The Hardest Thing In This World 1/

["bardo4884" <leanne.deplater@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

The Hardest Thing In This World


Disclaimer: The characters and half the story is so VERY not mine ? hey Jos=
s!
Spoilers: A bit of Season 3, 4, 5 and 6. This is set a few days after As Yo=
u Were.
Rating: If I'm any good XXX but maybe just NC17 Hell, this is Buffy WANTS W=
illow right!.
Notes: Dan, I've been trying to get another song fic happening, but this wa=
nts to come out instead. Hopefully the song fic will raise its head soon!
Author: Leanne



The Hardest Thing In This World 1/



She could feel her lover's hands roaming over her body. Teasing her skin. T=
aunting her. She could feel her lover's tongue. Stroking, licking, tasting a=
nd probing. The pace quickened. The thrusts working her into a frenzy. Her m=
uscles tensed. She cried out as her orgasm hit like a tornado. 

Reversing their positions, she started her own personal assault on the body=
below her. She felt the softness under her hands. She let her mouth taste t=
he sensations of the body beneath her. She liked this part the best. Taking=
her partner to the heights she knew she could execute with her own body. Hea=
ring her name screamed in the throes of ecstasy. It was all she needed to co=
mplete her day, or begin it.

She almost had her lover there. She could see the passion rise in her eyes.=
She was just about to hear her name. Goading her lover to the edge, somethi=
ng snuck into her mind. Something that shouldn't have been there. Music, lou=
d obnoxious music. Trying to ignore the audible intrusion, she persevered. U=
nable to mute the noise, she slowly drifted out of her sleep. Looking at the=
clock radio beside her bed, realisation dawned on her. Just another dream.=


Her body aching for release, she opened her bedside draw and picked up her =
vibrator. She had to make her first visit to an adult store after the dreams=
had started. She tried to ignore her body's cravings for release, but it wa=
s getting worse. She relented and decided she needed something to help her t=
hrough these weird morning rituals. Moving the black piece under the bedclot=
hes, she worked her self into a flurry of orgasms. There was always more tha=
n one when her dreams were interrupted by her morning alarm.

She hated waking like this. The erotic moans coming from the other side of =
the wall made her wish it were her that was responsible for the noises she c=
ould hear. She lay in her bed as her hand made its way down to her own wetne=
ss. Both women came together, in their separate rooms. Each thinking of the=
other as they let the waves of desire wash over them. 

Dawn, Buffy and Willow had managed to be home for dinner that night. 
"Can I sleep over at Janice's' house tomorrow night? Her Mom is going to ca=
ll you later to, y'know, legit the deal. It's gonna be more of a whole Satur=
day/Saturday night thing." 

"Sure, as long as someone's with you when you actually make it to her house=
. I don't really wanna spend the night playing hide and seek with Dawn and h=
er fanged boyfriend!"

"He was so not my boyfriend, and anyway, Janice is still under total lock d=
own. She told me to be there about ten tomorrow morning. Maybe you can walk=
me there, because I totally have not learnt my lesson. And it's not like I'm=
fifteen or anything!"

"We'll see what her mom says when she rings." Buffy was starting to think a=
bout the pros of having a Dawn free day and night. And wondering when it wa=
s she actually started channelling her mother. It seemed that happened every=
now and then while trying to parent Dawn.

"Thanks. So, are you going patrolling tonight?" shoving a mouthful of pasta=
surprise Willow had made for dinner in her mouth.
"Yea, I'm gonna do a quick sweep tonight. There's been nothing major on the=
vamp front for awhile, which is definitely of the good!" She was going to s=
weep the local cemeteries, while still trying to avoid running into Spike. S=
he had just about had enough of him trying to get her back into his unlife.=
She was giving everything she had to stay away from him. And it was working.=

"So what are you guys gonna be doing all day and night Dawnie?" Willow had =
now joined the table chitchat.
"Just a bunch of teenage stuff, y'know, goss about the losers at school. I =
can't believe some of the JDs they let loose on us. Like there's this one sp=
az in my English class that just stares. I swear he's like a deaf mute or so=
mething. And Kirsty, in my math class, she a walking health hazard." Leaning=
in for effect she almost whispered the next two words. 
"Head lice ? ewww"
"Teenagers! Were we ever that bad Will?"
"I guess so, but it all seems so long ago, it's hard to remember, what with=
all the Scooby stuff that was school, I guess I didn't take much notice of=
what everyone else was doin'"
"We were slightly preoccupied at school with the Hellmouth weren't we." Buf=
fy paused for a moment, then continued ."Are we reminiscing, cause I thought=
people didn't do that until they got old"

Dawn opened her mouth to say something, 

"Don't say it Dawn, I know what you're about to say and just don't, Willow =
and I are still young enough to hang out with the hippest of `em. Right Wil=
l?"
"You better believe it Dawnie. We are not over the hill yet y' know. Gives =
us another couple of months at least before you bring in the blue hair dye.=
Besides, we can still get down and do the funky groove thang and definitely=
way out last you young'uns."

