FIC: To Thine Own Self Be True 10/?

["wizathogwarts" <mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title - To Thine Own Self Be True 10/?
By mike (mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx) 
SPOILERS: Season 1, Welcome to the Hellmouth and The Harvest.
RATING: R. It is a Buffy/Willow fic that includes smoochies, 
caressing and mystical intimacy. 
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to 
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. 
FEEDBACK: Constructive comments are encouraged. 
SUMMARY: (Buffy/Willow) Buffy and Willow discover more about 
themselves and resolve things with Xander.
Authors Notes: 

To Thine Own Self Be True
Chapter 10
Discovery

I woke with my arms wrapped around a fiery headed goddess. With the 
softest, most kiss able skin this side of eternity. Her head rested 
on my shoulder and I could feel one hand affectionately cupping one 
of my breasts. Memories of what I was positive were shared dreams 
floated through my head in piecemeal fashion and my breathing 
started to quicken and I could begin to feel myself becoming 
aroused. I knew that if I didn't move soon, the stage would be set 
for mom to walk in on one of the potentially embarrassing scenes. I 
kissed Willow's forehead and gently moved her hand from my sensitive 
flesh with much regret. I then gently rolled Willow onto her 
back. "Honey, "I said softly." Wakey, wakey. Another day of 
battling the public school system."

"School, I like school, that's where I found you." She slowly opened 
her eyes, running her nails slowly down my back. Delicious shivers 
flashed across my body and I could begin to feel the heat begin to 
rise again.

"And if you keep that up, we'll definitely be late and possibly 
cause mom to witness one of the embarrassing thingy's she so does 
not want to be a witness of." I began to go incoherent, because 
Willow had continued her stroking all the way down to my bare bottom.

"Spoilsport." She pouted and with a quick kiss she rolled out from 
under my quickly melting body. She got out of bed and turning, she 
put one finger suggestively to her chin and smiled. "See anything 
you like?" She haunted me with my own words then put on her bathrobe 
with a big flourish, making certain I got a good view before 
covering up.

"Oh my god, I am not going to make it through the day." I buried my 
face in my pillow so as not to be tortured one more moment.

I heard her giggle as she opened and closed the door behind her on 
the way to the bathroom. I rolled out of bed with a moan, grabbing 
my robe I followed her a few minutes later.

*************************

I had just left my last morning class, looking forward to seeing 
Willow at lunch when a large male presence jumped in front of me. I 
looked up to see Xander's very serious face. <Willow, I believe I'm 
about to have a confrontation of the Xander type> I let her know 
while opening a complete link to her.

<want me to interfere> she asked me with concern.

<not yet, but hang close enough so that you can if necessary.>

"Buffy, could I talk to you for a minute or three, uh over there," 
he had pointed at the alcove off the admin offices which was open 
but fairly private for conversations." If you don't mind, that is." 
He didn't sound threatening.

"Sure, Xander. Don't mind at all." I didn't smile, but I kept my 
face friendly and calm.

We went over to the alcove and faced each other with a comfortable 
distance between us but close enough to hear each other while 
speaking quietly.

"What I wanted to talk about is Willow. She didn't happen to mention 
a certain uhh discussion that we had yesterday, did she?" He was 
starting to get nervous.

"Yes Xander, she told me all about it. So you don't need to beat 
around the flagpole, Willow trusts and cares about you very much and 
I would like to help, if I can, you guys to keep being the best buds 
you've been." I assured him, I wanted Willow happy and keeping 
Xander's friendship would make Willow happy.

"Yea, well, I don't know if you can understand, but I'm feeling a 
lot confused, hurt and a little angry. I think the confusion comes 
from not really knowing why I'm angry. I'm afraid it's because I 
keep thinking you made Willow gay." I could see the hurt in his eyes 
and knew right away that was not the reason he was angry, but he 
just wasn't prone to being in touch with his emotions enough to come 
up with a better explanation. Thus his need to confront me. He 
needed answers and didn't want to take a chance hurting Willow 
getting them.

"Xander, do you think someone could make you gay?" I asked him with 
raised eyebrows.

"NO!, No way. Its just that Willow is so innocent, and you're so, so 
hot and like really hot, you know?" 

I had a few quick flashes of "Not innocent Willow". <he really 
doesn't have a clue, does he?>

<not really, but he has a really good heart.> I could almost see 
Willows shrug.

<i can see that and i'll be gentle, but are you close enough in case 
I need help?>

She flashed me a vision of Xander and myself standing in the alcove 
from the middle staircase landing.

<thanks love> I conveyed my appreciation.

