The Slayer And The Witch - Chapter 16 - Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

["Stefan Akerblom" <nagarek@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi guys.

Again it's been a long time in coming, sorry about that, it's due to
several issues. Please enjoy.



Stefan Akerblom
nagarek@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ICQ: 156764542

The Slayer And The Witch - Stefan Akerblom - nagarek@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Critique: Yes please, but no flames (I'm flammable)
Warning: Building to NC-17, f/f relations, possibly f/f/m
Characters: Willow, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Giles, Tara, Angel, Dawn,
Spike, Wes, Cordy, Oz (?), nurse Becky Chapel, nurse Erin Lonsdale,
Main Pairing/s: Willow & Buffy, maybe Giles/Becky/Erin - who wants to
see that? :o) (not sure yet about Anya/Xander ... maybe) time will
reveal all!
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all in the Buffy Universe, I have merely
played and embellished, not claimed any rights, apart from a couple of
nice nursies!

Brief: Buffy and Willow have both recently lost their partners, Willow
is hospitalised and Buffy is almost paralysed with guilt over it, both
Willow and Buffy realise how much they really mean to each other, they
embark on a voyage of discovery and figuring out a way to break their
new relationship to their friends while keeping the minions of the
hellmouth from taking over. Meanwhile solutions present themselves which
can have far reaching effects on Buffy and Willow's future.

Distribution: BuffyWantsWillow and MegaWitches (www.megawitches.net) get
automatic rights, anyone else who likes it enough to host it, just
please give me a link to where it's hosted

Many thanks go to:
Crys Loch (pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) for answering my email, and a lot
of inspiration and much encouragement (you said just the right things to
make me think while I channeled Willow),
Dan Spector (danspector@xxxxxxxxx) for some much needed help with
authenticity,
Casandra (jeepy91@xxxxxxx) for answering some silly and some very
awkward questions, you're very special
AmberBensonFan (amberbensonfan@xxxxxxxxxxx) for lots of additional help
and support and being there and just being a good friend
Thanks also to all the other great people on BuffyWantsWillow, you make
this worth so much to me,
and to Cairo (played at ear-splitting volume) for setting the mood.
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Chapter 16 - Ashes, ashes, we all fall down

Willow sat in the kitchen at the Magic Box and glared at the screen of
her laptop computer, she'd already tapped away and written on it for
several minutes. She turned and looked out to the war chamber. She saw
everyone still deep in planning for the assault on Rack's, Xander was
objecting loudly to something in one of Buffy's tactics, Anya along with
him, mainly because it involved Xander. In spite of the disastrous
wedding, Xander had managed to somehow convince Anya to give him a
second chance, but she was still wary of anything he did and wouldn't
let him out of her sight for very long, she had turned very possessive
and defensive, anything that would put Xander in danger was against her
philosophy right now. Willow sighed, turned back and blinked to readjust
her eyes to the screen's glow and reread her writing.

=========================

Journal Entry - If I have time, I must get a bigger hard drive, this
one's almost full of my inane rambling, but I just can't erase them and
let them go, they are the journey of my life. And this is another long
boring dumping of what I'm feeling right now about this whole mess.

Well here I sit and think and listen, Buffy's making war on Rack, The
Scoobies are her war council with Becky and Erin now honourary members.
And I have to stay out of this little war, although I know Rack best of
us all. I wish I could trust myself to just do what's right and not go
overboard, but it's all so raw, so fresh, I don't think anyone should
trust me, I don't, at least not yet. And now Erin's got my head gears
whirring about what might have happened between Buffy and Spike. I just
don't know if Buffy could do that, to sleep with the one thing in her
life that's almost evil. True, Spike was about as helpless as a kitten
for a long time, he protected Dawnie, he protected and helped us all. So
in a way I could see it, in a way there's something magnetic about him,
something that could compel Buffy to do something like that. God I don't
want to even think about it. Where does that leave me, does she have
feelings for Spike the way she still does with Angel? She's admitted
often that she still has feelings for Angel. I must ask her what they
did, and I must ask soon.

