Fic: Fascinating New Thing (4/4)

[Jenny Dapper <dap311@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Fascinating New Thing (4/4)
Author: dap311 (dap311@xxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W 
Rating: R
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and
Mutant Enemy. 
"F.N.T" is property of Semisonic. 
Spoilers: This is set during their senior year in high
school, but 
has departed after 2nd season, for the most part.
There is no Oz 
in this universe. Some general 3rd season spoilers;
Faith is now in the picture.
Feedback: Yes, please- any and all is welcome.
Summary: Sequel to "Half a World Away." Buffy is still
trying to 
help Willow deal with her depression and self-injury,
while at the 
same time they deal with some new feelings. 
Distribution/Archive: Just ask.

Thanks to ArsenicJade for being a great beta. 

This and the previous chapter are dedicated to my best
friend who is more of a hero than Buffy could ever be.

Fascinating new thing
Get beside me,
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

--Semisonic, "F.N.T."

Previously in ?Fascinating New Thing:?

She didn?t know how to talk to the woman she loved. 
What if she messed everything up? What if her doubts
and insecurities were what drove Buffy to distraction
and would end up driving her away? Willow knew she
was dependent on Buffy, knew that this was probably
affecting her friend, but she didn?t know how to deal
with that or how to talk to Buffy about it. 


-----------------------

Sneaking in through her window, Buffy noticed a
definite lack of Willow in the bed. Buffy finished
her covert action, walked quickly to her night stand,
and switched on the light. Looking around the room,
Buffy could see no sign of the redhead. Even Willow?s
brush was gone from where it had been sitting next to
Buffy?s. Getting extremely worried, the Slayer headed
straight to the phone. Dialing a number from memory,
she began to chew on her thumbnail as anxiety ran
rampant through her body.

?Hello?? The familiar voice on the other end was
quiet and unsteady. 

?Willow? It?s Buffy. Why did you go home? You
scared me; I was scared when I got home and you
weren?t here.? Buffy tried to keep her voice down so
that she wouldn?t wake her mom, but she also had a lot
of emotions that seemed to want to take control of her
vocal cords. 

?I?m surprised you noticed.? There was a more than a
touch of hurt in Willow?s reply and the beginnings of
a bitterness that shouldn?t be present in the voice of
a 17 year old. 

Buffy felt like someone had punched her in the gut. 
Hard. As clichéd as it was, she really felt as
though the wind had been knocked out of her. If a
vampire were to come along right now, she wasn?t sure
of her ability to take it. 

?Wh-what?s that supposed to mean, Will?? 

?Nothing. I?m tired. I?ll talk to you tomorrow.? 
Willow?s voice was still quiet, but all emotion had
gone out of it, too quickly, as if she were guarding
herself suddenly.

?No, I?d rather we talk now. I don?t believe you. 
What?s wrong? Why aren?t you here? Are your parents
home?? Buffy?s mind was a mess, thoughts whizzing
across its surface faster than a crossbow bolt. She
didn?t know what to do, what to say. All she could
think was to ask questions, to keep Willow on the
line. 

?Are you calling me a liar?? Willow ignored the
questions, focusing instead on Buffy?s statement. 

?What? No. I didn?t say that. I said that I didn?t
believe that you meant nothing by what you said. I
think something?s wrong and I think you?re not telling
me.? Buffy had a feeling that she needed to choose
her words wisely and carefully over the next few
minutes; Willow seemed quite on edge, and she didn?t
want to push her over that cliff. 

?Fine. Nothing?s wrong. I?ll talk to you tomorrow.?
Willow?s voice had a strained quality, as if she were
working really hard to keep any emotion out of it. 
Buffy wondered what Willow was hiding, what she didn?t
want Buffy to know. 

?And I said I?d rather talk now. Will, what?s
wrong?? Buffy was getting more worried with each
minute. She desperately wanted Willow to still be in
her house so she could see her eyes, see what she was
thinking and feeling. 

?Nothing. I?ll talk to you tomorrow.? This seemed
to be the only thing Willow was going to say. Both
friends got quiet, and as the minutes passed Buffy
became more anxious. But she didn?t know what to say
that would get a different answer. So she sat there,
waiting, thinking, and worrying. After about 7
minutes of silence, Buffy heard a quiet click on the
line. It took her another minute to realize that
Willow had hung up on her. Not wasting another
second, the Slayer raced out of her house, running at
a full sprint towards the Rosenberg residence, blind
to anything around her. In under five minutes, Buffy
was knocking on Willow?s door. 

----------------------------------------

Willow had just hung up the phone. She?d sat silent
on the line with Buffy for 7 minutes after telling the
Slayer that nothing was wrong and that she would talk
to her tomorrow. Which she knew was a lie. She lied
to Buffy and then got mad at her for calling her a
liar. She finally hung up, unable to face Buffy any
longer. She knew instantly that it was the wrong
thing to do, but she couldn?t bring herself to pick up
the phone and call her back. And the phone didn?t
ring, either, so Buffy probably didn?t want to talk
anymore. Willow was sure she had just screwed things
up with her best friend, her girlfriend. 

