BuffyWantsWillow::FF::Something New (3/?)

[Pedder <pedder@xxxxxxxx>]

Well, this is sooner than I expected. I guess it's just more fun to write 
than that essay that's due tomorrow.

Author: Pedder
Title: Something New (3/?)
Disclaimer: The BtVS universe was created by Joss Whedon, I'm just 
borrowing the characters for a while. I don't claim any of it, it's not 
mine, I think you get it.
Summary: A loose reworking of S4 with a B/W angle.
Feedback: Anything, please.
Archive: Go for your life. Just let me know, k?
Spoilers: Only if you're a newbie to the show.

************

Giles' house. 

You know, I think this is the one place that I don't have a set feeling 
towards. Or maybe it's just that I have too many. Like the old library, I 
guess. Since we blew up the high school, we've had scooby meeting at 
Giles', and that leads to mixed feelings. I love Giles, he's like a 
father to me, but he'll also always be a watcher.

Okay, so I guess he won't, since he was fired, but that's not what I 
mean. He's still there for Buffy, in the watchery sense, which is both a 
good and bad thing. It's a good thing because he's there trying to guide 
and protect us, but it's bad because it means that we generally only see 
him if it's related to something big and ugly. Which then means that if 
Giles says he'd like to see us we're all like 'man, not the end of the 
world again' sort of thing.

It's the same with his place. I feel safe there, like I did in the 
library, even if it was directly above the Hellmouth. But then, we get 
told all the bad stuff at his place, so every time I show up I'm 
expecting bad news, and I hate that feeling.

I have very clear feelings when it comes to other places. I feel safe in 
the dorm, since Buffy lives there with me and it's kind of my home now. I 
feel like a child at my parents' house, albeit a very neglected one. I 
love it at Buffy's - it's almost like home there, and Mrs Summers 
probably cares more about me than my mother. I feel slightly depressed at 
Xander's - he needs to get his life together - but at the same time I 
love it there, because he's there and he's been there for me since we 
were kids. But Giles'-

I can't sort it out. On the one hand, it's safe, a sanctuary, but on the 
other… the amount of bad news we get there always makes me feel a little 
unsettled.

Unfortunately, I don't think that's the real issue right now.

I'm unsettled, sure, and a little scared, but it's not because I'm at 
Giles'. It's because I'm a terrible liar, and right now I have a damn big 
honking secret to keep. I've never been able to lie to my friends, so I'm 
hoping that it's only Giles in there and I'll be able to keep my mouth 
shut and pretend I'm scared out of my mind that I'll slip up and he'll 
judge us and… not that I think he would, because he loves us, but he's 
old, and English, and…

Willow, can you shut up?

I scare myself sometimes, I really do.

I think Buffy's a little worried as well, since she's just standing there 
looking at me like she's waiting for something.

"Will?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" she asks, her voice a little concerned. "You seemed kind 
of elsewhere for a moment."

I shrug. "Nothing serious. Just getting kind of lost in that big black 
hole that is my brain."

She smiles, and all my bad thoughts disappear. I love that she can do 
that to me.

"Ready to go in?" she asks.

Hello again, bad thoughts.

I sigh. "Yeah, I guess."

Buffy seems to know instantly what I'm thinking. "We're just here for the 
dream Will. We don't have to say anything about the other until we're 
good and ready, okay?"

"You know how I am with secrets Buffy," I argue.

"Will you'll be fine," she replies. "Look, if you start, I'll just say I 
gave you coffee." She reaches up with her hand to brush her finger 
against my cheek. "Hey. I love you, okay? But we're here on business. 
Just focus on that."

She gives me a brief kiss and a dazzling smile, and then turns away from 
me and opens the door. Without knocking. Giles really needs to remember 
to lock that.

As we enter the living room I look around, but Giles is nowhere in sight. 
I don't think Buffy even bothered looking, she just yelled for Giles and 
then made her way to the couch. I followed, but sat in the armchair 
rather than next to Buffy.