I find myself in a weird place, on the one hand I love Tara so much and
miss her very badly, to see her again and to have had her nearby was so
painful it makes me want to burst into tears and hug her and kiss her
and bring everything back to how it was. And I admit it, I want her
back, so desperately do I want her to return to me sometimes. But I know
in her heart she hasn't forgiven me for what I have done, she knows now
about the spells, knows almost all the details, the things I did. She
knows I did them out of love for Buffy, she always knew on some level
that Buffy and I were friends beyond simple friendship, but I'm not sure
she knew how deep my love really ran. But in her mind I transgressed, I
abused the realms of man, I have gone beyond what is meant for man to
know about and done things that should never be done. I suppose the best
I can hope for is to still be friends with her, which is almost harder
than losing her, to be friends with someone you still love desperately,
knowing you can never have that level of her love in return again, ever.

Which brings me to Buffy, how can I still feel so strongly for Tara
when I love Buffy so much? I can't explain it, I only know I love them
both dearly, I love Tara with passion and compassion, she is funny and
sweet and so warm and cuddly and smart and so many things, she wasn't my
first, but she was the first to show me what I really am. I just can't
let her out of my mind, Buffy's there like a beacon glowing blinding
white in the darkness, she occupies my mind all the time, hardly a
moment goes by without me thinking about her. But Tara's there too, she
is an anchor in the storm of my emotions, she showed me so many things.
I don't know whether she fully realised how much I loved her and relied
on her. I do know now. I realise and I know what I have lost, and now
she's gone. But now I can love Buffy freely, I can love her with
everything I have, for the time I have left. Nobody knows the price I
have paid, and they never will, because I have lied to them all to
protect this secret, to keep this from Buffy. It's the one thing she
will never know about me, because it would kill her again if I told her.
To bring her back to me and to have her here is a blessing. I know now
that I tore her out of heaven, but I don't care any more, I've got to
let that go. I felt so much guilt and sadness and remorse for having
done it, I felt so badly because I had taken her away from her final
peace. But my heart was broken, my will to fight the urge to bring her
back was gone, my resolve to bring her back was unstoppable, if nobody
had helped me, I would have tried anyway, knowing I would probably die
trying, because I just didn't want to be without Buffy any longer. Even
though I loved Tara so much, there was always a big piece of my heart
that belonged to Buffy. I always did wonder if there could ever be a
chance the three of us could be together, but now that's too late.

Buffy is the one thing in my life that has been monumental, she brought
the shy weak little girl out of herself into this that I am now, she has
made me what I am and I owe her everything, including my heart. After
all, I have already given my soul for her, my heart isn't that big a
price, and it's one I would gladly pay. I know now that I could never
give my heart and soul to anyone else but Buffy, to die for her, the way
that Buffy died for us all; knowing she would die. I can't imagine how
much courage that took. But maybe I can, in a way I've done the same,
it's only a matter of time until then, but the sadness is that I don't
know how long I have left before it takes me away. Until then I plan on
taking every day one day at a time, to give everything I have to her, to
be with her and comfort her and care for her, and cherish her every
single moment we have left together.

Everyone thought I was depressed when Buffy was acting so strange after
I brought her back and when Tara left. But I wasn't, or maybe I was but
not for the reasons they thought. I was just sad that I had done
everything I could, had succeded in bringing Buffy back, and everyone
had been mad at me and even Buffy had been angry, and they had no idea
what I had to do to make it happen, because I couldn't tell them, I
still can't, they know most of it now but not all. It seemed like such a
waste, knowing I had done what I did and that nobody could appreciate
what I'd had to do. And then it takes a stupid car accident to make it
all happen the way it should have in the first place, life is such a
weird place to be.

I have bad feelings about this war with Rack. I know just how nasty and
powerful he is, even though I can't remember most of the things that
happened at his place. I just can't recall some of the darker moments, I
think I went somewhere, some other place in some other dimension. He's
possibly the most powerful warlock we've ever encountered. We've had
some doozies but I think Rack's going to either make or break us this
time. And I can't even help. I am so afraid I'll lose Buffy again, and I
can't bring her back this time. I have promised the others I wouldn't do
magick. And that's my problem, I promised and even if I wanted to, I
can't bring her back anyway because I have nothing left to bargain with,
I have nothing left to give, the next time she dies it's for good. If
she dies, I will die as well because I have given everything I had to
have her back, and being in this world without her after that would be
pointless.

