Fic: Fascinating New Thing (1/?)

["dap311" <sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Fascinating New Thing (1/?)
Author: dap311 (sjld5602@xxxxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W 
Rating: PG-13 for now
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy.  
"F.N.T" is property of Supersonic.  
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high school, but 
has departed after 2nd season, for the most part. There is no Oz 
is this universe.  
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Sequel to "Half a World Away." Buffy is still
trying to 
help Willow deal with her depression and self-injury, while at the 
same time they deal with some new feelings.  
Distribution: Just ask.


Fascinating new thing
Get beside me,
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

--Supersonic, "F.N.T."

The Rosenberg kitchen was a disaster area after the two high 
school seniors attempted to make themselves dinner- they had 
decided on pancakes and eggs, and now in the aftermath of that 
adventure there was batter everywhere and a number of egg 
shells that had not made it into the garbage disposal. But, 
neither teenager was worried about the mess at that moment- 
no parents would be returning home anytime soon, and they had 
more important things to think about. Still in their pajamas, the 
girls retired to the living room so they could be comfortable 
during what would surely be a long talk.

Settling onto the couch, with Buffy a few feet away in an easy 
chair, Willow drew her knees up to her chin and hugged her 
legs. She was nervous about what was going to be said, about 
what she was going to say, and her body language definitely 
reflected that. It's not everyday you sit down and have a 
heart-to-heart with your best friend after you've just made out.  
Nope, definitely not a daily occurrence.  

"So?" Willow began, though she didn't actually know
where the 
conversation should start. It just seemed like someone should 
make some verbal noise.  

"So. I guess I should start, shouldn't I? I mean, I'm
the one who 
started the whole kissing thing and then the whole confessing of 
my inner-most-secrets-thing. So, I guess I get to start. Which is 
fine. I don't mind starting, it's just that, where to start?
I mean, 
it's already been started, really, this is just? a
continuation. Yes, 
a continuation, so it shouldn't be a problem to start talking
again, 
because we just had a really? really long pause in the 
conversation." Buffy stopped babbling and looked at her best 
friend who had a small smirk on her face.  

"I think that babble-mode is contagious- maybe you caught it 
when we kissed." There, Willow thought. I brought it up, the 
kiss. Now we have to talk about it. Cause it's there, hanging
in 
the air? doing a hangy-thing.  

"Yeah, I guess I did." Buffy blushed and lowered her eyes,
her 
hands suddenly becoming incredibly interesting. The mighty 
slayer took a deep breath and looked up again and at the 
beautiful woman who was her best friend. She took in the sight 
before her, the red hair, the green eyes, the soft smooth skin.  
Buffy had dreamed about this day, though in her dream world 
had never included Willow being depressed and hurting herself.  
But, that didn't make the woman any less stunning in her eyes.  
In fact, it made her more attractive, because Buffy knew that what 
Willow was going through took a lot of strength and power to 
survive, power that even the slayer didn't have and couldn't 
provide. She was in awe of her best friend, but knew that Willow 
couldn't hold out too much longer- no one can do it alone, even 
the strongest. Buffy knew that was true with her slaying, and she 
knew it was true with Willow, who had to slay her own demons. 

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll just jump right in, then. Will,
I love you. I 
told you upstairs that I'm in love with you, and that is the
absolute 
truth. I'm not just telling you this so that you feel better
about 
yourself- though I'd love it if you did. I'm telling you
because 
you're my best friend and you deserve all the love I can give
you, 
and I can't give you all my love unless I tell you about all my
love, 
can I? Did that make any sense?" Willow nodded, so Buffy went 
on. "Okay. So, I'm not sure when I began loving you- I
think I've 
always loved you on some level, as a friend, as my best friend, 
but that's changed, grown into something bigger, something 
more powerful. You've become the most important person in my 
life, Will. My day begins and ends with you."

Willow didn't know what to say, was trying to gather her own 
thoughts, so she just sat there, looking into Buffy's eyes. 
Unsure 
of why Willow was being so quiet, Buffy went on.

"But, I'm scared. I'm scared and worried because I
don't know 
how to solve your problems. I want to help you, and I'm worried 
that I might just make things more complicated and hard for you 
right now. Maybe you just need best-friend Buffy and not 
hot-for-you Buffy. Which I understand if you do. My first priority 
right now is to help you find a way through this, Will. If you want 
we can just ignore this, if that would make it easier." Buffy
ended 
in a quiet and unsure voice, not really wanted to say that it was 
okay to ignore her feelings, but knowing it was a possibility and 
would be for the better.

"No! No- I don't want to ignore this. No ignoring. Nope,
that's 
not going to happen. Ignoring things isn't good. I- uh. I
don't 
know what to say, though, Buffy. So, I guess maybe I should just 
start from the beginning. I love you, too. Until today I never 
thought about that love ever being anything more than a 
friendship love." Willow paused, trying to gather her thoughts 
into something coherent. 

"Will, I'm sorry- I shouldn't-"

"No, Buffy, let me finish. Please?" The slayer nodded,
settling 
back into her chair. "Like I said, I never thought about my love
for 
you on a level other than friendship love. That's because 
thinking about anything hasn't really been on the top of my 
priority list. I've tried to ignore a lot of things, for a long
time. I 
thought if I ignored my depression it would go away, but it
didn't.  
And I guess I didn't think about what you meant to me because 
that was too hard, and I didn't want to think about possibly
losing 
you. But, I'm thinking now. And realizing some stuff. 
Like? that 
I love you, too. And I think it's more than just best friend
love.  
The kissing today kind of woke me up to that.. It woke up some 
other stuff, too." Willow blushed with this last sentence,
knowing 
what it implied, knowing that she was taking a larger step with 
that implication.

The whole time Willow had been speaking, Buffy had been 
holding her breath. She finally let it out and began to blush 
herself after what Willow said. Kissing the redhead had certainly 
woken up some parts of Buffy that she didn't know were asleep- 
she had never felt that way before. Kissing Willow was nothing 
like kissing Angel. It was sweeter, felt more right, like 
something, a puzzle piece, snapping into place.  

Willow continued after the color in her cheeks had returned to 
relatively normal. "I guess what I'm saying, Buffy, is that
I know 
that I'm not in the best place right now. And I won't be for
a long 
time, I don't think. But, the thought of going through this
without 
you, that would make it a thousand times worse, and I don't think 
I could do it. And I know that a change in our friendship could 
affect this, but I don't see how this could affect it in a bad
way. I 
know you wouldn't ever pressure me to do something I don't 
want to- and I'm not saying that I don't want to, cause I
think I do, 
or I'd at least like to try- and I just don't think that more
love could 
hurt. You're the only person I can feel any sort of safety or 
calmness around, and I guess there's a reason for that." 
When 
Willow finished she put her feet down on the floor, her body 
language telling the slayer that she was welcome at the 
redhead's side. 

Moving over to the couch, Buffy pulled Willow into her arms, 
kissing the top of her head and holding her close. The slayer 
knew that she wanted more, but for the time being was content 
to be close, to be touching. She knew things had just gotten 
more complicated, but the complications didn't worry her at that 
moment. She poured all of her concentration, all of her love, into 
the beautiful woman in her arms, all the while hoping that this 
was a good step, and that they would figure out how to make 
things better.  

To Be Continued.