The Slayer And The Witch - Chapter 9/? - The Evil That We Do

["Stefan Akerblom" <nagarek62@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi All.

Here's Chapter 9, and if you're one of the people who like this story 
then it's all the better for Casandra's input, so another huge thank you to 
her for all her valuable help.

There may be some problem with my new yahoo email account or it may be 
the vetting thing spoken of in an earlier post, I tried to send via yahoo 
email for the first time, but it doesn't seem to send. Dan, if it did sent, 
can you intercept the email and kill the multiples before they become too 
annoying? If not then profuse and sincere apologies everyone, for clogging 
up the list.

Stef.



The Slayer And The Witch - Stefan Akerblom - nagarek - nagarek@xxxxxxxxx
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Critique:	Yes please, but no flames (I'm flammable)
Warning:	Building to NC-17, f/f relations, possibly f/f/m
Characters:	Willow, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Giles, Tara, Angel, Dawn, Spike,
Wes, Cordy, Oz (?), nurse Becky Chapel, nurse Erin Lonsdale,
Main Pairing/s:	Willow & Buffy, maybe Giles/Becky/Erin - who wants to see
that? :o) (not sure yet about Anya/Xander ... maybe) time will
reveal all!
Disclaimer:	Joss Whedon owns all in the Buffy Universe, I have merely played
and embellished, not claimed any rights, apart from a couple of
nice nursies!
Brief: Buffy and Willow have both recently lost their partners, Willow is
hospitalised and Buffy is almost paralysed with guilt over it, both
Willow and Buffy realise how much they really mean to each other,
they embark on a voyage of discovery and figuring out a way to
break their new relationship to their friends while keeping the
minions of the hellmouth from taking over. Meanwhile solutions
present themselves which can have far reaching effects on Buffy
and Willow's future.
Distribution:	Anyone who likes it enough to host it, just please give me a 
link
to where it's hosted

Many thanks go to:
Crys Loch (pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) for answering my email, and
a lot of inspiration and much encouragement (you said just the right
things to make me think while I channeled Willow),
Dan Spector (danspector@xxxxxxxxx) for some much needed help
with authenticity,
Casandra (jeepy91@xxxxxxx) for answering some silly and some very
awkward questions, you're very special
Thanks also to all the other great people on BuffyWantsWillow, you
make this worth so much to me,
and to Cairo (played at ear-splitting volume) for setting the mood.
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Chapter 9 - The evil that we do

Tara sat in the chair beside Willow's bed, she picked at a fingernail 
nervously without looking at it.

"I ... I never said I wouldn't come back Willow. I ..." she let out a 
tremulous sigh and more tears fell, her cheeks covered by a sheen of her 
sadness. She finally cracked the nail she was worrying. "Damn!" she tore it 
away and began chewing the edge absently, trying to even it out.

"Well it's been months now ... a ... and you never even answered one of my 
phonecalls, you never returned a single one even when I left messages on 
your answering machine, when you came to visit Dawn and the others you 
avoided me, you told me that I screwed up, and that it wasn't going to work 
with us. You left me! What was I supposed to think huh? Uh ... w ... was I 
supposed to pine for you forever hoping one day you'd come back to me? I'm 
not doing any magic, and I haven't since you left, you know that. You never 
even gave me a chance ... you just left and ... and ..." Willow closed her 
eyes and sniffed in frustration. "I know I made mistakes Tara, I know that 
... and I know you were mad at me, you had every right to be ... and I know 
that too. But I love you ... and I thought you loved me. And love means many 
things, love can mean forgiveness, uh ... love can mean you forgive the most 
stupid mistakes that someone you love makes, y ... you can forgive them that 
they're human and frightened and scared to death that the one they love so 
much that they're willing to die for them ... they're willing to do anything 
to keep them when they think they're going to lose them, even if that thing 
is wrong and stupid. and that's what I did, all right? I did stupid things! 
Unhh ... a ... and guess what, I'll do them again, because ... because I'm 
human, and that's what humans do ... they make mistakes, they screw up, they 
... they do stupid things." Willow sobbed softly and again tried in vain to 
blow her nose but only succeeded in causing herself pain, so she gave up and 
let her nose drip and sniffed instead.