I'm going to stop now because this is getting depressing. But if anyone
reads this stuff after I'm gone, just remember please, and forgive me
for what I did. Everything I did was for love, everything I gave was for
love, for my love of Buffy. I made a mess of Tara's love for which I
will never forgive myself, but at least I can live for Buffy for a
while, and love her with all my heart.

=========================

She sighed deeply, and saved the file, and closed the notebook
computer, then catching herself, she opened it back up and reopened the
file. Sitting back for a moment, she thought about the dialog box on the
screen in front of her. She typed in the word 'slayer' which instead of
characters, displayed little dots on the input line as she password
protected the file. It wouldn't do to have anyone reading this stuff
now, she had to keep this a secret. She chastised herself mentally for
it, already too much had been lost because people had been keeping
secrets, but this was something she had to keep to herself, it would
literally tear everyone apart knowing what was to come. This little war
with Rack would seem trivial and unimportant in the scheme of things if
they knew who their real nemesis might be. Rack was probably a demon,
was possibly even part of the major hierarchy of demons, nobody knew for
sure who he was, he was a deceiver, he was a fiend and a powerful one at
that. But he was still only a lackey by comparison, she had bargained
with someone who made Rack seem like a kid with a runny nose at a hotdog
stand. Glory had been powerful, but she had been unstable and insane.
Rack was callous and rational in his evil, but he was still a rank
amateur compared to ... well he was no match for her real adversary. And
one day he would come for his part in the bargain, he would claim his
prize.

---------------------------------------

"Hey is it just me or should this attack plan come in a big box marked
ACME and with big white warning stickers 'STUPID IDEA' all over it? If
this guy is so dangerous and we now have Willow back to normal, why the
hell are we still going in there anyway?" Xander was sitting doodling
aimlessly on a sheet of already scribble filled paper, arrows and
diagrams and names covering it completely. He looked up, licked his lips
nervously and stared into Buffy's eyes. "Let's just leave him there. Why
go in, guns blazing and get our asses whipped? I vote we forget about
him and don't go in, all those in favour raise their hand!" He raised
his own looking around hopefully at the Scoobies, and saw only Anya
echoing his sentiments with her hand raised and a supportive grin spread
across her lips, he saw hesitant looks from Erin and Becky, resolute
determination from the others. Buffy crossed her arms and leaned
sideways against the table, her lips pressed together in her patented
'not impressed' look. She glanced at Becky and Erin giving them pleading
looks, and they kept their hands down. She turned back. Xander and Anya
put their hands down, and he sighed in resignation, shaking his head and
going back to the doodling.

"Xander, I need you in this, don't go weird on me now. From what you
guys have been been telling me, I will need everyone's help if we're
gonna beat him. Together and co-ordinated we can win this fight, if we
hesitate for even a second, Rack could mince us up like ... like so much
hamburger." Buffy remembered back to the Doublemeat Palace's meat
grinders and inwardly shuddered. Xander swallowed and refused to meet
her gaze, a thin mirthless smile on his lips.

"Well sounds to me like we're gonna wind up mince chow anyway. I don't
think we're thinking too clearly about all this, you're so determined to
take him down I think you've lost perspective. One day we're gonna chew
off just a bit more than we can swallow, and this might be that time.
Why not concentrate on finding the amulet and stopping this demon from
turning Angel on us? I for one don't want to be within reach if Angelus
makes another appearance, once was quite enough, that cost us plenty."
He looked up with tired eyes. "Look I'm not just being my 'cowardly
lion' self, although that has it's merits too. I just think ... well I
just think while the going is this good, we have you and Will back to
normal, let's not tempt the gods, they always wind up poking us in the
eyes with sharp sticks." Buffy saw the look of pleading, his eyes
betraying fear not only for his own life, but for all of them. He sighed
and again looked down at the page, his fingers pressing the pencil hard,
almost incizing jagged dark lines deeply into the paper. She softened
her demeanour and tried to think of a way to get through. She sat down
in the chair beside him and stilled his doodling hand with her own,
Xander looked up into her softened eyes and blinked several times. Buffy
spoke calmly and softly.

