Repost: Fic: Half a World Away (2/?)

["dap311" <sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Half a World Away (2/?)
Author: dap311 (sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W eventually
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. 
"Half a World Away" is Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe (R.E.M.) off
Out of 
Time. 
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high school, but 
in an AU, so no real spoilers. There is no Oz is this universe. 
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Willow is fighting depression, Buffy tries to help her. 
Distribution: Just ask. 


** is flashback
----- text ------ indicates writing, such as a journal entry.
// thoughts //

"My mind is racing, as it always will."
- R.E.M.

Dark clouds moved in over Sunnydale and a light rain began to 
fall on the town, turning soon into a downpour. Though dark 
clouds in Sunnydale could mean a gathering evil, today they just 
meant it was going to rain. Buffy hardly noticed as she walked 
down the sidewalk, headed to Willow's house. Her parents 
were out of town and Buffy was worried; she hadn't heard from 
the girl the night before after she got in from patrolling and there 
had been no messages left with her mother. A chill worked its 
way through Buffy's body, produced not by the chill in the air,
but 
the fear in her heart. 
//Oh, Willow. I hope you didn't do anything. Please let her
have 
just gotten too busy with her homework. //
As she neared the Rosenberg house the chill in Buffy's body got 
worse- she began to visibly shake and by the time she reached 
the front door she was shivering so badly that her teeth were 
chattering. She couldn't remember the last time she had been 
so cold. It's not like Sunnydale was the Artic. Buffy reached
out 
for the doorknob, not bothering with the knocker or doorbell- with 
Willow's parents out of town there was no reason for formalities.

When she found it locked she simply pulled out the key Willow 
had given her for emergencies. Everyone in the Scooby Gang 
had keys to each others' houses; it was only logical.
//Well, at least she was in the state of mind to lock her door. 
Don't want any outside baddies getting to my Willow. If only I 
could lock a door to keep out the baddies in her head?//
Buffy's 
thoughts drifted as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. 
The first floor was dark and quiet, the only sound coming from 
the sqeak of Buffy's sneakers on the floor. 
"Willow? Hey Will? It's Buffy. I just stopped by to, um,
see how 
you're doing." Buffy listened for a reply at the bottom of
the stairs, 
holding her breath without realizing. After a moment and no 
response she called up again. "Will? Hey sleepyhead. It's
one 
in the afternoon. Even I don't sleep this long!" 
"Hi Buffy."
The voice came from behind her, causing Buffy to swing around 
180 degrees. She peered into the dark living room, her eyes 
adjusting to the dark. She was able to make out Willow sitting 
on the couch, just sitting there, staring at the wall across from 
her. She didn't even look over at Buffy as she approached.
"Hey Will. Whatcha doing sitting in here with all the lights
off? I 
know we're supposed to conserve energy, turn the lights off 
when we leave the room and all, but if you hadn't noticed
you're 
still in the room." Buffy reached out to the nearest lamp, found 
the switch, and turned it on. Immediately the room was filled 
with a soft, warm light. What she saw when there was finally 
light in the room, though, didn't make Buffy feel soft and warm. 
Willow was sitting on the couch, her hands in her lap, her 
sleeves pushed up to the elbows; her face was blank and her 
eyes empty as she turned her head to look at Buffy standing by 
the lamp. 
"Buffy?" Willow spoke as she turned her head from the
slayer 
again. 
"Yeah, Will?" Moving slowly to the couch, Buffy sat down
next to 
her best friend, close enough to be able to feel her physical 
presence, but still giving her space. 
"How angry would you be if I did it again?" The question
was 
quiet and timid, the voice of the Willow she first met two years 
ago. 
"I wouldn't be angry at all, you know that. This
doesn't make me 
mad, Willow. It scares me, but I could never be mad at you for
it." 
Buffy spoke slowly and carefully, not wanting to startle the girl 
next to her; she wasn't even sure Willow had noticed her sit 
down. 
"Okay. So, what if that wasn't a hypothetical
question?" 
"It wouldn't change my answer. I will never be angry at you
for 
this, Will. Never. I promise and I don't break my
promises." 
Buffy paused, collecting her thoughts. Willow continued to sit 
there, staring ahead. Tentatively reaching out, the slayer gently 
touched the redhead's hand, needing contact with her best 
friend. As Willow grasped the strong hand back she turned to 
look into those hazel eyes that could say so much in a single 
glance. Despite Buffy's words she was sure she'd see anger, 
disappointment. Something other than the unconditional love 
that was actually there. Willow relaxed somewhat and leaned 
into her best friend who instinctively wrapped strong slayer arms 
around her. 
"Can I ask you a question, Will?" Buffy's voice was
quiet, but 
Willow could feel it vibrate in her chest, the sound and touch 
soothing her. She nodded simply, not wanting to speak just yet. 
"Can you promise me something? Can you promise that when 
you are feeling like you are going to hurt yourself, that you'll
try to 
call me? You can call me anytime of the night- it might take a 
couple of rings to wake me up, but you can, even if you just want 
me to sing `Pop Goes the Weasel,' I will."
Willow could feel the sincerity in the slayer's words- there was 
something about being this close to her physically, it was as if 
she could feel her heart, every true emotion that Buffy had. 
"I can try. I promise that I'll try. I thought of calling
you last night, 
but I didn't want to wake you up and burden you. And, no offense 
or anything, but when I do it, the last thing that goes through my 
head is that I need to call you. Cause I don't know why I do it-
it's 
as if I'm trying to force my body to feel the pain that I know is 
inside me, but that I can't feel."
"Oh, Will. You're not a burden to me, you could never be a 
burden. I'd rather be awakened at 3 am to know that you're
safe 
and that you aren't hurting yourself than to have you hurt
yourself. 
While I love my sleep I really feel that this is more important, that 
you are more important. 
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you, too, Will."
The two friends sat there in the Rosenberg living room for a long 
time, Buffy holding Willow, Willow holding onto Buffy with all her 
might. Neither wanted to let go, so they didn't. Buffy
wasn't sure 
how long they stayed like that, but she didn't care. There
really 
were more important things in life than schoolwork, sleep, and 
patrolling. There was Willow. And right now Willow was the 
most critical and important aspect of Buffy's life. 
For her part Willow just hung on to her best friend, feeling safe 
in her arms, comforted by her touch and smell. She didn't know 
what was causing this, and she didn't know how to stop it. But 
she was so grateful for Buffy right now. 
//But, what happens if there is a day when I don't have Buffy to 
hug? What happens when I go to college and I don't have 
someone to turn to? That day scares me, the day when I am 
more alone than I feel right now.//