FIC: Something New (2/?)

[Pedder <pedder@xxxxxxxx>]

Well, finally I write another chapter. Something I hadn't actually 
intended to do, btw. "Something New" was meant to be a stand alone fic, 
and I guess it still works that way, but I decided that I'd challenge 
myself and see if I could rework a season entirely from Willow's 
perspective. Hope you like.

Author: Pedder
Title: Something New (2/?)
Disclaimer: The BtVS universe was created by Joss Whedon, I'm just 
borrowing the characters for a while. I don't claim any of it, it's not 
mine, I think you get it.
Summary: A loose reworking of S4 with a B/W angle.
Feedback: Anything, please.
Archive: Go for your life. Just let me know, k?
Spoilers: Only if you're a newbie to the show.

************

I don't remember what I was dreaming, but it must have been nice, because 
I'm very reluctant to wake up. The alarm is going off, and I know I'm 
going to have to be the one to get up and turn it off, because Oz sleeps 
like the dead. The arms wrapped around me haven't moved, so I'm guessing 
that this morning's no different.

I try to get up to turn off the annoying buzzing noise, but Oz pulls me 
back into the bed with more strength than I realised he had. I'm almost 
resigned to leaving the alarm to ring itself out when I realise I'm not 
in Oz's room. I'm in my dorm, the one I share with Buffy, and Oz never 
stays here with me.

So who's arms are holding me to them like there's no tomorrow?

I stiffen slightly as the events of last night come rushing back in. 
Buffy kissed me. Buffy told me she loves me, in more than a friendly type 
way, and I told her the same thing.

Buffy's in bed with me.

Wow. Just… wow. I don't think that really settled in last night. I think 
I had this assumption that I was going to wake up and it wouldn't have 
happened. Not that I didn't want it too - I did, I do, it's just… Buffy? 
Really? Wanting me? I know she said that last night, and I know it wasn't 
the spell, but it's still a bit hard for me to believe.

The alarm intrudes on my thoughts again and I realise that despite the 
events of the previous night, we're going to have to get up. We've got 
psych first thing this morning, and I don't think Walsh would appreciate 
me sprinting in late to another class. After the death-glare and massive 
lecture I got after the last time, I'm not keen on repeating the 
experience.

The alarm finally rings itself out and Buffy still hasn't moved. I wonder 
if she's really still asleep or if she's faking it and just doesn't want 
to face me. I turn in her arms so we're face to face, and she still 
hasn't let go of me. I'm hoping that's a good sign. She hasn't opened her 
eyes yet, and I'm wondering how a Slayer can sleep that heavily. I lean 
up a little a kiss her, praying that I'm not being too forward. This is 
just so new, and I don’t want to blow it or freak her out. I know she's 
the one who started it, but I'm aware that I have a minor insecurity 
problem. Could be from being shut out and rejected for the first sixteen 
years of my life.

Within seconds Buffy responds to my kiss, and I'm almost certain she was 
faking sleep before. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles at me. "Hey," 
she says, and it's almost whisper.

"Hey yourself," I reply, completely at a lost for something to say.

"That was a nice way to wake up," she says, and gives me another gentle 
kiss. "I hope that's an indication that you haven't reconsidered."

I smile at her, and it's nice to know that for once someone else is just 
as insecure as I am. "Never," I answer. "I intend to hold you to that 
promise you made last night."

She's silent for a minute, and I wonder if she's forgotten. I start to 
get worried, fearing that maybe it didn't really mean as much to her as 
it did to me before she answers with a question. "Always?" I nod, and she 
holds me tighter, burying her head against my neck. "That's one promise I 
definitely intend to keep."

I raise an eyebrow, deciding I'm safe enough to play with her. "One 
promise? Which ones were you planning on breaking?" I say it seriously, 
and I can tell she's unsure as to whether or not I'm joking.

