Fic: Fascinating New Thing (2/?)

[Jenny Dapper <dap311@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Fascinating New Thing (2/?)
Author: dap311 (dap311@xxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W 
Rating: PG-13 for now
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and
Mutant Enemy. 
"F.N.T" is property of Semisonic. 
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high
school, but 
has departed after 2nd season, for the most part.
There is no Oz 
is this universe. 
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Sequel to "Half a World Away." Buffy is still
trying to 
help Willow deal with her depression and self-injury,
while at the 
same time they deal with some new feelings. 
Distribution: Just ask.

A couple of notes: Thank you to everyone who gave me
feedback on the first chapter. I know I didn't
respond to you all, and it's not because I didn't
appreciate it. I just graduated from college and the
past semester (and year) has been really difficult and
my mind hasn't really been on writing and finishing my
fic. But, now that I am (currently) unemployed with
plenty of time on my hands, I'll be finishing this
piece and writing more. 

Fascinating new thing
Get beside me,
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

--Semisonic, "F.N.T."

Previously in "Fascinating New Thing:"

Moving over to the couch, Buffy pulled Willow into her
arms, 
kissing the top of her head and holding her close. The
slayer 
knew that she wanted more, but for the time being was
content 
to be close, to be touching. She knew things had just
gotten 
more complicated, but the complications didn't worry
her at that 
moment. She poured all of her concentration, all of
her love, into 
the beautiful woman in her arms, all the while hoping
that this 
was a good step, and that they would figure out how to
make 
things better. 
---------------

One week later...

Willow had made it back to school the next week, had
gone through the motions of classes, had even raised
her hand and voluntarily answered a few questions. 
She hadn't cut for 6 days, but that doesn't mean she
didn't want to. Each day was a struggle for the
redhead, each day was a new challenge. Buffy was by
her side almost constantly. Her parents were still
out of town, so Willow began spending the night at the
Summers house, curling up next to the Slayer when she
returned from her patrols. Mrs. Summers didn't
question the closeness or Willow's constant presence
in her house; Buffy had spoken to her early in the
week, and while she didn't give any specific details
about Willow's situation, she did tell her mom that
her best friend had been very depressed.

"Don't you think we should call her parents?" Mrs.
Summers had asked after Buffy told her about Willow's
depression. 

"I don't think so, mom. They don't really pay much
attention to her, and there's not really anything they
could do right now. They don't know how to take care
of her. I do." Which wasn't completely the truth;
Buffy didn't really know what to do for her best
friend, but she did know that the Rosenbergs wouldn't
have a clue as how to handle their daughter.

"Okay, Buffy. Just promise me that you'll come to me
if you need to. I won't judge Willow. She's
practically another daughter to me." Joyce wasn't
completely comfortable keeping the Rosenbergs in the
dark, but she knew that at this point it would be 
useless to argue with Buffy. Her daughter could be
down right hard-headed when it came to the people she
cared about, and it was painfully obvious how much
Buffy cared for Willow. 

"No problem Mom."

So, they soon established a pattern at Buffy's house.
After school and Scooby meetings, they would come
home, attempt some homework, have dinner, then Buffy
would patrol, sometimes bringing Willow along, but
mostly the redhead would sit back at the house, either
writing in her journal or watching TV with Mrs.
Summers. The first few days were kind of awkward for
the shy girl, but she soon realized that Buffy's mom
wasn't treating her any differently, so she began to
relax. When Buffy would get back from her patrol
Willow would be waiting up in her bed, usually
snuggled under the covers. After her shower, Buffy
would climb into bed and take her best friend in her
arms. They wouldn't do anything, an occasional kiss,
a gentle caress, just hold onto eachother. Sometimes
Buffy would wake up in the middle of the night to feel
Willow shaking silently in her arms, tears streaming
down her face. When she did, the Slayer simply held
onto her tighter and pressed her face to Willow's neck
until the redhead's breathing evened out again. 

--------------

The night they first made love was a couple weeks
later. Willow had relapsed a couple of times, but
with Buffy's encouragement and support, had started
seeing a therapist in town twice a week. She'd gone
to her doctor who prescribed an antidepressant, which
she now took twice a day. Buffy had pestered her each
day to make sure she took her pills, but stopped when
Willow told her she was perfectly capable of taking a
pill without constant reminder. 

The first time Willow relapsed was on her 8th day. 
She had been so proud of herself for making it more
than a week without cutting herself, but the pride
soon turned to despair. She began to think of how
hard it had been, and how hard it was going to
continue to be for a very long time. And she didn't
want to deal with that. Willow's demons were out of
control by the time Buffy returned from patrol that
night. She found the redhead on the floor of her
bathroom, her robe open slightly, revealing a number
of angry, red cuts on the insides of her friend's
thighs. A razor blade, dried blood on the edge, lay
on the floor next to Willow, who just looked ahead, a
blank stare, not even blinking when Buffy entered the
room. 

"Willow! What did you do? Oh, Willow, come here,
baby. Let me clean you up." Buffy tried to keep the
shock and despair out of her voice, but it was
difficult. Seeing the woman she loved on the floor of
the bathroom covered in blood- all she could think to
do was panic, grab the redhead up in her arms and
never let her go. But, she knew that she had to stay
calm, for Willow's sake. So, she picked her up, sat
her on the edge of the bathtub, and gently cleaned the
cuts. There were fifteen in total, she noticed. 8 on
the left leg, 7 on the right. They had stopped
bleeding, so Buffy only had to clean them off and
apply antibiotic cream so they wouldn't get infected. 
The whole time she was doing this Willow continued to
sit in silence, looking straight ahead, not making eye
contact with Buffy once. 