As it happened, Spike showed up before Giles did.

"What's all the racket?" he asked, grabbing a mug of blood out of the 
fridge on his way past the kitchen and then dropping into the other 
armchair.

"Spike," said Buffy, her voice flat. "Wonderful. Where's Giles?"

Spike shrugged. "I think he went out. Shopping or something. We're out of 
weetabix."

"Weetabix?" I ask. "Why would you care?"

"You kidding?" he replied. "The stuff tastes great in blood. Gives it 
some texture, you know?"

Eww. I knew I shouldn't have asked. It's Spike, of course he has some 
absolutely disgusting reason for wanting perfectly normal food.

"Anyway," Spike continues, "He's been gone for a bit, should be back 
soon. What're you two doing here? Anything going to kill you?"

Buffy just glares at him, and due to the far too chipper tone of his 
voice, I'm doing the same. Buffy's just opened her mouth to retort when 
the door opens and Xander and Anya waltz in.

"I'm here," Xander announces.

Gee, really?

"Why?" Spike shoots back.

"Shut it, dead boy."

"Make me, shagless."

Uh, Spike? Not really an applicable term with Anya right there. I can 
just see that she's going to-

"Hey!" she exclaims. "I'll have you know that-" she doesn't get any 
further as Xander covers her mouth with his hand.

"Anya, honey, while you may be happy discussing that with him, I'm not, 
and we had this talk, okay?" he waits until she nods before removing his 
hand.

"Fine," she says, somewhat huffy, "But I was sticking up for you."

"Thankyou. But let's just leave it, okay?"

No Xander. Thank you.

"Ruin my fun," Spike mutters, and gets a glare from Buffy for his trouble.

Xander ignores him and turns to me. "So where's the G-Man?"

"Behind you," says a voice from the door. "And how many times do I have 
to tell you not to call me that?"

"Probably forever," grins Xander.

"That would be right," Giles sighs. "What are you all doing in my 
apartment, anyway?"

"You told Mum you wanted me to 'swing by'," Xander answers.

"Yes, but I meant tonight. After sundown. So you can take Spike."

"What?" Xander exclaims.

"Yeah, what?" Spike adds, getting up from his chair. "Where's he taking 
me? I'm not going anywhere with him. he'll probably trip over himself and 
stake me by accident."

"Here's hoping," I hear Buffy mutter.

"If I stake you, it won't be an accident," Xander glares at Spike, with 
Anya beside him with an identical look on her face.

"Oh please," Spike scoffs. "You couldn't stake me if you tried."

"Wanna bet?"

Oh please!

"Children," Giles interrupts. "Either be quiet or take it elsewhere." He 
turns to Buffy when no one replies. "Buffy, I take it you're here for a 
reason."

Buffy nods. "Yep, and it's pretty important too. I think I had a slayer 
dream in class today."

"You fell asleep in class?" Giles asks, somewhat disapproving.

"That's your problem in this scenario?"

Ooh, wait. I love this part.

"Buffy, your education is important. You have to-" he pauses, and sighs 
when he sees that Buffy's just looking at him blackly. "There's really no 
point me continuing, is there?" he asks.

Buffy shakes her head, a small grin on her face. "None at all. Don't 
worry so much, Giles. I've got it covered."

Since when?

Did I just think that?

No. Can't have. Alright, who's in my head?

Giles gives Buffy this approving smile, and he's about to say something 
when she continues. "Yep. All I've got to do is sleep with the TA."

What?

"Good. Glad to see you've got yourself… what?"

Paying attention yet Giles?

"Yeah," Buffy continues, "He's already asking for it. He'll be wrapped 
around my little finger in no time, and before he realises it, he'll be 
marking all my papers with nice big numbers."

