FIC: Much More

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang, this is just a little ficclet thing I popped off last night in 
about 2 hours. I'm very well it aware it's not that great, but I thought I'd 
post it anyway. High mush factor, she be warned ;)

If I'm still having problems with the funny characters showing up in the 
emails, here's the link to it at FF.Net: 
http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=821392

~~~~

Author: Casandra 
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx 
Disclaimer: Wouldn't I love to own em! But of course I don't, how much does 
that suck? Everything herein belongs to Mr. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, yada yada 
yada. 
Rating: PG-13. What can I say, I still haven't gotten up the courage to try 
my hand at naughtiness 
Warning: If the idea of two grown woman in a loving romantic relationship 
gives you the squicks, well then you better avert your eyes. 
Distribution: If you want it, feel free. Just drop me an email to let me 
know where it's going. 
Feedback: Always welcome and appreciated. 
Spoilers: Big one's for 'Choices' and anything up to that . I may 
reference, I may not, so fair warning. 
Pairing: Buffy/Willow 
Summary: Willow wonders what made Buffy trade the Box of Gavrok for her life. 
Willow's POV 
Author's Note: Well this one is bound to be really short. I was watching 
'Choices' the other night and I often wondered what might have occurred 
during the girls mocha indulgence. This is my take on it. And be warned, I 
got fairly mushy.
Dedication: Many thanks to Stef for having a once over on it for me, and just 
for being a great supportive friend, you're the best :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ahh, nothing like nice mocha goodness to top off a deep and meaningful with 
Buffy. And it was definitely one of those intense deep and meaningful's. 
Buffy said she loved me! Ok, well not completely, she actually said she kind 
of loved me, but hey, love was in there! I mean what exactly is the 
distinction between 'kind of' love and just plain old love? Is there really 
one or was she just trying to be casual and threw in the kind of but she 
really does love me more than kind of? 

Whew, ok, that was bad even for me. I had thought that I was starting to get 
the babbling under control, but apparently not, because I actually think I 
tired myself out with that one. I guess I was more excited about Buffy's 
declaration than I had originally thought. I mean sure I was flattered, when 
she told me I was trying so hard not to blush straight down to my toes. 
Although the little laugh I gave her might have been a bit of a hint. And I 
was so thrown off by it that I didn't even say it back! I've loved Buffy in 
some form or another almost since that first day I met her. And what do I do 
when she says she loves me back? I giggle a little and then launch into a 
babble about becoming a bad ass Wicca. One time I should have let my mouth 
run away from me I didn't. And I can't figure out why. Is there something I 
shouldn't be telling Buffy about my feelings for her? 

Ok, so yes, I already know the answer to that one. 

When I said I loved Buffy in one way or another, well it's the 'another' part 
that has me in a jam now. I've loved Buffy just about from the beginning. 
She came up to me, asked me for help, and when I warned her that it would 
cost her Cordelia's status and possible friendship she just sort of shrugged 
her shoulders and stayed put. 

Next to me. 

She stayed with me that day. 

Instead of Cordelia. 

No one, not even Xander, had ever done something so nice for me. And I knew 
then, that I would never be able to leave her side. She chose me, I chose 
her in return, it's really that simple. Even after I found out who she 
really was I didn't want to leave her. If anything it made me want to stay 
with her more. To go through the literal hell that we have these last few 
years. And I would never trade an instant of it. I was by her side, I 
became her best friend, and no matter how many times I've been hurt, how many 
times I've had the daylights scared out of me, how many people I've seen die 
because of the evil in this world, I would never change anything. Because 
she was there with me. She made everything all right. 

She stayed by me then, I'm staying with her now. 

I've lied very few times in my entire life, and only once from recollection 
did I ever lie to Buffy. Well it's twice now. When I told her I was staying 
on the Hellmouth and going to UC Sunnydale she tried to talk me out of it. 
Big surprise there. I knew she would, she's always been so protective of me. 
I honestly don't know why I lied to her about why I was staying. Of course 
it's because of her, come on, who was I kidding? Faith brought me to a big 
revelation? 

I think not. 

I've actually had my mind made up from the beginning. Sure I applied to 
Harvard and Yale and all the Ivy league schools you can count off on your 
fingers, but I never had any intention of setting up roots at any of them. 
