FIC: The Spaces Inbetween (7/?) NC-17

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

This story has veered off into a lot more "action" than i had orginally 
intended.. but hey, creative liscence, right? tell me what you think, i'm 
really interested in what you have to say about these next two parts.
I'm wrapping up the story and should have just a few more parts... none of 
which will probably be too long...
I'm keeping the rating NC-17 though this one and the next don't require it.
RW


Title: The Spaces Inbetween
Author: Red Willow
Email: reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant 
Enemy, and all them
other peeps. I'm just using them to make my own fun. Casey and Claire are 
mine though. Girl on Girl action.. you know like.. you no read.
Distribution: Story belongs to me. If ya want it, just ask and credit me.
Pairing: W/B with a little bit o' Tara and a smidge of Spike
Rating: NC-17 (up to)
Summary: part 7 of ? S6 and veering off into AU land. Tara's left Willow. 
Buffy slept with Spike. Willow's trying to keep
away from magicks. The spaces inbetween refers to the time between one
relationship and another.... the fight and the makeup, the time spent in 
reflection, dreams...
alone time....
Feedback? I thrive on feedback. Hope you enjoy!
****************************

We left the porch and returned to the soft glows of our house, moving into 
the living room, the scene of our previous battle. There was no sound, save 
for an occasional car passing on the street. We sat on the couch, both of us 
firmly against an arm, facing each other, but not looking.

I drew my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and placed my 
chin on my knee. Buffy sat Indian style, fiddling with her house key.

Neither of us knew where to begin I think. I could see the sadness, doubt, 
and regret play across her features just as surely as I knew she could see 
my own emotions on mine. After all the time we had spent as friends, after 
all we had shared, all the disagreements and make-ups, after all the things 
we had been through, still, here we were unable to face each other and draw 
enough courage to simply talk honestly with each other.

But honesty is a tricky thing. I had always thought of myself as an honest 
person, and I would never lie to Buffy, but in truth, I had been hiding my 
real feelings, and essentially, not only lying to myself, but to her as well 
all these years. I had to find my courage to be honest now for all the 
times I hadn?t in the past.

?Buffy.? I spoke softly, bringing her troubled eyes to focus on me. I took a 
deep breath and said a short prayer that this thing between us would be ok, 
that everything would work out.

?I guess? well, there are some things I have to tell you, but-?
?I know Will, I-?
?Wait.? I said, cutting her off. ?Let me just say this first, ok??
?Sure Wills.?

I took another deep breath, as if I the oxygen in the room had gotten 
mysteriously thin since we settled on the couch.

?Ok. First off? I?m sorry. Sorry that I said all those things to you and 
went all kablooy over you? uh? sleeping with Spike. I? uh, it wasn?t my 
place? and I realize that now? A-and I uh? well I was a real bitch and could 
have been more understanding and instead I just went off at you and Buffy 
I?m really, really sorry I acted that way!? I finally got out in one long 
breath.
?It?s okay Will??
?I know, I know you?re mad-?
?Willow. I said it was okay.? She said, cutting me off in mid pre-babble.
I looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on behind those eyes.

?I?m not mad at you. God knows I probably would?ve acted the same way in 
your position. NO, I know I would?ve.?
?A-are you? sure?? I asked, feeling guilty still. Where was my punishment? 
I was sure I was going to get a lecture on how it was none of my business 
and she could have sex with anyone she wanted. Eww, sex with Spike. I don?t 
even want to think about it.
?I?m sure. I?m not mad at you. I?m? sorry.?
?Sorry??
?Yeah, sorry. For? for a lot of things. The whole thing with Spike, not 
telling you what was going on. For not? ya know? being the best friend, or 
even a good roommate.?
She smiled at her last remark, but it didn?t last long.
?But Buffy, I mean? a lot of that? I mean, some of it?s my fault too, 
especially since I??
?Willow?? She shook her head, not wanting me to go on.
?Will, I shut you guys out. You and Xander are my best friends and once 
upon a time you knew about everything. Yes, it?s been hard being back, but 
I know why you guys did it and I don?t blame you for anything. It hurts to 
be here sometimes, but I?m dealing with it, I?m getting over it? and Willow? 
maybe? maybe this gives me a second chance. Maybe you?ve given me a second 
chance.?

