Fic: Crimson Love (2/?)

[Jenny Dapper <dap311@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Crimson Love (2/?)
Author: dap311 (dap311@xxxxxxxxx)
Pairing: B/W 
Rating: R
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow belong to Joss and
Mutant Enemy. 
?Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely? is property of
the Backstreet Boys. 
Spoilers: Some general 3rd season spoilers; Faith is
now in the picture; Oz is not and never has been.
Feedback: Yes, please- it is my crack.
Summary: Sequel to "Fascinating New Thing." Buffy and
Willow go through some difficult times and Faith isn?t
making things any easier.
Distribution/Archive: My site,
http://dap311.freewebsites.com or just ask.

?Life goes on as it never ends 
Eyes of stone observe the trends 
They never say forever gaze 
Guilty roads to an endless love
There?s no control
Are you with me now??
--Backstreet Boys, ?Show Me the Meaning of Being
Lonely?

/// flashback ///

Previously in ?Crimson Love:?

How would she explain that to Willow, especially after
the fight they had tonight? Buffy was lost and tired.
She wanted to desperately to talk to someone, but the
one person she would go to wasn?t an option right now.


------------------------------------


As Buffy sat on front porch trying to figure out what
was going to happen now, Willow sat up in Buffy?s
room, silent tears running down her face. She wasn?t
sure why she had come back to the Summers house, other
than some part of her really wanted to believe there
was an explanation for what she had overheard between
Buffy and Faith. But, combined with Buffy?s behavior
for most of the day, Willow wasn?t too sure she would
believe any explanation the slayer had to give her. 

Willow looked around the room, at the pictures on the
walls, at Buffy?s stuffed animals. Her eyes settled
on the stuffed pig, Mr. Gordo, sitting next to her own
stuffed dinosaur. The dinosaur had been a birthday
gift from Buffy, complete with an explanation as to
why she was giving it. A smile crossed Willow?s face
as she remembered that day. It was one of the few
happy memories from the last couple of months. 

/// The slayer made Willow sit on Buffy?s bed with
her eyes closed as she fished her gift out of a bag in
the corner. 

?I didn?t have time to wrap it, and I don?t have the
card written yet, but I wanted to give it to you now
and not wait.? Buffy had sat down next to her best
friend, but Willow still wasn?t allowed to open her
eyes.

?That?s okay. Why don?t you tell me what you wouldn?t
written?? Willow remained patient with her eyes
closed. She hadn?t been feeling very good lately, but
being near Buffy calmed her considerably, so she was
in no rush to leave the safety of the slayer?s room.

?Okay. Well, I was at the mall one day with my mom,
and she was off at one of those working woman stores,
so I was just wandering around. And I wandered into
this one store. And as soon as I saw this, and I read
the tag,, I knew that this was for you. You can open
your eyes now.? As Buffy said this, she put Willow?s
gift in the redhead?s hands. 

?Oh, Buffy, he?s so cute!? Willow looked down to her
hands to see a soft, brown, stuffed animal in her
hands. It had a pointed snout, short, squat legs,
ridges on its back, and a long, ridged tail. ?Um,
what kind of animal is it??

?It?s an ankylosaurus. But, I?m not done telling you
what I wrote on the card. I saw him in the store, and
like I said, I read the tag. He?s covered with armor
and was one of the toughest and strongest dinosaurs. 
The only way you could hurt him was to flip him on his
back so that his tummy was exposed. He was only
vulnerable on his tummy. And when I read that, I
thought of you.? Buffy paused, but then rushed on. 
?But, not-not because you?ve got scales or anything,
cause you don?t, I mean, you?ve got nice skin, all
smooth and soft and all. And yeah, I?m going to
finish the card now.? Buffy took a quick breath
before continuing.

?So, yeah, I thought of you. Because you?re strong
and amazing, probably one of the bravest people I
know. But, you?re still vulnerable, you can still be
hurt. I love you, Will. Happy Birthday.? ///

Willow remembered that day very vividly, and very
fondly. She had slept with her dinosaur every night
since. Now, looking at him sitting next to Buffy?s
Mr. Gordo, Willow became sad. She didn?t want to
believe what she had heard that evening. She wanted
there to be a reason Faith was talking about turning
Buffy on. The redhead didn?t trust the dark slayer
and was suddenly determined that she was going to hear
Buffy?s side of it. It was only fair. 

--------------------------------------------

Back down on the porch, Buffy roused herself from her
guilty thoughts of the afternoon and evening with
Faith. She still didn?t know what to tell Willow,
other than the truth, really. But, how did she
explain the truth? It would sound bad, she knew, and
there was the possibility that Willow wouldn?t believe
her, or worse, would but still not want to be with
her. 

Gathering up all her courage, Buffy rose from her
perch on the front stoop and headed inside. No reason
to prolong the inevitable. She was ready to face the
woman she loved, even if it was for the last time. 

Making her way quietly up the stairs so that she
wouldn?t wake her mom, Buffy slipped off her jacket
and paused as she reached her bedroom door. Taking a
deep breath, the slayer reached for the doorknob. 
But, just as she did, the door opened to reveal Willow
with red-rimmed eyes and a tear-streaked face. 
Buffy?s heart broke again at the sight of her best
friend and lover, knowing she had caused the pain. 

?Hey Will. Where ya going??

?I was coming down to get you. I think we need to
talk.?

?Yeah, I think you?re right.? Willow stepped aside to
let Buffy into the bedroom, and then the redhead
quietly closed the door. 

----------------------------------

The two friends and new lovers sat down on Buffy?s
bed, close to one another, but not touching. Buffy
had removed her shoes and changed into her pajamas,
putting off the conversation for as long as possible
as she gathered her thoughts and her nerve once again.
They seemed to be having a lot of deep conversations
lately. 