Leave Buffy to fight all on her own to go and be some brainiac computer whiz 
in a sea of braniac computer whiz's? Easy choice, not even a choice really. 

But Buffy, she has to make these hard, life altering choices on a constant 
daily basis. I don't know how she does it. I probably know her better than 
anybody on earth, and I still have no clue how she can do it. And I know she 
loves me, I mean hello, she just told me, but I can't figure out why she made 
the choice she did the other night. The one that saved me. I had pretty 
much figured I was gonna be toast as soon as I felt Faith grab me. I had 
hoped that Buffy and Angel had made it out of the building with the Box of 
Gavrok, but I was under no delusions that I would be so lucky. So I figured 
I better make the most of it on the very slim chance I did get to see my 
best friend again. And hey, I got to give a piece of my mind to Faith in the 
process, you know, for her 'stealing my people' and all that. My jaw 
actually still is a bit achy at the moment, but it was so worth it. Never 
did I expect the Mayor to get a call from the gang offering a trade. 

Trade the box for me? You've got to be kidding right? I mean, destroy the 
box and the world is saved. No Ascension, no massacre on Graduation Day, 
everyone gets to live, except for me of course. 

Apparently that wasn't a consequence Buffy was willing to take. And in that 
moment, when Buffy was facing off with the Mayor, Faith holding that knife 
against my jugular, everything just became so clear. That was the moment 
when `thing's just kinda got clear'. Not facing off with Faith. It was when 
I looked into Buffy's eyes and saw how scared she really was. Scared for me. 
In that instant I realized even if I wanted to, I'd never be able to leave 
her. I love her. 

Two days ago I loved Buffy, but after my little adventure I've realized it's 
so much more.

I'm in love with her too. 


So basically I lied to her about why I was staying, I didn't tell her I loved 
her back when she said it, and I'm rambling away in my own head about it 
while she's staring at me like I've sprouted some kind of antlers. Maybe 
they have some kind of therapy group for people like me.

"Will?" 

"What's up Buffy?" Good plan, act like nothing's wrong. 

"Why don't you tell me. For the last five minutes you looked like you were 
debating with Einstein or something. What were you thinking about?" She has 
this sweet concerned little smile on her face. She knows how I can get 
caught up in my own thoughts sometimes, but every once in a while I think I 
worry her with it. 

"Oh it was nothing Buff, you know me, started babbling in my head, kind of 
got stuck on a tangent, no big deal." Ok, lie number three, well, sort of. 
No big deal, yeah right! 

"Care to share with me?" Uh no, I think not. Telling Buffy I love her is 
not the best thing I could do right now. Ranks right up there with going out 
after dark without a stake and holy water. 

"No, it's not that important." Liar! 

"Will, anything that has to do with you is important. I know something is 
bothering you. This is Buffy, remember? I'm your best friend, I can tell 
when you're hiding something." I know she can tell, because since I don't 
lie very often I haven't had much practice. Which pretty much means I suck 
at it. Then of course there is the whole knowing me better than anybody 
thing she has going. 

"Why did you trade the Box of Gavrok for me?" Whoa! Where did that question 
come from? Apparently I've been giving it more thought than even I'm willing 
to admit. But I still can't quite grasp the reason behind it. Sure, I'm her 
best friend, she loves me, but she was willing to trade the chance at saving 
the world, willing to trade her mother and the entire gang, just for me. 
Maybe I'm hoping for a miracle, but I guess I just have to wonder if maybe 
her love runs as deep as mine does for her. 

She's all flustered now, and it only piques my curiosity more. 

"Well Will, I mean, why wouldn't I? You're my best friend, I couldn't just 
let Faith kill you could I?" 

"But Buffy, the Mayor has the box now, he's going to try this Ascension 
thing, we all could die in a few weeks." Ok, way to make her feel guilty for 
saving your life Willow, nice job. 

"'Thanks for the reminder Will." Ok, can't say I enjoy bitter defeated 
Buffy, but I had it coming. 

"You could have ended it all by destroying that box. And you didn't. You 
risked everyone else's lives to save me. And I just can't understand why you 
would do that." 