"You don't trust Willow to know herself or what she wants?" I was 
going to have to lead him to his answers.

"I don't know, she's never had a relationship before meeting you 
except for us when we were five. And that hardly counts." He 
shrugged his shoulders.

"And you have had tons of experience to know better than her? I 
gently teased him.

"Uh, well not exactly." He stammered.

"Well, since you're torrid relationship with Willow ended at the age 
of five, how many have you had since? I asked, keeping my voice non 
threatening.

"I'm not sure exactly" he stalled.

"Was it more than one" I kept digging, still with soft tones to my 
voice.

"I'm not sure." He was truly embarrassed now.

"Xander, before yesterday, you had no more experience with 
relationships than Willow had. Is that correct?" I pushed him to 
admit.

He looked at me shyly "You're not going to tell anyone, are you."

"Only Willow, but she already knew. Didn't she?" I had him ready to 
listen.

"Yea, I guess." He looked a little relieved.

"So, if you with the same experience as Willow couldn't be forced 
into being gay if you weren't in fact gay, which you're not since 
you would know if you were, right so far?" I asked before going on.

He nodded his head. 

"Then it's pretty safe to say, especially since Willow is the 
smartest person in the school who has read tons and is probably very 
much in touch with her emotions and feelings, that she couldn't be 
forced into being gay unless she was, which, Xander you have to 
admit she most definitely is, even by some new hotty. And thanks for 
the compliment by the way." I added trying to put him at ease.

"I guess that makes sense, but why am I so angry. I never thought 
of myself as a homophobe, or bigot, but it's feeling like that." He 
was so close.

"Xander," I said softly. "Could it be that what you're really 
feeling is jealousy?"

"Of you! If I was jealous of you, that would mean that I wanted 
Willow. Willow is my best friend. I couldn't want her in that way." 
Getting defensive, <getting close to the truth, but not all of it> I 
shared with Willow.

"Xander, are you just angry at me, or are you also angry with 
Willow?" Xander started to speak and then stopped. He was actually 
taking time to examine what he was feeling before talking, <i never 
thought i'd see the day> I heard Willow whisper to herself in awe.

"I think I'm angry with both of you." He finally said with sudden 
realization.

"Xander, I'm going to let you in on something that most girls always 
know, but usually choose to ignore. So think about this carefully 
before answering and try and keep it to yourself. OK?" I paused and 
waited for his reply.

"Ok," He responded carefully.

"Xander, guys always want what they don't have. Once the get what 
they want, they no longer want it and are looking for the next thing 
they don't have. But as soon as they think they've lost something 
that they've already had, they want it back. Now I want you to 
apply that information to what you have learned about Willow and 
myself and your reactions." I then stepped back and folded my arms 
letting him know that it was up to him now.

<buffy, you are awsome. I am so not the smartest person in school, 
you are.> Willow fairly beamed at me.

<i'm not smarter than you, my 'not' innocent minx, i'm just more 
cynical. Its often mistaken for smartness.> Can't let Willow feel 
the least bit inferior. It's so much nicer having confident, take 
charge Willow.

Xander was starting to open his mouth, closed it and then "Oh wow, I 
wanted to go out with you and when I found out you were with Willow, 
I got jealous of Willow and then I felt that I no longer had Willow, 
so I was jealous of you." He looked like scarecrow right after the 
wizard had given him his diploma.

"I'm proud of you Xander." I gave him a big smile and clapped my 
hands.

"And I'm proud of you too." Said Willow, who had come up behind 
Xander just before his revelation and gave him a big hug. "So, are 
you OK with us now?" Willow finished as Xander returned the hug.

"I guess, but it sure would help if I could hug you both." He said 
suggestively.
Willow looked at me pleadingly.

"Just a hug, anything else and it could get ugly." I warned 
teasingly.

We then group hugged and Xander did keep it friendly, but after we 
broke apart, "Yea, I'm so OK with it, that you two could make out 
right in front of me and I would be OK." He said with a leer.

<oh god, you weren't kidding, were you?> I gasped.

<good heart, but speaks from that little male type head thingy> she 
shivered.

As we turned to leave, Jesse came up to us.

"Hey Buffy, interested in going to the movies this Friday night?" He 
said while tying to look suggestively sexy.

I looked at Willow, Willow looked at Xander, Xander grabbed Jesse by 
the arm.

"Jesse, my bud. Let me fill you in on the facts of life." They went 
one way and we went to the Library.

<Giles, what do we do with him.> I asked switching back to the 
concern of the day.

