FF: Sacrifices: Chapter One A

[aerisjade@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Title: Sacrifices 
Chapter: One/? 
Rating: NC-17 
Pairing: Angel/Buffy, Willow/Oz, Willow/Buffy 
Fandom: Buffy 
Time line: This is an alternate ending to the episode where Willow gives Angel his soul back. 
Spoilers: Only for that season in question. 
Note: This story is the result of my sick fevered imagination. 
Beta Reader: Gremlin 

Summary: What if when Willow gave Angel his soul back something went wrong? 

Disclaimer: Not mine 

<><><><><><><> 
PROLOGUE 
<><><><><><><> 

" Xander!! Pay attention." She grabbed her old friend by the shoulders, holding back the 
temptation to slap off the angry look on his face. " You have to tell Buffy to stall. Tell her 
I'm going to try again." 

" No....." 

" Xander, so help me if you don't get your butt over to the mansion, I'm going to personally 
feed you to Oz." She growled dangerously through her teeth, " Now. GO!!!!" 

She forcefully pushed him out the doors, and walked into the circle. As she closed it, she 
could feel power starting to flow through her. It was incredible, the connection to her 
surroundings, her hyper sensitive senses. 

She sat down in the center, and carefully began the process of saving her friends lover. 

<><><><><><><> 

She struggled back to her feet and leaned against the wall. It was too late to stop the 
ceremony. The only thing left to do was use his blood to close the portal. The question was 
whether it would be by his volunteering or her killing him. 

" Buffy!!!" 

She glanced over hopefully at Xander as he burst into the room. His face was caught in a 
range of rage and hate. If he was here then that meant Willow.... 

" Kill the bastard." 

She inhaled sharply. She had prayed that Willow would be able to pull a miracle out of the 
hell mouth. But when did the gods ever give them a miracle? 

Lifting the sword into her hand, she turned back to the man she loved, and started towards 
him. The bastard that wore Angel's face seemed unconcerned about her, or even about the 
blonde that was currently standing behind him. 

She smiled darkly at the vampire. It was time to end this, once and for all. 

The blonde twirled a crow bar rapidly. He lifted his cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply, 
the smoke surrounding him in a last rite. He looked over at her, nodding ever so slightly, 
slamming the crowbar into the back of his sires head. 

The figurine in Angelus hands fell to the ground, shattering into dozens of pieces, scattering 
across the room in an explosion of red light. The blinding ball of energy engulfed them in 
waves of painful light, then retracted quickly into a third dimensional sphere over her lover. 

She crossed the remaining distance between them, and launched a kick into his side, turning 
him onto his back. The vampire seemed to arch up in a silent cry of pain, as she slammed the 
sword into his chest, leaving him pinned to the floor on the embedded weapon. 

" I'm sorry...." 

His brown eyes snapped open in painful awareness, not a hint of the demon left. 
" Buff....AHHHH!!!!!..........." 

She stepped back in a haze of confusion, unable to take her eyes off Angel. His body was 
phasing in and out of mass, it was almost like..... She watched horrified as his body seemed to 
blend with a woman's. 

She could make out a red haired female's body shifting in and out of existence in rapid 
succession with the vampire. She struggled to make out the face of the woman, but the change 
was happening to fast for her to make it out. 

" Bloody hell..." 

" Oh god..." 

She ignored both men as the phasing seemed to slow down, and the vampire arched again, 
howling in unimaginable torment, leaving a female with long red hair in his place. She wanted 
to go to the girl, to see who it was, but a fear greater than any enemy she had ever faced kept 
her trapped in place. 

The female lifted her head from the widening pool of blood, and stared up at the sphere 
through lost green eyes, letting her look at the woman she'd just condemned to an eternity in 
hell. 

" ...no..." She whispered softly, backing away from the green eyes turning to look at her. 

She wanted to run, to block out the horrible death rattle in the hackers chest. To turn away 
from the scared eyes of the one person she'd sacrifice her soul for. To let the world perish 
rather than face the current future. 

" I....love....yo...." 

" Stop it!!!" Xander shouted, sprinting for the dying girl. 

The red orange flaming doorway seemed to explode in on itself, sending them flying back. 
She screamed out uselessly. Trying to battle against the waves to get to her friend. 

The light brightened, harsher, stronger, blinding her to what was going on around her, even 
as she crawled along the wood paneled floor. The roar was deafening to the point of being 
nothing but white noise with no texture to cling to. Than it stopped. 