The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence until the phone rang. Bu=
ffy answered the phone and made the arrangements with Janice's mom.

Dawn and Willow spent the night at home. Willow thinking about Buffy. Buffy=
patrolling, thinking about Willow. Dawn had been around her sister all her=
life, and her sisters' best friend for a third of her life. She knew these t=
wo. She knew how to get to them. She knew how to get what she wanted from th=
em. And now, she wanted them together. Where they belonged. She had witnesse=
d the stolen glances between the two women. She thought that they would have=
joined naturally, but these two were dense when it came to affairs of the h=
eart. She was glad she could spend so much time at Janice's house, leaving B=
uffy and Willow alone together.

As always, her thoughts turned to Willow. Walking through the towns' cemete=
ries, she thought about the time she had spent in Heaven. And what had happe=
ned since she'd been back. She had wanted to tell Willow about her time in H=
eaven. She hadn't told anyone, except Spike, and all he knew was she was. Bu=
t no one knew what had happened while she was there.

Willow was her best friend. They used to tell each other everything. She ne=
eded that connection again. The way Willow would sit and listen to whatever=
was bothering her. She knew Willow would never judge her. She knew Willow wo=
uld see the problems for what they were and try to help, whatever way she co=
uld. She just hoped Willow would be there for her again. She needed her.

Her mind flashed a picture of the red headed woman. The face she saw was th=
e face she knew so well. She could describe the face perfectly with her eyes=
closed. Her friends face had been etched into her mind. All she needed to d=
o was close her eyes and Willow was looking back at her. More recently thoug=
h, she didn't even have to close her eyes to see the face.

While she was in Heaven, she realised the biggest mistake she had ever made=
. She thought about how stupid she had been. She had a lot of time to reflec=
t and process the existence that had been her life. All thoughts were taken=
up by Willow. If only she had said three more tiny little words when she was=
alive, Heaven may have been perfect for her. But it wasn't. If only she had=
paid more attention to her emotions when she was alive, she would have been=
happy for all eternity. But she didn't. Instead, she ignored the fact she h=
ad fallen in love with her best friend. Pushed it aside. She thought she did=
n't need to complicate her life anymore than it had been. She didn't want to=
risk the friendship she had shared with Willow. She was petrified Willow wo=
uld freak. Instead, she went through life holding Willow in her heart, not l=
etting anyone else know. 

She knew how to date boys. That's what everyone expected from her. To date =
boys and slay demons. That was all she did. She took the easy road. She date=
d Riley. Why not, Willow was dating Tara? He had known her heart didn't belo=
ng to him and that it never would. She resigned to the fact of not being wit=
h anyone else, it wouldn't be fair. If she couldn't have Willow, then she di=
dn't want anybody. All these thoughts and more stayed in her plaguing her mi=
nd. So she prepared to spend the rest of forever in Heaven thinking about wh=
at never was. 

But now, she was back. She knew she would not be given another chance at tr=
ue love, the type of love that is forever. And she knew all about forever, i=
t was all she had in Heaven. She wanted to tell Willow, she needed to tell h=
er, regardless of the consequences. She held hope that Willow would take her=
feelings for all that they were. There was hope in her heart. She was sure=
Willow wouldn't leave now. Their bond had changed during her transition back=
to earth. She could feel it. She owed it to herself, to Willow. She needed=
the honesty between them. She knew Willow wouldn't run, but it would change=
things between them. She wasn't going to waste another night sliding into sl=
eep wondering what would happen if she told Willow she loved her. She was go=
ing home to set things right between them. She wanted to come clean with the=
mess she had made for herself. She wanted to crawl out of the mess that was=
her life since her return. The mess that was Spike. She'd tell Willow about=
her time in Heaven. She was going to bare her complete heart and soul to th=
e woman who meant everything to her. Feeling better, she made her final swee=
p and headed for home - glad she managed to avoid Spike all night.