FIC; Life; Version 2.0

[JDMeans@xxxxxxx]

Disclaimers;
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and UPN are the Powers That Be here. I'm just 
trying to figure out what the hell the Season Finale was about!

Archives;
Let me know, and spell my name right.

Spoilers;
Up to the Sixth Season finale. You have been warned!

Feedback;
Oh pul-leeze!

Rating;
PG-13 for now, later chapters may change.

Summary;
And older, wiser and sadder Willow makes a wish…


Life; Version 2.0
By Kirayoshi

Chapter one;
I'm a Hazard to Myself

"Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe me something
A day in the life of someone else? 
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself 

Don't let me get me 
I'm my own worst enemy 
Its bad when you annoy yourself 
So irritating 
Don't wanna be my friend no more 
I wanna be somebody else."
--Pink
"Don't Let Me Get Me"


The moment that Willow first set foot on the Sunnydale High campus, she was 
assailed by a thousand familiar sights, sounds, smells. The smells 
especially brought it back to her. She recalled something Buffy had said 
(Would say, she corrected herself absently) about sense memory; "I smell a 
roasting turkey, and suddenly I'm ten years old again." Willow reflected on 
that observation as she located her old locker, passing through the halls; 
the freshly scrubbed linoleum floor in the main hall, the faint fragrance of 
orange blossom from the trees outside, the chemical smells from the lab 
areas.  

As she wandered the halls, halls that she remembered seeing destroyed in 
another life, her mind flashed back to a thousand memories, a thousand 
images, some happy, some terrifying. The gym lockers, where she once saw a 
dead body. Oz observing that the monkey animal crackers were the only ones 
that wore clothes. Her first contact with Malcolm Black. Sitting on the 
lawn with Buffy, discussing their future.

"It's a good fight," she told her (would tell her), "and I want in."

Yeah, right. A good fight. Little did I know that Buffy and I would wind up 
on opposite sides of the fight!

"Willow?" the teacher who walked in with her asked gently, nudging her back 
to reality. "You okay?"

"Huh?" Willow hastily collected herself, then faced Jenny Calendar. "Yeah,I 
guess. Uh, you ever feel deja-vu?"

Jenny smiled at the nervous redhead. "Of course, Willow. Everyone does, 
from time to time."

"Well, whatever you call the opposite of deja-vu, I've got it." She glanced 
around the halls, at the cafeteria door, at the ever-present soda machine ("I 
press the cola button; you give me a root beer.") "I know I've been here, 
but it doesn't feel right. I mean, I was in my junior year of college justa 
couple of days ago, now I'm back in high school."

Jenny nodded knowingly, placing a gentle hand on Willow's shoulder. "Don't 
worry about it, friend. I'm here for you." For a timeless instant, Willow 
allowed herself to be comforted by Jenny's presence.

"Ahem," an unpleasantly familiar voice broke the moment. Willow and Jenny 
turned sharply, glaring as Principal Snyder approached them. Judging from 
the overly pleased-with-himself smile playing on his face, he had either 
suspended an honors student or recently drowned a sack of kittens. "I trust 
that I don't need to remind you of my stand on public displays of affection, 
Miss Calendar?"

"I was merely providing one of my top students some support, Mr. Snyder," 
Jenny answered.

"That's what the taxpayers pay our school councilor for," Snyder snapped 
haughtily, ignoring Jenny's smoldering anger and Willow's growing discomfort.

"All that incompetent fool will do," Jenny snarled quietly, "is prescribe her 
enough Ritalin to calm an active volcano. She doesn't need drugs, she needs 
emotional support and friendship. I know these things are alien to you, 
considering that you've never experienced them yourself--"

"One more word," Snyder intoned angrily, "and you can start looking for 
another job!"

Jenny crossed her arms defiantly, regarding the principal with undisguised 
contempt. She stepped forward, until her face was directly in front of 
Snyder's, and looked down at him in an intimidating stare. "I think you'll 
find," she spoke with deadly calm, "that the school board handles the 
dismissal of school staff here, not you. And I hereby give you notice that 
I'm drafting a formal grievance, which I intend to submit to the school 
board, citing you with gross negligence and incompetence in your duties as 
principal of this school. And once the board investigates, and hears how 
you've bullied the teachers and students at Sunnydale High to adhere to your 
perverse sense of order, at the expense of the school's scholastic record…
well, my advice to you is to start job hunting now."  