Okay, I'm not stupid. I know she's joking. She just wants to see Giles 
turn that funny shade of purple. Xander's amused, and Spike's smirking, 
but I'm not laughing. This is hitting a little too close to home for me. 
It's not too long ago that Riley actually was in the picture, and I 
thought I was crazy for having feelings for my best friend.

So, not crazy, but I'm definitely going to have to work on these jealousy 
issues. How did Xander stand it when she was with Angel? It must have 
driven him crazy.

I think I understand now why he always hated him so much.

Giles is spluttering, and Buffy's enjoying every second of it. Well, she 
was until she looked at me. I think my expression sort of gave me away, 
and considering what we almost did this morning Buffy talking about sex 
with someone else, even jokingly, is not something that I'm finding 
amusing.

After giving me a look that was sort of half apologetic and half amused, 
Buffy turned back to Giles. "Giles, calm down. I was joking. I'm not 
going to sleep with anyone just to get better grades. I can't believe you 
actually fell for that. If I was that desperate for marks the entire high 
school faculty would have had a ride. And anyway, how do you think Will 
got such good grades?"

Spike just fell off his chair.

Okay, so I should be pissed. Xander's gaping, and Anya's nodding like it 
was actually a feasible plan.

I think Giles is choking.

Okay, this has to stop. We can't kill Giles. "Buffy," I say, the warning 
clear in my tone.

She waves me off, and quickly starts to root through Giles' stuff. "Quick 
Will," she says. "You gotta help me find a camera. This is priceless."

Personally, I'd rather get a photo of Spike. He's rolling around on the 
ground, laughing his ass off. If he ever manages to get that chip out and 
tries to return to his previous master vampire status, that photo alone 
would be enough to keep him away from us.

Blackmail? Who, me? Never.

Fortunately for him, Giles gets himself under control before Buffy finds 
that camera. Spike's managed to rein himself in as well, and has managed 
to crawl back onto his chair, but every time he looks at me he smirks.

That's annoying.

"Buffy," Giles say when he's got his breath back. "Don't ever do that to 
me again. It's fine for you to say such things about yourself, but don't 
make unfair statements about Willow. You know perfectly well that she 
only slept with the PE teacher."

"Giles!" Buffy and I exclaim together. What is this? Pick on Willow day? 
Spike's collapsed in giggles (and I'll be damned if I ever thought I'd 
see a vampire giggle - well, you know, except Harmony), and I think 
Xander's about to pass out with the shock.

Still, if we're playing this game, I'm not going to be the victim. I can 
give as good as I get.

"Come on, Giles," I say. "You know I had to do it. I'm just horrible at 
PE. And I wasn't going to leave high school with a bad mark on my record. 
And besides, she was one damn fine woman."

"Willow!" This time it's Buffy and Xander in stereo.

"What?" I ask innocently. "It's not that bad. Buffy's mom had to sleep 
with the entire school board before they would revoke Buffy's expulsion."

"Willow!"

"Yes?"

"Stop it, please." Buffy pleads. "I'm sorry, okay? Just don't bring up my 
mom and sex again. I'm having band candy flashbacks. You win, alright? 
Just stop, please."

I smile. This is just too cute.

God, I want to kiss her.

Thankfully (or not), Giles takes that moment to clear his throat to get 
our attention. "As thrilling as this discussion was," he says, a little 
uncomfortable, "I think we had business to discuss?"

Right. Slayer dream. I think I forgot in all the… forgetting.

Buffy seems almost thankful for the change in topic, and so am I. I think 
our encounter this morning is still fresh in both our minds, and I don't 
know about her, but if we had talked about sex any longer I just might 
have jumped her right here. And while I might want it, I'm just not 
ready. I know this. She knows this.

Doesn't mean we have to like it.

Look Willow! Shiny objects!

Focus, please!

Buffy's midway through telling Giles about the dream (I think she skipped 
the part about me), and now she's reciting this poem or something to 
Giles. There's a lilting quality to her words - didn't she say something 
about a little girl singing? I think I remember that.