"I do love you Willow, so very very much, that's what this whole issue was 
all about, the ... you can't deny you used magic on me that I had no idea 
about at the time, you used it to fix things you wanted to go away, you 
didn't even talk to me about them, you just made them vanish. We are ... we 
were lovers, and people in love discuss things like problems, they don't 
sweep them under the rug or ... or wave a wand and hope they'll go away."

"But you could at least have answered my calls ... Tara. Instead I got your 
stupid answering machine. Don't tell me you weren't there any of the times I 
called. Uhhhnnnhhh ... you just ignored me, you walked out on me ... uhhnn 
... and you left me alone. When I needed your understanding the most because 
of what I'd done to Buffy. I ... uoohhh ..." Willow completely lost her 
composure and broke down and sobbed, pain from her cracked ribs visible on 
her contorted face, but almost forgotten as the dams burst and her emotions 
cascaded out of control.

"Oh sweetie ... please believe me I had no intentions of leaving 
permanently, I just needed some space and so did you ... I ... I wanted you 
to understand that I was upset at you and that I was giving us both some 
space to think. I ... wasn't ... I didn't ... it was all a mistake ... a 
misunderstanding ... It should never have happened."

"Well ... uhhhhnnn ... you just proved my point, y ... you're human too 
then! I didn't n ... need any space ... I needed ... help and I needed 
understanding a ... and ..." Willow's face was a welter of tears streaming 
over bruises, Tara reached out her hand to touch it and Willow leaned away. 
"Please ...don't ..." she moaned. Tara drew back her hand as if she'd been 
burned, the hurt in her eyes plain to see. She spoke in a low monotone, eyes 
downcast.

"So ... so is this it then? this isn't just some ... something to get back 
at me for making you upset at me leaving? A ... are we finished? You never 
told me you loved Buffy."

"NO ... I told NOBODY, I hardly even told myself, I whispered it inside my 
head and tried to hide it from everyone. I've loved Buffy since the day I 
met her, but I was sure she didn't love me ... and I only just found out 
she's loved me since we met in high school. I never told you Tara, because I 
thought it could never happen between me and Buffy, she was so happy with 
Angel and ... and then with Riley, she could never love a ... a loser like 
me ... uhhhnnnn, god I hu ... hurt so much ..." Tara again reached out to 
touch Willow, who again leaned away. "N ... no ... nho ... don't Tara ... 
not like this ... not out of pity. My ribs are broken, they hurt me when I'm 
like this, I can't help crying so they can't help hurting." Tara looked at 
the red-head.

"Oh please baby, please let me fix them, let me heal the wounds, please ... 
let me ... I beg you ... at least let me do that for you." Tara's face 
mirrored Willow's misery, her heart reaching out to comfort the wounded girl 
before her.

"Nhhnnn ... Tara, if I wanted to heal with magic I would have done it 
myself, I could have from the first day in here. But I learned my lessons, 
you said it yourself, I fix everything with magic. So ... NO MORE! No more 
magic to fix things, if it meant I would have died from this then so be it. 
I would have done it willingly. I could never again let magic rule my life 
like ... uhnn ... that, i ... it caused so much pain and heartache and I 
hurt the people I love and ... uhhhh ... I ... uhhuuuh ... I lost ... 
yuuuhhh ... I ... lost y ... you ... yuh ... uhhh ... nnnggghhhhhh ... Buh 
... huuff ... ufff ... yyyy ..." Willow put her hands to her face and cried 
uncontrollably, shrieking out in her grief. Tara in shock and torn between 
trying to remain strong, and wanting to gather the broken child in her arms 
and love her wounds away, but being rejected, got up and walked out of the 
room as Buffy came running in.

