Re: Fic: Red Skies at Morning (part 5/?) W/B NC17

["mudrat_26" <mudrat_26@xxxxxxxxx>]

Love the way this is coming along. I loved Joyce reacting more to 
the fact that Buffy's the Slayer than the fact that she might be gay. 
And I really like the way you've written Xander, too - it's nice to 
see him in a more mature light - also good to see he and Willow have 
some closure on her crush on him.   

But more! More, more, more!! Can't wait for the smoochies!! ;-)

mudrat



--- In buffywantswillow@y..., "TheBear!" <thebear@e...> wrote:
> Title: Red skies at morning
> 
> Author: The Bear
> 
> Rating: NC-17 (is there anything else?)
> 
> Pairing: Buffy/Willow (later parts may add Giles/Other)
> 
> Spoilers: up to Season Two: Passions (though this is a bit AU)
> 
> Disclaimer: They're not Mine, they never were. I didn't create 
them; I
> just released them from the ridiculous restraints of cannon. I 
mean,
> Come on! In what dimension is every boy and girl who sees Willow 
*Not*
> fawning all over her- falling at her feet, begging for a scrap of 
her
> attention?! An `F' in Willow indeed! Xander should be expelled 
for his
> incredible shortsightedness!
> 
> Summary: Willow realizes she is in love. Will Buffy get a clue?
> 
> Author's note: This part isn't kinky, but you know me! It's 
virtually
> guaranteed to get there eventually!
> 
> AU Warning: suffice it to say that Oz never made a significant
> (romantic) impact on Willow's life.
> 
> ***
> 
> Part 5
> 
> "You had sex with Xander?!" Joyce Summers tried to keep her voice 
down,
> but it came out as a sort of strangled shout.
> 
> Buffy covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. She 
really,
> really didn't want to have this conversation, but unfortunately, her
> brain had failed to censor her mouth, and she had made a comment 
about
> waking up to having sex with her best friend while she was still
> sleeping.
> 
> Just then Buffy's words finished filtering through Joyce's mind and 
she
> caught the `in her sleep' part. She wasn't quite as successful at
> keeping the shout strangled, "YOU HAD SEX WITH *WILLOW?!*"
> 
> "God! Mom! Could you shout it a little louder? I don't think they
> heard you in *China!*" Buffy hissed sarcastically as she walked 
into the
> living room and sat down, grabbing a pillow and holding it to her 
chest
> as though she could hide behind it.
> 
> Joyce sat down on the coffee table in front of her. She could see 
that
> her daughter was upset and not a little confused herself. She 
wanted
> and explanation, but didn't want to break the fragile détente they 
had
> achieved recently. "Buffy?" she asked gently.
> 
> Buffy had been running all the hows and whys through her mind all
> morning and they began to spill out of her. "I know, mom. `How 
could
> this happen?' `what's wrong with you?' `What will people say?'"
> 
> Joyce couldn't believe she was actually going to say this, but she 
had
> to address at least the last comment before Buffy's self 
recrimination
> took over, "Buffy, what ever is going on with you? you can't let it 
be
> about what others think. If you ever want to be happy, you have to 
do
> what's right for you."
> 
> Buffy goggled at this strange creature the aliens had replaced her
> mother with.
> 
> Joyce smiled at the stunned look on her daughter's face, "Didn't 
think
> you'd ever hear that from me, huh?"
> 
> Buffy shook her head, "Not about this?"
> 
> Joyce's brief foray into the realm of supporto-gal ended with a 
crash as
> she recalled the subject at hand. "Honey, I meant what I said, 
but?"
> 
> Buffy just raised her brows
> 
> "?are you sure this is what is best? You and Willow?"
> 
> "I don't know!" Buffy almost wailed. She began pacing back and 
forth,
> her aggravation clearly demonstrated.  
> 
> Joyce was torn between wanting to help, and her own fears and
> prejudices. She had never had anything against lesbians in 
general, but
> she had never imagined her daughter would be a lesbian, either.  
She was
> suddenly struck with the though of their conversation only last 
night,
> and she blurted out without thinking, "I thought you liked boys, 
Buffy.
> What about that Angel boy you?" she trailed off, unable to say the
> words- `had sex with' or even `slept with' as though saying them out
> loud would somehow make it more real.