"Xander, this ... thing has attacked Willow, he touched her, he all but
raped her and I'm not so sure he didn't actually really do that too. Is
Willow the first? I doubt it, Is she the last? No I doubt that too, not
unless someone does something about it. And guess what, we're the only
ones even close to being capable of doing anything about it." She looked
back to where Willow sat in the kitchen, her laptop open on the table
and Willow typing up a storm. Inwardly she smiled when she saw the old
hacker computer nerd Willow, before the magick made her the most
powerful wicca in this part of the world. Her voice dropped to a
whisper.

"Look at her Xan ..." he turned his eyes to Willow. "... you know her
better than any of us, you know her better than I do, and she's chosen
me to be with. I hardly know anything about her, I know the most
important thing in the universe to me, that she loves me, and I can
eventually learn the rest. But you know her on a level I never can, you
have been her best bud since you were kids. I can never have that. How
can you stand back and let someone get away with doing what he did to
Willow when she's that important in your life?" She turned back, her
gaze probed deeply into Xanders, her eyes glistening with moisture. "I
can't Xander! I can't stand back and let him do that, and keep doing
that to god knows how many more girls." She sniffed back her emotions,
swallowed once and stood up looking down on him. "I can't forgive him
for doing what he did to Willow, and whatever else happens, whether
you're with me in this or not, he will pay." Xander blinked and
swallowed, his nerves frayed and ragged, the fear apparent in his
features, but he stuck his jaw out and clamped his teeth together.

"Buffy you know me, you know what I do, and you know I'm with you all
the way, I'm just trying to be your better conscience in this, seeing as
nobody else seems to see that this might get really ugly. But I've stood
beside you and fought with you when everything seemed hopeless, and I
... hardly ever hesitated. I'll go in, and I'll fight for you, you know
that." His eyes took on a steely sheen unusual for him. "But I am just
saying I have a bad feeling about this, I trust my cowardly instincts,
they have never once let me down yet, even though I have learned to
ignore them and do stupid things anyway. And right now there are alarm
bells screaming loudly enough that I'm surprised you can't hear them."
He looked around the room. "I'll go in, and I'll fight and ... if it
comes to that I'll die beside you. But I just want you to know ..." his
voice began quavering and he faltered, looked down at the paper and fell
silent.

"Xander, I hope to god nobody dies, but I can't guarantee it, but if
it's to be anyone it'll be me ..." Dawn gasped out loud and squeaked,
her hands flying to her throat. Xander slammed down the pencil and
looked up at her with a manic 'You have to be kidding me' stare.

"Awww man ..."

"... and don't you DARE tell Will that I just said that ... any of you
... or I will personally kill you all!" She looked up at the group who
were all glaring at her incredulously, she stared them all down.
"Xander, you will just back me up in this but your help is vital, you
will fight only stuff you can handle and leave Rack and his worst demons
to me. And that goes for everyone, you will all fight only what is
possible for you to win, nobody goes up against Rack but me, is that
completely understood?" She looked around the room and saw nods and
affirmations. "Wes, you back Xander up until you get into position for
the warding, and then you make sure you both get out safely, Erin you
will do as we planned, you will set up the casting and the wards and
stuff, make sure Rack can't get away. Giles you and Wes will back Erin
up with the magic, that's the three poles of power Erin needs, right?"
Giles again nodded silently.

