reposting: Fic: The Hardest Thing In This World 1/

["bardo4884" <leanne.deplater@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Sorry, hopefully this will look much better:




The Hardest Thing In This World - take 2


Disclaimer: The characters and half the story is so VERY not mine ? 
hey Joss!
Spoilers: A bit of Season 3, 4, 5 and 6. This is set a few days after 
As You Were.
Rating: If I'm any good XXX but maybe just NC17 Hell, this is Buffy 
WANTS Willow right!.
Notes: Dan, I've been trying to get another song fic happening, but 
this wants to come out instead. Hopefully the song fic will raise its 
head soon!
Author: Leanne



The Hardest Thing In This World 1/



She could feel her lover's hands roaming over her body. Teasing her 
skin. Taunting her. She could feel her lover's tongue. Stroking, 
licking, tasting and probing. The pace quickened. The thrusts working 
her into a frenzy. Her muscles tensed. She cried out as her orgasm 
hit like a tornado. 

Reversing their positions, she started her own personal assault on 
the body below her. She felt the softness under her hands. She let 
her mouth taste the sensations of the body beneath her. She liked 
this part the best. Taking her partner to the heights she knew she 
could execute with her own body. Hearing her name screamed in the 
throes of ecstasy. It was all she needed to complete her day, or 
begin it.

She almost had her lover there. She could see the passion rise in her 
eyes. She was just about to hear her name. Goading her lover to the 
edge, something snuck into her mind. Something that shouldn't have 
been there. Music, loud obnoxious music. Trying to ignore the audible 
intrusion, she persevered. Unable to mute the noise, she slowly 
drifted out of her sleep. Looking at the clock radio beside her bed, 
realisation dawned on her. Just another dream. 

Her body aching for release, she opened her bedside draw and picked 
up her vibrator. She had to make her first visit to an adult store 
after the dreams had started. She tried to ignore her body's cravings 
for release, but it was getting worse. She relented and decided she 
needed something to help her through these weird morning rituals. 
Moving the black piece under the bedclothes, she worked her self into 
a flurry of orgasms. There was always more than one when her dreams 
were interrupted by her morning alarm.

She hated waking like this. The erotic moans coming from the other 
side of the wall made her wish it were her that was responsible for 
the noises she could hear. She lay in her bed as her hand made its 
way down to her own wetness. Both women came together, in their 
separate rooms. Each thinking of the other as they let the waves of 
desire wash over them. 

Dawn, Buffy and Willow had managed to be home for dinner that night. 
"Can I sleep over at Janice's' house tomorrow night? Her Mom is going 
to call you later to, y'know, legit the deal. It's gonna be more of a 
whole Saturday/Saturday night thing." 

"Sure, as long as someone's with you when you actually make it to her 
house. I don't really wanna spend the night playing hide and seek 
with Dawn and her fanged boyfriend!"

"He was so not my boyfriend, and anyway, Janice is still under total 
lock down. She told me to be there about ten tomorrow morning. Maybe 
you can walk me there, because I totally have not learnt my lesson. 
And it's not like I'm fifteen or anything!"

"We'll see what her mom says when she rings." Buffy was starting to 
think about the pros of having a Dawn free day and night. And 
wondering when it was she actually started channelling her mother. It 
seemed that happened every now and then while trying to parent Dawn.

"Thanks. So, are you going patrolling tonight?" shoving a mouthful of 
pasta surprise Willow had made for dinner in her mouth.
"Yea, I'm gonna do a quick sweep tonight. There's been nothing major 
on the vamp front for awhile, which is definitely of the good!" She 
was going to sweep the local cemeteries, while still trying to avoid 
running into Spike. She had just about had enough of him trying to 
get her back into his unlife. She was giving everything she had to 
stay away from him. And it was working.
"So what are you guys gonna be doing all day and night Dawnie?" 
Willow had now joined the table chitchat.
"Just a bunch of teenage stuff, y'know, goss about the losers at 
school. I can't believe some of the JDs they let loose on us. Like 
there's this one spaz in my English class that just stares. I swear 
he's like a deaf mute or something. And Kirsty, in my math class, she 
a walking health hazard." Leaning in for effect she almost whispered 
the next two words. 
"Head lice ? ewww"
"Teenagers! Were we ever that bad Will?"
"I guess so, but it all seems so long ago, it's hard to remember, 
what with all the Scooby stuff that was school, I guess I didn't take 
much notice of what everyone else was doin'"
"We were slightly preoccupied at school with the Hellmouth weren't 
we." Buffy paused for a moment, then continued ."Are we reminiscing, 
cause I thought people didn't do that until they got old"

Dawn opened her mouth to say something, 

"Don't say it Dawn, I know what you're about to say and just don't, 
Willow and I are still young enough to hang out with the hippest 
of `em. Right Will?"
"You better believe it Dawnie. We are not over the hill yet y' know. 
Gives us another couple of months at least before you bring in the 
blue hair dye. Besides, we can still get down and do the funky groove 
thang and definitely way out last you young'uns."

