 
spun around in the chair and stared up at the face the spirit guide wore.

“Angel?”

“Not really little one, I just wear his face. The powers thought no one 
better to guide you through the visions of your past than someone who was a 
significant part of it. But remember child, I am not him, I only resemble 
his features. Now my dear, are you ready to begin your journey?” He smiled 
gently down at me as he offered his hand out.

“I guess so. Where exactly are we going?” I was curious to what the powers 
that be had in store. I took his offered hand as he started to lead me out 
of the living room. If I had any doubts that this man wasn’t Angelthey were 
gone the second I put my palm in his. His grasp was startlingly warm.

“Not very far child, you’ll see, come along,” he ushered me out the front 
door and when I stepped onto the porch I was suddenly standing in my old home 
in Los Angeles. The spirit pulled me farther into the house until we came 
upon the living room. There in the far corner stood the most magnificent 
Christmas tree I had ever seen. It was covered in tinsel and silver balls, 
the lights sparkling from it creating an almost halo around the entire room. 

My eyes shifted to below the tree where a young girl, not more than 5, sat  
wading through the presents. A little blonde girl that looked suspiciously 
like me.

“Mom come on, you always let me open at least one present on Christmas Eve!” 
A little blonde girl that didn’t just look like me, but sounded exactly like 
me. I followed the girl’s gaze and felt my breath hitch when I caught sight 
of who she was pleading to.

“Mom?” I hadn’t seen her in so long, the tears immediately welled up in my 
eyes.

“Yes, little one, your mother. Do you remember this?” Hisvoice was so 
gentle with me as I tried to wrap my mind around the memory playing itself 
out before us.

“Yeah, I do. It was when I was four, that was the year Dad got stuck in 
Colorado on business. He got snowed in on Christmas Eve and didn’tmake it 
home until the day after Christmas” I still felt a pang of resentment at my 
father for even going away on a business trip that close to Christmas, even 
if it wasn’t his fault he got snowed in. “It was actually kind of nice just 
Mom and me though.” I turned my attention back to the scene in front of me  
when I heard my mother’s gentle voice.

“Buffy, don’t you want to wait for your father? I’m sure he’ll be home any 
minute now”

“Do we have to? Can’t I open just one now?” Huh, I never realized how whiny 
I was at that age. Mom really did have her hands full.

“Come on Buffy, I’ll read you a story until your Dad gets home, how’s 
that?” Mom was trying her darndest to compromise with me.

“Ok, but only if it’s ‘A Night Before Christmas’” The younger me finally 
relented and climbed up onto Mom’s lap as she grabbed a book from beside the 
chair.

“Of course Buffy, I know it’s your favorite” I watched as Mom started 
relating the story of St. Nick and the prancing and pawing of each little 
hoof. I felt the tears course down my cheeks as I watched the memory that I 
had cherished all these years relived before my very eyes. I didn’t want to 
ever leave this place, it felt safe, I felt safe, for the first time in 
months.

“Come along child, there is something else you must see. And my time here is 
quickly coming to a close” The spirit gently guided me back out through the 
foyer and out the front door. As he ushered me away my eyes never left the 
scene that had just played out in front of me. Before I realized what was 
happening though I was standing back on the front porch of my house, my house 
in Sunnydale.  

“I thought you had something else to show me, why are we back at myhouse?”  
Just as the question escaped my mouth I heard a loud burst of laughter erupt 
from inside. Curious as to which Christmas I had stepped into this time, I 
slowly turned the knob of the front door and moved inside. The foyer was 
covered in garland, reaching up along the staircase and hanging from the 
eves. I followed the sound of laughter into the living room. As soon as I 
caught sight of the tree in the middle of the room and the people 
surrounding it I knew instantly where I had been taken. “I remember this, it 
was right before you………..I mean right before Angel turned. It was the first 
Christmas the gang and I spent together. It’s one of the best Christmas’ I 
can remember” I sighed thinking back to that night four years ago.

“Yes, that is why you were brought here. Pay close attention to what you see 
child, everything that is being shown to you is for a reason.” Theguide 
ushered me further into the living room and into a corner on the far side of 
the tree. I glanced around, my eyes coming to rest on a small Menorah I had 
set up on the coffee table. Willow was coming to the Christmas Eve party for 
me, even though it went against her religious beliefs. The least I figuredI 
could do was to try and make her feel more comfortable.

As I watch my past self laugh with my friends my memories come flooding back 
to me like a tidal wave. Especially the memories of Willow. When I had 
asked her over for dinner on Christmas Eve she had cast me a curious look, 
’You do know I’m Jewish, right? I mean I thought you did, but now that I 
think about it, maybe I never really mentioned it’. She had launched into 
full babble mode until I had grasped her arm and told her that I did know, 
but I was wondering if she would still come despite that. She hesitated for 
all of two seconds before smiling, shrugging her shoulders, and saying 
’Sure, I’d love to’. I remember I had been dumbfounded at the ease to which 
she agreed. The more I think about it now though, I really shouldn’t have 
been. Willow has always done anything I asked of her without question, 
sometimes even against her better judgment.