"I… uh…" she stutters around for a minute before I decide to let her off 
the hook. She's so cute when she's flustered.

"Easy Buffy," I say, "I was joking. I know you keep your promises." I 
twist my head to check the clock and I realise that if we don't get 
moving soon, we probably will be late. "Anyway, we've got to get up. 
Class starts in about half an hour."

She groans, and I can't help but grin. It's such a familiar sound when 
you mention schoolwork to Buffy. "Can't we just blow it off?" she 
asks. "I'd much rather just stay here."

So would I, but no way am I admitting that. We'll never get going if I do.

"Buffy, we've got psych this morning, and you know Walsh. We don't want 
to get kicked out." She groans again, but I finally get some movement 
from her. Untangling her arms from around me she virtually rolls out of 
bed, and I'm almost certain that anyone without her coordination would 
have fallen flat on the ground trying to do that.

"I hope psych's more interesting today," Buffy calls from the other side 
of the room where she's digging through her closet. "The last couple of 
classes Walsh has been so boring I've almost fallen asleep."

"Almost?" I reply, and for a second I think she was going to throw a shoe 
at me.

"I never actually feel asleep, Will," she replies, slightly indignant. "I 
rested my eyes a lot, but I could still hear her. Unfortunately."

"Well, maybe today will be different." I say, enthusiasm in my voice. I 
happen to like psych, and despite Buffy's complaints, it's actually quite 
interesting.

"How so?" Buffy asks, and I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"Well, maybe you'll manage to really fall asleep this time."

She laughs. "Here's hoping."

---------------

Buffy was right. This is boring. And coming from me, that's really saying 
something. I love school. Well, the learning part anyway. Sometimes the 
actual school bit isn't all that fun. But that's not the point. I glance 
over at Buffy and I'm somewhat put off by the fact that she actually has 
managed to fall asleep this time.

That's not fair.

Right now, I'd rather be asleep. I normally love psych, but ever since 
Walsh was an absolute bitch to me about Oz I've kind of lost interest. 
Who wants to learn from the evil bitch monster of death anyway?

She starts talking about finals, and I perk up for a moment, not wanting 
to miss anything important. When I realise that she's going over stuff 
she's already said, I tune out again. For some reason my gaze wanders 
over to Riley, and I catch him staring at Buffy. Full checking her out 
staring. Fire flares within me and I repress a sudden urge to hit him 
over the head with a shovel - or something to that effect. I chuckle 
slightly as I realise that jealousy just hit me with full force. I guess 
I really am in love.

Anyway, I shouldn't be too hard on him. For all he knows, Buffy's still 
interested. She hasn't really had time to shoot him down since we came to 
an, uh, understanding last night. For a moment I feel sorry for the guy, 
but I'm too happy to really care. I know that's mean, but if it's a 
choice between his feelings getting hurt and Buffy being with me, there's 
really no option. He's a guy, he'll heal. He was probably only after one 
thing anyway. Huh, men! They're all the same.

Buffy mumbles something in her sleep, and my attention is immediately 
drawn back to her. Even asleep she's more interesting than listening to 
Riley as he finishes the class while Walsh starts to pack up her notes. 
Buffy's eyebrows crease as she frowns, and I wonder what she's dreaming. 
I wish I could just fall asleep anywhere like that. I don't get it, 
though. Buffy's the Slayer, so sure, she's out late patrolling and all 
that, but she told me once that she only really needs about three or four 
hours of sleep to function. She almost always gets at least that, and 
usually a lot more. I know for a fact that she got about eight hours last 
night, so she can't be tired. I'm not tired, and I need more sleep than 
she does, probably even after she's had a rough night. She's always hard 
to wake up, too. Shouldn't she have, I don't know, some kind of warning 
thing that goes off so nothing can attack her when she's asleep? She 
should be a light sleeper.

Like I said, I don't get it.

