Rol II: Revelations and Realizations Ch. 14 by: Alex P.

[keeper444@xxxxxxxxx]

Ok, since the consensus is that I shouldn't take the lack of votes in
the poll as what the majority wants, so for now I will give in to the
impassioned appeals and go ahead and post the newest chapters of R&R
here. I just hope I'm not wasting y'all's time here. I guess those polls
must be a waste of time. Who knew?

So without further eloquence here is the next chapter. More will be
posted tomorrow, I only post one a day.

Alex
------------------------
Full disclaimers can be found with part 1 at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow/message/8661 
------------------------
Or, Find the entire "Higher Power" and "Return of Legends"  series,
from
the beginning, at the "Hand of Chaos" archives at:
http://dark_gremlin28.tripod.com/buf_fic/buf_fic.html 
------------------------
As always all the characters from BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, et al, and are used without permission. Not copyright
infringement is intended and no profit of an kind is being made with
this story.

All other characters are all mine and should not be used without my
permission. K?
-----------------------
Also a big thanks to Cheryl Hill for beta reading the warped and
demented ramblings of my sick and twisted mind, and turning into
something worth reading. Thanks you did a fabulous job.
+++++++++++++++++
Revelations and Realizations (14/?)
By: Alex P.
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Willow had held on to her beloved Buffy, as she had gone through what
could only be termed as an emotional meltdown. She had felt her 
lover's tears as they had soaked through her shirt, a testament to 
her renewed grief for a hero, who died to save his student, and a 
father who sacrificed his all, to save the daughter he barely knew.

All the frightened young sorceress could do, was hold on to her beloved
wife, and give her whatever comfort and support she needed until Buffy
could work through her overwhelming grief.

And hopefully it wouldn't be that one final loss that would push the
Chosen One's already over-burned psyche over the edge and send her
spiraling into a personal Hell from which there was no escape.
=================
That had been nearly a week ago, and Willow had seen her beloved Buffy
making a slow but steady progress toward acceptance, and the 
realization that she could do nothing to change the outcome of those 
events that had robbed her of the man she had learned was her true 
father. 

The redhead also knew that Buffy was very angry at her mother for 
never telling her the truth about the unusual circumstances of her 
birth, even to the point of letting her suffer over the rejection of 
a man that probably never loved her in the first place.

For the first time since the night of the life altering revelations,
Willow had seduced her lover back into bed. They had spent the evening
in the throws of passion until both women collapsed in total 
exhaustion, gently falling to sleep in each other's loving arms 
tenderly seeking the company that only one's true love can provide.
====================
The first thing Willow noticed as her beautiful dark green eyes
fluttered open, was that it was still dark in the rooms she shared 
with her wife and lover, the Slayer. 

She stretched out like a pampered feline, and reached for her gorgeous
blonde lover, but frowned when all she found were cool sheets. 
Surprised she sat up and rubbed her eyes then tried to focus her mind 
on her mate.

<>Where is she?<> the Sorceress wondered<>I guess she hasn't really 
come to terms with Merrick being her father, and the way he died. She 
just can't seem to reconcile herself to all this.<>

Willow was beginning to worry about the way Buffy had been acting ever
since Brigit had revealed that Hank Summers wasn't her real father. It
wasn't bad enough that her mother and everyone else had lied to her, 
but the fact her real father, the quiet eccentric gentle man that had 
been her first watcher, and he hadn't told her who he was, even when 
he was dying in her arms, and that his final words to her was 
actually a cryptic message to her mother. 

Willow wasn't sure which hurt Buffy more, the fact that her mother
withheld the truth and perpetuated the lie by not telling her that 
Hank Summers wasn't her father, even after the man had deserted them, 
and had run off with some silicone filled younger bimbo, then treated 
his supposed daughter like she was worthless trash. 

Not even when he had said all those hate filled and bigoted things 
when he learned of his daughter's marriage to another woman. Joyce 
had still steadfastly maintained the lie that the cowardly bigot was 
none the less her father.

It was either that or the Slayer's problem was the memory of the
extremely rude and disrespectful way she had treated Merrick, when all
he was doing was trying to teach her the skills she would need to 
save, not only her life, but the lives of all her friends in the 
foreseeable future. This had always bothered Buffy when all she thought
he was just a 
simple watcher doing his job, and was killed trying to protect his 
Slayer. 

Now that she knew the truth, and realized that he was her father that
had loved her very much, and 
was trying to insure that she would live, and fulfill her destiny, and
hopefully
go on to a happy life somewhere, it put a whole spin on his actions. 

She now knew that her real father loved her and her mother so much 
that he sacrificed his future happiness, as well as gave his life, so 
she would live on. 

The memory that he died in her arms without her knowing that he was 
her father, weighed heavily on the Chosen One's mind. 