"Will?" Buffy was done with the cuts and wanted to
take Willow into the bedroom to sleep, but didn't want
to carry the girl without her permission. "Will? Is
it alright if I pick you up now? I'll be gentle, I
promise. I just want to get you into bed." 

Willow slowly drew her eyes to Buffy's for the first
time that night. When she did Buffy could see such an
enormous amount of pain, both physical and emotional,
that her insides seemed to suddenly twist themselves
into a knot only a sailor could undo. The redhead
nodded, simply and slowly, so Buffy carefully picked
her up and took her into the bedroom. After placing
her on the covers, the Slayer quickly changed into her
night clothes and climbed into bed next to Willow.

"Will? Do you want to talk about it?" The redhead
was silent, not answering, instead burying her head
into the crook of Buffy's neck and sobbing quietly. 
"It's okay. We don't have to talk. I'm here for you,
sweetie. It's okay. I'm here now. Shhhh. It's okay,
Will." They fell asleep like that, Willow long before
Buffy, who awake for most of the night, worried and
scared that someday she would lose her bestfriend. 

---------------

The second time Willow relapsed was not as bad, but
it was still a relapse. She had only reached day 5
this time. She didn't tell Buffy that she was going
to do it, even though she had promised to tell her
when she wanted to. Instead, she went for a walk
after school while Buffy was training with Giles and
headed down to the hardware store. There she bought a
package of straight razor blades. After the last time
she had cut, Buffy took anything sharp that Willow
could get to and locked it up and wouldn't tell her
where. Willow had told her it was okay, but now she
wanted something. And she didn't want to be stopped. 
That night at dinner Willow was beginning to have
second thoughts, but Buffy seemed distracted and
wasn't really listening to her when she tried to talk.
So, later, when Buffy was out on patrol, Willow took
one of the blades out and cut her left arm. She
figured it would be easier to hide cuts on her upper
arm, over her bicep, because they could be covered by
her shirt. She made six cuts, threw away the blade,
took a shower, and got ready for bed. When Buffy got
home, Willow was waiting quietly for her.

"Hey Will. How was your night?"

"Fine." Willow's tone was distant, flat.

"Let's try that once more with feeling, Will. I
don't believe you." Buffy was looking her friend
straight in the eye and refused to look away.

"I'm fine." Willow looked away as she said this.
"How was patrol?"

"The usual. What's up, sweetie?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, well, I don't believe you. You're not really
big on the convince-o-meter here."

Willow mumbled something without looking up at Buffy.

"What was that? I couldn't here you." Buffy was
beginning to get a little concerned. Will was acting
pretty strangely.

"I said, 'you didn't seem too concerned earlier.'" 
Willow's voice was still quiet, but her words were
clear. And they stunned Buffy.

"Did I do something to hurt you? You have to tell
me, Will. Cause I'll keep doing it if you don't tell
me." There was genuine fear in Buffy's voice, fear
that she hurt her best friend, her love.

"It's fine. It's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing. You wouldn't be acting this
way if it was nothing." 

"It's just that- you were distracted earlier. I
wanted to talk, but I felt like I was just talking to
myself. I cut myself Buffy." Willow finally looked
up into Buffy's eyes. The Slayer was still standing
while the redhead was on the bed. Buffy took a seat
next to Willow after the words sunk in.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. When did you do it?"

"Tonight. It's okay, Buffy." 

With those last two words Buffy got angry. "Don't
forgive like that, Will. I hurt you. Don't forgive
me like nothing happened. It's not okay for me to
hurt you. It's not okay for me to make you feel like
you aren't there. I'm sorry, Will, but don't forgive
me that easily." Tears had begun leaking from Buffy's
eyes. She angrily wiped them away without taking her
eyes off of Willow.

"It's not your fault, though. I should have said
something. But, I wanted to cut myself, and I didn't
really want to be stopped."

"Where?"

"In the bathroom." 

"No, I mean, where on your body did you cut
yourself?" 

"My upper arm."

"Can I see?" 

Willow pulled up her sleave so that Buffy could see
her arm, see the cuts. They weren't deep, but they
were very red. They looked painful.

Without saying anything, Buffy dipped her head down
and kissed the skin of Willow's arm right next to the
cut. She did this over and over, eventually working
her way down to Willow's wrist and to her fading
scars. When she reached the redhead's hand she gently
kissed the palm, opening her lips slightly to let her
tongue dance over it, tasting Willow's flesh. A sharp
intake of breath let Buffy know that what she was
doing was getting a reaction and a quick glance up
into her soon to be lover's face told her that
reaction was good.

"Will?"

"Yeah, Buff?" Willow's answer came out husky,
breathy.

"Will you let me make love to you tonight? I know we
were going to go slow, but..." The slayer trailed
off, unsure of how to put into words how she felt,
what she was thinking.

But, words were not necessary for Willow. "Yes,
please," was all she said before giving herself freely
to Buffy.

Those two words were all the Slayer needed. She
pulled away from Willow's hand and brought them face
to face. Closing her eyes, Buffy leaned in and
captured the redhead's lips. The kiss soon became
passionate as Willow opened her mouth slightly to let
the Slayer's tongue in. After a few minutes Buffy
began to make her way down Willow's body, stopping
only to remove the night shirt the redhead wore. She
nibbled gently on her collarbone, set soft kisses down
her breasts to her stomach where she nuzzled Willow
briefly before moving on. Buffy did not go straight
for Willow's curls, instead making her way to the
insides of her thighs. There she got an upclose look
at the healing scars that were less than a week old. 
Tears threatened to pour over and Buffy's throat
closed up as she imagined the pain that caused those. 
She was determined to let Willow know how much she
loved her tonight. So, with that, Buffy began to kiss
her way up Willow's thighs, kissing each scar as if
attempting to heal it, heal Willow with her love. 


To be continued.


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