Fic: Subterfuge (24/?)

[inell@xxxxxxx]

Title: Subterfuge
Author: Inell
Email: Inell@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Joss owns them all
Distribution: My site, Kiss or Kill, 
http://members.fortunecity.com/kissorkill Anyone that has permission, take. 
Otherwise, just ask.
Rating: R
Pairing: Willow/Buffy
To Dan~Ask and ye shall receive :)


SUBTERFUGE (24/?)


After Willow left Giles apartment, she took the long way home. She needed to 
think, though that seemed to be all that she had done lately. Thinking was 
what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. Thinking she could 
actually help Buffy, going to that damn club. It hadn't helped at all. It had 
just made things far worse. She now had to go and tell Buffy the truth. The 
entire truth. Not only about Glory but about these weird mixed up feelings 
she was having concerning her best friend. It would be two reasons for Buffy 
to hate her, Willow supposed. She wasn't entirely sure how she was going to 
tell Buffy, either. Somehow, 'I love you and Glory is stalking me' just 
didn't seem exactly perfect. It wasn't like she was going to find the perfect 
words. What could be perfect about an event that would probably ruin her 
life? She couldn't lose Buffy. That thought, more than anything Glory 
threatened, scared her to death. Life without Buffy wouldn't be a life. 


Keeping that thought in mind, Willow continued to debate on the best way to 
be honest without losing her best friend. She knew that no amount of planning 
would change things. She honestly had no idea how Buffy would react, what her 
friend would say, what Buffy would do. It was completely unknown, and that 
knowledge was pretty terrifying. Giles had taken it better than she had 
anticipated. He'd been disappointed in her, she knew, but he hadn't condemned 
her. He'd tried to help. And he had guessed her real feelings towards Buffy 
and not been judgmental. For that, she owed him. He could have yelled and 
screamed and she would have taken it, knowing that her silence had escalated 
an already bad situation. His trust, his faith in her, well, it meant a lot. 
For him, she would find the strength to be honest with Buffy, without 
dwelling on the consequences.


Willow glanced at her watch, seeing that it was half past eleven already. 
She'd been wandering for half an hour and was still no closer to a solution 
to her problem. There was actually not going to be a solution this time. No 
easy answers. If she were the type to whine, she'd be telling everyone that 
it wasn't fair. Just when she was realizing how deeply she loved Buffy, when 
she was beginning to think that there might be something beyond friendship 
for their future, she might lose it all. All because she had tried to help. 
No, that wasn't entirely true. It was because she hadn't told the truth that 
first night. Since then, she had hid the truth from those around her, putting 
them in danger. She'd been so weak around Glory, letting the woman's words 
and touch make her forget everything except that moment in time. Now, she 
would be paying the price for her silence. 


She could only hope that Giles found out some new information in their fight 
against Glory. Depending on the outcome of her talk with Buffy, Willow had no 
idea what her life was going to be like in a few hours. She knew that, no 
matter how much Buffy hated her when it was all over, the slayer would try to 
protect her. But, by doing so, it would put Buffy's life more in danger. It 
would also leave Dawn without the slayer's full protection. Willow was not 
going to allow anyone else to get hurt because of what she had done. She knew 
she was going to have to make Buffy understand that, force the slayer into 
keeping her attention on Dawn and not worrying about Glory's obsession with 
Willow, not that she doubted that would be a problem. Dawn was what was most 
important for everyone's sake. Hell on Earth and all that jazz. Buffy just 
had to be aware of Glory's newest interest so that she could better protect 
herself and Dawn. This was one time that Willow knew Buffy couldn't save her. 
She was going to have to take care of herself. She'd made the mess, it was up 
to her to clean it up.


She turned the corner and stopped when she saw her house. It was too soon. A 
slight fear entered her as she began walking even more slowly. She was so 
confused, unsure of anything anymore. She loved Buffy, was in love with 
Buffy. She couldn't do this, couldn't tell the slayer the truth. It was bad 
enough having to admit that Glory was stalking her, but to confess her love 
right after that news? It wasn't fair, damn it! Buffy wouldn't believe her, 
would think she was lying so she wouldn't yell, would be disgusted even more 
and stop speaking to her. Every possible outcome she could think of ended up 
with her alone and losing the one person that meant the most to her in the 
world. How could Giles think it would help? It would all just make things far 
worse. The Glory situation she could possibly deal with, handling Buffy's 
judgment and justified anger. She'd promised him. Oh Goddess, how was she 
going to make it through this?