-----------------------------------------

"I think it's best if you all leave now and let her sleep, this has taken a 
lot out of her. I'll stay here tonight. Giles, I'll meet you all back at the 
shop tomorrow." Buffy said as she came out of Willow's room. the Englishman 
nodded silently, and walked past her towards the stairs. Buffy barely 
registered that Giles' face was unusually drawn and pale. She turned to Tara 
and spoke softly. "Please Tara, it's ok, Will's resting now, she's just hurt 
and sad and ... she's had a lot on her mind. We'll talk later ... she ... 
she wants to talk with you later, a ... and so do I." Buffy sighed and 
smiling nervously, reached out to squeeze Tara's hand. "Somehow ... it'll be 
all right ... I promise!" Tara looked at Buffy with pain and sorrow in her 
eyes, and reached both arms out to her. Buffy hesitantly stepped forward 
feeling very awkward, but she wrapped her arms around Tara and stroked her 
back, trying her best to comfort her as she felt the girl shake with silent 
tears. After some time, she spoke softly. "Will you do the magic for Angel?" 
Moving her head to look into Buffy's eyes, Tara wiped her own tear stained 
face. She nodded her affirmation and opened her mouth to answer.

"NO!" Angel was looking down at the floor, Buffy turned and stared at him, 
as did everyone else, to see if they had heard him right. He seemed to be 
picking his words carefully. "Something I ... just overheard Willow say ... 
when she was talking to Tara." He looked up and saw Buffy staring at him 
with an annoyed expression. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically, his 
eyes showing embarrassment, and pointed at the side of his head. "I ... I 
can't help eavesdropping sometimes ... vampire ears ... sensitive."

"Ok big-ears, what did Willow say that made your mind up?" Angel licked his 
lips and staring off into nowhere, seemed to be composing his thoughts.

"Basically she said ... that in spite of having the power to heal herself 
with her magic, her resolve made her stop. She had promised everyone that 
she'd stop using magic, and that she'd willingly die rather than violate her 
resolve and hurt her friends again." Buffy was stunned at this revelation, 
but kept the emotion from her face. "I understand her when she said that. 
And it cleared up some things in my own mind. It's the same reason I didn't 
keep the ring of Amara you gave me, it wasn't the real solution. I don't 
deserve to be let off the hook that easily for what I've done. It's 
difficult to expl ... I don't expect you to understand but ... if you can 
just try." Angel again licked his lips, his eyes casting about uneasily "I'm 
not just beating myself up about what I've done. I know I did a lot of evil, 
I did more of it than most vampires could do in a thousand years. And there 
is no healing that can fix that, there is no amount of suffering I can do 
that can solve that, there is no penance I can do to bring back the people I 
... killed or help the ones I hurt, even if the gypsies say I've paid my 
dues. But now in L.A. I am helping people, I am solving people's problems, I 
am someone useful at last, I am the thing I was meant to have been from the 
very start, you said it before Buffy, my soul is finally worth something. My 
father was never proud of me, he was disappointed because as far as he was 
concerned I was a waste of space, and I proved him right by killing him. 
Well finally I'm doing something that even he could be proud of. I know that 
what I do now helps people, it has meaning, and THAT is salvation to me. No 
amount of humanity I could have in this cold dead body, would bring me that 
salvation, it's far too late for that. I would still remember every evil 
thing I did, every life I destroyed, every hope I snuffed out. every single 
drop of blood I shed in the night, THAT is my curse, to remember in cold, 
brutal, crystal clarity every detail of every crime and sin I ever 
committed, for all of eternity. But as an immortal with a soul I can bring a 
measure of peace to the world ... I ... I can make a difference, even if it 
takes all of that eternity, And I am willing to sacrifice everything I have 
to make that happen, I am willing to live every single moment of this 
immortal unlife to make that small difference ... can you see what I'm 
saying, what I'm getting at?" Buffy looked at him and saw the task he'd set 
himself, the impossible odds he was up against. She smiled sweetly up at him 
and put her hand on the side of his face.

"Yeah, I do ... a ... at least I think I do. And more than ever you prove 
to me your soul is worth saving. But promise me something?" Angel reached 
out to her and took her in his arms in a tight embrace. She willingly 
complied and squeezed him back hard, feeling his strength and cold seeping 
through her skin.

"Promise you something? Of course, anything! Uh ... what?"

"Promise when we find the amulet and we give it to you, you keep it well 
hidden, never lose it, just in case ... one day you might change your mind?" 
Angel broke into one of his alarmingly handsome grins.