Maybe it's just Buffy. She's so determined to live a normal life at the 
same time as being the Slayer, she probably doesn't bother working on the 
things she considers unimportant. Or maybe she can turn it off - like she 
doesn't bother with it in the dorm or at home because she knows she's 
safe there. But Walsh's class? Not really the safest place to fall 
asleep - especially if she notices.

Riley's just dismissed the class when Buffy's eyes snap open and she 
looks around slightly confused. Her gaze sweeps the room before she turns 
to me, and I briefly consider trying to terrify her with the idea that 
she missed something vital, but then I remember that it's Buffy. She 
probably missed more classes than she went to in high school. Academic 
failure is not going to terrify her. Plus, she already looks kind of 
spooked. She smiles at me and cocks her head toward the door, signalling 
the need to get out of here. I pack up my books as quickly as I can, and 
she waits patiently without saying anything. As soon as I'm ready we head 
for the door, and I can see Buffy's just about to speak when someone 
calls out her name from behind us.

"Buffy! Wait a sec!"

Riley. Oh joy. Buffy's reaction mirrors mine, but she plasters a smile 
onto her face before she turns around to greet him. I try to wipe the 
animosity out of my expression, but I'm not sure how well I do it. Riley 
doesn't seem to notice, or if he does he ignores it.

"Willow, Buffy. Nice to see you both found class riveting today." We both 
shrugged a little, and he smiled. "Don't worry. It does get more 
interesting. There are certain things that we have to cover, and I know 
they're a bit of a drag. The Professor knows it too, but she's got a job 
to do."

Buffy just shrugged again. "I'll take your word for it," she 
replied. "School's never really been my thing, you know? Will's the 
brains in the family."

I smile at the compliment and at the same time I want to hit her. She's 
smart too. Her SAT scores were proof enough of that, and she never would 
have lived this long if she couldn't think on her feet. How can she say 
she's not smart?

We start walking down the hall together and Riley shrugs a backpack over 
his shoulder. "You guys headed over toward Judd?" he asks.

"Student centre," Buffy replies. God, I want out of here.

"Cool," say Riley as he keeps walking with us. Buffy gives me a look, and 
I get the message. It was basically 'take off', but she did it nicely, 
which I guess means she wants to get this whole rejecting him thing over 
with, and it's probably better for his pride if nobody else is around to 
see it.

Fair enough I suppose.

I make some lame excuse and head off in another direction. I don't need 
to hear whatever it is Buffy says to Riley, and I've got wicca group 
anyway. I really hope we can actually do something soon. So far all it's 
been is some group blessings and idle chat about things like bake sales.

It takes me a couple of minutes to get to the lounge the groups using as 
its meeting place, and my mind wanders pretty aimlessly until I get 
there. It was pretty much just thoughts of what Buffy's telling Riley, 
wondering if she tells him about us or if she just says she doesn't want 
a relationship. I don't know if I'm ready to tell people yet, and telling 
Riley would probably really hurt his manly ego. Being dumped for another 
girl isn't something a guy wants to hear. You know, unless he's allowed 
to watch or… oh, I am so not going there. Staying right out of the gutter.

I think Xander's finally starting to rub off on me.

I reel my wandering mind back in when I reach the lounge, and I settle 
myself in one of the few remaining single chairs left. It's a few minutes 
before we start, and when we finally do, the girl who's the designated 
head of the group starts leading us in some sort of prayer to the Goddess 
or something, but I don't pay attention. I have the feeling that this 
meeting is going to be just like all the others. So many people who call 
themselves wicca's, and not a real witch among them.

It's so frustrating. Here's something I want to learn, but I've got no 
one to teach me. Experimenting is dangerous, especially with magic. I 
learned that the hard way. I could ask Giles, but he's not too keen on me 
getting into witchcraft in the first place, and I don't think he's really 
all that experienced himself.

I suddenly realise that my mind's been wandering again, and I snap back 
to reality when I hear the group say 'blessed be' and the girl in charge 
starts going on about a bake sale.