> 
> Buffy stopped pacing and whirled on her mother. "That's just it, I 
*do*
> like boys. I *did* love Angel, and if he hadn't gone psycho, I 
still
> would."
> 
> "But now you like girls too?" Joyce asked, confused.
> 
> Buffy flopped down on the couch. She was confused too. Plus she
> couldn't believe that she was having this conversation with her 
mother.
> "I don't know, mom. Lately I've been really touchy-feely with 
Willow?"
> she trailed off seeing her mother's blush and feeling her own. "No! 
not?
> I mean? no sexy, no kissy? just casual stuff- hugs, holding hands?"
> 
> Joyce frowned a bit at that, "but you and Willow always hug and hold
> hands. I thought it was just girlfriends stuff, not *girlfriends*
> stuff? I mean? you know what I mean!"
> 
> Buffy jumped on that, gesturing in agreement, "Exactly! Just
> best-friends stuff! But, lately? I don't know? hugs last longer, we
> hold hands longer?" she paused, only just then realizing how much 
time
> they spend in physical contact of some kind or other. "Yesterday 
when
> she slept over, we woke up holding each other. Nothing happened!" 
she
> was quick to point out. "But, we didn't let go right away either."
> Buffy smiled, remembering the feelings. "It was nice. Really 
nice. I
> felt happy holding her."
> 
> Joyce couldn't help but ask, "And this morning?"
> 
> Buffy ducked her head- she was deeply embarrassed about this 
morning.
> Even more mortifying was the fact that it wasn't the being felt up 
part
> that she felt bad about. It was the fact that she didn't feel bad 
about
> it that made her feel bad. "God, issues much?" she thought, 
channeling
> the spirit of Cordelia, apparently.
> 
> Plus, she still couldn't believe she was going to tell her mom this.
> But, she had to tell someone or she would self-destruct.
> 
> She began slowly, not meeting her mother's gaze, "We were sleeping, 
and
> I woke up. Willow was? touching me." Buffy paused, waiting to see 
if
> her mother would have any comment.
> 
> Joyce could tell this was very difficult for her daughter. She 
remained
> silent, just waiting for her to share what she could. She was 
surprised
> to get anything- expecting Buffy to close her out as usual.
> 
> Buffy went on after a moment, "I heard her- she was talking in her
> sleep. Obviously she was dreaming about someone? I was about to 
wake
> her up when she said my name. She started talking and I realized 
she
> was dreaming about me, and? acting out her dream, I guess."
> 
> Joyce, not really wanting specifics, asked, "What happened when she 
woke
> up?"
> 
> Buffy was happy not to go into any more detail, she couldn't imagine
> telling her mother that Willow made her cum so hard she was 
screaming
> into a pillow. "She freaked, she ran into the bathroom? I freaked 
and
> took off running."
> 
> "Buffy!" Joyce said, concerned. "Poor Willow, she must be 
devastated!"
> 
> Buffy was upset with herself for that as well. "I know, I know. I
> shouldn't have taken off, but? I don't know what I would have 
said! I
> still don't know for sure. Do I want a relationship with Willow?"  
the
> nervous energy was back and she jumped up and began pacing 
again. "I
> mean, I love Willow- I couldn't imagine her not being in my life!  
And
> we're just the best of friends, and I never thought about girls like
> that before. I imagined myself kissing Cordelia and was just like,
> `Eww, not even going there,' but then I pictured my self kissing 
Willow
> and I was all, `Mmmm!' and shivery; and this morning I she made- 
Wow! I
> mean, blew Angel clean out of the water! And?
> 
> Buffy saw the deer-in-the-headlights look on her mom's face and 
trailed
> off. She realized just how much she had shared and gulped 
loudly. "Uh,
> can you ignore that last bit? Please? Just forget I ever said it."
> 
> Joyce said, "I'm trying to, I really am."
> 
> Buffy collapsed once again into the couch and put her head into her
> hands. "Oooohhh! What am I gonna do?" she whined.
> 
> Buffy would later tell Giles that the combination of guilt, 
confusion,
> frustration and exhaustion- plus the flu bug that everyone else at
> school seemed to be suffering from- had led to the verbal 
hemorrhaging
> her brain was doing.