"I promise Buffy, cross my ... heart!" He leaned down in his embrace and 
put his head next to Buffy's, holding her tight and whispered "And you know 
you were right in there ... I'll never stop loving you Buffy, not as long as 
my immortal soul exists." Buffy pulled back and looked him in the eye, his 
gaze unwavering. She smiled, lowered her face to his chest and closed her 
eyes.

"I know." she said simply and crushed herself to him, holding him as she'd 
done so many times in the past.

"You promise me something now." Angel's voice was like soft wind whispering 
in her ear, his words coming without breath, silence given the form of 
thought by his vampire voice.

"Promise you ... what?"

"Promise me the next time ... before you die ... tell me when it's going to 
happen ..." Buffy lifted her head away from his chest, and looked curiously 
into his eyes. She saw a storm of intense emotions as powerful as anything 
she and Willow had been feeling. His voice inaudible to the room, the words 
for her alone, vibrating through her bones, into her very soul. " ... Next 
time, I want to come with you!" Buffy's eyes widened, but she said nothing, 
she simply nodded, put her head back on his chest, and hugged his stone cold 
body.

"I'm very glad Buffy ... for you both, and I hope you and Willow have the 
happiness you both deserve. If you get a chance, come out to L.A. for a 
visit, I promise it'll be easier next time! Cordelia would love to see you 
both, I'm sure." Buffy kissed his cheek and broke from the embrace, stepping 
back a pace, holding his hands. She smiled wanly.

"Count on it."

------------------------------------------

"A ... are they gone?" Willow lay and looked dejected and miserable, wiping 
at her drippy nose and dabbing her eyes.

"Yeah, they're gone. I told Tara ... she'll come around sometime later and 
talk." Willow nodded.

"I ... I blew it, I just totally lost it with her, I thought I could handle 
her coming here now. But suddenly I just felt like everything was her fault 
... and it wasn't. I know it was mostly mine. I ... I really need to talk to 
her properly, I think I over-reacted. She needs to know I don't blame her 
for everything ... but I think I came across that way." Willow's face looked 
pained and sad, she fiddled restlessly with the plastic cast on her left 
hand. "This stupid plastic thing is driving me insane, my arm's itchy all 
the time ... GOD Buffy, I just have to get out of here!"

"I know Will, soon, I promise, but you have to be well first." Willow 
pouted but nodded in defeat. "And what's more, you're moving back with me 
and Dawn, i shouldn't have let you move out again. Speaking of which, remind 
me again how you convinced me to let you go in the first place." Willow 
fidgeted, pulling a loose thread on her wrist bandage, she spoke in a soft 
sad monotone.

"I ... when Tara left I didn't think I had any right to stay there in your 
mom's room, and it was too big just for me so ... I ... I didn't feel 
comfortable there any more ... and there were too many memories there that 
hurt ... and ... and I didn't want to be around there like some old lovetorn 
puppy, moping around and getting in the way. You had enough problems without 
me adding to them." Buffy looked at the girl and frowned, dumbfounded.

"That's just plain dumb, why would you think I wouldn't want you around? I 
love you." Willow gave her a sheepish look.

"I ... I know ... now, but I didn't know how you felt then ... about me ... 
us ... about us. I just thought ... well ... I ... I thought ... I didn't 
think. "

"I don't know where you'd get a crazy idea like that from Will. You'd never 
get in the way, you know that. No matter where you are, the sun shines 
brighter because you're there." Willow looked up and smiled wanly. "Trust 
me, the day you get in my way is the day ... well it just couldn't happen 
that's all! So no more torn puppies, you're coming home with me, got it?" 
Willow looked down at her hands as they continued fidgeting.

"Ok Buffy, a ... and ... thanks. I'll be glad to get out of here no matter 
where I go, if this ... well ... next time someone says to me 'hey, it'd be 
a really cool idea to get hit by a ton of moving metal', remind me of this 
please." She looked up. "What's everyone going to do, h ... how did they 
take it when you spoke to them alone ... about us?"

