Fic: Half a World Away (6/?)

["dap311" <sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Half a World Away (6/?)
Author: dap311 (sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W eventually
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. 
"Half a World Away" is Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe (R.E.M.) off
Out of 
Time. 
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high school, but 
in an AU, so no real spoilers. There is no Oz is this universe. 
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Willow is fighting depression, Buffy tries to help her. 
Distribution: Just ask.

"This could be the saddest dusk I've ever seen." 
-R.E.M.

Down in the kitchen Buffy made coffee while Willow sat at the 
table, hands folded, staring down at her wrists. When the coffee 
was done, a mug was set down in front of the redhead who 
made no move to pick it up. Buffy sat down to the right of Willow, 
her own mug held tightly in her hands. They sat there like that for 
awhile, Willow staring down, Buffy looking at the top of Willow's 
head, neither of them saying a word. The afternoon sunlight was 
streaming in through the kitchen windows, illuminating the dust 
particles that floated in the air, sparkling and drifting. They had 
slept longer than Buffy had originally thought; the clock above the 
sink read 1:38; she knew she should call her mom, let her know 
that she was still at Willows, but that could wait a little longer. 
It 
wasn't a school day, so Joyce wouldn't be too worried just
yet. 
When the clock read 1:53, Buffy finally broke the silence. She 
had finished her coffee, but Willow's still sat untouched, cold
by 
now, in front of her, head still down, hands still clasped. The 
redhead hadn't moved in nearly twenty minutes. 
"Will, I- uh." Buffy stopped, unsure that what she was
going to 
say would be right. "I think maybe you need to talk to someone. 
Someone who isn't me, you know? Some who would know what 
to do to help you. I wish I knew what to do, knew the answers, 
but I don't."
The room got quiet again as Buffy waited for her friend to 
answer; after a few minutes she wasn't sure Willow would say 
anything, but then the redhead began to speak softly.
"Has this been too much for you? I mean, I understand if it is-
I 
would be too much for me and wouldn't want to listen anymore, 
either. I'm sorry, Buffy."
"For, what? I don't mind, Will. I want you to tell me, to
come to 
me- I will always be here for you; but I can't solve this. There
are 
people who can help you, though. You can still talk to me, you 
can always talk to me. It just might be good for you to talk to 
someone else, too. I can't slay this for you." 
"I know. I don't expect you to." Willow was quiet
again, thinking 
about what Buffy had just said. She hated herself right now. 
Hated herself for doubting Buffy, for not trusting her to always be 
there, no matter how many times she says she will. Willow 
wanted to believe, but to her there was a flaw deep down in her 
soul that kept her from fully trusting anyone to love her, to really 
love her, to never go away and just leave her. People had said 
they'd be there in the past, her parents, Xander, and now Buffy. 
Her parents weren't here; their idea of dealing with their 
daughter's depression was to not deal; after the first noticeable 
major bout last year while Angel terrorized the Scooby Gang they 
had gotten frustrated with her, said she wasn't trying hard 
enough. So, now they were somewhere in Europe; they hadn't 
been around when she was in the coma, hadn't even come 
back. And Xander. He had Cordelia. When she found them 
kissing, she felt so betrayed, so hurt; Willow just couldn't
bring 
herself to fully trust him anymore. 
Now Buffy. Buffy had been so caught up with Angelus she 
barely noticed Willow falling apart; it was only after she'd come 
back from LA that they'd really talked about it. Willow knew 
Buffy'd had a lot to deal with last year, and didn't really
blame her 
for not noticing; the Slayer hadn't exactly been the picture of 
perfect mental health herself. When she came back, though, 
when they finally talked about everything, about Angel, about the 
depression, Buffy had promised to always be there, had told 
Willow how much she loved her. And Willow believed her; but 
there was something inside her that just kept putting doubts in 
her head. And she hated that. She hated doubting Buffy's love, 
especially because she knew Buffy could see that doubt. Willow 
