FIC: A New Day 3/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang, here's the next part for you. I'm a little hesistant to post this 
part because I'm not really happy with it. I feel it's a bit disjointed and 
repetitive at parts. But I guess I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

And thanks so much for all the great feedback :)

Anyway, here's the link to FF.Net again too for those of you that can't see 
the format.
http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=682956&chapter=3
~~~~~~~~~

After our extended hug that neither of us seemed to want to break came to 
it’s unfortunate conclusion Willow lowered herself back into the chair next 
to me, gently sipping her herbal tea. I have to admit, for someone who 
doesn’t go for any type of tea, herbal or otherwise, I was thoroughly 
enjoying her concoction. Maybe it was just that I knew Willow made it for me 
and that added a little something extra to it that made it taste sweeter 
somehow. Or maybe I’m just turning into an incredible sap! After taking a 
healthy gulp of the steamy liquid I glanced over at Willow again, saddened to 
see the morose expression crossing her features. “What’s the matter Will?”

She jumped as if I had startled her, which worried me even more. “Oh, 
nothing’s wrong Buffy, don’t worry, I’m completely fine.” She smiled one of 
those fake smiles that she always uses when she doesn’t want me to worry. And 
inevitably there is always something I should be worried about. I’mguessing 
this time is no different.

“Well if this is fine, I’d hate to see you on a bad day. Come on, you know 
you can tell me. It might help you to get it off your chest.”

Willow sucked in a lung full of air, then let it out slowly, sighing 
resignedly. “It’s Tara. Or more precisely, me and Tara.”

I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t have asked. The last thing I really want 
to hear about is their relationship, especially given the thoughts I’ve been 
having the last few days about my best friend. But I would do anything to 
make her feel better, even if it does make me feel uncomfortable. “What about 
you and Tara? Is it still about that girl you saw her with the other day?” Ah 
yes, lets bring up that conversation Buffy, way to get yourself in trouble. 
When I told her that once you fall for her you stay fallen, I honestly said 
it to make her feel better. I believed it whole heartedly, I know Tara still 
loves her. But now that I’ve had the time to think about it, and now that 
I’ve LET myself think about it, I was saying it from experience as well. Once 
you fall for her, you never get back up. I never have, and I never want to. 
Of course it takes a case of the crazies to put everything into a crystal 
clarity.

“Sort of. I mean seeing Tara with that other girl hurt, you saw howmopey I 
was after it. But I wasn’t raging with jealousy or anything, and I find that 
so strange. I was hurt, but I wasn’t jealous, does that make any sense?” 
Willow looked at me, her eyebrows knitting into a confused expression. Of 
course I found it incredibly adorable. I never realized how cute she 
constantly is. How could I have gone 6 years without seeing that? Or maybe I 
did and I suppressed it, I actually wouldn’t be surprised if that were the 
case.

“Sure it makes sense Willow. I mean it hurt you to think that maybeTara was 
moving on, that’s totally natural.”

“But why wasn’t I jealous of the other girl then? That’s what doesn’t make 
sense.”

She’s actually kind of right, I can’t figure out why she would be hurt and 
not jealous. Unless maybe she doesn’t want Tara back as much as I thought? 
“Well maybe, maybe you’re hurt because you realize that youand Tara aren’t, 
well, aren’t gonna get back together?”

Willow looks at me sadly for a moment, but then a small smile forms at the 
corners of her mouth. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Yeah, I’m a tad bit confused now.

Willow shakes her head a bit at my bewildered expression and then turns back 
around, smile still firmly in place. “How do you know what I’m thinking 
before I even know what it is I’m thinking about?” She sighs a bit and the 
smile disappears as she leans back into the chair again. “You’re right 
though, Tara and I are over. I’ve accepted that, and I think it’s probably 
the best thing for both of us. I know a part of me will always love her, but 
somewhere in the middle of everything that has been happening lately, I 
realized I had fallen out of love with her. In fact, I’m not even completely 
sure I was IN love to begin with.”

That surprises me, because for almost a year Willow and Tara were the epitome 
of the couple in love. Always holding hands, smiling away at each other, it 
used to make me really jealous sometimes. Of course I always chalked it up to 
jealousy over what they had together, not over what Tara had instead of me.I 
know better now. “Will, what do you mean you aren’t sure you were in love 
with her. I saw you guys, I was there, it sure looked like love to me.” Yeah 
Buff, way to give yourself a chance with her, by convincing her that she 
really is in love with the other woman. Nice.  

“Sure, we held hands and everything. But Buffy, you and I used to hold hands 
all the time in high school, and we, well, you know.” She blushes as I try 
and hold back the hurt expression from crossing my face. I held Willow’s hand 
in high school because it felt like the most natural thing in the world to 
me. I held her hand because with her I felt safe. When she would offer up her 
arm for me to link through I always felt like I was home. She mustn’t have 
felt the same way, because she’s passing off our intimacies as nothing more 
than………friendship. Who am I kidding, that’sall they ever were, at least at 
the time. Looking back it means so much more, but back then it was like 
second nature that I didn’t even question it. Before I can chase that thought 
anymore Willow continues. “And yes we were lovers. But now that I think about 
it, there was always something just a tad bit off about it. I do love her, 
dearly, but I still wonder if I was actually in love with her or not. I mean 
how can you be in love with two………….” She looks up horrified as she trails 