When she was finally done fidgeting, Buffy looked up
at Willow, whose eyes had not left the slayer the
entire time, as if trying to read her body language
and her mind. Buffy briefly wondered what Willow saw
before beginning to speak. 

?So. I guess you saw me in the cemetery with Faith
tonight.? It wasn?t a question, more of a statement,
but Buffy still paused to let Willow answer.

?Yeah, I did. I came after you so we could talk.?

?Oh. Okay. Well, I?m not sure all of what you
heard?.? Buffy paused again, thinking that Willow
would offer up something, let her know just what part
of the conversation had made it to her ears, but
instead the redhead remained silent. So, Buffy
continued. ?I, uh. I ran into Faith tonight and I
didn?t really want to. After the nest today?. I just
didn?t want to be around her.? 

A look of confusion came over Willow?s face, and
Buffy realized she would have to tell everything form
the afternoon, too. She didn?t want to, she was
ashamed and embarrassed, but the slayer realized she
couldn?t keep anything back. 

?Okay. So, you know I went out with Faith this
afternoon to slay. We took out a nest, a pretty big
one, but it didn?t really give us any trouble. We
were walking back through the cemetery when Faith?.
when she?. when Faith kissed me.? Unable to look
Willow in the eye anymore, Buffy concentrated her gaze
on her hands, which were currently twisting the bottom
of her nightshirt into knots. Willow, for her part,
was attempting to keep any and all emotions off her
face until Buffy finished with her story; she didn?t
want to cry again, not yet at least. 

?I-I didn?t know how to react. It was kind of sudden
and unexpected. I mean, Faith is always talking about
being hungry and horny after slaying, but I thought
she was just kidding, you know? But, I guess she
wasn?t. I closed my eyes, cause I didn?t want to look
at her. But, I didn?t fight her off. I probably
could have, and I don?t know why I didn?t, but I just
didn?t. I thought she would stop with the one kiss
and we could just go on, I could come back to school
for you, she would go to? wherever she goes to. But,
she didn?t stop. She started to touch me.? 

Buffy closed her eyes at the memory, a shudder
running up her spine for the second time that night as
she remembered Faith?s hands on her. Willow saw the
shudder and mistook it for pleasure, but she still
didn?t let herself react emotionally. 

?She had one hand on my breast and was being pretty
rough. I kept my eyes closed and tried to think of
you, that it was you touching me, because I hated the
thought of Faith touching me like that. But, she was
too rough. I knew your hands would never feel like
that. And then, she went farther. She put her other
hand down my pants.? This was more than Willow wanted
to hear and she could no longer keep control of her
emotions. 

?You let her touch you?? The question came out as a
whisper, but Buffy could feel the force behind it. 
There was hurt, and anger, and rage. 

?I didn?t mean to. I didn?t know she was going to. 
I fought her then and I got away. I-I felt so dirty,
I just ran. I should have said something to her then,
yelled, anything, but I couldn?t. I was too shocked. 
I couldn?t believe she had done that. I figured even
Faith had limits, but I guess she doesn?t.?

?Were you wet?? Willow looked straight at Buffy when
she said this, no pretense or embarrassment present.

?What?!? Buffy was dumbfounded. Did Willow really
just ask that?

?Were you wet? Did she turn you on?? 

Buffy sighed. ?Yes. I was wet. But, it was only a
physical reaction. I? I didn?t like what she was
doing, but I couldn?t help my body from reacting that
way. Especially because I was trying to make myself
think it was you.? 

There was silence for a long time between the two
friends. They simply sat there looking at each other,
into the other?s eyes, trying to see what they were
feeling. After what seemed like a lifetime silence to
Buffy, Willow finally spoke. 

?What did Faith want tonight?? 

?She wanted to continue where she left off this
afternoon.? Buffy?s voice was filled with guilt and
shame. 

?And did she?? Willow wasn?t sure she wanted to hear
the answer, but she made herself ask the question
anyway.

?No. She tried. But, I pushed her away. I fought
her. I hit her. It was the only way I could keep her
from touching me again. You have to believe me Will. 
I am so sorry that it happened, and that you had to
overhear what was happening. I told her not to come
near me other than to slay and hunt. I don?t want
her. Please, Will. I know you?re probably mad, and
hurt? but, I love you.? 

Willow took this in, processing each statement, each
plea. For the second time tonight one of the young
lovers was asking for forgiveness. Willow realized
that if she wanted Buffy to forgive her, then she
would have to forgive Buffy. That didn?t make it hurt
any less to think of Faith with her hands all over the
woman she loved. That was the last thing the redhead
had needed, to feel that she wasn?t good enough for
Buffy, but when she overheard Faith talking about
turning the slayer on, that?s what she felt. Buffy
hadn?t let her make love to her that first night. And
Willow had suddenly believed it was because they
slayer couldn?t stand to be touched by her. Now,
though?

?Buffy, I believe you. But, that doesn?t change the
fact that you kissed Faith and then didn?t tell me. I
can?t deal with this right now. You know how messed
up I am.?

?You?re not messed-? Buffy tried to respond, but
Willow cut her off. 

?No. I am. I am very aware of that. And it hurts,
a lot, to know that the woman who got to touch you was
Faith. I? Can we just let it go for tonight? I?m
tired.?

?Yeah, sure, Will. Anything you want.? Buffy made a
move to take the redhead into her arms, but Willow
shrugged off the contact.

?I can?t, Buffy. Not right now. Not yet.? With
that, Willow gathered up her pillow and dinosaur and
headed to the guest room, leaving the slayer to simply
stare into the space her best friend had just vacated,
a pained look on her face. 

To be continued. 


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