Turning away from Snyder, she walked back to Willow, who suddenly gazed upon 
her computer teacher with a new-found awe and respect. Smiling, Jenny 
glanced back at Snyder, adding, "I hear the Double-Meat Palace is hiring."  
Snyder stood in the hallway, sputtering in impotent rage as Jenny and Willow 
walked away.  

Willow couldn't help but smile at Jenny as she commented, "Nice bluff, Miss 
Calendar."

"What bluff?" Jenny asked innocently. "As soon as I finish that letter, it's 
in the mail! That goose-stepping martinet's going down!"

Willow walked alongside Jenny in silence, digesting these words. She 
realized that Jenny must have had that letter in her computer hard drive, but 
was unable to mail it to the school board before Angelus killed her. If she 
succeeded in saving Jenny's life, did that mean that the school board would 
consider replacing Mr. Snyder? How would that affect her life, Buffy's life, 
the lives of their friends?

Willow shook her head fiercely, banishing her speculation. All that mattered 
was that she was going to save Jenny. She was going to save them all. She 
wasn't going to travel the road that she had before. That's all that 
mattered.

"Uh, Willow," Jenny approached the young woman hesitantly. "Do you remember 
your class schedule?"

Willow stood still for a moment, blanking on her next class. She then 
remembered the backpack she had taken with her. She rummaged through her 
book bag, locating a three-ring binder. Turning to a folder page, she sighed 
with relief. "I wrote them down, first day of the quarter. English for 
first period, chemistry for second…yeah, got it."

"Good," Jenny smiled. "Hopefully you won't have any trouble taking these 
classes all over again after four years. Okay, here's the plan. You and I 
will meet the others in the library during your free period, and we can 
figure this out then."

"No problem, Miss Calendar," Willow nodded. "I just hope I can get it right 
this time."

Jenny glanced at Willow, puzzled. "Get what right?"

Willow regarded Jenny with eyes that seemed impossibly old. Jenny found 
herself staring into Willow's eyes, wondering what the poor girl had seen or 
done for her eyes to look so haunted. More so than Buffy's eyes even.  

Willow lowered her eyes, uncomfortable with Jenny's intense scrutiny, and as 
she turned toward her first class, she simply said, "Everything, Miss 
Calendar. Everything."

======== 

The moment Willow walked into the library, the first thing she noticed was 
the disapproving glare from Buffy. Not as toxic as the almost passive 
dismissal she saw in Buffy's eyes just before returning to the past, but 
still hurtful. "Willow," she barked in a serious tone. "Where were you? We 
were gonna do the whole slumber-party-with-weapons thing last night."

"Uh," was all that Willow could say, before Buffy's expression shifted, anda 
sly smile crossed her face. "Don't worry, Willow, I'm just yanking your 
chain. Miss Calendar called me, she said that the whole magic lesson had 
taken a little longer, and you were going to crash at her place."

"So, you're, uh, okay with my bailing on you?" Willow stammered, slightly 
relieved that she didn't have to make any explanations before Jenny and the 
others arrived.  

"More than okay," Buffy nodded. "With Angelus out and about, I don't want 
you going anywhere alone at night, even to see me. He's trying to taunt me, 
and it'd be just like him to put you or Xander, or Mom even, in the line of 
fire. I'd rather be alone and know you're safe."

"Yeah, I guess," Willow answered. Hopefully that instinct of his would be 
curbed soon. She glanced around, waiting for the others, then smiled at her 
friend. "So, Buffy. How's Dawn?"

Buffy blinked for a second, her brow wrinkling in confusion. "Dawn? Dawn 
who?"

"Uh…" Willow gulped hard. Remembering Buffy's teen-aged sister andher own 
deep-seated memories of the girl, Willow had forgotten that her memories of 
Dawn were a fiction created by a band of monks who had created her to hide 
the Key to the world's destruction from an insane goddess. Reflecting on the 
spot, she realized that she now had two sets of memories; she remembered 
being kidnapped by the robot demon Moloch, and she also remembered an 
alternate scenario where she and Dawn were Moloch's captives. Several 
situations she could remember, both with and without Buffy's sister. A very 
confusing situation, and one that she would have to deal with at a later 
time.