Buffy nodded back, turned to Becky and continued. "Becky, you and I
will go in and when we get past his guards and get to Rack, you will
pull back and let me fight him alone, you don't touch him even if it
looks like I might be losing, you pull back instead then and regroup
with the others." Becky blinked and nodded in understanding. "If need
be, you will all then evacuate and the contingency plan will kick in. I
want to take Rack out so he can't ever come back, but if the best we can
do is banish him for a time then that's what we'll do. If I fall you do
not try to rescue me, he'll already have killed me by that time so it's
not worth the effort of trying to save me. Giles, the next thing you do
is get the Council to release Faith or do something so another slayer
can take over, you got that?" Giles nodded and pushed the glasses up his
nose. "You have to make sure that Rack is never going to come back or
hurt anyone again. You must do whatever it takes." Buffy closed her eyes
and took a deep breath. "That's about all I can think of to do for now.
We have a rough idea of the layout thanks to Willow, Erin and Giles know
where to put the wards and spells and stuff, we can plan our actual
combat tomorrow morning, before we go in. We hit him and hit him hard,
hopefully he'll be at his most vulnerable, with any luck he'll not
expect us to attack then." She sighed and swallowed.

"One final thing, Willow is not in this fight, I want her there with us
in the car but not in the combat, and she will have Dawn with her. No
offense to anyone, but I don't trust magic at the best of times and I
certainly don't trust warding magic to keep the Magic Box completely
safe if Rack is a powerful demon. And if Angel turns I don't want Dawn
and Will anywhere near here, I want them close by so we can protect them
properly." She stopped and looked around the group. "You will not
mention what I just said before to her, as far as we are concerned we're
going in to succeed, we're going in to win this fight. She will be free
from Rack for ever and so will everyone in Sunnydale. Do I make myself
absolutely crystal clear on this?" There was nods and rustling of papers
from the whole group, she looked down at Xander who just sat there with
a stunned look on his face. She stepped closer, gave his hand a
comforting squeeze, but he never looked up so she just left him and
walked toward the kitchen.

With that, the rest of the group disbanded and began making their way
to their respective homes. Becky and Erin said good night and left after
the wards around the shop had been cleared. Xander looked up, seeing
Buffy walk away. He stood up, looked around to see Giles stepping
towards the research section, and he followed him among the stacks of
books. Anya looked at Xander as he silently got up and walked off,
shrugged her shoulders and stepped around the counter and continued some
book keeping she'd left off before the group had all converged on the
shop. When he was out of eyeshot of everyone, Xander detoured and walked
away from Giles, and went over to a darkened corner.

----------------------------------------

The phone rang three times before being picked up, the hand clutched at
the receiver as if it was a snake wanting to strike.

"He-hello?"

"Tara? Hi, I can't talk long but god do I need you right now." the
voice whispered electronically, the cell phone sounded tinny and
crackling in the chill air of the room but Tara could hear the tinge of
desperation.

"Xander? Hey, what do ... what's wrong? What can I d-do?"

"Aw man, these people are nuts, they're gonna go up against Rack and
try to kick his ass back to hell, and they expect me to just go in there
without trying to talk sense to them. But they're not listening, they
will go in tomorrow morning and Buffy's gonna try to kill him. And I
just have the worst feeling about all this, you know I can feel things
when they go down and this sucks like you wouldn't believe!" Tara
remained momentarily silent and tried to comprehend what Xander's words
meant.

"But Xander, that's what Buffy does, she goes in and kicks the demons
out and kills the vamps, th-that's her job, remember?"

"Yeah but deep down I know there's something different with this guy,
there's something wrong and we can't see it. And I know this is all
gonna go bad, and I am so afraid Buffy will go down. She's gonna get
herself killed again and ... and right now that'd break Will's heart.
She'd just curl up and die." Xander heard the hesitation on the other
side. "You have to help them, you have to lend them a hand with the mag
..."

"Xander? NOO! You know I can't do that, you know I can't interfere with
magick, specially if it's going to be around W-Willow, she's fighting
hard enough now as she can, she can't have me messing around with spells
around her." Tara heard the frustrated voice on the other side rise
slightly, then lower as Xander tried to remain in control and keep his
tone to a steady whisper.

"They already have spell help, one of the nurses that treated Will is a
wicca, she's gonna try casting wards and stuff, but I don't think it's
gonna be enough, I'm so afraid this will all end up with someone being
badly hurt or killed. Please Tara, I need you to help with this!" Tara
sucked in her breath.