?A second chance?? I asked with confusion showing in my voice. What second 
chance could she mean? She had already saved the world more times than I?d 
wish to remember, sacrificed herself for Dawn, for all of us, been the best 
Slayer.

?Yes.? She said simply, and then looked down at her hands where she 
continued to flip the silver key between her index and middle fingers and 
thumb.
?For what??
?Will, what did you mean before when you said I?d rather be with Spike than 
you??

And there it was at last. I knew we were getting close. I could feel it. 
Tell her the truth I screamed at myself. And of course I would, I had to, 
but surely she knew what I meant by that statement. She?s been out of it 
for the last couple of months, but she didn?t come back stupid.

I sat there with arms wrapped up around my legs as if in protection, eyeing 
her, trying to figure out what she wanted to hear, where she was going with 
this. But I knew that regardless what was on her mind, there was a question 
there that I had opened up in a fit of anger and confusion and the only 
thing I could do was answer it.

After another long pause, I softly said, ?I meant? Exactly what I said 
Buffy.?

She looked at me, a crease forming in her forehead; she was heavy in 
thought.

?I-I?? Another deep breathe, letting it out slowly. I seemed to be doing 
that all day. ?A-Ok, I?m going to say this because it?s long overdue, a-and 
because I told myself upstairs that it was time to be brave and get it off 
my chest? a-and this is really hard and I?m scared you?ll be mad or hate me? 
but I-I??
?It?s okay Will, I couldn?t ever hate you.?

She leaned forward, touching her fingertips to my trembling hand, forcing me 
to meet her eyes briefly before I shot my gaze to the space between us on 
the couch.

?Just tell me.? She said with an encouraging and soft voice that I hadn?t 
heard in a long time.
?I love you.?
?You love me?? She peered at me, sizing me up. ?I love you too Will.?
?No Buffy? I? I?m in love with you.? I glanced at her, meeting her eyes 
briefly once more.
?I know what you meant. And? A-and I am? too.?
?Huh??
?I? I?m in love? with you? too.?
Ok, hold up, wait a minute. I must be losing it. No, I?m dreaming. I?m 
still upstairs sleeping and any minute now large carrots will sprout from 
the carpet and frogs will attack.
?Will??
I looked up at her again. Concern clearly displayed across her face, but 
there was a faint trace of a smile on her lips.
?Uhhh?? Is all I could get out because I was utterly speechless.

Okay, one good pinch just to make sure. OUCH.

?Will?!?
?Uhhh??
?Ok, well sound is good. I-I?m sorry, I didn?t mean to? scare you.?
I shake my head. I?m awake and this is real. Buffy just told me she loved 
me, was in fact in love with me. I should be all Woo?s and Hoo?s. So why 
am I all, Oh boy?s and trembly?
?Willow? Please say something?? She pleaded, wrapping her own trembling hand 
around mine.
?Do you mean it??
?Wha-? Of course! I wouldn?t lie about that. I love you. I really do.?
?It?s just so? it?s hard to?? I started, but I didn?t know what to say. I 
wanted to tell her how much I loved her, how long I had loved her, thought 
about her, wanted her, how long I had waited for some sign from her that she 
felt the same way, knowing that she never would. I wanted to reveal all my 
insecurities, my doubt, shame, and guilt that I had built up over the years, 
built up because of her and the overwhelming love I had for her.

She must have picked up on my doubt, my insecurities never too far from 
under my skin, because out of nowhere my best friend, the Slayer, the woman 
I adored above all else, was kneeling in front of me and pressed her lips to 
mine in the softest, sweetest kiss I had ever known.

Her lips pressed against mine, warm and tender, caring lips with no pressure 
or expectations behind them. A simple caress that I knew was her way of 
telling me she was serious, she meant every word she said, and that I only 
needed to trust her. And of course I trusted her. I trusted her with my 
life, and always had because she had always shown just how much she cared, 
risking her own life in order to save mine. Goddess, how much I loved her.

I opened my lips, inviting her to deepen the kiss. I felt the tip of her 
tongue on my bottom lip, as if testing, tasting and I met it with my own 
tongue, flicking it gently. We deepened the kiss further, inviting the 
stored passion to pour out between us, as our tongues slid over each other 
in my mouth. I squeezed her hand tighter, bringing my fingers between hers. 
I brought my other hand up to the back of her head, sliding it into that 
glorious soft hair, and pulled her closer to me as I pushed her tongue back 
into her mouth with mine, tasting her, roaming with a need to be inside her 
fully.