"How can you even ask me that Will?" Wow, she looks kinda mad. I didn't say 
it to make her pissed off. 

"I just don't get it Buffy. You traded the world for me. Why?" 

"It was you Willow, how could I not?" She gazed at me, her green eyes 
penetrating my own, willing me to see the unspoken words. I guess I wasn't 
quick on the uptake because she continued before I had a chance to 
contemplate her meaning. "We can still beat the Mayor, we just have to 
figure out how. But if we would have destroyed the box they would have 
killed you. That wasn't something I was willing to let happen." 

"But Buffy, it could have all ended. In the grand scheme of things, my life 
isn't that important when it comes to the entire town, the entire world." 
Sure I don't want to die, but I don't want thousands of people to die because 
of me either. 

"It is to me. You're the most important thing in the world to me Will, don't 
you understand that?" 

"I guess I don't." Ok, that was just a selfish fishing expedition, because 
I'm really trying to get her to admit to something that I'm not sure is even 
there in the first place. 

Buffy gets up out of her stool across the table from me and slides it over 
closer, in fact she's practically sitting on my lap. She takes my hand 
gently into her own warm ones and I can't help but wonder if I have better 
intuition than I thought. Or is that luck? Am I about to become the 
luckiest girl in Sunnydale? 

"Will, if you would have died the other night, if I would have let you go to 
save everyone else, it would have killed me. In those moments when I thought 
that there was no way I was going to get you back, before I thought of 
trading the box, I felt like I was dying inside. Just the thought that I'd 
never get to see you again was tearing me apart inside. Honestly I don't 
know how I got through that night without just completely breaking down." I 
was shocked to see that she was starting to cry, her eyes edged in silver 
tears, slowly making their way down her cheeks in small rivulets. I reached 
up and gently wiped one away, not even aware that I'm still gently cupping 
her cheek. "I couldn't not make that trade Willow, it wasn't even an option 
to me. Nothing else mattered. Not the world, not Giles, not Angel, not 
anybody. Just you. You were all that mattered. You've always been what 
mattered most to me. Now do you understand?" 

Wow. I mean, just, wow. I can't believe I mean that much to her. 

"Even more than Angel?" I couldn't help it, even after what she just said I 
couldn't believe that I was worth more to her than even Angel. I mean she's 
in love with him, right? 

"More than anybody." 

I have to say it, I can't not say it after all that. I held back once, not 
again. She needs to know. 

"I love you." There. 

"I know, even if you didn't say it before back at school, I knew." 

"No, I don't think you do." Well, might as well jump in with both feet if 
I'm jumping at all. 

"What do you mean?" Huh, she's got this small little smile on her face, 
actually it almost looks like a smirk. It's the same smirk that she gave 
Wesley a couple of weeks ago when she could read our thoughts. 

"I don't just love you, I'm in love with you Buffy." Ohmygod!Ohmygod!Ohmygod! 
Did I actually really say that? Oh god I did! 

She leans in closer to me and places her hand atop my own that is still 
somehow resting on her cheek. And before I know what's happening I feel a 
soft pair of lips gently brush mine. And when I don't protest she deepens 
the kiss, bringing her free hand to the back of my neck and holding us 
together. Much too soon the need for oxygen forces us to separate, but not 
far, she's still resting her forehead against my own. 

"I know Will, I know." She again places a soft lingering kiss on my lips 
before drawing back and tracing my jaw line with her fingertips. "I love you 
too. Understand now?" 

And I do, I finally understand. She loves me! More than kind of, so much 
more than kind of. I nod my head gently, and smile so wide I think I must 
have dislocated my jaw. 

"Good." She drops one more peck onto my slightly swollen lips before 
grabbing my hand and dragging me out of my stool. "What do you say to a 
sleepover? Mom is on a business trip until Monday morning, which means we've 
got all weekend to make sure that you completely understand absolutely 
everything!" 

Wow, I think Buffy just propositioned me! Hey, who am I to argue with the 
mighty Slayer? Besides, the Ascension can wait, just for now. I intend to 
show my hero just how grateful I am to her. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy:"I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than 
after a shift at the Doublemeat."
Willow:"Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day."
-'Normal Again' Shooting Script