"Angel and Wes are going to stay with Giles at the Box for a couple of 
days, help out with finding this amulet thingy, Angel's gone off to find 
Spike, to see if he has any more info on this Sock Demon. Tara's going to go 
stay at my place to look after Dawn for a couple of days, I've been 
neglecting her again ... a bit since you ... uh ... Giles kept her company 
last night. And Xander and Anya are due back tomorrow sometime. He called 
and Giles told him about you. Giles said he sounded pretty concerned." She 
ticked the people off on her fingers. "As for us, Giles went all 'are you 
sure this is what you want ... and we have to discuss this ... and lordy 
what ever made you two do this ... blah di blah' on me. Angel seems pretty 
cool with it, he's invited you and me up to L.A. to visit sometime, so I 
said sure, Wes was pretty much just Wes, but he did the 'good lord' thing 
like an echo of Giles, and much polishing of glasses was done by all ... uh 
... t ... that were wearing them. Tara was pretty torn up I think. But I 
thought she wasn't coming back anyway." Willow sniffed and nodded.

"Yeah, so did I, she told me she was only giving us both space to think. 
But I didn't need space, I ... I needed other things ... I needed help a ... 
and understanding ..." she sighed deeply and winced. "She told me she wanted 
to heal me with a spell, I told her no." Buffy said nothing about Angel 
eavesdropping.

"Why Will? This isn't something you should have to suffer if it could be 
avoided. You were hit by a stupid car, this isn't some demon or magic 
conjured up ..." Willow waved her hands slowly and nodded, resolved Willow 
face firmly in place.

"I know I know ... but I want to heal normally, like normal people do, not 
by magic, as a reminder to me that if something's worth something, then it 
sometimes takes time, a ... and you can't just magic it better and value it 
the same way. This is probably annoying you, you'd be out slaying by now, 
all healed up, not laid up in hospital. But heal I will and it will have to 
take the time it takes ... I ... I just wish it would take a little less 
time ..." Willow looked up. "Oh ... h ... have you told Dawn ... about us? 
How do you think she'll be with it?"

"I don't know, I suppose ... I ... uh ... I ... we'll find out tomorrow, 
she's pissed off with me that I haven't brought her up here before this, she 
wants to see you." Willow appeared to cheer up a little.

"Great, Dawnie always brightens things up, she's like medicine for the 
soul."

---------------------------------------

"Bloody hell! You have GOT to be kidding me?" The platinum blonde vampire 
scowling angrily, threw down the cigarette butt in disgust and kicked 
viciously at some unoffending wooden crates pushed haphazardly against the 
wall, which enthusiastically flew into a shower of splintered timber. "Buffy 
and ... and RED?" He began to pace backwards and forwards in the night air 
of the alley, his long leather duster swirling around his legs like a black 
amorphous shadow. Angel looked at him from half lidded eyes, unimpressed by 
the outburst.

"Yes Spike, Buffy and Willow. And that means you lay of Buffy, she's told 
me about how you're ..." Spike stopped pacing and glared at Angel.

"WHO the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do? Poncing around 
Los Angeles with your little gang of play detectives? Don't come back here 
and begin dictating bloody terms again. YOU left! YOU walked away! You left 
her alone, so you can stick your sanctimonious ..." the fist connected 
meatily, Spike's head snapped back on his neck and his feet left the ground 
as he went sailing through the air. Spike was stunned by the strength behind 
the blow, Angel had been practicing somewhere, he'd almost taken Spike's 
head off with that punch. Spike put on his best bravado and just laughed in 
his usual sardonic sarcastic tone.

"Oh dear, looks like the prince of brood has lost his touch and his sense 
of humour at the same time. The sun getting to you out there, mate?"

"Just leave them alone, they don't need your crap now, Willow's pretty beat 
up and can't put up with any of your usual tricks. I say this for their 
sake, but I say it for yours too, lay off or you'll find out just how Buffy 
feels about you."

"Oh she feels quite a lot of me, all the time! She's told me and let me 
know by her actions ... I think I've still got some bruises and bitemarks 
from the last time she ..." Again there was a solid thunk and Spike went 
flying, colliding heavily with the roll-a-door of a warehouse, he dropped to 
the ground and his legs collapsed from beneath him. He couldn't prevent 
himself gasping in shock and pain from the impact. His voice wavered.

"Something tells me you still hold a candle for her. HUH! And she calls ME 
a lovesick puppy!" Spike's ears were ringing and he could feel blood gushing 
into his mouth from a deep cut on the inside of his lip.