But for now, she had to confront Buffy, and cover her gaffe. "Oh, yeah, 
Dawn. How was the dawn? I mean, you catch the sunrise? Pretty cool stuff 
today. A few extra reds and golds in the sunrise today. Real breathtaking."

"Willow," Buffy frowned, not unkindly, "you're babbling."

"Of course, I'm babbling," Willow grinned nervously. "It's my trademark.  
Xander makes bad jokes, Cordy insults everyone, I babble."

"It's okay, Willow," Buffy smiled reassuringly at her best friend. "I needed 
my daily allowance of Willow-babble. Let's get ready for the others.  
Hopefully Giles has found that un-invite spell to keep Angelus out of my 
house."

"Yeah," Willow murmured. "Uh, actually, there's something big that I gotta 
talk to you guys about. But I want to wait until the rest of the gang's 
here. Something's happened, and it's gonna change everything."

Buffy chuckled slightly. "Sounds like an infomercial. What's the up?"

"Can't tell you right now," Willow answered impatiently. "Trust me?"

Buffy placed a gentle hand on Willow's shoulder. "Always," she promised.

Willow said nothing, as she and Buffy took their places at their regular 
meeting table. Almost immediately, Giles emerged from the library, as Jenny, 
Xander, Cordy and Oz filed into the library. The sight of her former love 
caused Willow's breath to hitch in her throat. Willow absently wrung her 
hands in her lap as Oz approached her. Oz leaned in slightly to steal a 
kiss, but Willow turned her head slightly. "Hey, honey," Oz questioned her.  
"Something the matter?"

"Uh, nothing, Oz," Willow answered hesitantly, "I've just got a lot on my 
mind." Oz seemed to accept Willow's reticence, and quietly took his seat 
next to her. Silence seemed to reign over the table; Giles and Buffy still 
hadn't forgiven Jenny for not telling them about her Gypsy connections, and 
her knowledge of the curse on Angel's soul. Buffy still fumed at her a 
little; if she had told them sooner, Buffy still felt that they could have 
avoided the circumstances of Angel being supplanted by the demon Angelus.

Before Giles could begin the meeting, Jenny stood up. "Guys, Willow has an 
announcement to make. If she's right, we may be able to deal with Angelus 
once and for all." Jenny motioned to Willow, who stood up on unsteady legs, 
and swallowed hard to stop her eardrums from popping. "It's okay, Willow," 
Jenny urged her. "Just tell them what you told me."

"What's it all about?" Xander asked his childhood friend. The others turned 
toward the scared young woman, uncertain what was going through her mind.  
Buffy simply nodded to her, waiting patiently for her to begin.

"Uh, guys," Willow began, "something happened to me, something weird. I mean 
weird by Hellmouth standards." She stalled slightly, and Buffy could smell 
the sweat on Willow's brow. "Okay, here it is, the abridged version. I 
time-travelled from four years into the future, I'm now inside my younger 
body, and I'm here to change the future."  

The final sentence flew from her lips in a single rushed breath, and the 
others almost missed what she was saying. Finally, Xander flashed a bemused 
grin at his friend, asking, "Okay, Sam. What's Dean Stockwell telling you to 
do?"

"Xander," Willow answered, her voiced edged with annoyance, "I'm not kidding 
here. I've seen the future, Hell, I lived it! And a lot of bad stuff's 
gonna happen, largely because of my screw-ups, and I've been given a second 
chance to change things!"

"Willow," Giles responded in his typically calm, analytical manner, "no one 
here is saying that they don't believe you…"

"I am," Cordy volunteered, only to be stared down by everyone else. Giles 
continued, "As I was saying, no one who matters," he added, flashing Cordy a 
sour stare, "is saying anything of a sort. But this claim you're making, it 
would be helpful if you had some kind of proof. Some knowledge that you 
would not posess otherwise, something along those lines, would be very 
helpful."