"Willow's already using magick with another wicca? Well then y-you
don't really need me." Xander could hear the bitterness and
disappointment in her voice.

"Huh? What?? Oh NO! God no Tara, no she's really not, she's being so
good, and that's EXACTLY why I need your help, Willow refuses to do the
magick, and Erin's gonna try instead, and she has already admitted she's
not very powerful with the ... with the power. I need you to help cos
you're about the most powerful witch we know apart from Will, and if you
don't then I'm afraid Buffy's gonna get herself killed again. And this
time there'll be no turning back. This time she'll die and we can't do
anything to stop it or bring her back." Xander heard deadly silence on
the other end of the phone line, he licked his lips and tried not to let
the panic creep into his voice. "Please Tara ... I don't want Buff ..."

"She should never have been brought back in the first place, that's why
all this has blown up, and why W-W-Willow and I ..." Xander couldn't
help himself, he let out a squeak he quickly stifled, hoping nobody
heard him.

"TARA ... Tara, PLEASE? For the love of god, this has nothing to do
with that, Buffy is here ... NOW, and she's happy and alive. And I want
her to stay that way, please help me ... us, please help us, if not for
my sake then do it for Buffy and Willow, do it for Willow's sake."
Xander listened and heard what sounded like fingers tapping nervously on
the plastic of the receiver. "Please Tara, please, if you love Will at
all still, then please do this for her, do this and I will never ask you
to do anything else." A deep breath came next and Tara spoke with what
reservation, dignity and resignation she had left.

"Xander, you know I love Willow with everything I have left, she was
the single most important thing to ever happen in my life and ... now
sh-she's ..." Xander didn't need to hear the words but he knew Tara felt
betrayed that Buffy had taken her place in Willow's life, where she had
once been Willow's complete focus. Tara stopped speaking for a few
seconds. Xander felt palpable pain and sadness through the phoneline but
knew he had to ignore that for now, for all their sakes. He looked
around nervously expecting at any time to be disturbed in his shadowy
corner. She finally spoke. "When are you going to go in, when is this
happening?"

"Tomorrow morning, five am, we're meeting here at three, at the Magic
Box. We'll be going in all the cars, Becky and Erin don't have one, so
Giles is stopping by their apartment to pick them up first thing. And we
need to bring all the equipment. Wes is bringing a load of magical axes
and stuff they know are real effective against demons. Erin's bringing
her potions and spellbooks and stuff. And Buffy of course will go in
with her fists like Tyson, hoping she can beat the snot out of anything
that steps in front of her. Becky's also into martial arts but I don't
think it'll be enough." Tara had a puzzled tone in her voice.

"B-Becky? I thought you said her name was E-Erin."

"Becky and Erin are a couple, I think they're ... married or something.
They're ... you know ... like ... like ..." Tara smiled softly as she
understood why Xander's voice sounded strained and embarrassed.

"Yeah I know what you mean Xander. Well when will you get home, can I
think about this or something, can I call you later before I make my
mind up?"

"Yeah please call me, and please say yes, I have to make you say yes.
This will be the most important thing I have ever asked you to do, and
about the only favour I have ever asked of you, but you know I wouldn't
ask you unless I thought it was real important." Tara sighed and nodded
at the phone, catching herself and feeling silly.

"Yeah I know Xander, but I still need to think about it, can I do that
please, give me an hour or two at least? And I can't promise I'll say
yes."

"I know Tara, but I need you to say yes, so I'll give you a couple of
hours, if you don't call me back on my cell phone, I will take that as
you saying no ... but I can't have you saying no, not this time, this is
too important to me." Tara could hear rustling as the receiver got
covered by something. It suddenly sounded uncovered again. "Gotta go,
bye." came the hurried hissed whisper, and then a click as the tone
dropped out, and the line went dead.

"WAIT!" but it was too late, all she heard was the steady droning hiss
of background electronic noise and beeping from the phone. "... I don't
know your new cell number." She thought for a second and came to the
conclusion she should be able to get his number by calling telephone
services. She tapped out the number and waited.

