Fic: Fascinating New Thing (3/?)

[Jenny Dapper <dap311@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Fascinating New Thing (3/?)
Author: dap311 (dap311@xxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W 
Rating: R
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and
Mutant Enemy. 
"F.N.T" is property of Semisonic. 
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high
school, but 
has departed after 2nd season, for the most part.
There is no Oz 
is this universe. Some general 3rd season spoilers;
Faith is now in the picture.
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Sequel to "Half a World Away." Buffy is still
trying to 
help Willow deal with her depression and self-injury,
while at the 
same time they deal with some new feelings. 
Distribution/Archive: Just ask.

Thank you everyone who has responded to this story. 
The next two chapters are dedicated to Aimee who has
been there for everything. 

Fascinating new thing
Get beside me,
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

--Semisonic, "F.N.T."

Previously in "Fascinating New Thing:"

Those two words were all the Slayer needed. She
pulled away from Willow's hand and brought them face
to face. Closing her eyes, Buffy leaned in and
captured the redhead's lips. The kiss soon became
passionate as Willow opened her mouth slightly to let
the Slayer's tongue in. After a few minutes Buffy
began to make her way down Willow's body, stopping
only to remove the night shirt the redhead wore. She
nibbled gently on her collarbone, set soft kisses down
her breasts to her stomach where she nuzzled Willow
briefly before moving on. Buffy did not go straight
for Willow's curls, instead making her way to the
insides of her thighs. There she got an upclose look
at the healing scars that were less than a week old. 
Tears threatened to pour over and Buffy's throat
closed up as she imagined the pain that caused those. 
She was determined to let Willow know how much she
loved her tonight. So, with that, Buffy began to kiss
her way up Willow's thighs, kissing each scar as if
attempting to heal it, heal Willow with her love. 

------------------

The week after Buffy and Willow first made love was
difficult for the redhead. She retained the buzz from
that first night for a couple of days, but it soon
wore off as the days progressed and further intimacies
were limited to the occasional kiss. Unsure of why
Buffy was suddenly pulling away physically and closing
herself off emotional, Willow retreated into herself,
wanting to cut, but resisting the temptation. She
went to school, to therapy, did her homework, and on
the outside appeared to be making some progress. But
on the inside she was torn, constantly worried that
she had done something to push her new lover away. No
one noticed how much Willow was hurting, even more
than before, and the one person who should have was
too distracted that week. 

There was a new slayer. She had shown up a couple of
months ago and Buffy had been bonding with her over
the past few weeks. The night after she had made love
to Willow, Buffy stayed out until 5am patrolling and
slaying with Faith. She crawled into bed with Willow
after a quick shower, not noticing the wetness of the
pillow case against her own damp skin. The redhead
had lay awake until 3, waiting for Buffy, finally
crying herself to sleep. The slayer pulled Willow
into her arms as she fell into a deep sleep, not
noticing the tension in the small body. When Willow
woke her up a couple hours later for school Buffy was
evasive about the night before. 

"Where were you Buffy? I was worried. Was there a
big nest? Are you okay?" Willow didn't even try to
disguise the hurt in her voice, knowing that Buffy
would be able to pick up on it. But, Buffy didn't
seem to hear what her girlfriend was saying, not
really.

"Huh? Oh, know. No big nest. I was just out with
Faith- she had a lot of energy and we kind of just fed
off each other; not literally of course, cause ew. 
But we hunted down a lot of vamps and dusted them. 
I'm sorry I was so late. We kind of lost track of
time after awhile." Buffy answered while getting
dressed, her back turned from Willow who simply sat on
the bed, unable to get herself to move. 

"Oh. Um, okay. Uh, we'd better hurry. We'll be
late for school." With that Willow got up,
mechanically pulled on some clothes and headed down
the stairs to grab some breakfast and her backpack. 
Buffy followed, wondering suddenly why Willow was
being so strange all of a sudden. She hoped it wasn't
a reaction to their lovemaking- she hoped that the
redhead didn't regret it. 

Striding into the kitchen with a determined step,
Buffy came up behind Willow, placing an arm around her
stomach and pulling her in. She nuzzled her lover's
neck, reveling in her silky hair while making slow
circles with her thumb over Willow's belly button. 

"Babe, is something bothering you? Are you okay?" 
Buffy kissed her way up Willow's neck until she
reached her earlobe and took it gently into her mouth,
softly nipping at it while she waited for an answer.

"Huh? Oh. No, I'm fine. Just tired." Willow got a
little distracted as Buffy's lips made their way back
down her neck, stopping at her shoulder, but not so
much that she didn't guard herself and her feelings
when she answered. A quick glance at the clock told
her that they needed to get to school or face the
wrath of Snyder, so Willow detached herself from Buffy
and turned to face her friend. "We should get going. 
You know Snyder is looking for anyway to get you in
trouble. If you're late again he might suspend you."

"Yeah, well, who needs school? I'm a slayer, it's
not like I need to know what a dangling participle is
or how a bill becomes law. Faith doesn't go to school
and she does just fine slaying." Buffy grabbed her
book bag as she said this and started to head for the
front door. She called over her shoulder as she
passed through the dining room: "You coming Will?"

"Coming." Willow's answer was quiet. The mention of
the newest slayer made her stomach turn over a couple
of times, making her breakfast threaten to come back
up. She wasn't sure why she was having such a
physical reaction to the mere mention of Faith, but
she didn't say anything to Buffy about it. 

