FIC: The Spaces Inbetween (2/?) NC-17

[Red Willow <st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: The Spaces Inbetween
Author: Red Willow
Email: st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and all them
other peeps. I'm just using them to make my own fun.
Distribution: Story belongs to me. If ya want it, just ask and credit me.
Pairing: W/T/B 
Rating: NC-17 (up to)
Summary: part 2 of ? S6, Tara's left Willow. Buffy slept with Spike. Willow's trying to keep
away from magicks. Veering off into AU land. The spaces inbetween refers to the time between one
relationship and another.... the fight and the makeup, the time spend in reflection, dreams...
alone....
Feedback? I thrive on feedback. Hope you enjoy!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

?What the frilly heck?? I said out loud to nobody. 

Awareness washed over me, as the music still playing became clearer and the outline of my
furniture and pictures on the walls took form in the darkness. I ran a ragged hand through my
damp hair and wiped the sweat from my forehead. 

I looked at the clock on my nightstand; not believing it was already after nine. I had definitely
gotten in my much-needed nap, but what a dream that was. I wasn?t surprised though. Ever since
Tara left me, I?d been having a lot of ?those kinds? of dreams. I thought I had gotten over the
Buffy dreams in high school though. Things were seriously screwed. Tara was gone, I was addicted
to magic, Buffy and I were hardly talking, and now the dreams. Some weren?t so sexual, not like
that one had been. But most of the time I was with either Tara or Buffy, then all of a sudden I
would realize I was with the other. I was confused, frustrated, and horny as hell. I was also
extremely wet. I could feel the hot fluid between my legs seeping out between my lips, soaking my
yellow panties, not to mention the insistent throbbing. 

I rolled my eyes, looking around the room. This was a new routine for me. Dreaming of sex with
Tara and Buffy, waking up horny, and lots of manual stimulation. This was what I was reduced to
almost every day. How fun for me. 

I shrugged, thinking it better to just get on with it rather than try to ignore the aching and
only wind up doing it later when I was that more frustrated. I pushed my jeans and panties off,
letting them drop on the floor. I didn?t bother with my shirt or bra. I knew it wouldn?t take long
to satisfy myself on account of the pounding mass of muscle between my legs. Heck, my hips were
nearly humping the air of their own volition.

I traced the same well-worn path I was accustomed to since first discovering myself, and how to
make my body tremble with bright waves of sweet delight. Around and around my fingers went,
sometimes a little lower, sometimes more to the left, always the same route to the very
much-needed destination. I drew my legs up, opening myself wider as my sex tensed with the
oncoming ripples, sending a hot flood up into my stomach and down my legs.

I bucked against my hand, squeezing my legs together only momentarily as the initial electricity
shot through me. Then I was at it again, my hand and fingers madly thrashing in the folds of my
insatiate and desperate mound. I continued in this fashion 2, 3, 4 more times. I couldn?t stop,
could only keep my hand against my aching need, trying to satiate the hunger that burned there
until the only thing that stopped me was my cramping hand.

?Geeze Rosenberg, lose it much?? I whispered, rolling off the bed.
I turned off the cd and grabbed my sweatpants. I heard movement across the hall and decided it
would probably be best to just head for the shower and get started on some work.

Showered and feeling a bit more relaxed, I made my way downstairs. I saw Buffy sitting at the
counter upon entering the kitchen. 
?Hey Buffy.?
?hmm, hey Will?? she said absently, her eyes fixed on some papers in front of her.
I made a gesture of annoyance with my hand, saying ?Of course??
?Huh?? she asked glancing at me.
?Nothing.?
?Oh, thought you said something.? She said staring back at the paper.
?Like it would matter?? I mumbled.
?What?? She asked her attention now focused on me.
?Nothing?? I said before turning around and looking in the fridge for a bottle of water.
?Will?? she started. ?Are you? ok??
?Right as rain.? I said sarcastically, bringing the bottle to my mouth. ?Couldn?t be better.? I
said in a lower voice before heading for the living room.

She didn?t follow me into the living room, for which I was grateful. At least, I was at first. 
Then I was annoyed again. Then ashamed at how I acted in the kitchen. It was as if we were
feeding off of each other somehow. She didn?t notice me so I got pissed. Then she would notice me
and I?d act like nothing was wrong, instead, ignoring her. It wasn?t working. I was just as much
a cause of the tension between us as she was. Hell, if it hadn?t been for me ripping her from
heaven, or whatever peaceful state she was in? but I don?t like to think about that.