No light, no noise. Nothing. Just their ragged breathing over the quiet neighborhood. 
Wearily, she raised her head, and looked over at the embedded sword. Blood. It covered a 
hastily shaped area about the size of her friends body, still expanding out. 

" Dear god, what happened?" 

She let her watcher help her to her feet, ignoring the question written across his face. Her 
eyes were instead focused on the vampire that entered behind Giles. He was walking towards 
the sword with an expression that made her want to scream out from the pain at seeing it. 

" HOW DARE YOU??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The dark haired teenager roared out, launching himself at 
the vampire. 

She watched as Angel simply let Xander knock him to the floor, just lying there lifeless as the 
teen punched him over and over. She wanted to stop him, to tell him to stop... anything, but 
she couldn't. 

" Stop it, stop it! Just stop it, right now!!" Giles ripped his glasses off, yanking the angry teen 
off the vampire. " This isn't helping anyone, much less Willow. Now what we need to do is 
figure out what happened, and try to reverse it." 

" It's my fault..." 

The whispered words registered in her numb mind. Bringing back the earlier adrenalin. Buffy 
didn't even remember how she got from where she stood against the wall, to the table she had 
her friend pinned to. She only knew the sudden homicidal rage that she was only holding off 
with a thread of rapidly fading self control. 

" What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do!!!" She growled softly in a distant cold voice that she dimly 
recognized as her's. 

The young man didn't seem to notice as he stared at the ceiling through streams of tears. 
" She told me to tell you, but...I hated him. I wanted him to pay, for Jenny, for taking your.... 
I wanted him to suffer." 

She slammed the boy down into the table harder than was safe, but not as hard as she wanted. 
" TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

" Buffy I don't think....." 

" Willow performed the spell." He whispered dully. " She performed the spell. She thought.... 
She thought she could do it this time." 

Buffy backed away from the man that she thought she could trust, the one person that she 
thought they could depend on. But now... now because of him their best friend was dead. 
Except instead of going to a heaven dimension... Oh god... 

" Buffy I didn't mean... I just thought...." 

" What!!! That you'd have me send a souled Angel to hell instead?!" She clenched her fists 
through red anger. " Don't ever talk to me again." 

" How...?" 

Giles avoided looking at the vampire as he answered quietly. " In the theory, Buffy must have 
pushed the sword through your heart right when she activated the orb. Assuming that the 
portal began to pull him into hell at that moment, it would've been like a magnet, taking the 
most innocent of the two." 

" Why?" She choked out through her tears, needing to know that there was something they 
could do to get her back. 

" Because the most innocent is the most.... tempting and satisfying." Angel responded hoarsely. 

Giles nodded absently, " I doubt there is much we can do at this point, but if there is, we will 
try to find it." 

" There is no try. We will get her back." 

She glared at the young man, " Yes, WE, will." She spun on her heel and turned to leave, 
stopping at the door. She slowly glanced back at the Xander, " If we don't get her back, I 
will kill you." 

Giles shook his head as she stormed out of the mansion, his own expression caught between a 
ripper like rage and pity for the boy. Giles could understand the hate he felt for the vampire, but 
at the cost of risking Willow....? 

" Give her time." He finally said. " She'll learn to trust you again." 

" I don't even trust myself anymore." Xander slowly walked off in a hunched daze, leaving 
Giles alone with the man that killed his lover. 

" I'll try and contact Whistler, maybe he'll have an idea." 

" At the risk of repeating Buffy, if we can't rescue Willow I will kill you." He replied calmly, 
replacing his glasses. " If you find out anything, you will let me know?" 

" Of course." 

Giles nodded, casually following the path of his two students. 

" And Giles..." 

He stopped at the door. 

"...if we can't get her back, I'll save you the trouble and stake myself." 

<><><><><><><> 

Buffy entered the house that had always seemed like a sanctuary from the world that her and 
her friends battled everyday. She remembered all the dinners, and late night's they'd spent just 
talking on the sofa, or in her room. Simply living. A task that never seemed harder than on a 
hell mouth. 

" I think we should talk." 

She closed her eyes to her mother's ' I know what's best ' voice, and slide down the door to 
the floor. " Let me guess. You don't think I should see my watcher anymore. You don't want 
me patrolling or doing my job, and I'm grounded until the day I die, does that about cover 
it?" 