----------------


While they were taking a test in Chemistry later that
day, one that neither Willow nor Buffy had studied
much for, Faith came by and practically dragged Buffy
out the window to go "slay stuff." More than eager to
ditch her class and test, Buffy was gone, mouthing a
quick goodbye to Willow, without waiting for a
response. The redhead just stared at the rest of the
questions on her sheet, unable to concentrate any
longer on the chemical conversions. She couldn't
understand why Buffy was suddenly so intent on
spending time with Faith and couldn't hide her hurt
and disappointment. Xander noticed almost
immediately, which was saying a lot since Xander was
never really big on the emotional stuff.

"Hey, Will. Why such the long face?" Buffy and
Willow had been keeping Willow's depression a secret,
as well as their new relationship. For all Xander
knew Willow just had PMS moodswings, just more
frequently than most girls. 

"Huh? Oh. Buffy. She left with Faith." Willow
didn't bother to hide the pain in her voice. She was
tired and too worried that Buffy was pulling away from
her to think about Xander finding out. 

"Yeah, so? They probably went out slaying. You know
how those Chosen Ones, er Twos, are. Vampires bad. 
Staking good."

"Yeah, but she left school. And she barely said
goodbye to me. Didn't even think about anyone other
than Faith." Willow's face was dark with self-doubt
and worry. She had convinced herself beyond a
reasonable doubt at this point that Buffy didn't love
her anymore. No matter how many times Buffy said she
did, and showed her, Willow always had this little
nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that
it wouldn't last, that she really wasn't worthy of
being loved. 

"I didn't realize the Buffmeister had to clear her
schedule with you. She always goes out slaying. Why
the sudden possessive tendencies, Will?" Xander may
be clueless most of the time, but Willow could be read
like an open book right now. One of those Dr. Seuss
books that her mother refused to read her when she was
little, claiming they were inane and ridiculous. 

"Well, yeah, she does have to, I mean, I'm staying
with her right now, and, and I don't like waiting up
for her to come to bed every night, worrying that
she's lying dead somewhere or bleeding or really hurt
or something. And I don't like Faith. She's skanky
and all 'Oooh, I'm sexy, everyone wants to sleep with
me.' And I know she has the hots for Buffy, cause why
wouldn't she? She's always like 'I'm hungry and
horny.' And I don't want her to be hungry and horny
around Buffy. I want Buffy to be hungry and horny
around me." Willow's trademark babble ended suddenly
when she realized what she had just said. Out loud. 
To Xander. Whose mouth was currently drawing more
flies than the cafeteria's chicken surprise. 

"Wha- did you just say- uh... Will?" Xander couldn't
seem to get a complete sentence out of his mouth. 
"Let's try this again. Are you saying your jealous of
Faith? Are you and Buffy... you know?" 

Willow was quick on the defensive. "Know what,
Xander? I-I-I'm not jealous of Faith. I didn't say
that." 

"No, not in those 'I'm-jealous-of-Faith' words, but
I'm not that dense. And you said you didn't want to
wait up for Buffy to come to bed. Are you guys
sharing a bed?"

Willow knew she couldn't avoid a direct question, and
was horrible at lying, so instead she gave in. 

"Yes, Xander, we're sharing a bed. I think we need
to talk in private." The last thing she wanted to do
right now was talk to Xander about her and Buffy. In
fact, all she wanted to do right now was go back to
the Summers house and cut herself. She wanted the
pain and the self-doubt to go away, at least for a
little bit. But, she knew she had to deal with this
for now. 

----------------------

The talk with Xander had not been good. Willow was
back in Buffy's room, holding a pair of scissors she
had found in the desk drawer, holding them over her
wrist, wanting to cut. No, the conversation with
Xander had definitely not been of the good. In fact,
it was very much of the bad. And it made her feel all
that much worse about everything. He had freaked. 
Not so much because Willow was gay. More that Buffy
was gay and was sleeping with Willow, that Buffy had
foresaken him, Xander, the man, for her, Willow, the
puny girl. His manhood was hurt and he took out his
pain on Willow. She tried to tell him about how they
came to realize what they meant to each other, but
when she got to her depression he claimed that she was
just using it to get Buffy's sympathy and love, that
she used her cutting to get Buffy's undivided
attention. At that she got mad. 

"Does it look like I have her undivided attention
right now? How dare you think that. The last thing I
want to do is hurt Buffy, but I've never seen her so
hurt as when she sees the cuts on my arms. You don't
know what you're talking about Xander." She had
turned and walked quickly out of the library then,
tears streaming down her face, most of her worried
that Buffy saw her that way, as using her depression
and cutting to manipulate her. 

So, now it was late in the evening. And Buffy wasn't
back. And all Willow could think about was what if
Buffy was angry with her. Her insecurities were
rearing their ugly heads, taking bites out of what
little self-esteem Willow had managed to build up over
the past few weeks with Buffy. It wasn?t anything
specific that Buffy said or did, it was more her
non-presence, not so much an absence, though. She
could be in the same room with her and suddenly Willow
didn?t feel like Buffy noticed her. She?d get
distracted and then not notice when Willow drew into
herself. It hurt the redhead, more that Buffy didn?t
seem to notice she did it than the fact that she did. 
Sometimes she felt like the consolation prize to the
slayer. But, she didn?t know how to say this. She
didn?t know how to talk to the woman she loved. What
if she messed everything up? What if her doubts and
insecurities were what drove Buffy to distraction and
would end up driving her away? Willow knew she was
dependent on Buffy, knew that this was probably
affecting her friend, but she didn?t know how to deal
with that or how to talk to Buffy about it. 


To be continued.


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! - Official partner of 2002 FIFA World Cup
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com