<i think we can trust him, but not fully. The true test will be 
what he does when he discovers what the Council is really about.> 
Confident Willow had apparently been doing some thinking on the 
matter. I immediately felt less tense as she confirmed my own 
feelings.

<but, I hope he figures it out soon and we need to get better at 
eavesdropping so we aren't caught off guard when he does figure it 
out.> she continued on, touching on some of my own concerns.

<tonight? After homework and dinner but before smoochies.> I winked 
at her. Then continued, <and you're getting a lot more than 
smoochies. you might be able to fool Xander but I've got you're 
number miss see anything you like.>

And with giggles, we entered the Library. And what's with the 
giggles, I never giggled before this as I once more marveled at the 
affect that Willow was having on me.

Willow and I had worked up a list of things that would make for a 
really good training room. After greeting Giles, Willow handed it 
to him. She had created the list in Word and printed it out.

"This is pretty extensive, but I don't understand why we just can't 
use the library?" Giles looked up after reading the complete list.

"Giles, the library is small, lacks privacy being open to the entire 
student body and staff and if the Council is serious about training 
me, I think this would be a good start." I told him, letting my 
sarcasm slide over the first part of the statement.

"Yes, I think this would be a good start. We'll find out just how 
serious they are, won't we." He responded, conceding to the obvious 
logic.

"So, did you have a pleasant night." He asked us, changing the 
subject.

"Yea, I was unable to detect any further activity, at least while I 
was awake. So things went smoothly." I let him know just the 
minimum.

"That's good to hear. Is there any chance you might be able to 
extend your perception to include the entire city?" He asked with a 
curious look on his face.

<he's wondering how much we trust him> Willow spotted his intention 
immediately.

<then let's give him what he already suspects anyway.> I responded.

"That's what we're working on. And yes, I did say we. Willow has 
been incredibly helpful getting me to improve my focus and 
increasing my range. In fact, because of her I was able to double 
it before our meeting yesterday. We figure that we can watch about 
a third of the city now, and hope to have the entire city within a 
week." I let him know that we were trusting him more.

"You said we watch. Does this mean that Willow is somehow able to 
share your extended vision." He delved a little deeper.

"Yes it does, in fact it was Willow who enabled us to superimpose my 
slayer sense of demon locations onto actual physical locations. We 
call it the demonscape." I continued to explain.

Willow now added a little of her own "We have also come to the 
realization that the vamps keep popping up, like from underground, 
so we also want to make our demonscape more three dimensional. We 
need to know what's going on in the basement, so to speak."

This got a truly excited reaction from Giles. "That would be 
incredible. We could track them to their lairs and take them out 
during daylight hours when they are sleeping."

"Yea, we could designate Saturday's as laundry day." I quipped.

"Quite." He chuckled.

"What are your plans for this evening?" He continued.

"After dinner, we would like to have you drive us around the city 
while we try and detect any activity. We can carry a full 
compliment of weapons in the car and quickly head off anything 
before it gets nasty. Most people seem to be in by ten PM, so the 
vamps seem to focus most of their feeding time before that hour. If 
you could make sure all the supplies are restocked, holy water and 
things and then meet us at our house around six. Mom has a show 
tonight, so she won't be home 'till late, which reminds me, I want 
to keep special focus on the downtown tonight. If the vamps read 
the newspaper, they'll know that there will be more people out 
tonight." I completed my rundown and looked at Willow.

"I can't think of anything else, we should treat this like a 
reconnoiter, with tactical strike capability." Willow had been 
researching the archives of the War College at West Point.

Giles just looked amazed then smiled and said "I'll make sure all 
the equipment is restocked and meet you at six PM. In the meantime, 
I will begin on getting you your training facility."

"Thanks Giles." We said in perfect harmony and hand in hand skipped 
out the door.