The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence until the phone 
rang. Buffy answered the phone and made the arrangements with 
Janice's mom.

Dawn and Willow spent the night at home. Willow thinking about Buffy. 
Buffy patrolling, thinking about Willow. Dawn had been around her 
sister all her life, and her sisters' best friend for a third of her 
life. She knew these two. She knew how to get to them. She knew how 
to get what she wanted from them. And now, she wanted them together. 
Where they belonged. She had witnessed the stolen glances between the 
two women. She thought that they would have joined naturally, but 
these two were dense when it came to affairs of the heart. She was 
glad she could spend so much time at Janice's house, leaving Buffy 
and Willow alone together.

As always, her thoughts turned to Willow. Walking through the towns' 
cemeteries, she thought about the time she had spent in Heaven. And 
what had happened since she'd been back. She had wanted to tell 
Willow about her time in Heaven. She hadn't told anyone, except 
Spike, and all he knew was she was. But no one knew what had happened 
while she was there.

Willow was her best friend. They used to tell each other everything. 
She needed that connection again. The way Willow would sit and listen 
to whatever was bothering her. She knew Willow would never judge her. 
She knew Willow would see the problems for what they were and try to 
help, whatever way she could. She just hoped Willow would be there 
for her again. She needed her.

Her mind flashed a picture of the red headed woman. The face she saw 
was the face she knew so well. She could describe the face perfectly 
with her eyes closed. Her friends face had been etched into her mind. 
All she needed to do was close her eyes and Willow was looking back 
at her. More recently though, she didn't even have to close her eyes 
to see the face.

While she was in Heaven, she realised the biggest mistake she had 
ever made. She thought about how stupid she had been. She had a lot 
of time to reflect and process the existence that had been her life. 
All thoughts were taken up by Willow. If only she had said three more 
tiny little words when she was alive, Heaven may have been perfect 
for her. But it wasn't. If only she had paid more attention to her 
emotions when she was alive, she would have been happy for all 
eternity. But she didn't. Instead, she ignored the fact she had 
fallen in love with her best friend. Pushed it aside. She thought she 
didn't need to complicate her life anymore than it had been. She 
didn't want to risk the friendship she had shared with Willow. She 
was petrified Willow would freak. Instead, she went through life 
holding Willow in her heart, not letting anyone else know. 

She knew how to date boys. That's what everyone expected from her. To 
date boys and slay demons. That was all she did. She took the easy 
road. She dated Riley. Why not, Willow was dating Tara? He had known 
her heart didn't belong to him and that it never would. She resigned 
to the fact of not being with anyone else, it wouldn't be fair. If 
she couldn't have Willow, then she didn't want anybody. All these 
thoughts and more stayed in her plaguing her mind. So she prepared to 
spend the rest of forever in Heaven thinking about what never was. 

But now, she was back. She knew she would not be given another chance 
at true love, the type of love that is forever. And she knew all 
about forever, it was all she had in Heaven. She wanted to tell 
Willow, she needed to tell her, regardless of the consequences. She 
held hope that Willow would take her feelings for all that they were. 
There was hope in her heart. She was sure Willow wouldn't leave now. 
Their bond had changed during her transition back to earth. She could 
feel it. She owed it to herself, to Willow. She needed the honesty 
between them. She knew Willow wouldn't run, but it would change 
things between them. She wasn't going to waste another night sliding 
into sleep wondering what would happen if she told Willow she loved 
her. She was going home to set things right between them. She wanted 
to come clean with the mess she had made for herself. She wanted to 
crawl out of the mess that was her life since her return. The mess 
that was Spike. She'd tell Willow about her time in Heaven. She was 
going to bare her complete heart and soul to the woman who meant 
everything to her. Feeling better, she made her final sweep and 
headed for home - glad she managed to avoid Spike all night.