"You want knowledge, Giles?" Willow challenged the Watcher. "You have the 
means of restoring Angel's soul in your office. The Orb of Thessula, I think 
you've been using it as a paperweight." Giles attempted to talk after 
Willow's declaration, but somehow the power of speech seemed to elude him.  
"The night he tried to summon Acaltha from his eternal sleep, Buffy fought 
him off, Xander rescued you from him and I led the others in the Ritual of 
Restoration. We managed to resoul Angel, but he had already summoned 
Acaltha, and Buffy had to send Angel to Hell to save the world."  

"Dear Lord!" Giles whispered. The others glanced at him, taking their cue 
from the shock in his watery green eyes. "Is it possible…no one else knows 
about the Orb. I never told any of you. I…I didn't even consider the 
possibility that his soul could be restored."

"None of us did," Buffy admitted, "except Miss Calendar." She turned her 
attention to the computer teacher, her gaze now softer than it had been. "Is 
this true?" she asked hopefully. "Were you gonna try and restore Angel's 
soul?"

Jenny nodded. "Yes, Buffy. After all my silence had cost you, how could I 
do any less?"

"And you weren't going to tell any of us?" Giles raised his voice at his 
semi-estranged girlfriend. "You put yourself in Angel's crosshairs, the 
least you could do is inform me!"

"I wasn't sure that you'd care, Rupert," Jenny answered calmly, fighting to 
hide any bitterness she still felt for the way her lover had been avoiding 
her lately.

"Dammit woman, I'm in love with you, which bloody well means that, yes, I 
would care!"

Jenny gasped at the normally reserved Englishman's sudden and very public 
declaration of his love. She glanced at the others, who suddenly seemed to 
find her and Giles the least interesting things in the library. Except for 
Cordy, who simply gave Jenny a wry smile, and said, "'Bout time you two got 
it out in the open."

Jenny stammered slightly as she regained control of her vocal chords. "I 
love you too, Rupert. That's why I couldn't let you get caught in the 
crosshairs with me. It was my fault for not informing you and Buffy about 
the nature of Angel's curse. It's my responsibility to correct my mistake."  
She lowered her head in anguish. "But now, with Willow's advanced warning, 
that may be academic."

"Sounds like you believe Willow's story," Cordy observed. Glancing back at 
Willow, he hastily added, "I mean, no offence Willow, but even by Sunnydale 
standards, this one's pretty off the meter."

"I think I believe her," Oz said suddenly. When the others turned to him, he 
added, "It's not just a story. Look at her. Her walk, her posture, her 
face, they've all aged since we saw her yesterday. She's either telling the 
truth, or she's the greatest actress alive."

Buffy gawked at Willow, who simply sat beside her, her hands resting in her 
lap, her brow furrowed with a sorrowful knowledge. She averted her eyes from 
looking directly at Buffy, and the Slayer found herself wondering if 
something was destined to happen in the future that would damage their 
friendship. She found herself studying Willow's face for a sign of 
recognition, of the friendship and affection they had always felt for each 
other. It was there, under whatever burden Willow was carrying. Buffy 
resolved to make sure that Willow knew that she was still loved, that Buffy 
would always be her friend.

"You're telling us the truth, aren't you, Willow?" Buffy asked in as gentlea 
voice as she could manage. Willow only nodded once.

"Could you explain how this happened, Willow?" Giles questioned her. Willow 
shook her head. The last thing she wanted to do was let the people who 
trusted her most know that their trust in her was misplaced.

Xander suddenly smiled, pulling a notepad out of his back pack. He handed 
the pad to Willow, saying excitedly, "Okay, give me three columns, Willow.  
First column, Super Bowl champions. Second column, World Series winners, and 
the third column, NBA champions. And if you can remember any Kentucky Derby 
or Belmont winners, write those along the bottom. We are so gonna clean up!"

"Xander!" Willow nearly shouted, her voice strained and tired. "Sit down, 
and shut up!" Oz flashed Xander a sour look, then returned his attention to 
Willow.

Xander timidly returned to his seat, glancing at his childhood friend. "Uh, 
at what point in the future did you lose your sense of humor?"