"The Gentlemen?" I hear Giles ask. "It doesn't ring a bell. I'll look 
into it."

"Thanks Giles," replies Buffy. "The whole thing was just really creepy, 
you know?"

Giles nods. "I understand. I'll let you know if I find anything."

"You don't want any help?" I ask, a little surprised. There's something 
nasty, we research, right? Isn't that how this works?

"Maybe when I've found a little more information to go on. As it is, I 
wouldn't know where to tell you to start."

"That's never stopped you before," I say.

"Well, no. I guess not. You can stay and look if you want."

"Xander doesn't want to, do you honey?" Anya says, grabbing Xander's arm 
and pulling him towards the door. "We'll help some other time." With 
that, she pulled him out the door and Xander waved sheepishly before it 
closed behind him. Buffy just watched them with a bemused expression on 
her face.

Spike gets up and stretches. "Well, as much as I'd love to stay and help 
you chaps go through all the boring books, I don't. I think I'll just go 
and get me some sleep. Try not to make too much bloody noise can you? You 
lot are louder than Harmony, and believe me, that's saying something."

When Spike had left the room, Buffy turned to Giles. "Can't you get a 
less obnoxious houseguest?" she asks.

"I'd love to," Giles answers dryly. "Unfortunately, I'm stuck with him 
until we either kill him or leave him to the mercy of those mystery 
commandos we still know absolutely nothing about."

Buffy sighs. "We'll get to them eventually. We've got more immediate 
problems at the moment. Remember? Slayer dream? Usually a trailer for a 
really bad movie?"

"Well," I say, clapping my hands and rubbing them together. "Let's get 
this party started, shall we?"

----------------

This sucks.

No, seriously. We haven't found squat, and we've been at it all day. And 
it doesn't help that Giles hasn't even tried to catalogue all those books 
we saved from the library. They're all still in boxes in his attic.

Actually, that's not really true right now. At the moment they're strewn 
all over the attic floor, where Buffy got sick of trying to be tidy. 
She's never the research type at the best of times, and going through 
random books all day certainly hasn't helped her temper. At one point she 
even through a book at Giles when he came upstairs to see how we were 
going.

"I hate this," I hear Buffy say from across the room.

"I hear that," I reply. Sure, I'm research girl, but even I have my 
limits.

"What say we leave it for the night?" she asks. "We're not getting 
anywhere."

"No, I guess not," I agree. "What, Giles doesn’t have enough time on his 
hands to unpack some books? What does he do all day, because that's all 
he used to do all day."

Buffy laughs. "You've got a point there Will. I, however, am far too 
tired to care right now." She gets up and stretches, and I have to say, 
it's not a bad view. Unfortunately, Spike choses that moment to walk 
through the door.

"Nice, luv," he say appreciatively. "Why don't you do that more often? 
You're enough to give a dead man a pulse. No, wait, hang on a sec. It 
goes the other way with you, doesn't it. You turn 'em bad. I like that in 
a girl."

"Shut up, Spike," say Buffy calmly. "I don't need this right now. Another 
word out of you and I introduce you to Mr Pointy."

"Mr Pointy?" snorts Spike. "If you weren't the Slayer, not to mention 
such an annoying whiny little brat, I'd introduce you to my Mr Pointy."

"I'd kick your ass before you could even get close enough to bite me." 
Buffy retorts.

Buffy, I don't think he's talking about his teeth.

It takes a moment, but Buffy finally gets it when Spike just 
smirks. "Eww… Spike, that's disgusting. What the hell is wrong with you? 
No, don't answer that." She stops, disgusted, but then a smile creeps 
onto her face. She wipes it off and looks over at Spike, her expression 
serious and concerned. "Spike, you just have to let it go. I'm never 
going to want you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

"What the bloody hell are you-"

Buffy cuts him off. "Spike, I know you're very attracted to me, and I 
understand that you can't help how you feel, but you have to let it go. 
You're never going to get me, and I'm sorry if that upsets you."