She reopened her eyes and glared at the irritated woman that had given birth to her, laughing 
hollowly. " Well guess what mother. Nothing you could possible do to me could be as bad as 
what I just did." 

The older woman slowly sat down next to her, wrapping her arms around her. " What's 
happened?" 

" I just condemned my best friend to hell." 

<><><><><><><> 
CHAPTER ONE 
DAY: ONE 
<><><><><><><> 

She shivered under the heavy worn black leather trench coat, forcing her body to keep 
moving towards the school. The reflective sunglasses was the only thing keeping her calm 
enough to stand being around the students milling around her, mindless to the everyday dangers 
that haunted the small city. 

The entire situation struck her as being entirely too surreal to even be real. The bright joyous 
sun singing out in praise of the fresh green grass and the warm summer day. Each flower 
standing proud under the gentle sea breeze. 

It was wrong, but a lot of things were wrong. 

She paused briefly in the shadows of the trees. Even from the distance she could clearly see 
the slayer walking stiffly up the side walk, with Xander trailing behind her. Cordy was beside 
him, talking animatedly to both of the teens, ignoring the way that they seemed to be avoiding 
each other. 

She could understand how Buffy might be angry with him, or how he could blame himself 
for what happened. It didn't matter though. If she had to do it all over again, she'd do it 
exactly the same. Just the idea of Angel going through that.... No, she couldn't have let him go 
in her place. 

She pushed the sunglasses further up her nose, making sure that the shields were close enough 
to her eyes to block out the sun. If she was going to do this, it was going to have to be now. 

Grinding her teeth together, she pushed herself off the tree and slowly began to walk 
towards her old friends. Each step threatening to falter under the dread that she felt. She 
wasn't nervous or even afraid, not after the last thou..... not after that summer. 

It was of a deep seeded dread of actually facing her life again. She could pretend things were 
normal, she could pretend to be the same happy go lucky hacker that she was, but it would be 
a lie, and she knew she would never be able to go back to that. 

It would be so much easier if she could just change her name and move to France, or New 
York. Then she could start a new life, with no responsibilities, no pretenses. Just her ghosts and 
the memories that would never leave her. But no matter how she felt, she owed her friends 
more that that. 

Her jaw convulsed against the on wave of chills, bringing her back to her present situation. A 
place she couldn't get far from these days. 

Hell, maybe it wasn't too late to change her mind. She could go home, create herself a new 
identity and get the hell out of dodge before anyone was wiser. 

" Willow......?" 

Then again maybe not. 

She came to a stop in front of the group seated depressingly on the front steps, taking in their 
appearances up close. Xander's hair was without the usual gel and mouse, his face had a dust of 
hair from not shaving. Cordelia was as put together as ever, but there was a seriousness that 
hadn't been there before. And Buffy.... 

She looked the worse out of all of them. The already painfully thin petite was even skinner. 
Dark circles surrounded blood shot eyes. The normally well dressed girl was wearing old jeans 
and a faded shirt with a pair of raggedy sneakers. But the worst thing was her eyes. The cold, 
lifeless, hopeless eyes that seemed to want to rip away any walls she had in place. 

The slayer stood slowly, staring at her as though she might disappear any moment. The 
blonde's hands were shaking uncontrollably with the tears that streamed down her pale face. 
Buffy stepped forward once, then again, throwing herself into her arms. 

She winced against the instincts that forced her body to tense at the physical touch of her 
friend. Despite the need to be hesitant against any display of emotion, she wrapped her arms 
around the sobbing girl. Every doubt, every shred of blame and hate, fell away to the need to 
protect the blonde in her arms. 

" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never should have let you help me... It's my fault. I'm so sorry...." 

She didn't try to correct her, she couldn't. She couldn't lie, even to ease the pain of the one 
person that meant the most to her. The one person that kept her grounded through the 
summer. 

" What the hell happened to your hair? Love the outfit by the way." 

She flinched at the mention of hell, losing any interest she had in comforting her friends. 

" I think we should talk with Giles." She finally said. 

She stepped away from the slayer, and walked past the stunned group. She hated doing this, 
but if she let herself slip, for even a second, she was scared she'd break down. She pushed 
through the doors into the hall, making her way agilely through the crowded building. 

" What happened to Oz?" She asked as they rounded the final corner. 