After a few long, intense moments we broke from the kiss, pressing our 
foreheads against each other, breathing heavily. My heart was pounding in 
my chest. Finally, after all these years, after everything and everyone 
we?d been through, finally we were doing what we wanted to do all along. 
Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness, the rhythm of 
each other?s breathing.


***


I couldn?t believe I had actually gotten up enough nerve to kiss her. I?ve 
wanted to do that forever, or well, since I met her. She has the sweetest 
taste, perfect lips, and God she?s a good kisser. Really wish I could of 
found that out a long time ago, I wouldn?t have had to deal with Riley. Ugh, 
what a bad kisser he was.
She?s in love with me. She really is. What were the odds that two girls, 
two best friends, would be in love with each other for six years and never 
know? Not once did either of us confront the other, talk about it, or even 
slip up and say or do something embarrassing and revealing. Not once in six 
years could I, the mighty vampire slayer, get up enough courage to simply 
tell Willow how I felt.

I looked at her, our faces no more than a couple of inches apart. Her eyes 
were closed and we were both trying to get our breathing under control. Her 
heart was beating just as fast as mine. I wanted to kiss her again, take 
her in my arms and carry her upstairs, make love to her all night and maybe 
all of Saturday too. But I knew there was probably more we needed to talk 
about, and I wasn?t too sure I wanted to rush right into things, even if it 
was evident that our love and passion for each other was true.

She opened her eyes and jumped when she realized I was looking at her.

?Oh? sorry.? I said grinning, moving my head away from hers slightly.
?Its okay? just wasn?t expecting you to be? staring at me.?
She gave me a warm smile with those lips I had dreamt of kissing for years 
and now finally had. Oh what a lucky duck I was.
?I?ve wanted to kiss you for so long.? She told me.
?Me too.?
?Anything like you expected?? She asked grinning.
?Not even close.? I said seriously.

Her face fell slightly and I knew I?d have to work on fixing all those 
insecurities she had about herself that seemed to resurface shortly after 
Tara left.

?Way better. By leaps and bounds better!? I said laughing gently. I cupped 
her cheek and leaned forward, giving her a soft kiss on her cheek. ?You are 
so beautiful.? I whispered pulling away from her again.
She blushed, giving me a half smile.
?No? you?re the beautiful one, remember??
?Hey? listen to me. Will you are so beautiful, I mean? come on, you?re hot!? 
She blushed an even brighter shade of red.
?Willow? I haven?t seen you act so shy since we were in high school??
?Well? I-I?m kind of? nervous??
?Oh? About? this? I mean? us? or??
?Yeah, this. You and me? I-I?ve wanted this for so long and now I?m?? She 
laughed more out of embarrassment than anything else.
?Unsure?? I asked, fearing she was going to renounce everything.
?No! Oh God no? No way!?
It was her turn to give the reassurance.
?Buffy, ever since I met you, I?ve wanted to be? with you. I-I mean? not be? 
in the biblical? or um? well ok? like that too? but? I-I mean? I?ve wanted 
this for so long and we?ve both changed so much and I guess it?s stupid 
really? I-it?s just that, I-?
I put a finger to her lip, shushing her.
?I think I know what you mean.?
?You do??
?Sure. You?re nervous, a little scared maybe, that we?ve been best friends 
for so long? and you?re right we both have changed a lot? that? that you 
don?t want to rush anything, you don?t want to ruin a chance that we could 
have together? finally?
She simply looked at me, her eyebrows slightly raised.
?Am I kind of on track?? I asked.
?Yeah? yeah, that?s? yeah.?
?Don?t worry Will, I don?t want to rush anymore than you do. I want to be 
with you. I want to work all this out and spend my life with you. That?s all 
I?ve ever wanted.?
?Really??
?Oh yeah??
?How come? How come you never said anything??
?Well, why didn?t you??
?Oh?? She concluded, knowing that we both had the same fears and doubts.
?But Buffy? why didn?t you? I mean, when I told you about Tara and me? why? 
why didn?t you then??
?I was stupid. I was so wrapped up in Riley? wrapped up in him to escape 
and bury my desire for you, I might add, that I was totally blind to the 
pain you were going through when Oz left. When you told me about Tara? I 
don?t know? part of me just figured I?d missed another chance. While the 
other part of me just freaked out because you liked girls when I always 
thought I never had a chance because you were? ya know? always straight. I 
was blown, actually.?

