FIC: THHGTS (5/5)

["SilentSpirit" <imzarqoun@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

well here's the final installment, some of you may have noticed the first actual "reference" to hitch-hiker with the appearance of Marvin last episode. this episode kinda overloads on the references, so see if you can spot them all *g*. Apologies to anyone who doesn't know hitch-hiker, as a lot of this episode may fly straight over your head, or it may just appear that thehumour has become even more surreak than usual... id be interested to hearopinions from both people who have and haven't read hitch-hiker to see howthe episode works overall. now ive bored you all to hell, on with the final episode...


TITLE: The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To Sunnydale
AUTHOR: SilentSpirit
EMAIL: silentspirit@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
RATING: um, 12 or your equivalant i guess...
PAIRINGS: G/J (from ch1), B/W (from ch2), F/T (from ch4)
SPOILERS: nothing too recent, say S4 to be safe, but the setting is AU after S1.
DISCLAIMER: all characters except contained within are copyright to Joss Whedon et al. the inspiration behind the fic-style (The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy) belongs to whoever holds the copyright to the late Douglas Adams' work.


Episode 5 
 

Over the course of the ensuing discussion, it emerged that Giles and Giles were twins, each of whom thought the other was dead. Why they thought this,on the other hand, never came to light.

To aid the narrative flow, from here on in, the 'new' Giles shall be referred to as Oliver. Why you might ask? Because it's his name.


It was only when there was a brief lull in the conversation that Buffy asked, looking slightly wary

"So which one of you is evil then? Whenever you get twins in science fiction, one is always evil." Giles looked shifty as Oliver smiled slightly and responded.

"Giles here used to be the evil one, but I cured him about twenty years ago. He's harmless now." Giles glared at him. "Well, mostly harmless." Buffy looked incredulous

"You were evil?! How come you never told me??" she demanded

"It was a long time ago and I've moved on since then. I think its time I put dinner on, get this prophecy thing underway." It was a blatant change of subject, but no-one called him on it as the door suddenly flew open, revealing a woman of average height, average build, average pretty much everything by appearance.

That would be a 'no' to the knocking then.


"Sorry..." the newcomer mumbled, "I tried to knock but the door just flew open."

My bad.


"Anyway I'm sorry for the intrusion, but I need to know how many slayers there are here, because I've been testing out my new slayer-detector and its giving me weird readings, yesterday it said one, then later two, which I thought was a malfunction so I went and fixed it, and now it's reading four, so."

"That's right, there's four of us," Willow said, cutting her off.

"Really?" All four slayers nodded. The newcomer did a little happy dance

"Thank you so much! With this they can't refuse me entry to the MSG." Oliver turned and looked at the woman

"You're applying to the MSG?"

"Yes, I've passed tests one and two already, this should qualify me for test three," she said, waving the slayer detector about.

"Without a doubt that'll get you in," replied Oliver, smiling.

"Um, excuse me guys, what's the MSG?" asked Buffy. Willow passed her the Hitch Hiker's Guide To Sunnydale.

Here is what the Hitch Hiker's Guide To Sunnydale has to say about the MSG:

The MSG (Mad Scientist's Guild) has been in operation since the late 1200's. It has always upheld the three main criteria for mad science, all of which potential members must pass a test in. They are 1) possession of a lab coat with a variety of suspicious stains, 2) an ability to laugh in a maniacal fashion and 3) invention of a device that under the normal laws of physics should not work. 1756 saw the now infamous factioning, as a large part ofthe then boardroom split away from the main group to form the Guild Of Lunatic Experiments & Mad Scientists (GOLEMS), as they felt not enough resources were being diverted to actual mad science, and not just the social engagements of those who partake in it. One of the social engagements of more recent times is Professor Oliver's Monthly Party Of Mad Scientists (POMPOMS),which is still going strong to this day. Interestingly, the GOLEMS have since moved away from mad science and can now be seen in recurring roles in many fantasy novels and games.


"Hey, I'm sorry I don't know your name, but would you like to stay for dinner?"

