OT: New Year's resolutions for the gang

[danspector@xxxxxxxxx]

This was a thread over at the Buffy Cross & Stake, and I liked my
response, so I decided to put it here. Anybody else who has ideas along
this line, please join in. 

Spoilers for all aired eps (up to "Wrecked")

Buffy: Next time, just borrow one of Willow's toys. Let's face it, if
I'm sexually excited by cold dead things, there are options other than
Spike. Also, slap the next person who complains about the Willow rent
situation, since I didn't pay her dime #1 for the five months of
surrogate parenting/babysitting/hiding from my lousy Dad that she and
Tara did for Dawn. Also, they're the ones that brought me back to life,
and while I'm upset about it, I recognize that it's stupid to complain
about their hurting my financial situation if I wouldn't even have a
financial situation without them.

Dawn: Secretly keep Willow and Tara apart. I mean, I get a lot more
attention this way--that's why I haven't stolen anything since "OMWF"!

Giles: Not believe Joss when he says I'm getting a spinoff. Now the
BBC keeps dithering, this ASH person is doing something called
"Manchild" instead, and I can't get any more of that Anya action!

Xander: Just be a man and talk to Willow already. I mean she's my best
friend, if I'm so worried about her, there must be something better I
can do than just gripe about her behind her back at the Magic Box.

Oh, and stake Spike while I can. That chip can't last 
forever, and I'm gonna hate myself if he kills anyone 
because I was afraid to take preventive action. Look what happened with
Angel--everyone convinced me I was just being jealous, and then he went
and proved me right. Ms. Calendar, I'm sorry.

Well, at least I don't have to worry about it yet. Angel 
went bad when Buffy slept with him, and it's not like she's gonna boink
Spike?

Spike: Figure out what the bloody hell I'm going to do now. I don't
want to be part of the Scooby club (not to mention all the whining if
they ever found out about Buffy and me), but I can't see her leaving
them and running away with me either. (Don't even know if I'd like
that, really.) And if I wanted just empty bouts of sex I could have
stuck to the sodding 'Bot. Or Harmony.

Maybe it's time for a new obsession. I proved my point, now leave her
wanting more--that'd show the bitch.

Well, a couple of more times couldn't hurt.

Anya: Blow up these FX people so viewers will stop 
watching old episodes and comparing me unfavorably to Cordelia. Find
some new tax shelters. And send Giles some naked pictures of myself
over the internet.

Tara: Take over Willow's mind and see how much SHE likes it. No,
that'd be wrong.  

Willow: Finally admit to Buffy how much I love her. She'll hate me,
but she does already, so I should at least get it off my chest.

Tara: WHAAAT? Okay, now you asked for it?