Willow's Letters #2 Dear Buffy pg16

["vampred5" <cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Willow's Letters
#2-Dear Buffy
Red:cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxxxx
Joss' stuff.
Summary: #2 in the, Willow's Letters series.
Distribution: The usual suspects. Anyone else, just ask.
I want to know what you think. Who should Will write to? Once her 
letters are finished, one will respond. Let's see how this works, 
then you can tell me who you want that one to be. Sound of the fun?


Dear Buffy,
K, this is kinda weird, writing this while you're just across the 
room from me. But, well, I need to do it and my courage seems to 
actually be here at the moment so, here I am. And now that I'm here, 
I'm not really sure where to begin. Uh, k, I love you Buffy.
Straight to the point, that's me. Yep, I love you. You knew that 
already, right? I mean, ya can't really have the best friend thing 
without the love. Well, you could, but would it really be a best 
friend thing? And if it were, wouldn't it be kind of shallow? Who 
wants a best friend that doesn't love them? Maybe a vampire, sure, or 
another hellmouthy creature, but we breathing, non-evil types like 
the love. Love the love. Wait, that sounds a little too hippie-esque, 
doesn't it? Love the love, dude. Yes, way too hippie.
And k, just realized that babble is in full mode. Sorry. You know 
me. Sometimes it just takes over. Like when I'm really nervous, 
although, I do tend to babble at times when I am not nervous about 
anything. Like that day you, Xander and myself were in the pet store 
and the kittens were - wait, doing it again. Bad Willow. Guess I have 
to blame the nerves on this one. 
See, Buffy, when I said that I loved you, I meant that I, well, 
love you. As in, LOVE YOU. I love you, Buffy. I'm in love with you, 
Buffy. There, I said it. Wow, it does feel as though a weight has 
been lifted! Hmm, I always thought that was just a figure of speech. 
But back to the, me being in love with you stuff..
I think it happened the day I did the spell to restore Angel's 
soul. That's when I knew that what I felt for you was something of 
the big. Not that best friends isn't, but, well, for the sake of 
remaining babble free, you know what I mean. It was just that after 
it was over, the spell, it hit me. Xander and Cordy went home. Oz was 
getting food from the vending machines. I was alone in the hospital 
room and all I could think about, was how much I desperately wanted 
the spell to work. And not because that would mean that I'm the, cool 
spell girl, although, hey, a neat thing that would be. No, I wanted 
it to work because of you. I knew how much you loved Angel and I saw 
how it was killing you, seeing him as Angelus. It broke my heart. I 
couldn't take seeing you in so much pain. I would have done anything 
to stop it. That's why I did the spell. That's why I prayed more than 
I've ever prayed that it would work.
That's when I knew that I loved you for more than just a best 
friend. Goddess, Buffy, I'm sitting here watching you train with 
Giles and it's hard to breathe, you're so beautiful. Everything about 
you is beautiful. Even the way you drool when you're asleep. Yeah, 
you drool and yeah, I watch you sleep. I can't help myself. When I 
see you lying there, all curled up, wearing your yummy sushi pajamas, 
a peaceful look on your face, I forget all about the vampires and the 
demons and the jerk werewolf that ran away. None of that exists when 
I look at you. All I see is this beautiful woman that keeps me safe, 
makes me smile, dries my tears, calms my fears, never lets me down. I 
see the person I love more than life itself. I see the one thing in 
my life that I could never live without.
Wow, that was a lot of weights there! I guess now comes the part 
when I tell ya how scared I am. How I'm afraid that I've just ruined 
the best relationship I've ever had. How my heart trembles waiting 
for, the talk. The one where you say, " Willow, I care about you, but 
not like that. "
Goddess, I pray that you don't say that. I pray harder than when I 
did the restoration spell. No, no I don't. I want to, but I can't. As 
much as I want to hear you tell me that you feel the same, that you 
are in love with me, too, I just can't bring myself to pray harder. I 
remember your face when you saw Angelus. How your beautiful eyes wept 
tears that would never fall. I could never want anything more than to 
see that pain gone. Does that make any sense? Goddess, I hope so. 
Buffy, please don't hate me for this. I had to tell you. It was 
eating me up inside. And, no matter what happens, even if you do hate 
me, always know that I will always love you. I will always be here 
for you. I will always be Your Willow. Always.
Willow