" He left." Buffy pressed in next to her, " He was afraid of what he might do if he stayed." 

" Oh." She had expected that. As a werewolf, his emotions were closer to the edge than they 
were for humans, and if he even remotely blamed any of them for what happened.... 

The library doors opened under her hands, letting her enter the sacred place of her life. The 
dust covered, leather bound books that smelled of ancient ink and ancient secrets. The dark 
lighting that made you want to curl up in front of a fire and doze. The friendly face that was 
always there to greet you, and help you with anything you needed. 

It was a life time ago, and yet, she could still recall the hours spent on the second floor by the 
window, just reading whatever book caught her eye. The nights of research in order to save a 
great less town from a fate they deserved. 

" My god...." 

Her head snapped around at the movement in the corner of her eye. She spun to face the 
elder watcher, cringing at the motion towards her. She unconsciously stepped back from him, 
her mind automatically screaming that he was a man. 

" I apologize. I didn't mean to startle you." 

Great. Now he looked like he was going to cry or something. 

" I guess I'm still a little jumpy." 

She leaned back against the wall by the doors, wearily watching everyone. This wasn't how 
she'd planned this, or even how she'd wanted it. She'd just assumed that everything would fall 
back to normal. 

" That's perfectly understandable." Giles cleared his throat awkwardly. " When....when did 
you get back?" 

" And what's with the clothes?" 

She smirked at the glares that Cordy kept getting. It was good to know that some things 
didn't change, no matter what happened. 

" Last week." 

Again Buffy was at her side, touching her arm to reassure herself that she was really there. 
" Why didn't you tell me?" 

The hurt was pronounced in her friends eyes, bringing out the last shred of protective instinct 
she had left. If the slayer had put herself through even a small fraction of what she'd gone 
through over the summer, than that was a fraction too much. 

" I wasn't ready to see anyone yet." She welcomed the slayer back into her arms. Cradling her 
gently to her body in an act that was comforting, even to her own scarred soul. It was calming, 
to smell the gentle vanilla perfume, to feel the muscular petite body pressed possessively against 
her's. 

" Perhaps it would be better if you went home. I can arrange for Xander to bring you your 
school work later..." 

" No." Buffy pulled away from her, and glared at the boy at the table. " I don't want him 
anywhere near her." 

Well, that answered one question. She sighed heavily at the obvious dynamic of the group. 
" I'm not going home, and I'd appreciate it if you'd ask me before threatening my friends." 

The slayer looked at her incredibly, resembling a fish. " You can't possibly..." 

" Xander's my best friend. He's always been there to protect me, no matter what." 

" He sure as hell wasn't protecting you when he sent you to hell." 

" It wasn't entirely his fault." 

Buffy slammed her fist onto the nearby counter with an angry growl. " If he had...." 

" No." She interrupted equally angry. " If you hadn't come to Sunnydale then I never 
would've been in that situation to begin with. If Giles had never agreed to let us help we 
would've been safe in our homes. If you hadn't given Angel a happy then the spell would've 
been unnecessary. If Angelus hadn't killed Miss. Calendar then I wouldn't have had to play 
witch. If Xander hadn't been following you around like a lost puppy then he never would've 
been so caught up in his own jealous rage. If you had taken the time to realize it was you I was 
really in love with then I never would've tried so hard to make you proud. If you hadn't 
shoved that sword through his chest......." She trailed off through her own shaking anger. " The 
only problem is, that playing what if doesn't change a damned thing, and even if it did. I 
wouldn't want it too." 

Buffy reached for her again through the silent tears that streamed down her face. " 
Willow....." 

She almost smiled as the warning bell went off, reminding them that the normal world waited 
for no apocalypse. " We should get to class." 

Buffy nodded, and turned her wrist over to check her watch. " Wh...... Damn it. I know I was 
wearing it this morning." 

Willow glanced at the slayers bare wrist with a strangely emotionless face. Pulling her hand 
out of her coat she handed the sports watch to the blonde. At the surprised look she shrugged 
sheepishly. " I guess habits really are hard to break." 

Without waiting for their answer she left the library. She'd deal with the repercussion of the 
summer later, for now, she was just another teenager wanting to be somewhere else. 




Aeris Jade Orion

Grey Fox, and cause of Discord in the outback.

" Are we mice, or are we men?"
" We're mice."

- Stephan Kings IT