Again!

Is that all these people do? Go out and get lives, people!

Everyone's chatting, talking about this and that, everything except 
magic. They probably don't even believe in witchcraft. I suddenly decide 
to test that theory.

"What don't we do something a bit different for a change?" I ask 
tentatively.

"Like what?" Hey! That girl practically sneered at me.

"Well, there's the wacky notion of spells? You know - conjuring, 
transmutation…" I trail off that the looks I'm getting.

"You know, some stereotypes really aren't very empowering. One person can 
suck the energy from an entire group," one girl says, her tone 
condescending.

"Yeah, maybe be can all get out our broomsticks and fly around on them." 
They all laugh.

Oh, I so want to do something to knock these guys down. Floating a pencil 
would do. I'm really tempted, but I probably shouldn't.

I'm so wrapped up in thoughts of showing off that I almost miss the girl 
who tries to say something. She stutters a lot, and I think she was about 
to back me up, but from the look of her, she's painfully shy. Probably 
worse than me in high school. What did that other girl call her? What was 
it… Tara? Yeah, I think it was. There's something… a feeling… it's a bit 
strange.

I'm still staring at her when she looks up at me. I quickly look away, 
but not as quickly as she does when she makes eye contact with me. Wow. 
This girl really takes shy to extremes.

-----------------

Buffy's waiting outside for me when wicca group finishes. I was going to 
hang around a bit and try to talk to Tara, but Buffy's got this unsettled 
look about her, and she looks like she needs to talk to me. I guess I can 
find Tara later. Whatever's unsettling Buffy has to be pretty important, 
because she doesn't freak out over small things.

Okay, so that's to strictly true. She freaks out over small things, just 
not small important things. A small important thing on a Buffy scale is 
staking a couple of vamps, something which is now so routine to her it's 
almost mundane. The small things Buffy freaks out about tend to be more 
on the level with a big dry-cleaning bill, or possibly a few split ends.

Now, it's when Buffy gets worried about something big and important that 
you should start running for the hills. When she gets worried it means 
that she's not overly confident that she's going to win, which is a good 
thing because it means she's more careful. Of course, it's also a bad 
thing, because it means that it's bad enough that she needs to be more 
careful.

Do you think it's possible for me to cut out half my brain? Because 
seriously, I have way to many thoughts.

Buffy links arms with me and we head out of the building. When we're 
outside and there aren't so many people around, I finally ask her one of 
the million questions burning in my mind.

"So, how'd it go with Riley?" Oh, smooth, Willow. We're not overly 
territorial and jealous. Nope. Nothing of that sort here.

Buffy cracks a smile though. "It was okay. I've never really had to do 
that before, you know? I mean, Angel left me, Scott dumped me, and Parker 
was just… I'm not even going to start. Riley's a nice guy. I really 
didn't like doing that."

"What did you tell him?" I ask, somewhat nervous about the answer.

"I didn't say anything about us, if that's what you're wondering," she 
replied. "I thought that dumping him was enough. I didn't have to go and 
tell him I was dumping him for a girl."

Thought as much. Still… "How'd he take it?" Curiosity's going to get me 
killed one day, I swear.

She shrugs. "I'm not really sure. He didn't get angry or anything, but I 
think it hurt."

He was losing her. Of course it hurt.

"Anyway," she continues, eager to change the subject, "we've got more 
important things to worry about. I'm pretty sure I had a Slayer dream in 
psych."

Slayer dream? So not of the good.

"What happened?" I ask as we're climbing the stairs to our 
dorm. "Badness? Wig factor?"