<>Sweet Goddess, I hope she isn't off brooding again.<> Willow
worried <>She is so sad, I don't think I've seen even a grin
since that night and I know I haven't heard her laugh, the agony 
her sweet soul must be suffering, it kills me to see such pain in her 
eyes. I've got to find her, she has to know she doesn't have to face 
this alone.<>

The Sorceress reached out with her mind, attempting to at least locate
her lover, but all she could see were Nightrunner's dreams of hunting.
Determined to find the Slayer, and to stop her from brooding herself
into another depression, Willow began to inventory all the places that
her lover would go to dwell on her problems.

The pressure of being the Slayer had often sent Buffy in and out of 
some very deep dark depressions; the worst had been the year before, 
when a young girl had died in an attempt to trap the Slayer. 

That one had led to the "cutting incident", where Willow had found her
beloved, one night sitting in the bathtub of their downstairs bathroom,
using a razor sharp knife to cut deep slices into her thighs and arms.

The fact that it was the same knife she had used to stab Faith, was not
lost on the worried redhead either.
While the depressions had got increasingly worse, and had become longer
and longer with each occurrence, Willow had been feeling encouraged,
since her lover hadn't had a reoccurrence of the nightmares, since the
strange fight with the demoness Hela and her minions, and their
subsequent marriage. 

The young powerful witch was convinced that Countess Hela was behind
Buffy's bout of self-mutilation, and that it had been an aberration, she
was sure 
that it would not be repeated. The redhead was still concerned, and
tried 
to keep a constant vigil, watching for signs of any repeats of the
problems.

Tears formed in the eyes of the young woman, as she vividly recalled 
what she had seen that night, when she had forced her way into the 
bathroom, and found her lover sitting there, covered with her own blood 
using that damnable knife of Faith's, to cut long narrow slices into 
her beautiful soft inner thighs. 

Willow knew, that as long as she lived, she would never forget the sad
lost look in her soulmate's eyes, the smell of her blood thick in the
air, and the sound of the frightened little girl that lives just below
that tough hard Slayer veneer, crying out for forgiveness, acceptance, 
and love. Willow still had horrible nightmares about that night.

Shuddering at those horrifying memories, Willow launched herself out 
of the bed, and grabbed her cloak. She wrapped it around herself, and 
went in search of her soulmate. Convinced that wherever the Chosen 
One was, the Great Sorceress needed to be at her side.

Finding the French doors to the outside standing open Willow, stepped 
out into the moonlit night, and following her instincts, went in search 
of her beloved wife, Buffy. 

The young witch's instincts were as sharp and as accurate as
always, and she soon spotted the object of her quest, the center of her
universe, sprawled out over one of the stone benches just at the tree
line of the beautiful meadow that held the fountain. 

Hidden in the
shadows, Willow was still as a statue taking the rare opportunity to
watch her lover in private.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, the Slayer got up from the bench and 
began going through some of the newer warm up exercises that Morrigan 
had shown her. Willow was mesmerized by the swift fluid movements of 
Buffy's body, as the Slayer shifted from the warm ups, to the highly
structured, and complex moves, of a combat style that the tall
wild-eyed, red-haired, 
legendary Irish warrior had taught her favorite pupil, as she tried 
to improve the chances of 
Buffy's survival. 

Morrigan had grown very fond of her small blonde student, and was
determined to see that she had the skills to survive the dangers she
must face in pursuit of her destiny. She wanted to be sure, that the
Chosen One, and her soulmate, would be able to come back to them from 
time to time, without the pressures of Armageddon, or severe injury 
shortening their visits in the future.

Willow found her breathing was becoming rapid and shallow, as Buffy,
wearing only a very tight tank top and her flannel boxers, began 
working up a sweat. As if her legs had a mind of their own, Willow 
stepped out of the shadows, the tip of her tongue flicked out over 
her suddenly very dry lips. 

Moving like a sleepwalker, the redhead moved closer to the still 
unaware blonde warrior. Every perfectly performed movement, adding 
fuel to the already raging fires burning in her groin, building them 
into an unbearable, all-consuming, inferno of desire. 

Buffy caught a scent of sandalwood and patchouli, mixed with a subtle, 
earthy scent, that could only be her beloved wife and partner Willow,
wafting to her nostrils
on the gentle night breeze. A slight smile crossed her lips, as she 
caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. 

In the middle of her next move, Buffy suddenly launched herself in a
high arching somersault, landing right in front of her lover. Her 
hazel eyes widened in surprise, when she saw the lust hooded eyes of 
her Willow, the green orbs burning with desire, as they boldly raked 
over Buffy's muscular body.