What I really wanted to do was to just tell her how I really felt about her. How I?d felt since
the first day I met her. Then I would at least be relieved to have gotten that off my chest when
she finally decided to never talk to me instead of us dancing circles around each other. Nothing
was like it used to be. Everything had changed and it wasn?t fair and I hated it. Hated myself
most of the time. I was the reason Buffy was back and miserable. I was the one who got addicted
to the magicks and made Tara leave. I hurt Dawn. Everything was my fault, and I just didn?t know
what to do about it. I didn?t know how to make anything better.
?Hey, Will??
I turned around to face Buffy, becoming aware that I had been standing in the center of the room
with my bottled water for who knows how long, thinking.
?Yeah?? 
?Are you ok?? She asked, the concern showing on her face. Buffy was really concerned?
I didn?t say anything right away. To be honest, I wanted to blurt everything out. Really tell
her what was up and why I was acting the way I was and how I felt about how she was acting too. 
But I didn?t want to hurt her. I didn?t want to make it worse than it already was, which was
pretty bad, not to mention all my fault.
Instead I did a half shrug and a half nod before flopping on the couch and picking up the remote.
I had every intention of coming down here to do some work on my laptop, but it didn?t look like I
was going to be able to.
?Will?? Buffy started, taking a gentle seat beside me. ?Obviously something?s wrong. You know
you can talk to me right??

HA! What a laugh I thought that was. Talk to her? Queen of the ?I don?t talk to my friends
anymore, let alone acknowledge them half the time? wanted me to talk to her.
I wanted to, very badly. But I was so scared of what the whole thing would turn into. How much
do I tell her? How far would I go? 

I didn?t say anything, opting instead to look at my feet, as if something interested had sprout on
the ground and grown up around them. We were both quiet for a while and although she was right
next to me on the couch, and I could see her out of the corner of my eye, I could feel her more
than anything. There was something about her that had made me accustomed to her scent, her
texture, and the sounds she made. I could sense her presence. 

I was about to open my mouth to say something, anything to have this moment over with before I
started to lose it. I really felt like I was going to do something drastic, like yell, or cry, or
kiss her. But I didn?t get a chance because she put her hand on my knee causing me to jump a foot
off the couch before saying, 
?Willow, I? I guess I?m really the one who needs to talk?? She was really nervous. ?We really
need to talk.

I just looked at her with this stupid stunned expression on my face. I couldn?t believe she
actually wanted to talk, to me. She hadn?t wanted to talk to me since we brought her back,
especially like we used to. How best friends are supposed to. 
?Uh? w-what?s wrong Buffy?? 
?I know we haven?t, we haven?t exactly talked lately, and? um?? She didn?t go on, just looked
away, thinking of what to say.
?Buffy? I-I probably should?? I started, lifting myself off the couch. 
?Wait?? She argued, putting her hand on my knee.
I looked at her apprehensively. ?Uh, oh? um, ok.? 
I could tell she was really struggling with whatever it was that she needed to tell me. My
resolve to get out of this situation, to run once again, faded as I saw the fear build behind her
eyes as she began to speak.
?I-I um,? She closed her eyes momentarily, and took a deep breath. ?This is really hard for me,
Will.?
I turned to her, placed my hand tentatively on her arm, trying to reassure her. ?Buffy, what is
it??
After a few moments she said, ?Spike. He can hurt me.?
?Huh??
?He can hurt me??
?H-his chip doesn?t work?? I asked shocked and dropped my bottled water. ?Oh crap!? I bent down
and grabbed my water before too much could spill on the floor. I looked back at Buffy, her head
down in her hands. ?When did this happen??
?No, Will, uh, um?? She looked up and me and then quickly away. ?His chip still works. He can
only hurt me.?
?What?! Buffy? How? When? I mean, uh, well how did? how do??
?I, I asked Tara to check the spell, to make sure I came back right. She said she couldn?t find
anything wrong. But I just don?t understand why I let him do those things to me. I keep saying
it?s nothing and then I go back and I? I can?t believe I?m sleeping with Spike!? She put her face
in her hands after telling me all this, and I thought she was going to cry, but I think she just
didn?t want to see the look that was plastered across my face. I was horrified. Utterly shocked. 
?You? and Spike? Y-you? you?re? sleeping? Not like sleeping? but, naked kind of?? Oh??
?Will?? But she said no more, just kept her hands in front of her face, shielding herself from
me.

