End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report - May 2002

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads; United Vegetable Empire; and all other interested
parties.
FROM: Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report ?
May 2002

It has come to may attention that several Gutter Dwellers and Woods Outback
Residents out there are wondering where the End of the Month Report for May
is. Well its simple really if one thinks about it ? I have not had the time
to compose it? and there is always the wait for the call from Interpol about
a rampaging Koala on the autobahn and complaints from the Amazons about
stray ?tourists? that keep showing up in the bathing hut. Also one must
take into account that it IS World Cup time. For those of you who aren?t
familiar with World Cup Football ? I feel for you, you don?t know the beauty
you?re missing ? or the fact that I happen to be a die-hard football nut,
here?s your warning.

I, Shadow the batty one {to certain members of the Gutter and Woods
Outback}, just love proper Football ? and I?m not talking about that
American crap ? I?m talking the beautiful game that every other nation in
the world calls football. To you crazy Americans on the list ? you know it
as ?soccer? for some bizarre ass reason I never understood. Face it, what
Americans call football isn?t played with the feet ? so why call it football
at all? So anyway, since Korea is hosting the Cup this year ? I have to
record the games and watch them at a sane hour ? because I refuse to stay up
all night to catch the live coverage ? my insomnia isn?t acting up this week
and I?m not giving it any ideas.

What does all this mean you ask? Simple for this year and the following two
you guys are going to have to deal with late Gutter and Woods Outback
reports? the Women?s World Cup is next year and we just can?t forget the
Olympics that year after ? we just can?t. :: grins wickedly ::

Now with that said and the non-football masses have been suitable freaked
out by the hyper little beast wearing the Celtic Football Club t-shirt, lets
get down to business shall we?

Item 1:
US versus Portugal ? 3 to 2 victory for the US National Men?s team ? talk
about making history or breaking curses whatever your view point, for those
of you who have missed it shame on you. You missed a truly beautiful game
the US making 3 goals for the first time since 1930 in World Cup
competition. Ireland versus Germany ? 1 to 1 ? while as a transplanted
Deutschlander I was naturally rooting for my homeland ? until they started
the ?theatrics?. For all you non-Footballers, the German National Team was
taking dives, trying to get the penalty kicks and such. That annoys me,
especially in World Cup play ? you are suppose to be the best of the best
and you?re out there falling down and faking injuries because you can?t get
the ball any closer to the goal. Granted taking dives in the box with the
referee catching you is a yellow card? the mere thought that such practices
happen is annoying and is a disgrace to the game. So after the German team
started the theatrics I started rooting for Ireland ? hey I?m allowed, I got
a bit of Irish in me too? I?m your basic vampire flaying fox ?mutt? of a
fruit bat over here. :-D

Item 2:
In regards to the unnamed Gutter Dwellers and/or Woods Outback Residents
that signed me up for ?Football Addicts? ? not funny guys. :: Gives certain
nickering Gutter and Woods Outback Dwellers a hard look. :: I will remember
this the next time you guys run up bills on Rod?s credit cards and want me
to sign off on them.

Item 3:
Regarding the penguins in Quin?s office, yes they are live? real penguins?
exactly what they are doing in the Gutter Security Chief?s office is a bit
unknown. Although the office thermostat has been set to like freezing,
which would explain why the mailroom staff have pulled out their heavy
winter parkas, we?re still unsure why Quin is hording penguins in his
office.

Item 4:
Will the person or forest creature responsible for turning the Gutter Office
Lunch Room into a skating rink {gives a certain shade wearing Koala with the
ice skates a meaningful look} please unfreeze the floor already! And quit
hiding the hot sauce ? I don?t care what the label says I doubt it is hot
enough to actually melt your beloved ice rink.

Item 4 add-on:
And no ? I?m not buying the reasoning that the makeshift ice rink is for the
penguins in Quin?s office.

Item 5:
Okay who is hiding the little grey fox? The gremlin wants her beta reader
back ? or in the very least an emergency replacement until the fox can be
found and deprogrammed if necessary if the evil adults have gotten to her.

Item 6:
Regarding naked bard pouncing? please be aware of the tall, broody and quite
homicidal bard-warmer that also answers to: ?Warrior Princess?, ?Destroyer
of Nations?, and ?The Goddess that is Xena? ? is not known for playing well
with others. She is quite possessive and very prone to killing first and
not bothering to ask questions later when it comes to people; looking,
touching or even thinking of looking and touching HER bard. However if you
feel you absolutely must pounce on the naked bard, please leave copies of
dental records, fingerprints, and preferences for burial ? if we should be
able to find enough remains to actually bury ? at the Office of Gutter
Security before you actually pounce.

That is all we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics ? and I
must go finish watching my recorded football games now. :: big grin ::

Shadow -

Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn.
Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of
Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member
of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member
of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

"I do not brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002

AIM screen name: WolfFalke
Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
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Web Page: http://shadowlander.topcities.com/