FIC: My Statements pt. 7

["montevallo64" <willntlover@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

My Statements pt 7 (i updated!)

Okay there are a few disclaimers for this part.
  
1)If you hate Tara, you might not want to read the end of this part.  

2) I changed the manner the story was written in. I decided that 
parts of this update needed to be told in first person, so I hope it 
works out all right.
*******************************************




"Willow!" Tara tried again to reach through the barrier, but was 
repelled. "Oh come on! This day can't get any worse!"  

Tara silently watched over Buffy and Willow, the pair unconscious.  

[This is just fabulous! I am in a cemetery, at night, with my love 
and? Buffy knocked out. I have no way to protect them, unless I do 
that inferno thing. But there's no way that I'm centered enough to 
accomplish a spell of that magnitude.]

"Buffy?"  

Willow was waking up, still slumped over Buffy's prone figure.

"Definitely not doing anything that hard for a long time." Willow 
shook her head, trying to work out the new cobwebs. A moan escaped 
Willow's lips.

"Is she all right?" Tara waited with baited breath, hoping that the 
blonde slayer had been saved, pushing all other thoughts of how 
Willow?. 
**************************************************





I open my eyes to find Willow's terrified face watching me. I sit 
up, wanting to reassure her of whatever is wrong, but my head clouds 
and I don't get very far. Willow tells me not to rush, that I gave 
her a scare. But I wouldn't ever scare Willow on purpose, so I know 
something most have happened.

"What, what happened?" Worried faces. "This is one of those times 
where I should shut up isn't it?" My head is becoming less foggy so 
I open my eyes to take in my surrounding. Cemetery. That can't be 
good.

"Y-you were attacked by some vamps and Willow saved you with a 
spell." Tara seems so pale, I wonder at what must have happened to 
make the wiccan lose her cool. I must have given them a real scare.

"Explains the piercing pain in my neck." Willow is instantly 
checking my neck. Her hands tenderly searching my neck for a wound I 
guess. Not that it matters, her hands put me at ease, and I can 
almost forget the images coming back to me. 

"W-We did a spell to heal the bite. I'm so g-glad it worked, we 
thought that you were going to die."  

"Thanks Tara, I owe you one." I try and smile at my lovely redhead, 
but she's staring at the ground, but her arms are still around me so 
all is good with the world.  

"Is everyone okay? I was the only one to get hurt right?" Then it 
dawns on me. Willow used magic.

"Willow?" Oh god. Tell me she didn't, I can't lose her. "Will are 
you, do you- you know it kills me to ask you this, but are you, 
you?" And it does kill me to ask her this. To know that it's my 
fault she may have fallen off the magick wagon. Hell it's my fault 
she's on the magick wagon at all.  

"One hundred percent Willow. A Willow that is a little sore from all 
the running, but otherwise good. And luckily no one else was hurt."  
She stands up, unwrapping me form her embrace. I want her arms back 
around me! I don't care if she turns into Darth Vader I need her to 
comfort me! I need her arms that provide all the love I could ever 
need. The eyes that make me smile, even after I've lost an 
innocent. I need Willow.

"Running? Running is good, means that you didn't just go all witchy 
on the vampires' asses." She's frowning at me. Oh, I didn't mean to 
make her all frowny.

"Not that you would immediately try to poof them." Another frown.  
Quit while your behind Summers, but my mouth doesn't listen to my 
brain. It does that often. "I mean good. That you ran, and didn't 
get your self killed." Someone shoot me please!! "I didn't mean 
that like it sounded Will. I am relieved that you're not dead. Not 
that you couldn't handle the vampires, because I know you. You SO 
can. I'm just happy that you're not dead, and can I get any more 
lame?" I think that it's finally happened. After five years of 
hanging around Willow I have finally mastered how to babble.

"Uh? I give up, what part of my little speech do you want me to start 
apologizing for?" Willow's pacing beside me, back and forth, to and 
fro, ignoring me. Ugh! She's making me dizzy, so as she passes by me 
again I reach out and grab her arm.

"You know I love you Will, but if you don't stop pacing I'm going to 
barf all over you."
She stops, dropping to her knees beside me.