"Ah...hi." Willow said, as the tip of her pink tongue flicked out to
moisten suddenly very dry lips. "You..ah.. .need some company, maybe?"

Buffy swallowed hard when Willow let her cloak drop, and she realized
that her ethericlly beautiful wife, was wearing the same thing she had
worn to bed that night...nothing. She walked slowly around her lover,
then reached down, and picked up her lover's cloak, then gently wrapped
it around the witch's shoulders from behind.

"Sweetheart, I know what you're up to," the Slayer told her surprised
wife, "and in a way you're right. All of what Brigit told me was a
little hard to swallow. I wish I could say I didn't believe her, but 
her story puts so many of the missing pieces of my life in place, and
answers so many questions that have haunted me all my life, that I'm
forced to accept it. "

The powerful little blonde pulled her redheaded lover into a tight
embrace, and began kissing her neck. The already aroused witch moaned
with desire, driven even further by the nearly uncontrollable lust and
desire, her lover's lips were building within her.

"I know you're worried by the mood swings and depressions." Buffy
whispered between kisses and nibbles, "but I don't think I'm going to
need any extra treatments from you, Dr. Rosenberg-Summers. However, I 
do believe I'm going to need some of your very *special*, and top secret
physical therapy...Heir Doktor." 

Willow giggled at her lover's suddenly revived sense of humor, taking 
it as a good sign.

"You know, in a strange way, knowing that Hank Summers isn't my father,
makes me feel better." the Chosen One said, her voice filled with 
wonder at her own epiphany. "I mean it's kind of nice to know I'm not 
a blood relative, to that narrow minded pig."

Willow turned in her lover's embrace, and looked deep into Buffy's
intense hazel eyes. She could clearly see the considerable power of 
the Chosen One's mind, focusing on the subject she was contemplating. 
It was an awesome sight to see that kind of intellect, concentrated on 
a single subject.

"Buffy? Do you think he ever loved you, as his daughter I mean?" 
Willow wondered out loud "Or were those early years, just an act to 
impress your Mom?"

"No, I don't think it was for show. According to Brigit, Mom had made
her feelings for him very clear," The Slayer answered, the sadness of
those lost years weighing heavily on her narrow shoulders. "I don't
think he was ever really able to love me, I mean after all, I was a
constant reminder of his wife's first and only true love. No, but I do
believe he tried, I think he tried very hard, but in the end, I was
called to be what I was destined to be. All his dreams of normalcy 
went up in smoke, the night I burned the gym at my first high school 
to destroy the vampires. 
That's when things started falling apart. Sometimes, I still wish I 
could go back, and start all over again, maybe...but no, that's just 
not going to happen, is it?"

The sad wistful quality in Buffy's voice tore at Willow's heart, she
wanted to find some way to console her wife, but she knew in her soul,
that if Buffy's life had been different, they would never have even 
met, let alone be married. That was a future the Sorceress simply 
didn't wish to contemplate, instead she decided to try and 
concentrate on making her lover feel better, in the here and now.

"Sweetheart, I'm just worried about you." Willow said softly, concern
and comfort flowed from her, enveloping her hurting lover like a warm
and safe blanket.

She knew her wife's grief for her real father, was a raw and open 
wound, an old scar ripped open again, and had torn her delicate psyche
to bits, as she watched him die in her arms.

"I know you're hurting over Merrick all over again," she continued,
"especially now knowing that he was your real father..."

"Yeah Wills," Buffy interrupted, knowing exactly where her wife was
headed, and knew she wasn't ready to go there, not yet, her vision
blurred as fresh tears filled her eyes belying the "tough girl"
exterior. "It hurts real bad, but what hurts worse, is that Mom lied to
me. 
I knew she acted strange when I finally told her about Merrick, and 
how he died after the thing about me being a Slayer came out. I 
remember she got the strangest look on her face, and she grabbed the 
heart shaped locket that she always wears. 
Giles and I went on with the story, but I remember now, I looked over
at her later, and she was still holding on to that locket so tightly
that her knuckles were white. 
I thought she was upset because Giles was telling the story about the
Master. Her eyes were closed, and tears were running down her face, her
whole body was trembling."

"Oh sweet Goddess!!! Buffy, now we know!" Willow exclaimed in an
anguished voice "I remember, we were trying to figure out why your 
mother was acting so strange, like she was lost. Remember we even 
went to Giles about it, he said it was probably that she was just 
having a hard time assimilating all we had told her. He was wrong! 
Buffy, she understood all about Slayers, and vampires, and demons, 
just fine, she probably understood better than we did.
No, Buffy, don't you see, she was grieving the loss of her one true
love! Oh my love, we had just sat there, and calmly told her that the 
one person in this entire universe, the one she loved, more than life
itself, 
whose child she bore, that he would never be returning to her now. 
When you were watching her that night, you were watching her heart 
being ripped apart. Imagine my soul, if you learned I was dead, two 
years after it happened. Think about it, I can't, it hurts too much 
to even think about."