off. She’s in love with someone else, or at least was? I won’t even begin to 
let myself even start to have a shred of hope, because I know I would never 
be that lucky. So who would the other person be then? Oh, right, Oz. That 
still doesn’t explain why she looked so freaked a second ago……

“You think you couldn’t have been in love with Tara when you’re still in 
love with Oz?”She looks a bit relieved with my question, which is kinda odd, 
cause I still can’t figure out why she was upset to begin with. A slow, 
almost sensuous smile starts creeping over her lips, one that sends a small 
shiver of desire running through my limbs.

“Buffy, can I ask you something?”

“Ask away.” Why do I feel like I’m suddenly sittingin front of the firing 
squad?

“Do you remember that conversation we had the other day, when you asked me 
about Tara?”

Gulp.

“Sure I do, but what does that have to do……..” She cuts me off before I 
have the chance to get the sentence out. Not that it really matters, I was 
stalling anyway.

“Do you remember what you said to me?”

Ok, calm Buffy, just play it as natural as possible. I can’t lie toher. 
“Yeah, I told you that I was sure that the girl Tara was with was just a 
friend, and that once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen. And I’msure 
that’s true, I know Tara loves you.”

“That was probably the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, do you know 
that?” Willow thought it was sweet? Well that’s a check in the plus column 
for me. Now my curiosity is really piqued though, because now I know that 
she’s centering on my little heartfelt comment. This can either turn out 
really good, or extremely depressingly bad. And the way my luck has been 
going….. “Of course you’ve managed to flatter me onnumerous occasions. I 
mean first there was that whole thing when you were worried about Malcolm. 
Sure you had a reason to be suspicious, but you didn’t know that atthe time. 
Do you remember what you said?”

How could I forget that, I remember I was really worried about her. And if I 
want to admit it now, jealous. It’s funny, now that I look back on things 
from our past together it amazes me how much I overlooked. It’s so clear to 
me now, I must have been blind back then not to see what was happening to me. 
How I was falling in love with her. “Besides being all bitchy at you because 
you skipped classes to talk to him?”

She rolls her eyes a bit at me in mock exasperation. “Yes, besides the 
lecture I got, do you remember what else you said. It was right after I told 
you about him, we were sitting in the computer lab.”

“And you started to think that you weren’t his ideal girl. And I hated 
seeing you doubt yourself. I told you that I just wanted to make sure he was 
good enough for you. And I think it’s safe to say that my doubts were 
warranted!”

“I never told you how much that meant to me, how much I appreciatedyou 
looking out for me like that. It meant the world to me Buffy, thank you.” 
Willow reached over and took my hand in her own. I love the feeling of her 
hand in mine, it’s like two perfect interlocking puzzle pieces. Like they 
were made to fit together. 

“No need to thank me Will, protecting you is like second nature to me.” I 
actually said that didn’t I? While it’s the pure and utter truth, she really 
didn’t need to know that. But since we seem to be in such a share mood with 
each other I guess it can’t hurt that much.

“And why do you think I stayed here with you in Sunnydale. Helping you, being 
by your side, it’s just as natural to me. Of course you can make itrather 
difficult when you get too protective.” She’s got me there,I can be a 
really stubborn ass sometimes, especially when it comes to her.

“Hey! I am not THAT stubborn!”

She ignores that, but still has the bit of a smug smile on her face. I know 
she knows better, and she knows I know she knows better, so I’ll let that one 
slide. “Do you know what else you said to me that I still cherish to this 
day?”

Over the years I can remember saying a lot of things to Willow to try and 
boost her self confidence. I always hated seeing her doubt herself, it always 
amazed me how she couldn’t see herself for the gorgeous young womanthat she 
is. But I can’t exactly tell her that. So it’s dodge city Iguess. “When I 
assured you that you still wore the smarty pants in the family? Cause trust 
me, there are no worries there.”

“Buffy! You know I don’t mean that. Of course it is nice to feel secure in 
my brainyness thank you very much. But I didn’t mean that. I meant what you 
said when I first started dating Oz.” Oh, that something. I can’t believe 
she still remembers that, it was back in our Junior year, and it was just one 
small little remark I made because she was worried that Oz wasn’t that 
interested. “You asked me what guy could resist, and I quote, ‘my wily 
Willow charms’. And of course my insecurity made itself known againand told 
you that all of them could. And then you tried again to make me feel better, 
you said that all of them get an F in Willow. Do you remember that?”

“Of course I do. Like I said, I always hated when you would get so insecure 
like that. It always amazed me that you couldn’t see yourself like I see 
you…..” Whoo boy, I’m letting more and more slip, she’s bound to figure it 
out sooner or later at the rate I’m going.

“And that brings me back to the conversation this week. How do you know that 
once you fall for me you stay fallen? Did you mean Tara, Buffy?” She gazes 
into my eyes, love and sincerity etched into their emerald depths. I can’t 
lie to her, I won’t. If I ever had my chance, I think this is it.

“No, I didn’t mean Tara, Willow”

“Then what made you say that?”

Deep breath, and exhale, one, two, three. I can do this. It’s just a couple 
of words, I can say it.

“I said it from personal experience. I know that once you fall for you, you 
stay there.”

She looks so cute, her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, but I can see the 
beginnings of a smile forming on her lips. “Personal experience?” She gulps 
a bit. And amazingly I’m not afraid anymore, the words aren’t caught in the 
back of my throat.

“Once you fall, you stay fallen. And I never want to get up, Will.”
~~~

TBC
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