******************************

We completed homework by five and got ourselves relaxed before 
beginning the next phase of our mystical growth. We didn't really 
need to kiss anymore to start our connection, but we did anyway, 
kinda outa habit. Yea right, we kiss because its so mind blowing 
amazing, every single time our lips touch, galaxies collide. So, as 
I was saying, we started with our traditional kiss and played with 
the power, creating a channel to the source. This time we traveled 
together to the fountain. Knowing the way made the trip almost 
instantaneous. We gently entered into the cascading energy and let 
it fill our spirits. Withdrawing, we returned to our bodies and put 
our full focus on our shared demonscape which was currently a few 
miles in diameter and gray toned with demons showing up in shades of 
red, when there were demons to show up that is, just not right now. 
Putting our full attention into the demonscape, we drew on our 
strengthened connection to the source and brought everything into 
crystal clarity, just as if we were outside on a sunny day seeing 
everything with our own eyes. Buildings, cars, roads and even 
people all became clear and visible to us. We concentrated on this 
improved clarity for awhile until we felt certain that it would hold 
without additional effort. Then slowly, we pushed the boundary 
out. At first very slowly, then a little faster until we felt 
ourselves traveling on the expanding border at what felt like twenty 
five miles an hour. At about the time our radius had encompassed 
UCS, about five miles away, we started slowing down rapidly. We 
felt our efforts to increase our range die out just past the 
university grounds, about six miles out. Gently coaxing our 
energy, we continued to clarify, and make permanent the current 
parameters of the virtual landscape in our minds. Retreating into 
our bodies, we experimented with our ability to notice events that 
were occurring. There were a few demon sources out now, and these 
stood out like beacons for us to see without effort, including our 
souled stalker. But to be aware of what was happening to non demon 
bodies, such as buildings and people, we had to actually focus our 
mental vision on what we wanted to observe, just like you would need 
to do with your eyes. We were able to split our attention so that 
we could observe different locations at the same time. It was while 
doing this, that Willow noticed Giles pulling up in front of our 
house. Slowly drawing back into our bodies and releasing each other 
we opened our eyes and I was treated to a big, happy Willow smile. 
I tried my best to give her one also, but I know that I pale in 
comparison. I stood up and reached my hands down to Willows and 
pulled her up to stand in front of me. Hand in hand, we went 
downstairs to greet Giles and begin our evening patrol.

I had left my equipment bag by the front door earlier, and grabbed 
it just before leaving the house. We exited the house just in time 
to meet Giles at the bottom of the porch steps.

"Good evening Buffy, Willow." Nodding at each of us in turn.

"Hello Mr. Giles." Willow practically chirped she was so excited.

"Hi Giles." I was also excited, but it was more due to Willow's 
excitement and enjoyment than our recently extended abilities as was 
the case with my lovely redhead.

"How have you explained this to your mother Buffy?" He was obviously 
concerned about the prominence of his picking us up in front of the 
house.

We had explained to mom, per our agreement, that we would ride with 
Giles and using our demonscape to tactically take out the bad guys 
with strategic ambushes. It's really important to use the big words 
with mom. Somehow, sounding all professional makes her feel better 
than saying that, 'We'll mom, we're just going to ride around 
spotting the bad guys on the old bat radar and kicking their buts 
before they know what hits them'.
But Giles wasn't aware that mom knew I was the slayer, and it was 
going to stay that way for awhile yet.

"Mom has a showing at the Gallery this evening and won't be 
home 'till midnight." I said as if this should explain everything.

"Is that wise, what if she calls to check on you?" Giles continued 
to pursue.

"The only alternatives are to tell mom the truth or to lie, and 
frankly lying to mom is not an option." I stated with my jaw and 
eyes set firmly.

"No siree, lying to mom, definitely not in the option camp." Willow 
confirmed with a strong shake of her head.

He started to protest again and I immediately put up my hand. "Stop 
Giles, you are treating my mother like the enemy. Is this what you 
were taught in watcher's school? Get the slayer to lie to parents 
and distrust them. I'm sure that they gave you lot's of great 
reason's for doing that, like it's for their own safety. And they 
would interfere with the slayer's mission and so on and so forth. 
Giles, the truth is that it would make the slayer depend more on her 
watcher and the council, giving them more control of the slayer. 
It's control, control and more control." While saying this, I could 
see little flickers of surprise on his face. Thanks to Merrick, had 
that nailed. Willow then took my hand and we walked towards the 
car, the matter settled. Giles had some more info to chew on and we 
had him questioning the Council's training.

We spent the next several hours laying ambushes for the vamps, much 
as before except the largest group we encountered was only four and 
most of them were singles.

Around 10:30, we saw a group of six heading for downtown, but we had 
just finished up at the university, about three miles away. 

"Please hurry Mr. Giles, they've got a head start on us." Willow 
exclaimed as Giles old beat up car slowly made its way back to town.

"We don't want to get pulled over for a traffic violation, then we 
would really be late." He offered in defense of his tortoise like 
driving.

<Buffy, we have to do something. They're only a block away from 
your mom's gallery.> She squeezed my hand tightly, clearly 
indicating her apprehension.

<we might get there late in body, but we can be there now in mind> I 
stared at her beautiful green eyes and she nodded in full 
understanding. 

