Fic: Red Skies at Morning (part 3/?) W/B NC17

["TheBear!" <thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Red skies at morning

Author: The Bear

Rating: NC-17 (is there anything else?)

Pairing: Buffy/Willow (later parts may add Giles/Other)

Spoilers: up to Season Two: Passions (though this is a bit AU)

Disclaimer: They're not Mine, they never were. I didn't create them; I
just released them from the ridiculous restraints of cannon. I mean,
Come on! In what dimension is every boy and girl who sees Willow *Not*
fawning all over her- falling at her feet, begging for a scrap of her
attention?! An 'F' in Willow indeed! Xander should be expelled for his
incredible shortsightedness!

Summary: Willow realizes she is in love. Will Buffy get a clue?

Author's note: This part isn't kinky, but you know me! It's virtually
guaranteed to get there eventually!

AU Warning: suffice it to say that Oz never made a significant
(romantic) impact on Willow's life.

***

Part 3

"Oh God!" Willow repeated, her voice thin and strangled as panic welled
up inside her. Buffy's body was quivering in her hands, and the slayer
had her face buried in her pillow, her scream dying off into a moan.

Willow jerked back from Buffy as though she had been burned. She notice
that her hand was completely coated in Buffy's sticky juices, and her
eyes widened in horror at the thought- "I molested Buffy!" A part of
her wanted nothing more than to take those fingers into her mouth and
savor the slayer's passion. She felt even more guilty at the
inappropriate desire that her traitorous body was feeling. 

In her haste to distance herself physically, as well as mentally from
her actions, she ended up falling off the bed. Leaping to her feet she
backed a few steps from the bed, crying, "Oh God, Buffy! I'm so sorry,
I didn't mean."

Abruptly she spun around and raced to the bathroom, locking herself in
and collapsing with her back against the wall farthest from the door,
her eyes shimmering with the tears that poured down her face as she
sobbed. Over and over she wailed, "Oh God, No! Please, God, No!"
Willow just knew that everything was ruined now; she had just molested
her best friend- her best girl-friend. Her best, boys-only, completely
straight girl-friend. With whom, she was secretly, and madly, in love.
Her best friend who- she had no doubt- would never speak to her again.

Willow just sat there, sobbing, her mind lost in a world of misery where
she was hated and reviled by the only people who had ever given her any
friendship whatsoever. 

***

Buffy was filled with self-hatred for what she had just done. What she
had allowed to happen. She could hear Willow wailing and sobbing, and
knew she should go to her- console her and tell her everything was ok.
She knew she should do that, but she couldn't.

She hurriedly got dressed and then bolted- she sound of Willow's misery
pounding against her mind like a jackhammer, chipping away at her
sanity.

She sprinted all the way to the Restfield Cemetery, looking for a vamp
to lash out at. Seeing a couple disappear around the corner of one of
the mausoleums, she took off after them.

She rounded the corner at full speed, leaping into the air with a flying
kick that shattered the spine of the vamp she struck, not dusting in but
rendering it immobile for at least several minutes. The other vamp
barely had time to put on it's game face before she laid into him.

No quips, no commentary, no chitchat. Buffy just proceeded to beat the
vamp down. Watching from a distance, one might almost have compared it
to a cat playing with a mouse. Buffy would smack him down and beat on
him for a few seconds before picking him up and throwing him fifteen or
twenty feet away. Then she would run and pounce on him, kicking and
beating some more.

She ignored the stake in her jacket- she was beyond conscious thought at
this point. Finally she must have done something to either destroy the
heart, or separate the head, because he exploded in to a pile of ash as
she was pounding on him.

She realized that she was screaming as she stood there, and wondered how
long she had been doing that. When she stopped, she noticed that her
throat was quite raw, so it must have been a while.

At least now she could begin to think again, "Not that that's a good
thing," she mumbled, walking over to the other vampire, who was just
beginning to stir. She had burned out enough of her rage that she
didn't feel compelled to wail on this one. She just kneeled down and
took out her stake, jabbing it with quick efficiency into his back and
watching as he blew into dust.

She noticed the sky beginning to lighten and began the long walk home.

***

Buffy had tried to put her thoughts in order by the time she got home,
but all she had managed to accomplish was distilling them down to three
salient points:

a). Willow was in love with Buffy- Love as in; I want to have sex with
you- not just friendship love.

b). Buffy loved Willow as her best friend in the entire world. To the
point that losing Willow would probably destroy her.

c). Buffy had been having confused feelings for Willow lately. Like
needing to touch her more, and really enjoying the 'waking up in her
arms' thing. Not to mention checking her out while she was naked and
really liking what she saw, and not being able to get the sight and
sound of Willow masturbating out of her head- and maybe not wanting to.
These three points were the focus for a range of confused thoughts. 