was sure that someday she would use her last Get Out of Jail 
Free card with Buffy, that one day Buffy would just say no, turn her 
back, walk away. She didn't want that to happen. 
Willow thought all of this as she sat there in her kitchen,
Buffy's 
worried gaze fixed on her down-turned head. She waited a 
couple more minutes, and then she began to speak. She told 
Buffy everything that had just run through her head, about the 
trust, about being scared of losing their friendship. It all came 
tumbling out in a babble of words that only a Scooby could truly 
appreciate, much less understand. When she was done she 
took a deep breath, let it out, and let her shoulders sag; her face 
looked worn and tired, much older than her 18 years, her eyes 
resigned and dull. 
Now it was Buffy's turn to contemplate her hands. How do you 
respond to that? How do you tell the woman you love more than 
anything in the world that you really mean it, that you aren't
going 
anywhere? How could Buffy make Willow understand just how 
much she loved her? Not wanting Willow to have to wait for too 
long for her response, worried her silence might be taken for 
anger or disappointment, Buffy reached out and took Willows 
right hand in both of hers. It was cold and clammy, her palm 
sweaty, and shaking almost imperceptively. 
"I know that what I'm about to say isn't going to solve
anything, 
Will. And I will say it as many times as I have to, I'll say it
every 
day for the rest of my life if that's what you need. But, I love
you. I 
always have, and I always will. I love you so much. You are the 
last thing I think about when I go to bed at night, and my first 
thought in the morning is you, too. I- I love you. I worry about
you, 
and I'm scared. But, that doesn't mean I don't love you,
Will. I 
could never not love you. You're why I came back from LA. 
You're why I go out every night and do my duty, because I know 
that I am keeping you safe." Buffy paused briefly, not sure if
she 
should go on, but before she could lose her confidence, she 
began to speak again.
"I don't want to lose you, Will. I don't know what I
would do 
without you. I thought losing Angel would be the worst feeling 
that I would ever have. But I don't' think it was. Cause
when I 
think that I could lose you, that this could get the better of you,
it 
scares me so much, and it hurts more than losing Angel ever 
did. You are more than my best friend, Will. You are so special, 
so wonderful, so beautiful, and I love you." 
As Buffy said those last few words, she brought Willow's hand 
up to her lips and kissed it gently. She looked into her
friend's 
eyes, unsure of what Willow was thinking, but seeing tears at the 
corners. Taking her left hand from Willow's, Buffy reached out 
and gently caressed the redhead's cheek, a tear running down 
and into her hand as she did so. Without letting go of Willow's 
hand, Buffy stood up, pulling Willow up with her. Instead of 
embracing her, wrapping her arms around her as she usually 
did, Buffy stepped in, raised her head a few inches, and gently 
kissed Willow on the forehead. It was a soft, warm kiss, meant 
to convey more than words could ever do. But, Buffy knew it 
wasn't enough. Without looking back, or allowing herself to
think 
about what she could be doing to Willow's state of mind right 
now, Buffy lowered her head again and brought their lips 
together. The kiss was not a chaste kiss of a friend, nor the 
passionate kiss of a lover. It was not deep, but it wasn't a
peck, 
either. It was simply a kiss that carried so much love, so much 
pain, and so much hope that Buffy thought her heart would 
explode. The kiss didn't last long and wasn't followed by
more. 
Instead, the Slayer pulled Willow into her arms and held her with 
all of her might, gently rubbing her back, until she could feel 
Willow's muscles relax as she fell asleep again. Carefully 
picking up her best friend, Buffy made her way back up the stairs 
to the bedroom. After tucking Willow into her bed once more, 
Buffy sat at the neatly arranged desk, turning the chair around so 
that she could watch the sleeping girl. 
The room was quiet as Buffy watched Willow and let her mind 
drift over what was going to happen now. She was unsure, 
really. The only thing she knew was that Willow was not going to 
pull out of this by herself, and that it would take a long time. But 
she would be there, in anyway that Willow wanted her. Buffy 
would wait, and she would help. 

To Be Continued.