---------------------------------------------

"You ready to go Will?" Buffy walked into the kitchen where Willow sat
at the table. The red-head looked up, mouth set in a crooked line,
concern on her brows as she looked at Buffy's tired eyes.

"Yeah, lets go home, you look pretty beat." Willow stood up, all her
awkwardness and pain seemed to have gone. Buffy smiled as she looked on,
Willow would soon be back to normal, and they could begin really putting
their life together. After this battle with Rack, there should be
nothing in the way of them being happy, apart from the routine daily
nuisances like normal vampires and demons. This battle with Rack had
everyone spooked, even Giles and Wes were being really cagey and
apprehensive. As far as anyone knew, Rack was nothing more than a man
with a lot of magick power, but Erin had convinced the group that he was
some form of demon masquerading as a human. Well it was probably best to
be cautious, Buffy had never come up against Rack, but his little house
of nastiness sounded like quite a vipers nest. If everyone was right and
it was full of demons and other traps, then this was by far the most
able group to go up against him. Even in their heyday, Buffy doubted the
Initiative could have gone up against Rack. If everyone's fears were
right, then this would prove to be one of the heaviest battles the
Scoobies had ever gone into, next to the one they had fought against the
goddess Glory.

Buffy helped Willow put on her coat, then put on her own as Willow
gathered up her computer and handbag. Dawn walked into the kitchen and
silently took her own coat off the back of one of the chairs, and put it
over her shoulders, then walked towards the front door of the shop.
Buffy reached out and took the laptop off Willow and slung the carrier
strap over her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Dawn
giving her a glare of silent but utter foulness, but she wouldn't bite
at it for the moment. She'd approach Dawn about it when they got home
and they could discuss things more privately. Buffy understood Dawn's
silence and anger with her, but she would somehow make her understand.
Buffy looked back to Willow, and then held out her hand. Willow looked
at her and smiled sweetly, and reached out her right hand and clasped
Buffy's tightly.

"Ok everyone, we're going, see you all here at 3am sharp." There was
groans and grunts from various directions, which Buffy took as being
affirmations. She led Willow up to the front of the shop. Dawn twisted
the knob and flung open the door and stepped through, the brass bell on
the jamb pealed loudly in the night air. After pulling the door shut
behind them, Buffy and Willow trooped out into the chilling night and
walked over to the jeep where Dawn stood with her hands in her pockets
leaning against the rear door, her head bowed forward so her face was
covered by a curtain of hair, she remained silent. Willow looked at
Buffy, who just shrugged her shoulders in dismissal and opened the
doors. They all got in and Buffy took off with a roar of the engine and
a squeal of tires.

Soon they had driven the short distance from the shop to their home.
Dawn again stepped out first, slamming the door a little too hard and
stomping off up the path. She got to the front door first, unlocked it,
pushed open the door and quickly taking the stairs two steps at a time,
she disappeared into the darkened house.

"What's up with her?" Willow looked at Buffy as she got out and stepped
up beside her. Buffy looked at Willow and shrugged her shoulders, her
eyebrows arching. She took hold of Willow's hand again and began
walking.

"Oh you know Dawn, she's probably still upset ... uh ... about Spike.
Don't worry, she'll be ok." Willow nodded, but her brow remained creased
in concern. They trudged up the path and stepped into the house.
Putting on the inside light, Buffy closed and latched the front door
"I'm gonna make some food and stuff for tomorrow morning before I come
to bed, I'll come up in a couple of minutes." Willow nodded.

"Ok Buffy, don't be too long, you gotta get some sleep." She smiled and
leaned forward to give Buffy a short but full kiss on the lips, then
turned and began going up the steps a bit more sedately than Dawn had.
Buffy looked up the stairs at the retreating back of her lover, and
licked her lips tasting Willow, feeling the butterflies in her tummy
from the kiss. She sighed at the pleasant sensation it gave her and went
into the kitchen to begin rifling through the cupboards for a thermos
and some plastic containers. she then began preparing sandwiches and
boiling water to fill the thermos with, they would be needing this in a
few hours and she didn't want to be making stuff at three in the
morning. When she'd finished, she turned off the light and stepped out
of the kitchen, walking up the stairs and turning right to the bedroom
where by now presumably Willow lay in bed.