> 
> Joyce had leaned forward to comfort her daughter, when she heard
> something that would change both of their lives forever.
> 
> "God! How sad is my life? It's not enough that I screw Angel's soul
> right out of him so he goes on a killing spree. No! I've got to 
have
> sex with my best friend on the same night he murders my watcher's
> girlfriend and almost kills him too! *This* is why I hate being the
> slayer!" Buffy moaned in aggrandized self-pity.
> 
> Hearing a startled gasp, and looking up to find herself almost nose 
to
> nose with her mother, who's eyes were wide and glazed, Buffy found 
one
> more reason to hate her life.
> 
> ***
> 
> Buffy never made it to school that day, and her mother never made 
it to
> the gallery.  
> 
> Heated words had been exchanged, voices had been raised and tears 
had
> been shed. Buffy felt sorry for her mom- in the space of less than 
24
> hours she had learned that her daughter had sex with her best, and 
also
> female, friend, who she was now considering having a relationship 
with.
> That she'd had sex with an older man. And- oh, by the way- he was
> really a vampire who had killed several of Buffy's classmates and 
her
> computer teacher. Plus, her daughter was really The Slayer- the one
> girl in all the world chosen to fight the vampires? blah, blah, 
blah.
> 
> She knew her mom still wasn't completely accepting the whole vampire
> thing. She'd reminded her mom of all the times she had washed blood 
out
> of her clothes, and showed her her weapons trunk. She tacked up a
> playing card to the door frame in her room and threw three knives in
> rapid succession into the center of the ace of diamonds, and still 
her
> mom was in denial. Finally, watching Buffy turn the fire poker 
into a
> corkscrew with out braking a sweat convinced her that there had to 
be
> some truth to her outrageous story. She had left her sitting on the
> couch with a tall glass of wine and the corkscrewed fireplace 
implement.
> She promised that she and Giles would sit down with her after the
> funeral tomorrow and try and explain everything.
> 
> She just hoped Giles didn't wig too badly when she told him.
> 
> Right now though, she needed to go find Willow, throw herself at the
> girl's feet and beg for mercy for being such a terrible friend that
> morning.
> 
> ***
> 
> Buffy had walked slowly to Willow's house. Thinking about what she 
was
> going to say, rehearsing possible opening lines. She had decided 
that
> she wanted to try a relationship- a girlfriend relationship. She 
was
> plenty scared, but she felt something there; and it felt good- it 
felt
> right. She just hoped Willow could forgive her for bailing this
> morning.  
> 
> As she approached the front door, she heard Willow talking to 
Xander-
> slayer hearing working in her favor- apparently they were in the
> kitchen. She couldn't help but listen to the tail end of the
> conversation as she neared the door.
> 
> ***
> 
> Willow and Xander had been talking for about an hour by the time 
Buffy
> got there. True to his word, he had prepared a scrumptious feast of
> scrambled eggs and toast. He'd had to cajole her to eat any of it, 
as
> she was still quite upset, and her stomach felt all rumbly. She did
> feel better after she got it down.
> 
> Xander had let her set the tone of the conversation, wincing when 
her
> first question was about his and Cordelia's relationship.
> 
> "What do you see in her, Xander?" she asked, somewhat forlornly.  
> 
> Xander realized it was crunch time. They could dance around the 
issue
> like always, but what she really wanted to know was why he didn't 
want
> her.
> 
> "You mean, why would I rather be with someone I hate, than be with 
you?"
> he asked as gently as he could.
> 
> Willow ducked her head, not wanting to admit that, but not denying 
it
> either.
> 
> Xander hopped up onto the counter across from where Willow was 
leaning.
> He looked at his best friend silently until she lifted her head so 
he
> could see her eyes. "No matter what I say, Willow, it's going to 
sound
> like a bunch of crap- like I'm blowing you off. But, I'm gonna say 
it
> anyway, `cause it's the truth." He paused for a moment, waiting for 
some
> response from her.
> 
> Finally, Willow nodded her head once.
> 
> "You are like my sister, Wills. I know that's cliché, but I swear 
it's
> true. I love you with my whole soul. You saved me. Every day we 
were
> friends together, you saved me from my crappy family, and from this
> crappy town. You and Jesse were like the only thing that kept me 
from
> losing it. I would risk my life to save yours, Wills. I'd die for 
you.