"It's Lotus. Lotus Elise, and I'd love to stay for dinner, thank you," she said, smiling sweetly at Oliver. He smiled back.

"I'm Oliver." Lotus' eyes widened slightly

"Not Professor Oliver?"

"Guilty as charged."

"Oh my god! You're like my idol! That anti-evil potion you invented - genius, I wish I could have come up with something that original, I failed my first time because they said my time-machine wasn't original enough."

"You invented a time machine?!" interjected Faith.

"Yeah, you can have it if you want." Lotus removed a device from her pocketand passed it to Faith. "It works by."

"I know how it works, her daughter," she said as she gestured towards the pregnant Willow "is going to be me, and I'll use it in seventeen years whichis how I'm here now."

"Oh."

It was at this moment that a bowl of petunias took it upon itself to appearfrom nowhere two kilometres up in the atmosphere, fall from the sky and then miraculously disappear again a mere fraction of a second before it wouldhave hit the ground. Marvin being unable to witness this as he was still out cold, was replaced in his observation duties by a small white mouse, whothought nothing of the event and merely continued to maintain the running of the planet.


Half an hour later, dinner was served. They all sat around a circular table, with all the couples next to each other (Oliver and Lotus now an officialcouple having decided subtext wasn't worth the effort). Giles and Joyce carried through the various plates of mackerel, potatoes, cod, vegetables andsalmon. Just as they were about to start, Oliver suddenly developed a look of panic, dived away from the table and ran out of the front door. He reappeared a minute or so later with a bundle of what appeared to be napkins

"Lemon soaked napkins," he explained, "No meal is complete without them, I took the liberty of taking some from the plane on the flight over." Everyone was a little suspicious, but to hungry to care. They all tucked in withvoracious appetites and as the meal continued pleasant conversation was started, but nevertheless the main course was soon completed. Giles regretfully announced that there was no dessert, but instead offered tea, coffee andbiscuits to all that wanted.

"Coffee please," said Buffy. Willow waved her hand and shook her head indicating she didn't want anything.

"Tea please," from Joyce.

"Another tea for me," said Oliver.

"Same again," smiled Lotus.

"Coffee for me thanks," said Faith.

"Tea please" finished Tara.

"So... four tea, two coffee." Everyone went silent for a moment as if someone had just accidentally discovered the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything, without even needing coffee. The moment passed however, and soon all were nursing their drinks, except Willow who had started to nibble biscuits instead. Soon all had retreated to the lounge for comfort's sake, and the relative couples were enjoying each others' company fairly oblivious tothe rest of the world around them. It was at this juncture that Marvin awoke, and looking around the room, he decided that all was not lost, and flewaround and parked himself down on the couch in-between Faith and Tara who were at the time kissing. Sadly it was at this moment that Faith decided toreposition herself on top of Tara crushing Marvin with her thigh as she did so. If anyone actually had noticed what went on, they could have gained some comfort in the knowledge that Marvin died a happy fly. But no one did notice, so lets move on.

A little later Oliver and Lotus decided it was time they relocate to a moresuitable venue, and started saying their goodbyes.

"Hey, thanks for the time machine," Faith said as she hugged Lotus.

"Don't mention it" she replied, "I wonder what would happen if I asked for it back," she teased. Faith vanished in a puff of logic, leaving Tara somewhat distraught. "I was kidding I was kidding!" she almost screamed. Faith reappeared and Tara latched onto her and mumbled something about never letting go again. Faith looked a little bemused about this and looked at Lotus for an explanation, but she just blushed and looked away. Luckily no one else had seen the little episode. Lotus made her way to the door to meet Oliver and stepped out as he turned to the room to wave a final goodbye

"So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Why was there never an explanation for Oliver's sudden appearance?

Will we ever find out who Faith's father is?

And what kind of idiot would be hitch-hiking in Sunnydale anyway?

All these questions and more, shall remain unanswered, as this was the final episode of the Hitch Hiker's guide to Sunnydale.



that's your lot i'm afraid. hope you enjoyed the ride.

as always, feedback appreciated.  

Silent.