"Much, and huge," she answers, opening the door to our room. She waits 
until we're inside before continuing. "It was just like I was in class - 
and, can I just add, how bad is that? I fall asleep to avoid learning, 
and I end up dreaming about it - anyway, I was in class and Walsh is 
going on about something or other, and then she asks me to come down and 
demonstrate something. She tells me to lie down on her desk, and then 
she's signalling at Riley to come over. He walks over, and suddenly he's 
leaning over me, trying to take me in his arms or something - totally 
invading my personal space - and all the time I'm trying to get away. 
Eventually he moves back, and looks over to Walsh. She looks pretty 
pissed off, but then she signals to you to come down instead. Next thing 
I know, you're leaning over me, about to kiss me. I tell you that it 
feels strange, doing this in front of the class, and you make some weird 
comment about the sun going down. Then we're kissing - and can I just say 
wow - and when we finally break apart the room's all dark and the class 
is gone."

I smile at her. We're together for less than a day and she's dreaming 
about me in class. Still… "Buffy, thanks for the compliment on my 
kissing, but really, this doesn't sound like a Slayer dream."

She shakes her head. "I don't think it started out as one. Hence the 
whole 'me choosing you over Riley thing' - not that there was ever any 
competition. The Slayer part comes next." I just wait for her to 
continue. "So the room's dark, and then I hear this noise from outside. 
It sounds like singing or something. We go out into the hall, and there's 
this girl just standing there singing something creepy. She's just 
finished when I feel this hand on my shoulder, and I assume it's you, 
since you came out with me, but when I turn around it's this really 
creepy bald guy in desperate need of a tan, with a really bad fixed 
forced smile or something."

This is what she's worked up over? I don't get it. "It doesn't sound that 
bad," I say.

She shakes her head again. "You don't get it, Will. I don't get Slayer 
dreams for just anything. Plus, the demon guy where you should have been? 
Not liking those implications."

Oh.

Oh!

That's bad.

"I don't like that idea," I comment, somewhat surprised at how calm my 
voice is.

"No," replies Buffy, "I wasn't all that keen on it myself. Anyway, the 
whole thing just kinda freaked me out."

"Are you going to call Giles?" I ask.

She nods. "Yeah. I need to tell him that song. Maybe he can find 
something." She stops, and looks at me. I'm sitting on my bed, facing her 
where she's sitting on her own, and she gives me this weird smile when I 
raise my eyebrows in question at her look. She's still smiling when she 
stands up and moves over in front of me. She reaches out to take my hand, 
and I'm still confused as to what she's doing. She just stands there 
smiling down at me, and I'm about to say something when she suddenly 
pulls me to my feet and wraps her arms around me. "But first…" she 
murmurs into my ear, "there's something I've been waiting to do all 
morning."

Before I can register a coherent thought her lips are on mine, and I 
don't even care that my brain's suddenly ceased functioning. Her arms are 
wrapped tightly around my waist, and as I deepen the kiss I slide my arms 
around her neck and twist my fingers into her hair.

I don't know how long we stand there together, and I don't care. Buffy's 
tongue is doing wonderful things in my mouth, and her hands are starting 
to wander. Right… uh… oh…

Sometime while my mind was lost in a Buffy-induced haze we've somehow 
managed to make it onto the bed, and Buffy's on top of me, her body 
pressed into mine. I wonder briefly if this fits into the category 
of 'going-slow', but then she shifts above me and presses one leg in 
between mine and any thought of restraint flies right out the window.

Slow? What's that mean?

My hands have a mind of their own as they start to wander over Buffy's 
body, but from the signs she's giving me, they're doing the right thing. 
I tilt my head up a little to kiss her again, and I know with a certainty 
that this is the best thing I've ever done. Nothing have ever felt this 
right before.

Oh god, I want this.

I want her.

My hands move around to her chest, and I spend a minute caressing her 
breasts through her shirt. Something tells me that that's not good enough 
though, and I tug at the hem of her shirt, trying to lift it over her 
head. I think it takes her a moment to realise what I'm trying to do, but 
when it clicks she pulls away from me.

She doesn't say anything, she just sits there looking at me, her legs now 
straddling my hips.