Willow's head shot up, regarding the others with a cold rage, an old pain.  
Her eyes smoldered like coals as she spoke in bitten-off words; "I don't 
know, Xander. Maybe it was when the woman I loved more than my life died of 
a bullet in the chest before my eyes. Or maybe it was when I killed her 
murderer in the most gruesome manner I could imagine! Or, quite possibly, 
when I dove so far into the black magic pool that all I wanted to do was to 
end the world! Maybe at some point during that period, I misplaced my sense 
of humor! You think that's what happened?"

By the time that Willow finally reigned in her mouth, the damage had been 
done. The silence that followed Willow's outburst stretched like a tangible 
gulf. She dared to look at Buffy, and regretted it instantly. She saw shock 
on her brow, fear and suspicion in her eyes.  

The same fear and suspicion she saw in her eyes at the gravesite, a lifetime 
ago.

Willow gulped her breath, choking on her tears. "Oh, Goddess, I'm so sorry…
I'm… so…" She kicked her chair away, shot up on unsteady legs, and bolted 
for the door.

As she rushed out of the library, she collided with a student heading toward 
the library, knocking him down. She stopped long enough to glance at the 
student, and her recognition of his face only stoked her anger. "Jonathan," 
she murmured sotto voce.

"Hey, Willow," Jonathan answered, as he scrambled to his feet. "Is something 
wrong?"

"The only thing wrong here," Willow snarled at Jonathan, "is you. You would 
do well to steer clear of me from now on!" Without another word, Willow 
turned away from the startled student.  

Jonathan stood for a second, shaking his head and collecting his thoughts, 
before turning back toward the library. He succeed in taking two steps 
before being slammed back onto the floor by the figure of a blond comet who 
catapulted past him. Buffy sprinted down the hallway, but lost sight of the 
fleeing redhead. She stopped in the hallway, quietly debating where her 
friend may have run to.  

"Miss Summers," Mr. Snyder's annoying voice echoed across the hall. "Do my 
eyes deceive me or are you out of your class without a hall pass?"

"Mr. Snyder," Buffy moaned, barely even trying to hide her annoyance, "I 
don't have time for this. Willow ran away from the library, and I'm just 
trying to find her."

Mr. Snyder chuckled in a condescending tone. "I have no doubt that Miss 
Rosenberg can look after herself. You, on the other hand, would do well to 
return to the library, before I find some reason to give you some detention 
time."

Buffy stepped close to Snyder, putting her face directly in front of his.  
"Look, Snidely Whiplash, if you value the use of your legs, you'll end this 
interrogation now!"

"Oh, you just bought yourself a suspension for that crack, Miss Summers!" 
chortled Snyder.

"Buffy," Giles called as he approached Mr. Snyder and Buffy. "I forgot to 
give you a hall pass, and that list of things I need from the supply room."  
He gave Buffy a knowing look, and Buffy took the hint. "Right, Giles. I'll 
just get these things now. Later, Mr. Snyder. It's been grins." With a nod 
toward Snyder, Buffy ducked out of sight down the hallway.

"She's not coasting out of this one, Mr. Giles," Snyder growled quietly.  
"I'll see her expelled for this."

"For what?" Giles asked. "For responding to a threat from a school 
principal?"

Snyder whipped his head around to Giles, eyes wide with dismay. "I did no 
such thing! You heard what she said to me…"

"I couldn't hear a thing from my vantage point," Giles smiled blandly. "All 
I saw was you getting into her face." He made tut-tut noises with his tongue 
on his palette. "This isn't going to look good in the report Miss Calendar 
and I are filing with the school board."

"But…but…" Snyder stammered, before Giles raised his hand to silence him.

"Quit while you're behind, Mr. Snyder," Giles advised him. He turned around 
and walked back toward the library, leaving behind a small man who suddenly 
felt much smaller.

========

She sat on a bench in the campus plaza, sobbing without reason or relief.  
She thought that she had run out of tears when Tara had died, but her younger 
body seemed to have an unlimited supply. All she could do was mourn what she 
had lost. For the first time, she mourned for Tara. She mourned for Kendra, 
for Jenny, for Joyce. She even mourned for Warren and Rack.  