We joined our minds and focused our sight on the approaching vamps. 
They were approaching the downtown business district through the 
back alleys and were coming down a delivery alley lined with empty 
pallets. We each focused on a separate pallet, picking them up with 
our mental hands, and smashing them to the ground in front of the 
vamps. This accomplished two things, it startled the bejeesus out 
them and gave us some nice pointy pieces of wood. Wasting no more 
time, we each launched, pointy end first, two makeshift stakes right 
at the hearts of two of the startled vamps. With two dusted, the 
others began to turn and run not being able to see what was 
attacking them. We had no problem shooting them in the back, so to 
speak. Before they went ten steps, there was only a cloud of dust 
left floating in the air, to eventually settle on the dirty asphalt.

Willow and I collapsed in the back seat of Giles car, still a mile 
away from downtown. He noticed our depleted condition and nearly 
panicked.

"Buffy, what's wrong!" He yelled, trying to get a better look at us 
and keep his car in his lane.

"It's OK, Giles. We got them. You can just take us home now. That 
really wasted us. Just need to rest." I spoke just loud enough for 
him to hear, which was a major effort in itself. I had to talk with 
my eyes closed.

"Really Giles, we're OK, just like Buffy said." Willow responded 
with more energy than I. She even had enough energy to wrap her 
arms around me as I passed out in her warm embrace.

The next thing I knew, I was laying on the couch in the living room 
with Willow gently wiping my forehead with a cool cloth. As my eyes 
focused a bit more, I saw a very worried expression on Giles's face 
as he stood over her shoulder.

"Hey, didn't mean to scare you, but I'm feeling much better now." 
And I did, I felt exhausted, but more the relaxed, sleepy kind 
rather than the drop dead kind I had felt just before I passed out.

"Are you certain you're all right? And can you please tell me what 
happened, Willow won't say a thing except that you were able to stop 
the vampires, but it was terribly strenuous." His curiosity was 
actually battling with what appeared to be genuine concern for me. 
I was a little surprised.

<is that real concern?> I asked, still have trouble believing that 
the watcher wasn't fully in cahoots with the Council.

<yes, I thing it really is. but time to get him out of here before 
your mom comes home.> Willow raised her eyebrows in punctuation.

"I'll be fine after a good nights sleep. And we'll fill you in on 
the details tomorrow after said good night sleep. So, unless you 
want to explain to my mother why you are here alone with two young 
teenage girls, I suggest you go home now." A look of fright 
actually crossed his face as the full impact of the scenario I 
described played out in his mind.

"Yes, well if you're certain you're all right, uh, then I'll be 
running along. Good night and I'll see you tomorrow." He then made a 
rather hasty exit out the door.

Willow got up and locked the door behind him, returning to me on the 
couch just as I was starting to swing my legs off and sit up. She 
quickly put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down. I 
looked up at her face, seeing this incredibly beautiful and sexy 
expression that just can't be described, only experienced. I raised 
my eyebrows in silent question.

"If it wasn't for our link, you would have scared the hell out of 
me. But I was able to feel that you were just exhausted. And since 
you really need to just lay still for awhile and rest, I've finally 
got you right where I want you." As she spoke, she kept moving 
closer with each word, finally finishing up with her mouth right 
next to my ear. With a gentle sweep, she moved my hair back, her 
fingers gently stroking causing a tingly sensation across my scalp. 
Then I felt her tongue caress my ear, and I couldn't help the gentle 
moan of pleasure from deep in my chest. She continued to perform 
incredible oral feats on my ear and neck as her hand traced gentle 
paths down my neck and shoulder all accompanied by tracings of 
mystical energy, stopping for awhile on my chest to trace erotic 
designs of ecstasy. Her fingers then traced lower in a slow spiral 
around my breast, ever tightening to end with a slow and gentle 
squeeze of my hardening nipple through the fabric of my blouse and 
bra. My body jerked as waves of pleasure shot through me, and my 
arms reached for her, to feel her. She pulled back from me, 
reaching for my hands with hers.

"Time to take this upstairs, unless your still too tired?" The gleam 
in her eyes and obvious lust she was expressing let me know she knew 
better. I felt like I had just woken from twelve hours of deep 
sleep and had a hot tingling shower. Every nerve in my body was 
screaming for her touch.

"Upstairs would be good. Locking our door would be good too." I let 
her pull me up to stand face to face with her, our bodies touching, 
our lips only a finger's breath apart. Her tongue snaked out and 
traced my lower lip causing me to moan yet again.

"Now." She said as she pulled my towards the stairs, the stairs that 
forevermore I would look upon as the stairway to heaven.