I sighed, looking into those deep green eyes I loved so very much.
?Then it hit me that, hey! you really did like girls,? I continued, ?and 
that you really liked Tara? a lot, and I knew I couldn?t mess with that. I 
knew that even if I just told you I liked girls too, which I admit, would?ve 
saved a lot of confusion as to whether I was ok with your new choice in date 
material, but? but I knew that if I told you that, even out of friendly 
reassurance, that I would spill the rest, and I didn?t want to complicate 
things. I didn?t want you to think that I expected anything from you because 
I knew you liked girls now. Does that make any sense??

She looked at me for a few silent moments, peering at me with those round 
dark eyes, a smile growing around the corners of her mouth.

?Yeah? guess I can understand that. I still wish you had told me.?
?I know? I?ve wanted to ever since you came out. There were so many times I 
wanted to? I don?t know? just let you know? let you know you weren?t the 
only gay one around here.? I finished with a chuckle.
She gave me a warm smile before asking, ?How long have you???
?A long time Wills. Eighth grade, I think.?
?Really?? She asked surprised, her eyebrows shooting up.
I laughed softly, nodding my head. I clasped my other hand over hers and 
wondered if I should tell her everything.
?Wow? Buffy? have you? I mean? have you ever? like??
?Not? like? No, not? um? all the way?? I laughed, feeling ridiculous.
?So? you never? with a girl??
?Do you really want to hear all my deep dark secrets Will??
?Of course!? She grinned.

?I figured.? I responded with a similar grin. ?Well, simple story. I was 
always kind of interested in girls. There was this girl that lived down the 
street from me and we hung out after school, watching t.v? ya know, stuff 
like that.? She nodded, urging me to go on. ?Well, she told me that her 
parents wanted to move to Kansas, or something like that. I think her Dad?s 
company wanted to transfer him or something.? I shrugged, not really able to 
remember. ?Well, anyway, the day before they were supposed to leave she was 
at my house, per usual, and well? she kissed me. It wasn?t anything big? not 
very good? but it was? nice, soft. First time I kissed a girl. I wanted to 
do it again and again, but she had to go and I never could figure out 
exactly what all that meant.?
?Wow, she just like? kissed you??
?Yeah, like? one minute we?re saying our goodbyes and I?m telling her to 
write and the next we?re liplocked. It was really very confusing.?
?So then what happened??
She was really getting into this? little vixen.
?Well,? I continued, ?Nothing. I realized I liked girls and felt really bad 
about it all summer, and then I dated a few boys at Hemery and I? I mean I 
was interested in some girls? but come on? you know how high school is??

She rolled her eyes before she said, ?Oh please, I was like poster child for 
awkward nerd? Ooh? with a sign that said ?pick on me??

?Oh, Will? they were just stupid and didn?t know you.?
?Whatever Summers? now get on with your story!?
?Oh! Okay, okay?! So where was I? Oh yeah! Then I met this beautiful 
redhead and fell madly in love and thought that she was as straight as they 
came, not to mention she was head over heels in love with her best friend 
who was just as blind as the rest of them.? I beamed at her, seeing the 
blush rise in her cheeks again.
She shook her head.
?You know why I thought I was so in love with him don?tcha??
I shrugged.
?Because he was my only friend. I loved him like a brother, and I thought 
he would be the boy I married and had babies with. I just thought we were 
supposed to be together.?
?Mmm hmm? and all that kissing?? I arched my eyebrow at her, daring her to 
explain all that.
?Hmm? well, lets just say a mix of emotion, unrequited love, and a dash of 
lust? Hey! We?re talking about you here Missy, not me!?

She pursed her lips and brought her hands away from mine, crossing her arms 
over her chest.