Did Willow want to be Buffy's girlfriend, or did she just think of her
for sex? And how weird was that thought? Just like wondering if a boy
was interested in her as a potential relationship, or a potential screw.

Buffy realized that she was thinking of having a relationship with
Willow. A girlfriend relationship. A lesbian. "But. I'm not gay!" she
thought incredulously. "I like boys! I see a cute boy and I'm like,
'Ooo, baby!'" Buffy's mind was whirling as she tried to get a grip on
things. She hadn't panicked at all until she actually used the word
lesbian. 

She tried to go through some scenarios in her head, "Ok, kissing." she
tried to imagine a girl so she could picture herself with them.
"Cordelia! She's what most people would describe as a beauty, even if
she can be such a bitch." Buffy pictured herself closing in on
Cordelia's lips, pressing her own against. "Ewww!" she thought, actually
shaking in disgust."

"Ok, now Willow." She pictured herself with the redhead yesterday
morning, waking up and smelling her hair; seeing the sweet, sleepy look
on her face as she slid up along Buffy's body to say good morning.
Willow's not-fully-awake little girl voice as she said it; the look of
that pouty little lower lip. Buffy imagined herself leaning in to take
that lip between her own- kissing her sweet smile. Buffy shivered as
warmth poured through her body, and sweat broke out on her forehead.

Buffy's thoughts wandered back to a couple of hours ago, as she woke up
to the feel of Willow's hands on her body, caressing her breasts,
sliding along her tummy down to her center. Oh God! It had felt so
good! She had been so wet, wetter than she had been for Angel.

With Angel, it had been awkward- what with it being her first time and
all. It had been nice, but awkward. It must have been a long time for
Angel, because he came pretty quickly. He was a gentleman, however, and
took the time to finish her off with his fingers. Then they had cuddled
and went to sleep. It had been nice. Nice. Nice, but not great.
She'd had better orgasms from her own fingers. Maybe- if he hadn't lost
his soul- he could have done better with more practice. 

Willow, though, had given her a really good orgasm. One of the best
she'd ever had- and she had been asleep! Maybe it was just the shock
and the guilt and the whole 'Taboo' thing, but Willow had seriously
rocked her world. 

Of course, then she had freaked out and Buffy hadn't helped matters by
taking off on her. She should have stayed and talked. Of course, her
own head had been pretty messed up at that point. She might have done
more damage than good.

She got back to her house and realized she had just enough time to sneak
in, lose these bloody clothes and hit the shower, hopefully before her
mom woke up. God, there was a talk she wasn't looking forward to. 

"Jeez, I sound like I made up my mind already," she thought. Apparently
she had some idea of what she wanted, at least. "I just wish it was
that simple," she thought as she climbed up to her window.

***

Xander sat in second period, thinking about stuff. It kept him from
accidentally paying any attention to that pesky math junk the teacher
was droning on about. "Who cares about stupid Pythagorean theorems
anyway?!" he asked himself.

Xander wasn't the buffoon everyone thought him to be. He acted that
way, because that was how he dealt with his issues. Joke-guy doesn't
have to let everything get to him, doesn't have to be angry all the
time. Usually when he was too tired or upset to be joke-guy is when
anger-guy made his appearance. Like last night. He knew he was being
harsh with Buffy when he started in on the whole Angel/Angelus thing,
but Dammit! Buffy and Angel were the two people who brought anger-guy
out in him more than anything or anyone else- except maybe his parents.

Buffy because he loved her, and Angel because he hated him.

He loved Buffy, and hated to see her suffer. Angel made Buffy suffer.
Even before he was Angelus, Buffy spent more time wallowing in pity and
self-loathing over Angel than because of anything else in her life.
Plus there was the whole, 'Angel as a rival for Buffy's affections,'
which did help Xander hate him even more. 

Not as much as Buffy and Willow accused him of, but still. It was
there.

Mostly, he hated Angel because he was a vampire. Xander hated all
vampires. Souled or not, he wanted to see every one of them reduced to
ashes- sooner rather than later please.

Even though he was with Cordelia, and what a thrill ride of adventure
that was, he would always have desire in his heart for Buffy. He had,
finally, accepted the fact that those affections would never be
returned- with or without Angel. He didn't like it, but he accepted it.
Nevertheless he still loved her as a friend, even when he was pissed off
at her.