Above all, she mourned for herself. For the person who once sneaked out to 
watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" with Xander. For the person who comforted 
Buffy when Angel chose to leave for Los Angeles. For the person who told 
Buffy, "It's a good fight, and I want in." For a girl named Willow 
Rosenberg.

She was only vaguely aware of two slim, strong arms encircling her shoulders, 
and a warm and gentle voice, asking if she was well. She almost laughed out 
loud; it seemed pretty obvious to her that no, she wasn't well. But the arms 
still held her, the voice still calmed her, and eventually her body stopped 
lurching with her sobs. One minute, five minutes, ten minutes, Buffy sat 
next to Willow, rocking her in her arms, whispering assurances to her.  

Finally, Willow calmed enough for her vocal chords to work in sync with her 
mouth; "Shortly after we started college," Willow said meekly, "Oz left me.  
He wanted to find a way to tame his inner wolf. It hurt like hell, until I 
met Tara. She was a shy witch, part of the local wiccan group. She and I 
became close, spell-casting buddies. Then we became more." She stalled for 
a moment, turning to face Buffy, to gage her reaction from her face.

Buffy regarded her friend with an arched eyebrow, saying, "So you're saying 
that you're gay?"

"Is that a problem?" Willow challenged Buffy.

"No," Buffy answered. "You're my best friend, no matter what."

"Yeah, right," Willow barked quietly. "Anyway, she and I were close for over 
a year, until…something terrible happened…you…you died, Buffy. You saved 
the world from something really powerful, and you both died in the final 
bout." Buffy blanched at what Willow had said. She knew that she would 
probably die sooner than most, but she preferred not to know the exact date 
in advance if she could avoid it. "I didn't take it well, Buffy. In my 
nightmares, I saw you, reaching out for me, begging me to save you from Hell. 
So I did. I got the others together, and we did this ritual with the Urn of 
Osiris. We brought you back to life."

Buffy smirked sardonically and said, "Thanks."

Willow lowered her head in shame. "I didn't know until later that I was 
wrong. I didn't save you from Hell, I dragged you out of Heaven. By then,I 
was getting more powerful. Too powerful. I started getting into darker 
stuff, black magic. Tara knew I was in trouble, and tried to help me. When 
I refused her help, she left me. When I nearly got…someone killed on a magic 
high, I tried to stop. And I did, for a couple of months. Tara and I got 
back together, you were doing better, and everything was good in Willow-ville 
for a moment."

"Then something happened to Tara." Buffy guessed.

"Yeah," Willow answered. "Some punks who just wanted to gain power, and 
decided to kill the Slayer. But they killed Tara instead. A bullet passed 
through her midsection as I watched. And I fell apart after that. I 
stalked Tara's killer. I followed him to prison. And I skinned him alive."

Buffy sat silently without speaking. She knew that Willow had to speak, to 
unleash her guilt, to reveal what was destroying her. "I had my revenge, but 
the pain was still there. I fell back into the black magic. I didn't care 
anymore. All I wanted was to feel no more. No more pain, no more love, no 
more anything. And I nearly destroyed the world to keep from feeling." She 
captured Buffy's eyes with her own, rivulets of tears streaming down her 
face. "If Xander hadn't stopped me, I would have destroyed everything. But 
I still hurt. There was someone else, a friendly demon. Well, kinda 
friendly. She granted me a wish. She sent me back here, to undo everything 
that I did, to change what I could. Now do you see, Buffy? Now do you 
understand why I had to come back? I couldn't let myself become your enemy, 
not again! Not after all you've been through! I couldn't! I love you too 
much to let it happen again!"

Willow could say no more. Her sobs again overtook her, and she fell into 
Buffy's arms, crying piteously. Buffy rocked her gently in her arms, 
murmuring into her ear, "It's okay, Willow. It's gonna be okay. I'm not 
gonna let anything to you. We'll change it, Willow. We'll change 
everything, I promise. Whatever you went through before, you're not gonna go 
through it again."  

She kissed Willow's cheek, held her tightly in her arms, and simply said, "I 
love you, Willow." And as the words left her lips, Buffy knew them to be 
true.

The truest thing she knew.