?Okay, okay?? I caved, bringing her arms back to me so I could hold her 
hands again.
?Are you sure you want to hear the rest??
?Why? Is there something I?m not going to like??
?Mmm? maybe.? I said, glancing down at our entwined hands.
?Did you sleep with Faith?!?
My head shot up and my eyes must have been as wide as silver dollars. How 
the hell did she get to that conclusion?
?Wha- What?! Willow? how did? Uh? I mean? why would you???
Her mouth fell open in disbelief, although she must have always suspected. 
Okay action girl, jump in and explain any minute now.
?I thought you said you never-?? She started.
?No, wait! Will? I didn?t! Not? no? no not??
?I?m listening.? She said calmly crossing her arms over her chest again.
I sighed deeply. Oh boy.
?First off, I really didn?t sleep with her? I?ve never had sex with a woman, 
period. okay??
She nodded.
?Okay. We um? did stuff though. Ya know? one night?? I chanced a glance at 
her before returning my eyes to my empty hands. ?Okay, well, more than one 
night.? I finally said in defeat.
?And?? She asked, probing. She really wanted to know all about me. But I 
couldn?t blame her. She thought she knew everything about me, and now all of 
a sudden there was a whole past she didn?t have a clue about.
?Well, ya know? we kissed, we? um? felt? ahh? this is weird??
?I?m sorry? I didn?t mean to push. I guess I feel a little overwhelmed. 
There really are a lot of things I don?t know about you, huh??
?No? not a lot? Just this kind of stuff. Faith and I? there was never 
anything there. You remember when she made that comment about slaying 
making her hungry and horny??
?Oh yeah? how could I forget. You said you usually would eat a yogurt? or 
um? something like that.?
?Well? you know how I usually go right for the refrigerator right after 
patrol, or any fight???
?Yeah?? Oh.?

?Yeah. So there were a few nights after we were done patrolling that we uh? 
ya know? made out and um? well she wanted to have sex? and I couldn?t, not 
with her. Hell, I had only slept with Angel? and you know how that turned 
out. Not a great ego boost. So, you know? boyfriend losing soul, combined 
with Faith not being the girl I wanted to uh? do the wacky with? well? I 
just couldn?t. Finally I just stopped going back to her place with her 
because I knew where it was leading and I knew I didn?t want to go there.?

I never told anyone that before and I wasn?t sure how Willow would take it. 
But instead of getting mad and leaving, or sulking, or doing anything that I 
feared she would, she simply shrugged and wrapped her hand up in mine again.

?You?re not mad?? I asked.
?Of course not, silly. That was then and this is now. You didn?t know she 
was going to go all psycho and try to kill us.?
?You know why she wanted to hurt you so much don?t you??
Willow just looked at me, waiting for an answer.
?Because she knew, she knew I loved you and I wouldn?t be with her like she 
wanted.?
?You think so??
?I know so.?
Willow put her legs down, stretching her left one out beside me on couch, 
and pulled me into a hug.
?I love you, Buffy.? She whispered, gently brushing her lips over my ear, 
sending shivers through my body.
?It feels so good to hear you say that.?
?I always tell you I love you.?
?Yes, but now I know you feel the same way I do.? I finished with a wide 
smile, pulling her into my arms tighter, never wanting to let her go.
?I love you being in my arms.?
?Especially when you?re not saving my life for the upteenth time, huh??
I gently released her from the hug, and held her by the shoulders, staring 
into those deep green pools.
?Willow, you know I never count. I never even think about it. It?s 
instinct, protect and defend the ones I love. Kill the things that threaten 
or harm them.?
?I know? you?re the Slayer and it?s part of your job.?

?No Will. Slaying isn?t just my job. Giles always points out that it?s my 
destiny, and that?s true. But, I slay because of you. I slay to protect 
you and keep you safe. You and everyone else I care about. You?re my life 
Will, even if I never told you how I really feel before tonight. Slaying is 
my life, because you?re my life.?

She continued to look at me without speaking, as if lost in my gaze. Then I 
saw it. Her bottom lip started to quiver and her cheeks flushed a soft red 
before the tears began to fall.

?Oh Willow?? I said, pulling her into a tight embrace.
?I-I?m sorry?? She whispered, ?It?s just that? what you said? that was so? 
Geeze Buffy? that was so sweet.?
I stroked back, letting her gently cry on my shoulder. I didn?t want her 
sad, and I certainly hadn?t meant to make her cry.
?Not sweet Will. I was just being honest.?
?Ooh? that was sweet too!?

I rocked her in my arms gently, loving every second of the contact, and 
kissed her head softly.
?Don?t cry Willow, I want something good to come out of today.?

She pulled away from me and smiled, wiping a few stray tears from her 
cheeks.
?This is a great day Buffy. Regardless of anything else that happened 
today, this is the best day ever!?
And with that she threw her arms around my neck and pulled me into another 
passionate kiss, our bodies pressed hard against each other, our lips 
crushing and sucking for all we were worth.
************


"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


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