I felt so bad for her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold and tell her it was ok, that
I was still her friend and she?d never have to worry about me not being there. That, although I
hadn?t been the most reliable person lately and had a problem with the magicks, I was still her
friend, her best friend and would always be there for her. I didn?t do any of that though.

First came the horrible shock that Buffy would sleep with that evil, soulless thing that had tried
to kill all of us more than once, who would still try, if it weren?t for that chippy in his head.
Then the anger came in floods and waves, literally knocking me off my butt.
?What?!? I stood up and whirled around, glaring at her. ?You?re sleeping with? no, no? that?s
such not a good term for what you too must be doing?? I spat at her. She looked up shocked and
dismayed that I would act this way. I felt terrible but still the words came out.
?How could you?! Spike?? H-he?s tried to kill you, kill me! A-and Xander and everyone else! He
talks about eating us all the time? a-and if it weren?t for that damn chip in his head he probably
would! How in the hell could you Buff? Aargh! Ohh God??	
?Willow?? She said quietly, the tears streaming now.
?I just don?t understand?? 
?Please, Will? stop?? She stood up, looking at me weakly. I realized how hurt she was, how weak
and shaky she seemed standing there looking at me, pleading for me to stop with her eyes. I
didn?t think I?d ever seen her looking so vulnerable before.
?I? I just wanted to? feel, something? Since I got? back? I just haven?t??
?I know?? I bit back bitterly, recalling all the times I felt invisible around her since bringing
her back. ?It?s all my fault??
?No? no Will, please??
?Oh please, Buffy? it was me who brought you back? brought you back from heaven? you don?t want
to be here. And you hardly acknowledge me when I?m around??
?No? Will? that?s not it at all??
?Oh no? You?re banging Spike so you can feel something, Buffy! You don?t talk to any of us! 
Don?t want us around! We used to do everything together, and we all still need each other and
I-I?ve been dealing with all this? and now you? and I don?t know what to do? a-and? and it?s all
so? everything?s changed! You were happy and peaceful a-and I? I made you miserable again!?
?Willow, that?s not true? I just??
?Don?t you realize I love you, Buffy?!? I spurted out and immediately I was sorry for saying it.

There was an awkward silence between us as she eyed me closely. We had both said I love you to
each other plenty of times, but this time I meant it differently, and I was scared that she knew
that. 
She seemed to chew on what I had said, as if tasting the words before deciding if she liked the
meaning. ?I? I love you too Will. You know that. You?re my best friend? and that will never
change??
But I didn?t give her time to finish. 
?It already has?? I said firmly, running a hand through my hair, desperate to find the right
words. 
?What?? No, no Will??
?Things are different Buffy. For both of us. 
?I? Willow?? She stepped towards me, the first movement either of us had made since facing off
against each other.
?I don?t want it to be Buffy. But it is.?
?I know you?re upset about Spike, but??
?Spike!? I yelled, throwing up my arms. ?You want to feel Buffy? You really want to feel
something? Then why are you fucking a dead man?!? I was fuming. 
She flinched at my choice of words.
?You don?t even realize what?s right in front of you. What you could have, what you always
could?ve had.? I hung my head slightly, shaking it in my own disbelief.
?What?? She asked, not understanding.
?I know you don?t feel it. But it doesn?t make it hurt any less.?
?What? Will, I?m not? make what hurt any less??

She touched my arm in concern. I was so upset that I was practically digging my nails into the
palms of my hands. 
I looked at her, our eyes meeting for the first time in what seemed like forever.
?That? that you?d rather? you?d rather be with Spike? than me.?
Confusion, followed by a wave of realization flooded her face. Her eyes drifted from mine to
somewhere on the wall behind me. Her mouth formed a small ?O? but no sound came out. 
Mentally I smacked myself for even saying anything. I thought things had changed before. We were
definitely in for some changes after my little revelation. 
?Uh, wha.. uh? Will? um??
?I? I? Uh? I can?t? I can?t do this?? I said finally turning from her and fleeing to my room. 



=====
Xander: "What, so he rises up and infects the first guy he sees? That's no fair!"
Willow: "Like you've never woken up cranky? "
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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