He recognized the irony of it; 'it' being his unrequited love for Buffy.
Despite what she and Willow thought, he knew that Willow had feelings
for him, just like his feelings for Buffy. Willow loved him, he loved
Buffy, Buffy loved Angel. "Now, if Angel would just start obsessing
over Willow, we could have the makings of an Emmy-winning sitcom on our
hands!" he thought. "Or, at least, we could all go on Springer!

So, he knew Willow loved him, but he was too much of a coward to
confront her about it. He was bitterly ashamed by that sometimes. He
had felt like dirt when Willow had caught him kissing Cordelia the first
time. They still weren't entirely past that, he knew.

It was just, well, he just didn't have desire for her- there was no
passion there. He recognized that she could be a beautiful girl; her
getup on Halloween- once she had dumped that stupid ghost costume- had
been hot! No, it wasn't a lack of attractiveness on her part, and he
did love her so- as a friend and sister. He had almost made a stupid
mistake on the night Buffy got back from he summer in LA. He had almost
kissed her. He knew it was what she wanted, and he hurt to see her sad,
even if he was the cause. It would have been a mistake, though. It
would have been a lie, and it would have ruined their friendship, which
he cherished more than anything- even more than Buffy.

Willow was his salvation in this crappy town, and from his crappy
parents. She had saved his life a million times before Buffy had ever
showed up. He loved Buffy with his whole heart, but he loved Willow
with his whole soul. To bad his fear kept him from telling her the
truth. He was afraid he would hurt her so bad that it would ruin their
friendship.

After the Cordelia thing, and the Oz thing- "Whatever happened to that
guy anyway?" Xander wondered, sidetracked for a moment. Anyway, after
the love spell nightmare it seemed that Willow was 'over' him. Still,
it would probably have been better if he'd just 'fessed up in the first
place- all that other stuff came close to making her disown him anyway.
But now things between him and Willow seemed to be back on track.
Mostly.

All that thinking brought him back to the original subject- he wasn't as
clueless as they liked to think. He noticed Willow looking at Buffy the
same way she used to look at him. With that moon-eyed stare. His heart
had been wounded at the thought of poor Willow, longing after the
slayer. "First off, Hello! Been there, done that. Known that pain
*intimately*. Pretty, it ain't," he thought. Slayer rejection was a
country-music kind of pain; horrifying and debilitating, except with
less twangy, yodelly bits, and almost no steel-guitar.

Yesterday, though he noticed something. That blush Buffy had had when
he mentioned a camera after their 'sleepover with weapons thing.' And
last night- that horrible night- Willow had called him late to tell him
Buffy had saved Giles, and was staying the night with her. "Twice in
two nights Buffy and Willow had sought comfort in each other's arms.
For the whole night. 

Something was going on. Willow was definitely crushing on Buffy. Once
Xander got past the shock of Willow showing a sudden interest in girls,
he had to admit that at least she had good taste in them. Now, Buffy
seemed to be getting much closer to Willow. Did she have feelings for
his bestest buddy in the whole world? Frankly, he would more surprised
to find that Buffy liked girls than he was at Willow liking girls- Buffy
seemed to be pretty aggressively into boys, "Especially big, dumb,
brooding, mysterious types," he grumbled. 

He knew Willow would be afraid to tell him that she liked girls in
general, but Buffy in particular. She probably thought he would be mad
at her, or call her a pervert or something. Which, by the way, is
exactly what her parents would probably do if they ever found out.

"Poor Willow," he thought wistfully.

>From himself, however, there would be no recriminations whatsoever.
First of all, he really wanted Willow to be happy. There were times
when he wished that he could have been the one. when he wished that he
did feel passion for her. God knows she deserved to be loved. If a
woman made her happy- truly happy, so be it. If it was Buffy, well that
was good for both of them. They were both loyal, they were already
friends. he loved them both. "Hell of a lot better than shacking up with
a damned vampire!" he thought bitterly.

Xander felt like, if he couldn't have Buffy- and it seemed that that was
the unfortunate case- he'd rather see her with Willow than with some guy
that wasn't him.

Besides, thinking of the two of them together would fuel his fantasies
for years! "What can I say?" he thought. "I'm a red-blooded male- the
thought of two sexy women together? No badness there!"

Xander spent the remainder of second period imagining his two best
friends in the world locked in a passionate- read: 'naked'- embrace.

***

End part 3

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, I know. Where's the sex? 

Consider this foreplay.





TheBear!

thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

http://thebear.somewhere.net