A loud knock on the door startled Willow out of her
dark thoughts. She knew instantly who it was, but she
was scared to go and answer it. The redhead forced
her legs to work and make their way to the front door.
Moving as if powered by a machine, Willow turned the
deadbolt and unlatched the chain, turning the knob at
the same time. Buffy was in the house with the door
closed and locked behind her so quickly that it was a
blur to Willow. Of course, her mind didn?t seem to be
processing information at a quick rate right now. It
had gone into a defensive mode, shutting down almost.

Buffy stood before her, breathing heavily, a light
jacket thrown on over her slaying clothes. She looked
straight at Willow, her face unreadable. After a
minute she began to speak.

?First. Don?t ever hang up on me again. Ever.? 
Willow couldn?t quite read the tone of Buffy?s voice. 


?I?m sorry,? was all the redhead could force herself
to say. She had a feeling that Buffy wasn?t done yet.


?It?s okay. I accept your apology. But this, this
is not okay. You have to talk to me, Will. I love
you. And I need you to tell me what?s wrong. Okay? 
Please, sweetie. I want to help you, but I can?t
unless you let me. Do you understand??

?Yeah. Yes. It?s just?? Willow began to speak, but
couldn?t get past the first couple of words. She took
a deep breath and made a decision; she needed to talk
to Buffy. She needed to know what was going on.

?Where did you go today, Buffy? Where were you? You
barely said two words to me at school and then you
disappeared and you didn?t call and I was worried and
scared and don?t you love me anymore?? Willow ended
in a whisper, her voice high and tight with unshed
tears. The back of her throat hurt, but she didn?t
want to cry, not yet.

?Where did I go? I went to slay vampires with Faith.
It?s what I do. And I?m sorry I didn?t hang all over
you and carry on a conversation in our classes today,
Will, but you?re usually Miss School anyway. And I
didn?t realize that I had to check in with you?? 
Buffy had answered most of Willow?s questions before
the last one hit her and she realized that the other
questions weren?t important. But, she?d already put
up her own defenses and couldn?t call them off now. 
?And what do you mean, don?t I love you anymore? How
can you say that? What do I have to do to prove to
you that you?re my heart, my life? I?m trying, Will,
I really am, but it?s hard. This is taking a lot out
of me. I love you, I do, with my entire soul and
being, but it hurts when you question that at every
turn. It hurts and it makes me want to pull away. 
That?s? that?s why I went with Faith today. I needed
some time away.? 

Buffy had finished and took a deep breath, looking up
at Willow. The redhead was just standing there,
staring back at the Slayer, her mouth hanging slightly
open, as if she wanted to say something but couldn?t
quite get her mouth to correspond to her thoughts. 
The two friends, and recent lovers, stood there in
Willow?s house, just looking at each other, into the
other?s eyes, for what seemed like eternity. In
actuality it was about 6 minutes, but they were the
longest 6 minutes of Willow?s life. Everything she
had ever done with Buffy, anything the Slayer had ever
said, every touch, every kiss, every caress in their
brief relationship, played through her mind. And when
she was done, she made a decision. She couldn?t lose
Buffy. She would talk to someone, anyone. She would
get help. Because she was driving her best friend and
lover away.

?Buffy? I?m sorry.? Willow hoped that her apology
would help, would at least show Buffy that she
understood. 

When Buffy didn?t answer, Willow moved closer,
reaching out her hand to caress the Slayer?s cheek,
but the blond pulled back before she could. Willow
slowly drew her hand back, a look of confusion on her
face.

?You?re sorry? Okay. Fine. I accept that. But is
that all you have to say? Sorry isn?t going to solve
it all this time, Will. How do I know you mean it? 
You?ve used those words so many times. You can?t just
say those words and then be with me physically. It
doesn?t work like that. I love you, Willow. I will
always love you, but you need to figure out if you
love me. Because if you do, if you love me and don?t
just need me as a crutch, then you have to show me. I
can only give so much until there isn?t anything left
of me give.? 

Buffy took a small step forward and placed her lips
on Willow?s forehead, giving her a soft kiss before
pulling away. 

?I?m going to call my mom and ask her to come get
you. I need to go out and think about some stuff, but
I don?t want you to be alone right now. Is that
okay??

Willow nodded her consent.

?Okay. Go get your stuff.?

--------------------------

After Mrs. Summers had come to pick up Willow, Buffy
explaining simply that there were some vamps and she
wanted the redhead safe, the Slayer headed away from
the Rosenberg house. She had no real direction, just
wandering aimlessly while she thought about the last
few days. Before long, Buffy looked up to see that
she was in one of Sunnydale?s many graveyards. It
seemed like she had a homing beacon somewhere on her,
directing her at all times to danger and death. Oh
well, she thought. If I come across some evil
baddies, at least I can work off some of this tension.
She began walking through the headstones slowly,
checking for fresh graves while keeping her ears alert
for any noises around her. Buffy didn?t hear the
figure approach from behind, though, and wasn?t aware
of the new presence until it grabbed her around the
waist and spoke into her ear.

?Hey, B. Back for more??


To Be Continued in Crimson Love. 



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