Spike's really pissed off now. "Now listen here, Slayer. The only way I 
want to 'get you' is at the end of my fangs, and-"

Buffy jumps in again, trying to sound shocked and horrified. "Spike, no! 
Even if I did like you that way, I'd never go for that. I really think 
you should see someone about this probably of yours."

See this? This is me trying not to laugh.

"Hey Slayer, back off, will you? I'm not like my soddin' 'angel' of a 
grandsire. I don't get off on your type."

"Oh, Spike," Buffy says quietly. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

Okay, I'm lost.

So is Spike, apparently. "What?"

Buffy sighs. "You should have been more open with us Spike. We are 
protecting you, after all. And I do know some great guys I could set you 
up with."

"Guys?" exclaims Spike, his voice strangled.

"You didn't have to hide the fact that you were gay from us, Spike."

Did she have to bring this up? So not a safe topic right now. Although I 
guess I can't talk. I brought it up myself earlier.

"Gay?"

Hey, I think he's hyperventilating.

Is that even possible?

Before he can react, Buffy's pulled me to my feet and past Spike. "Bye 
Spike," Buffy calls over her shoulder to where he's still standing, "Try 
not to jump Xander tonight. You know he's straight, and he probably 
wouldn't appreciate it."

Leaving Spike trying to get himself back together we race down the 
stairs, and after a quick goodbye to Giles we're out on the street, and 
walking back towards the dorm. Somewhere along the way Buffy's hand had 
moved from my arm, and now her hand clasps mine, and I relish the first 
real physical contact we've had since we left the dorm this morning.

Still, something's on my mind, and if I've learnt one thing from Buffy, 
it’s that we really aren’t good at hiding things from each 
other. "Buffy," I begin somewhat tentatively, "can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why'd you pretend Spike was gay?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I just thought it would piss him off."

Uh-huh. "So, it had nothing to do with… you know… us?"

She stops us walking, and turns me around so we're face to face. "Why 
would it, Will? I was just joking around, like I always do, and messing 
with Spike is one of my new favourite hobbies."

"It's just…" wow this is hard to say, "you've never really made comments 
like that before, and I just thought, that maybe, with us…"

She stops me with a finger on my lips. "Will, I love you. If that makes 
me gay, then so be it, but I don't think of it that way. You're all I 
want. There isn't anyone else, guy or girl. You're you. I fell in love 
with you because of who you are, not because of what you look like. And 
that's not saying that you're not absolutely gorgeous, because you are. 
But that's not what's important, you know?"

"I guess…"

"Will, what's really bothering you?"

I shrug, and hang my head a little. "I don't really know. I guess I'm 
just afraid. What happens if we tell our friends and they react badly? 
Will you decide I'm not worth the trouble?"

"Will, you're not trouble. And if you were, you'd be worth every bit of 
it."

That was nice.

Wasn't that nice? She says such nice things to me. God I love her.

"I love you."

She smiles, and leans forward to kiss me. In the middle of the street. 
Buffy just kissed me in the middle of the street.

Wow.

"I love you too." She squeezes my hand, and we start walking again. "Can 
I take you out for dinner?" she asks.

"That'd be nice."

Wow.

I don't think I've said that enough today. I don't think I'm going to 
have said that enough until it really sinks in that Buffy wants to be 
with me. and I think that's going to take a while. It's Buffy. She's 
amazing. And I'm just me. I don't think there's a word in the English 
language to describe what I feel right now. Contentment. Wonder. 
Happiness. They all fall short. There's probably only one other person on 
this earth that's experienced what I feel right now.

Angel.

I know exactly how he felt.

*************

Okay, so nothing much happened. I just felt that after S6 (which I 
haven't seen all of - and last night's ep was cancelled for the tennis) 
everyone could do with something not so dark and angst ridden.


_______________________________
12MB/WAP/filters/folders/fast !
FREE e-mail http://www.ZAPO.net