"You just don't know when to give up, do you Spike?" Angel walked up to him 
and grabbed him by the lapels, roughly hauling him upright, his scuffed 
leather boots a foot above the ground. "One last time, leave Buffy alone. 
And that means leave Buffy! And Willow! And Dawn! And anyone else who is 
connected to her, Get me? You are nothing but a worthless pain in the ass 
who should have been dusted a long time ago." Spike looked at him with a 
grimace.

"Pffttt ... says you! You're one to talk ... ANGELUS! Well twinkle-toes, I 
have no plans of doing anything to hurt Buffy or anyone else for that 
matter, that sodding chip stops all of that so you might as well give over, 
I can't do anything to hurt anyone who's alive anyway. Point of fact, I'm in 
love with Buffy, and she's pretty keen on me, so I'd more than likely do 
anything in my power to help her rather than hurt her. Or being out there in 
the wilderness, haven't you been keeping up with the story so far?" Angel 
released his grip on Spike, who promptly folded and sank to his knees, where 
he glared at the ground and bitterly spat blood.

"I just know you Spike, there's definitely weasel in you and I know you'd 
turn things sour if you could, it's what you do."

"Well listen good then Angel, I have protected the lives of Buffy and Dawn 
and the other members of the bloody scoobysnacks so many times. And MUCH 
against the advice of my inner weasel. So just you go back to L.A. and 
Cordelia and that Mick nancy-boy of yours, and concentrate on saving the 
dregs of that pathetic landscape, it's what you're best suited to now. Leave 
Buffy to me, and don't you worry, she couldn't be in better hands ... or 
other places." Angel realised that Spike knew nothing of Doyle's death, but 
saw no point in correcting him.

"Well take this then as a friendly warning Spike, be on your guard and 
don't piss her off, keep doing your usual thing, and right now she's likely 
to forget any favours you've done her in the past. My recommendation now is 
for you to help us find this demon so we can get the amulet, then for you to 
clear the hell out of Sunnydale, before she changes her mind completely, and 
comes searching for you to do more than just bruise you." Angel straightened 
up, and closed one of the buttons of his coat. "Be seeing you Spike ... or 
not, that depends on what you do. Buffy's made her choice, she's chosen 
Willow. You'd better get used to it ... " Angel's eyes clouded and he gazed 
off into nowhere "... just like I have to!" He turned his eyes on Spike one 
final time, then spun on his heel and walked off, vanishing into the night 
as suddenly as he'd appeared. Spike stood up and quickly sank back to his 
knees, blood nausea rising over him as he realised he was hurt worse than he 
first thought. Punches to the head were always the worst, Buffy could cause 
him so much pain when she hit him in the face ... He spat more blood, and 
felt the inside of his lip with the tip of his tongue.

"Yeh ... sod off!" Spike retorted under his breath, he pushed his tongue 
around the inside of his mouth, dipping it in the blood that was beginning 
to clot thickly. "So ... Willow huh? After her little fling with me, that 
makes for an interesting choice ..." his preternaturally sensitive vampire 
vision could still pick Angel's aura out of the darkness "... and that makes 
YOU, like me ... obsolete, old son!" Spike felt his head steady and his 
vision clear slightly from the pounding. He reached inside his coat pocket 
and pulled out a small green leather pouch covered in glyphs. Undoing the 
thong that closed the pouch, he shook the contents into his palm. A small 
dark metallic object with a glowing blue gem on a thin ornamental chain fell 
into his outstretched hand. He examined the object, a circle of dark metal 
surrounding the gemstone, the surface edge of the circle covered with 
unreadable symbols that seemed to crawl and writhe snakelike along its rim, 
the gem like lambent blue flame trapped in glacial ice, hypnotic, 
otherworldly. He grinned smugly to himself and put the necklace back in the 
pouch and put the whole back in his inside pocket. "We'll just have to see 
about that!"

Hobbling and holding his pounding head, he staggered away from the 
warehouses, across the road toward the parklands of the Rosemont Gardens 
Cemetery.

to be continued in:

Chapter 10 - Adjustment Much

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