She stopped in her tracks, and turned to look towards Dawn's bedroom
door, to see if the light was on. It wasn't and she debated for a moment
with herself whether to go and talk with her sister, maybe they could
talk in the morning when she'd have had some time to calm down. Buffy
understood why Dawn was so upset, she was angry at Buffy for even
suggesting that she would die again. Dawn had been devastated by Buffy's
death and when Willow had brought her back, Dawn had been jubilant. But
as time progressed, and Buffy became more estranged to the Scoobies
after the resurrection, Dawn had become more reticent because she
thought Buffy didn't want to be back, in fact she'd accused Buffy of
wanting to die again so she didn't have to deal with her sister. This
had been a terrible slap in the face to Buffy, but she began realising
how her behaviour was affecting her friends and family.

After Buffy had finally stopped seeing Spike and had begun making every
effort to make amends with her friends and Dawn, things had started
looking up. Dawn's behaviour had improved, she was no longer shoplifting
to make herself the target of attention she so craved to be, Buffy had
made great strides with her relationship with her sister. And now she'd
stated this very night she was willing to leave them all again, to die
if the need came up, and Dawn had reacted predictably. Buffy mentally
kicked herself for being so thoughtless. She knew Dawn would be badly
affected by hearing something like that. She stepped up to Dawn's door
and taking a deep breath, she knocked quietly and waited. Silence. She
knocked again, and more silence. She thought of knocking again, when the
door opened and Dawn stood there in her snoopy covered pyjamas, her face
tearstreaked and her nose bright red. She looked out at Buffy and her
bottom lip started trembling. She flung herself forward and hugged Buffy
tightly, her face pressed into the hollow of Buffy's neck.

"Please don't die again." she whimpered.

---------------------------------





The darkness remained palpable even to something as disjointed as the
consciousness. But it realised something had come close and was nearby
still. So it bided it's time and waited. Oddly enough it heard a voice,
and it recognised it and would have gasped had it been capable, but it
remained as unable to do more than just think as before. Whatever had
happened had left it apparently paralysed and unable to even lift a
finger or an eyelid. For what seemed like the thousandth time a panic
crept into it's thoughts. What if this was all there was to be, a simple
consciousness in silence and darkness for all eternity, the thought was
galling and made the consciousness blanch mentally. It was intolerable,
and ... and ... what could be done? Nothing, and then the voice came and
jarred it out of it's revery. Female with a lilt and a strange accent it
found difficult to place at first, but quickly it realised it knew this
presence.

"'Ullo my love, we meet again. Only this time it's a bit less possible
to be personal. I'm sorry you're like this, I really am, but it was the
only way I could get you away from that nasty. I could see it, it was
like a hole and I could look right inside you, and I got lost in the
light ... and that was so wrong, not at all how it should be." The voice
was pouting and had a distinct English accent, country in origin ... and
how did the consciousness know this? What was this 'English' that crept
into it's thoughts? But it knew the voice, the voice of a mad woman, the
voice of a lunatic taken at a time when she was vulnerable and so young
and so precious.

"I 'eard you was in trouble and I wanted to come save you from
yourself. So I 'urried 'ere and brought a friend, he 'elped me find you,
not that it was difficult. You always 'ad a habit of stickin' to yer old
haunts." The voice swirled through the consciousness and washed around
it, memories of torment and pain and fear, and they'd shared the nights,
had taken the darkness and made it their own and filled it with blood
and suffering. Those were the days. Sadness crept into it's thoughts,
memories long lost now in time, and so sweet and so delectable, and now
so far away. Where were they, what had happened, how had he known all
this?

"I'm workin' 'ard to find some way to set things right, to get you out
of this bubble and back in your old self. The stars told me you have a
part to play still and you can't be gone, and dolly said you had to go
back to your old self, how you was before you became earthbound and
became my love. That's why I keep you 'ere, I'm trying to find a way of
bringin' you back. So you have to be patient, just keep yourself amused
somehow while mummy makes things all better."



To be continued in:

Chapter 17 - To the limit, and beyond