Re: [Waiting for Dawn - Reply]

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Greetings,
Because of time constraints I must be brief but I shall try to be forthcoming.


I liked this story, it was a nice way to while away a few minutes of an
otherwise normal day. Of course by now I've sorta(Hopefully) established a
repuation for being a fair C&C'er(Okay, so I've been quiet for a while, what?
Don't look so surprised, I said I'd be DOWN not OUT!

So, I reiterate, this was a NICE story. 

At a basic level it aherded to, and followed through with, being a continual
example of Hunter's inherant skill at writing a story. 

Characterization, dialiouge, scene setting all satisfactory with absoulutly
nothing leaping from the 'pages' that would make anything be 'Wrong'.

Note two things though.

1. I said 'Basic' level.

2. I left out the word 'Plot'.

I have, just recently not fifteen seconds ago, said that Hunter is a very
skilled writer, which means she has higher standards to meet. I'm sure this
story was just a 'While away an afternoon' thing and not one that she'd bent
such a mind to as her Red Moon arcs. However the standards
remain..cause..well..I'm picky.

There were three major things that DID sort of make the story 'Snag' in my
mind. They were related to the plot because they were, point of order, absent
or 'Didn't quite catch'. They didn't 'Jive' with what was.

1. Using Rack for the 'Resident Hellmouthy Opener'.
This didn't work.
Why?
Simple. Rack is a Misery Merchant. He makes his living by supplying 'Stuff'to
people they think they want and profiting, ultimatly, by this uneeded want of
his clients which has, over time, become an actual need. 

In other words he's a drug pusher.

Now we've got Rack trying to open the Hellmouth?

What?

Would a drug lord do REALLY good buisness in a post apocolyptic world?

I think not. 

Rack, if anything would be like Spike.

'I LIKE the world. You've got blah blah blah and blah blah blah(Okay, I can't
remember the actual lines verbatim, NOBODY FILL IN THE BLANKS okay, I'm just
not that intrested.)

'And people, millions of people running around like happy meals on legs.'

Like Spike, Rack would not be able to truly 'Profit' from a world given oral
service by the HellMouth(Gives new meaning to the term 'Black And Decker
Pecker Wrecker' doesn't it?)

Rack may be evil, he may be an out and out maggot laden, corpse sucking leech
based life form but he's a leech based life form that's a BUISNESSMAN. If it
ain't good for buisness, it ain't good for Rack.


2. The Slayers. Okay, the usage of Slayers being called and dying was well
used to tell us how distant Buffy had become. But how did the 'Callings'
start? Faith would have had to have died. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see
anything about that. A single sentance, a word, a phrase, a brief descriptions
would have done the deed.

'Xander had to kill Anya after she went all vengeful again. Too bad Faith got
taken out before Xander came to grips with what he had to do.'

Or SOMETHING like that.

The big question 'How did Faith get taken out' really disturbed the 'Flow' of
the story.


3. And final, not really a plot thing but more of a 'scene setting' one. 

The Heaven scene. 

Yeah, nice and everything, sunset check
Clouds, check 
Heavly Choir? Didn't see it but probably there.
In other words, run of the mill standard fade to white scene. Nothing making
it YOURS Hunter, nothing reflecting the skill and talent I know very well you
have. Personalise Heaven, Beyond, Paradise or as I phrased it once 'Somewhere
Else'.

One of the things I think that DID lend strength to my stories was how I
persoanlised Heaven.

Or..whatever.

In the first it was a place of 'White Fuzzy Grass and Peach Sundae skies'

In another it was merely 'Somewhere Else'.

In the latest version it was The Road and The Door. Admittably the Door hadto
GO somewhere but that wasn't important to the story and not written of. 

SO... yes it was nice and fuzzy and I was all 'Awwwwww' but there was nothing
PERSONAL about your paradise Hunter and what, if nothing else, is MORE
personal that your very idea of perfect peace?

Hm?


To sum up:

Yup, darn good story.

With a little revision it could be, yes, a short story that was written to
while away a day or two but STILL and DAMN fine addition to your reptior.

Course, this, like many things is my opinion. Take it as you will.

So, I know I've been quiet for a while so I'm much more limited on what I say
but if I see something worth saying, I'll say it.

So I'll also say this.

MORE STORIES DAMNIT!!

Hunter that means you.

I remain, as always,
Mad-Hamlet


There is only one thing that can damn me.
That can send me down in a swirling maelstrom of fire and pain.
And it is not the word of Man.
And it is not the lessons and rules of the Church, hypocrites every one.
And it is not the words of God, nor the judgements of Angels.
And it not a fair tribunal of my 'peers' that can find me guilty of crimes
immortal.
No. 
I can only be accused, judged and damned by my own Soul.
And I would never be so betrayed.

Mad-Hamlet