> Without even a thought. Cordy called me on it one night- she was
> whining that I'd die for you or Buffy, and what would I do for 
her? And
> she's right. I love you way more than I love her."
> 
> Willow crossed her arms and said with some bitterness, "But?"
> 
> Xander sighed deeply. "Yeah, `but.' I know you won't believe it, 
but I
> think you are beautiful when you want to be. That outfit you wore 
under
> your ghost costume was hot! I've checked you out on occasion? and I
> like what I see. It's just? maybe because I've always seen you as 
my
> best friend? like a sister?" He threw up his hands in frustration, 
his
> brain failing to give him the words to adequately convey his 
feelings.
> "I don't know, whatever! All I know is, I want you as my best 
friend
> forever. But?"
> 
> "But you don't want me as your girlfriend." Willow said resignedly, 
her
> arms falling to her sides.
> 
> Xander slid down off of the counter and stepped over to Willow. He
> tucked her hair behind her ear on the right side and looked into her
> eyes. With tears streaming down from his own eyes he said, "I 
wished I
> did, Willow. So many times I wished that I felt that way about you.
> You would have been the perfect girlfriend, and you deserve to be 
loved,
> and I hate that I hurt you so much."
> 
> Willow couldn't help but cry when she saw how much he hurt for 
her. Her
> pain was his pain, and even though they would never be in love with 
each
> other, she felt closer to him at that moment than she had ever felt 
with
> anyone in her life. Even if it wasn't exactly what she used to 
crave
> from him, she knew his love for her was real and strong. She 
wrapped
> her arms tightly around him and felt him envelop her in a fierce 
hug as
> well.  
> 
> They stood there for several minutes, crying in each other's arms.
> 
> Finally Xander dropped his arms and took a step back. Wiping his 
eyes
> with the back of his hand, he joked, "So, you've dropped the ol' 
Xan-man
> like a bad habit, and now you're in love with Buffy the vampire 
slayer."
> 
> Willow slapped Xander on the arm, saying, "Jeez, Xander! Cordelia 
much?
> Her tactlessness rubbing off on you?"
> 
> Xander just chuckled. "I don't hear a denial?"
> 
> Willow couldn't deny it of course. "It doesn't freak you out?" she
> asked, still scared of being rejected by Xander as well as Buffy.
> 
> Xander hopped back up onto the counter. "Seriously, Willow- I never
> thought of you deciding to play for the home team, but? no. It 
doesn't
> freak me out." He grinned, "If you told me you were falling for
> Harmony?"
> 
> Willow quickly interrupted, "Ugh! Xander! Please, I just ate!"
> 
> Xander laughed at the look of disgust on her face.
> 
> Willow did a full-body shudder at the thought of kissing the chief
> Cordette. A cruel thought came to mind and she couldn't stop 
herself
> from saying it out loud- "Besides, if I wanted to make time with a
> cruel, evil bitch? Oh, wait, I forgot. She's already taken." She
> waited for his reaction.
> 
> It took Xander a moment to catch the reference. Then, "Hey!"
> 
> Willow laughed delightedly at the look on Xander's face. "Sorry, 
Xan, I
> just call `em like I see `em!"
> 
> Xander shook his head ruefully, knowing he deserved that for the 
Harmony
> reference. "Only I could date the most popular girl in school and 
get
> grief from his friends for it.  
> 
> They both laughed at that.
> 
> After a moment, Willow's face fell and she plaintively asked, "What 
am I
> going to do, Xander? After I? after?" she gestured helplessly for a
> moment, trying to find the right words. Giving up, she said, "After
> this morning? She must hate me, Xander."
> 
> "No way, Wills. Buffy could never hate you!" Xander interrupted.
> 
> "Well, she took off fast enough, and she hasn't called?"
> 
> Xander tried to reassure her, "I'm sure she's confused too, Wills."
> 
> Just then they both jumped when there was a knock at the door.
> 
> ***
> 
> End Part 5
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Smoochies soon! I Promise
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> TheBear!
> 
> thebear@e... 
> 
> http://thebear.somewhere.net