I’m broken out of my reverie when I see my younger self being guided over to 
the corner in which I’m presently standing. I look at Will closelyfor the 
first time since arriving in the memory. I had forgotten how adorable she 
looked with long hair, she’s been wearing it short for so long now.I used 
to love to play with it back when we were in high school, Xander not sitting 
two feet from us, as we watched some cheesy old horror movie. I look back at 
Willow and notice how nervous she seems to be and I instantly remember.

“What’s up Will?” My younger self doesn’t seem to register how nervous 
Willow is.

“Um, well Buffy, I have a little Christmas present for you”Surprisingly 
Willow hadn’t launched into babble mode. She always babbles when she’s 
nervous, I’ve always found it incredibly endearing.

“Funny you should mention that, because I have one for you too, although 
it’s more of a Hanukah present I guess” My younger self pulled a small 
package out from behind her back and presented it to Willow. At the same 
time Will pulled a present out from behind her and handed it to me. From my 
vantage point behind them I could see that her hands were slightly trembling.

“Ok , well then you first Buffy” Willow motioned for me toopen her 
present. My younger self took the package and proceeded to shred the 
wrapping paper off.

“You know you don’t have to tell me twice Will” Willow laughed softly as I 
tore the last of the paper away to reveal a small black jewelry box. I 
gently opened it to reveal two silver ankle bracelets, a identical charm 
hanging from each one. “Oh Will, they’re beautiful”

“Well actually only one of them is for you. The charm on each one is a half 
of the whole. You wear one and I wear the other” Willow started to blush as 
she continued. “It’s to signify our connection as friends,well, best 
friends”

“Willow, that is so sweet, thank you!” Younger me pulled Willow into a 
brief hug and then pulled the ankle bracelets from the box. “Come on Will, 
give me your ankle, we’ll put them on right now” Willow blushed again and 
then held out her ankle to me. After I had placed the bracelet on Willow I 
fastened the matching one to my own ankle and then stood up. “Ok Will, time 
to open yours” My younger self motioned to the package in Willow’s hand. 
Willow smiled gently and then carefully pulled the wrapping paper away from 
the box. It looked similar to the package I had given her. She slowly 
opened it to reveal two identical silver rings.

“Oh Buffy, they’re gorgeous! I can’t believe you did this” Funny, I don’t 
remember the awe in Willow’s voice the first time.

“Well the best friend thing goes two ways, you’re mine, I’m yours, that’s 
just the way it goes. And I just wanted to get you something to let you know 
how much I cherish that” Willow was misting up at my younger self’s caring 
words and I had this intense desire to just wrap her up in a big bear hug. 
“And just in case you didn’t know, one of those rings is mine” Willow 
laughed gently as she pulled one of the rings from the box. “Hey, did you 
check and make sure it’s the right one? I had them engraved so that we wear 
each other’s ring, mine should have your name on it” Willow looked 
dumbfounded.

“You went to all that trouble?”

“Of course I did Will, you’re my best friend, you’ve stood by me even after 
you found out about my big secret, you’re more than worth it.” I remember 
the words had slipped past my lips like it was the most natural thing in the 
world to me. As I watch us embrace for the second time I start to wonder why 
I’m being shown this particular memory. The spirit guide told me there was a 
reason for everything I’m seeing, but for the life of me I can’t figure out 
what it is. Why do the Powers That Be want me to remember my connection with 
Willow?

“Oh, look what we got here!” Xander’s booming voice breaks me out of my 
thoughts. And it also has broken Willow and my younger self from their 
extended hug. Xander is pointing at something above them. As my gaze 
follows the trail his finger is pointing to I blanch, remembering exactly 
what happened next. “Uh-oh, Buffy and Willow are under the mistletoe! Come 
one guys, you know what that means, don’t wanna mess with traditiondo you?”

“Xander, I’m Jewish, I don’t believe in the power of mistletoe” Willow 
looked defiantly at Xander, who still had that goofy grin plastered across 
his face.

“Yeah, but I’m not Will, and don’t you think I tempt fate enough on a 
regular basis?” Ok, I had forgotten, ok maybe not forgotten more like 
repressed, that it was me who insisted on the two of us kissing. Again I was 
perplexed as to why I was being shown this image.

“Buffy, you can’t be serious!?” Willow had turned even paler than usual.

“Will, a quick little peck to save me from some kind of evil mistletoe 
backlash is not going to kill you” And without even waiting for a reply, my 
younger self leaned in and snatched a quick kiss from Willow’s pinklips. As 
I stood captivated by the sight of my lips pressed against Willow’sI felt a 
gentle hand against my shoulder.

“It’s time to go little one, the first part of your journeyis done, and my 
time here has expired” I nodded my head mutely as he ushered me back out 
onto the porch. I felt a sudden wave of exhaustion overcome me as I closed 
my eyes. The next thing I knew I was sitting back in my chair with Willow’s 
blanket draped around me. Before I even had a chance to comprehend what was 
going on, a flash of bright light filled the living room. When my eyes 
refocused I was drawn to a figure in the center of the room. My mouth 
dropped open at the sight of my second guide, the spirit of Christmas present.

“Anya?” 


End Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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