"M-maybe we s-should be heading back to your house Buffy. We are in 
a cemetery, at night." Tara's stance is closed off, very `don't 
touch me'. She must be upset that Willow used magic. Please let 
that be a look of boredom on her face, and not one of `I'm not 
getting back with Willow because she used magic' look! Willow is 
going to be broken hearted if Tara doesn't take her back.

"How can you be concerned about me? You almost died Buffy! If those 
vampires had finished you would be dead! I had to use magick, it was, 
I can't let you die. Don't you now that?"  

I capture her gesturing hands with my own. 

"Of course you do. That's why you're here, and not in h-"

"Will! If you finish that sentence I'll, tickle you to death."  
Willow's face is filled with pain, and suddenly I know I have to tell 
her, what to say.

"I'm not going to lie again and say I wasn't happy, because I was."  
Her eyes return to the ground.

"Look at me Willow. It took me awhile, but I am happy to be back 
with you and the gang." Her eyes return to mine.

"You're lying, trying to make me feel better. You hate me for 
bringing you back. I want to be sorry for it. Believe me I want to 
be sorry! But I'm not! We needed you here, even if the price is 
having you hate me forever." 

How can she see so much and nothing at the same time? I crush her to 
me, hanging on for dear life.

"Willow Rosenberg you're my best friend. You know everything about 
me. I could never hate you. Never." She's sobbing, I'm sobbing. "I 
love you Will. Thank you for bringing me back." The deep emerald of 
her eyes is causing me to drown, so I just hold onto her tighter.

"I love you too. I couldn't let you leave for a third time. Two 
summers without you are two to many."

I think my heart is going to burst from the love I feel for her. She 
manages to get me with her words. I guess it's a good thing, she is 
on our side, and not the dark side. Because if she wasn't, the whole 
world would fall to its knees before her once she spoke.
****************************************
 


Wow. 

It all makes so much sense now. Why I never told her about 
everything. Why I kept secrets.

Have I always known? They love each other.

I walked away when Buffy started talking about barfing on Willow, but 
it was so painfully obvious I didn't have to stick around to hear 
what happened.

Willow loves Buffy. Buffy loves Willow. And me? Who do I love?  

I love Willow.  

But if that's true, why did I lie to her. From the very beginning of 
our relationship, I hid things from Willow. I think somewhere deep 
down, I knew.  

I questioned myself so many times about the lies.  

`I'm not telling her about my demon heritage because I don't want her 
to leave.' 

`We're learning, together. Willow and I. We're both good magic 
users, but most powerful together. Willow's growth in magickal 
ability isn't frightening. It's astounding.'

The truth is that I lied about my `demon side' because I couldn't 
lose the one person who believed in me. I wasn't afaraid of Willow's 
magickal growth, I was afraid of her growing away from me.

I quickly make my way to Buffy's house. Using my extra key all us 
Scooby's have to let myself in. I sit down on the couch, letting it 
all sink in.

I may love Willow, and she may love me, but I'm not in love with 
Willow. How could I ever have been if our relationship was built out 
of lies?  

I needed her.

She let me see who I could be.

The person I wanted to be. 

The spells, they don't matter. She's shown me that I can never let 
someone treat me like I let my father, and even her.  

The door opens and Buffy and Willow walk in. I need to talk to Will, 
I have to get this all sorted out with her before I can move on.

"Willow can I talk to you privately?" She nods her head at me and we 
head for the kitchen.

"I love you Will." She opens her mouth to object, but I silence her 
with look. "You're my best friend and you always will be." I pry my 
gaze away from her curious eyes. If I don't I'll start crying.

"You've showed me so much." I look up at Willow, pride shining in my 
eyes. "You've shown me ME. I learned more about myself when I was 
with you, then any other time in my life. You? taught me I have to 
stand up for myself. That's why I can't be with you. I love you, 
always. Thank you for finding me." I pick at some not really there 
lint on my shirt, momentarily looking away from Willow. I swipe at a 
loose tear. "Goodbye Willow."

I leave. Comforted by the knowledge that I'll have a place with the 
Scooby's forever.

tbc