The two young women held each other tightly, as they considered the
horror that Joyce Summers must have faced alone, with no one to comfort
her.

The bleak and disturbing thoughts brought tears to their eyes, each
imagining how they would be affected by the same situation. Neither of
them could understand how Joyce had carried on with her life, without
going insane with the devastating grief she must have suffered. Then 
how she had kept it all to herself, so she could honor a promise that 
she had made to a man she never loved or trusted, and to another man 
that she loved with all of her being, so that her daughter wouldn't 
be forced to face the same grief she was feeling, and would be safe 
to face her destiny without distractions or guilt.

Both of them remained that way for several minutes each thinking her 
own thoughts, afraid to voice them, terrified that they may become 
reality if they were let out into the open. 

Finally their silent tears 
gave way to soft sobs, but they remained in the loving embrace, 
reveling in the solid reality of their love's safety. 

Then a thought hit Buffy like a ton of bricks.

"Hey I just thought of something!" the Slayer exclaimed angrily "I 
can't believe she did this to me."

She pulled away from Willow, fuming and began pacing, mumbling to
herself angrily, and arguing with herself about some unknown plan of
action.

"Buffy?!" Willow called out, her voice breaking with fear and anguish 
at her lover's sudden very-angry separation. "What's going on? Did I 
do something? Have I hurt you somehow?"

The agitated blonde stopped pacing and studied her wife for a moment,
tilting her head, as if confused by her questions. After a few
heartbeats, very long heartbeats to Willow, she realized her actions,
and how they could be interpreted. 

It dawned on her, that Willow had misunderstood why she was so angry.
Moving faster than the eye could follow, Buffy moved over next to her
beloved
soulmate, and holding her in a tight and loving embrace. 

Then she held her lover out at arms length, but not releasing her, and
let her wife look deep into her intense hazel eyes. Willow's
shining green orbs stared straight into the open depths of the 
Slayer's eyes, and seeing the truth in her soul, finding only love, 
devotion, and complete acceptance there. 

Buffy saw confusion, and doubt on her beloved Sorceress' face, and
instantly felt her heart seize in guilt for having hurt her lover, and
wife.

"Honey no, you didn't do anything," the blonde sighed sadly, realizing
that once again, her mood swings had hurt the person she loved most and
that
was her entire universe. "Oh no sweetheart, it's definitely not you." 

Buffy's hazel eyes reflected her remorse, for causing her Wills to feel
she had done something, and had angered the Slayer. Just as quickly
however,
that look was gone, and was replaced by a look of disdain, and anger 
once again.

"No, it's just that the thought just hit me," the Chosen One growled, 
her face a mask of outrage and disgust. "All these years, my mother 
has been lying, not only to me, but to everyone around me as well."

"How Buffy?" the redhead asked, stunned by her lover's 
revelation. "How did your mother lie to all of us? Besides if she 
did, don't you think she wouldn't have done it, if not for a good 
reason? You know she wouldn't hurt any of us, especially not you, and 
definitely not on purpose anyway."

"Yeah well, I wish I could be so sure." Buffy speculated her wife's
influence, once again keeping the Slayer grounded, and helping control
her ferocious and deadly temper. "I guess she thought that she wasn't
telling me the truth about Merrick and Hank Summers for my own
protection, but it really wasn't. 
It sure seems to me like, she was just trying to save her precious
reputation, but that isn't even the worst part. Don't you see Wills?"

The Slayer looked deeply into her lover's beautiful green eyes, trying 
to convey her message, and hoping for Willow to understand her point. 

"All this time, for the entire last year, I've been feeling like I
wasn't good enough for my father to love me, that there was something
wrong with me, or I had done something bad, and that's why Daddy left 
us, but that wasn't it at all," Buffy began, the hurt of what had 
gone on, overriding even the outrage of being lied to by the one 
person she had always thought she could trust above all others. "I 
was sure my own father didn't love me anymore, and every time I've 
thought of him, it has felt like my heart was being ripped to shreds. 
She could have at least explained about Merrick, and my so-called 
father, at least after Hank Summers disowned me. 
Better yet, all these years, she should have used the knowledge she 
gained from living with Merrick, without ever letting out the secret 
about him being my father, but she refused. Allowing me to go though 
hell, all those years trying to hide being the Slayer, and afraid she 
would find out, and be hurt. 
She let me sneak around, and act like I was being bad or something,
because if she found out, she could be in danger. She could have 
stopped all that, but she didn't. I'm not sure I can ever forgive her 
for that...not ever."

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End 14 
TBC in 15
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