"Buffy?" I ask, almost afraid. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

She seems almost surprised at my question, and I'm beginning to wonder if 
maybe I was going to fast. Maybe I read something into her actions that 
she hadn't meant. Maybe all she wanted to do was make out a little. Oh 
god, what's she going to think? I mean, she-

"Will," Buffy interrupts my little mental diatribe. "You didn't do 
anything wrong, I just-"

What? Changed your mind? Don't want me?

"-wanted to know if you realised what you were doing."

Huh?

I think she sees that I don't get it. Somewhere along the line most of my 
higher level brain functions stopped working, and they haven't kicked in 
again yet.

"You said you wanted to go slow. Now," she grins, and for the first time 
I notice how husky her voice is, and see the passion in her eyes. "I'm 
more than happy to break the speed of sound, but I just wanted to make 
sure you were aware of where this was going. Because I was about to 
completely lose control, and if we go any further I'm not going to be 
able to stop."

She wants me that much? Wow. But what the hell was she thinking? Am I 
aware of what I'm doing? Of course I'm aware, I'm not some hormone driven 
teenager who lose all capacity for-

Damn.

She's right. I wasn't very aware. I was moving on instinct, with what 
felt good, but as ready as my body is for this, my mind isn't. Oz only 
left a few days ago, and despite what I feel for Buffy, I did love him. I 
can't just get over that, and I know, and I think Buffy knows, that if I 
sleep with her now I'll always have second thoughts and doubts. I don't 
want that. I want to know that I want to be with her because I love her. 
I do, I know that, but I want to be sure I'm not doing some transference 
thing.

Buffy deserves to be my first choice, not the rebound. I have this 
feeling that she'd take anything she could get, but I wouldn't do that to 
her. I think it's just as important for Buffy to know I'm sure as it is 
for me.

I clear my throat, and say one of the hardest things I've ever had to say.

"You're right."

I almost hate myself for the look of disappointment that flashes across 
her face, but it's almost instantly replaced with understanding. She 
gives me this smile that tells me that she gets it, and she's about to 
climb off me when I sit up and wrap my arms around her, holding her in 
place.

"Will?" she asks, somewhat uncertainly.

"I love you," I say, and I flush a little as I continue. "I really do, 
and I really want this. You know, with you. But you're right. We said 
last night we should go slow, and that was the right decision. I know I 
love you, but you deserve to know without any shred of doubt that I want 
to be with you because I love you, and not because of any post-breakup 
rebound thing."

Uh-oh. She flinched when I said rebound. Bad choice of words there 
Willow. "It's not, Buffy. Really. But you stopped us, so I think you know 
that it's better that neither of us have any doubts. I know you, and I 
know that if we let this continue right now, you'll always feel like you 
took advantage of me, and I'd have to constantly reassure you that you 
didn't, and you wouldn't ever really believe me because you'd think that 
I'd be saying it just to make you feel better." Take a breath, Will. "Did 
that make any sort of sense?"

She smiles, and suddenly I feel better. "Yeah Will. It did." I give her a 
quick kiss before unwrapping my arms from around her waist and letting 
her stand up.

"Well," I say, trying to be cheerful and not sound frustrated at the loss 
of contact. "We should probably get over to Giles', right? Tell him about 
that dream of yours?" We need to get out of here, around other people. 
Despite my decision, being alone in a room with her is a bit too much 
temptation.

"Right," she agrees, and we head out the door.

************

Hope you're liking this, and sorry about ending it there. I'll get to the 
rest of "Hush" eventually, but of I didn't stop here I wouldn't get 
around to posting this for another few weeks, and Dan seemed interested 
in reading something (cheers, mate, and loving the encouragement - I'm 
insecure, can you tell?). Life's really got it in for me at the moment, 
so I don't have a lot of time to spend on this. Exams - can't live 
with 'em, can't pass the course without 'em.

Pedder


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